I have chosen a familiar story as the focus of our message today. I suppose it’s a familiar story primarily because it is a juicy story … it has lust, adultery, murder, the death of a prince and a cover-up. What more could a good soap opera – or sermon -- ask for?
But just for the record, that’s not why the story of King David’s sin with Bathsheba is near the top of my favorite Bible stories chart. It’s near the top because of the Prophet Nathan. And the fact that the lessons he teaches us in this story are very, very real today. And if applied, have the potential to change us dramatically.
I chose to focus on this story during the next 20-minutes today out of a personal desire to see the qualities exhibited in the story more fully played out in my life and in the life of this church. This story has a lot to teach us about how to become deeper people, more genuine people that have more than superficial spirituality. Listen for that message as we look at this story again today.
Open your Bible’s with me to 2 Samuel Chapter 12. Remember the context of the story is this. David, king of Israel and husband of many beautiful wives, sees Bathsheba bathing and lusts for her. He acts out on his lust and Bathsheba becomes pregnant. David tries to make the pregnancy appear to be from Bathsheba’s husband but to no avail and ultimately, creates a plan that results in Bathsheba’s husband and many other men being killed in battle. All in a veiled attempt to hide his sin. And now, as we pick up the story in Second Samuel 12, Bathsheba has given birth to a son and Nathan the prophet of God is on his way to confront David with this sin.
I'll be reading from the New International Version. “The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him he said, ‘There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle; the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.
Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.’
David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan. ‘As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this deserves to die! He must pay for that lamb four times over because he did such a thing and had no pity.’
Then Nathan said to David, ‘You are that man!’”
We can only imagine David’s reaction at this point. Some speculate his jaw dropped. Others that he was speechless. But what is apparent from the passages of scripture is that David immediately related the story to his sin.
We’ve all had those moments. When the light bulb goes on. When self-discovery hits us upside the head with a two-by-four. When we come face-to-face with an inadequacy, a fault or a sin. And we have no defense.
I experienced one of those moments in my freshman year of academy. I was actually at a nine-grade junior academy in the Portland area. That meant ninth graders were at the king of the hill … at least in our minds. And in the minds of three students – Tim, Laurens and me – three opinions mattered at the school – ours. Let’s just say the stage was set for one of those “self-discovery” moments. And I supplied the two-by-four.
I don’t remember the why, but I remember first thing one morning verbally tearing a sweet girl in our class to shreds as she stood by her locker putting her books away. It was about some event she was planning that wasn’t in our plans. Upon finishing my tirade and never letting her reply, I proceeded to sit down for morning worship.
What I didn’t know was that Don Lutz, our homeroom teacher, had watched the whole event and was already changing into a Nathan mode.
Mr. Lutz began worship as he did every morning. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that the other 30 or so students in the room really didn’t need to be there. Mr. Lutz was talking to me. I remember listening for about three minutes, building up steam and then exploding out loud “That’s not what I said!” Now at this point you couldn’t have convinced the other 30 students who didn’t need to be there to be anywhere else. It was a worship like none other! I remember talking on and on for what seemed like hours making my case. But the more I talked, the deeper the hole I dug and the more I realized how wrong and defenseless I was. And it wasn’t just about that morning. It was about that year and the two years before that. How I had treated people. How wrong I was. And how starkly and how suddenly I now realized that I needed to change.
Mr. Lutz just sat and listened and when I was done simply said, “Ah, self discovery can be so good for the soul.”
Every good manager in business, every good sales person knows that. When you’re managing an employee or a client, you will always come out ahead if you can help the other person discover an idea or come to a realization. Telling them can be a shortcut. But it never is ingrained. There’s no ownership of the idea. And it rarely makes a long-term difference.
Nathan obviously knew that. It’s interesting to watch how Nathan unfolds the story to David. Remember, the first words we read from Second Samuel 12 were “The Lord sent Nathan to David.” We’ll talk more about that in a minute. But first let’s return to where we left off. The Lord had sent Nathan and he sent him with a specific message. But it wasn’t until Nathan had completed his story, once he had led David to self-discover his sin, that he delivers the message from the Lord.
Nathan must have thought long and hard about how to deliver the message to David. I’m sure he weighed the options: cutting straight to the point …the sin, the consequences. He probably thought about going easy on David, making sure David felt okay about himself. Kum by ya and group hugs. And if he hadn’t been the preacher, he surely would have considered telling the story to the preacher and having him or her deliver the message! Whatever the case, I can’t imagine that Nathan was too excited about the assignment and I’m sure he struggled in his mind as to the best approach.
But with God’s guidance, Nathan settled on an approach that is a model for us today -- to simply tell a story to help David deliver his own message. I bet he rewrote and rewrote the story in his mind until he finally settled on the final wording. It was perfect. As he began to tell the story, I’m sure the interest building within David. The setup was perfect. And then the punch line. David could no longer hold back and burst out in oblivious self-condemnation, “The man should die!”
The Bible doesn’t give us any clues as to how the next words of Nathan’s were spoken. Were they harsh and confrontational? Did they chastisingly arrive with finger in David’s face? -- You are that man! -- I don’t think so. Based on David’s response, I think its much more likely they were delivered softly through moist eyes in a teaching voice. “David, listen to me … understand me … as a friend I am telling you … you are that man!” And that pregnant moment of self-discovery arrived. “David, you are that man!”
Now, Nathan could deliver the message from God, of God’s disappointment with David and some of the consequences to come. Because now David was on board, his defenses were gone and Nathan continued on to compassionately deliver the facts. Now he calls a spade a spade. And David listens and confesses.
What an example for us today. What a lesson for us to learn. Nathan didn’t have to inform David that he had sinned, and sinned greatly. David simply needed someone to cause him to stop pretending and come to full terms with that fact. To acknowledge it, face it and confess it. We’re no different today. Denial is often a thin veneer for what we deeply know. We know sin. We are simply good at hiding it, masking it and denying it because it’s unlikely that any of us has a friend who has the courage to compassionately lead us to acknowledging our sins, to challenge us to stop our pretending and to lead us to confessing our wrongdoing. We need that kind of Nathan and we need to be that kind of Nathan. We need someone or something to take us deeper, much deeper into the true self-discovery of the soul.
As a church body, we’re pretty good at living at the surface. I suppose we could label it phatic fellowship. Remember that word phatic from speech class? Phatic communications is the process of talking to someone without caring for him or her at a deep level. It would be expressed in a phrase like, “Hi. How are you?” We don’t really want any answer beyond, “I’m fine thanks, and how are you?” What happens in a phatic exchange is that I say to you that I recognize you and you say back to me that you recognize me. But I’m also saying, “Don’t answer that question honestly … because the boundaries of our exchange are at a superficial level.”
In a church community phatic communication, phatic fellowship, if you will, is important … but spiritually deep conversation is essential. When you communicate but don’t really care, you tear down the body of Christ. When you communicate out of deep care, you build it up. The prophet Nathan shows us that Christian love requires us to go beyond surface friendships. Christian love is willing to confront.
From glimpses in scripture, we get the idea that confronting David with this message couldn’t have been easy for Nathan. Nathan was an adviser to David, a confidant. The few insights we glean from the Bible give us cause to believe that there was a high degree of respect between the two men … a mutual admiration society if you will.
It’s pretty easy to talk to someone about someone else’s sin (we call that working the grapevine). But it becomes increasingly difficult to talk to someone about his or her sin … even more so when that person is a close friend. I suppose it is difficult because we feel exposed. I suspect most of you learned from your mothers the lesson I learned from mine … when you point your finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you. The more we know someone, the more we know they know us. Confronting requires openness. It requires vulnerability. It requires courage. And it requires love.
As Nathan talks to David, we see these qualities in action. Especially the quality of love. I have to wonder what would have happened had Nathan not had the courage to deliver the message and to deliver it openly and in love. If Nathan had delivered the message in any other manner, how would David have reacted? What would have happened to his kingdom? Would he have confessed and healed his relationship with the Lord? Would he have ever penned the words “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” – the words he wrote soon after Nathan’s visit. Maybe not.
This message is so important for us today. Think of the number of souls who have been sacrificed by careless, impulsive words … perhaps justifiable words yet words that sliced the heart and slaughtered the soul. And think further about the many more words never spoken that were desperately needed to enable self-discovery in a broken heart or the restoration of a sinner.
Think about it. When was that last time someone confronted you about a sin in your life? When was the last time you confronted someone? Maybe that’s just too foreign to our culture today. Maybe in David’s culture delivering such messages was more acceptable. But culture aside, sin never changes. It always creates a gulf between God and man. Deep conversations about the very fabric of your soul and my soul should be something we seek, not avoid. I really believe, even in our culture today with steel personal boundaries that everybody needs a Nathan. Everybody needs someone in his or her life who has the courage to point out sin in a compassionate way.
Nathan has one last profound message to teach us in this story. Nathan has delivered painful words to David, but the most painful message is yet to come -- the news that because of David’s sin David’s newborn son would die. What an awful message. What a taxing task. But just before he delivers that message, Nathan provides another great example: he pauses to minister to David.
In verse 13 right after David’s confession Nathan replies, ‘The Lord has taken away your sin.’” What a friend! Before he delivered the first pointed message from God, Nathan created a story to help David understand the severity of his sin. And now, before he delivers the crushing message of the consequences to unfold, he pauses to make sure David realizes forgiveness. “The Lord has taken away your sin.”
Now in the proper context of a loved sinner and despised sin, Nathan can deliver his final painful message. And though a child dies, a king is reborn.
The Bible doesn’t say if Nathan lingered to comfort David, but I suspect he simply went home. There is a point in any exchange, where silence is the best messenger. And this was such a point. Nathan had delivered the message compassionately. He had restored David. And, now, he had to leave David alone with God to heal. Neische observes that It’s not how people come together but how they part that shows the quality and depth of their love for one another. Nathan’s final moments with David illustrate this beautifully and provide a great lesson for us.
There is so much to learn from this story.
First, we need Nathan-like courage. For our church family to be something more than casual Christianity, we need accountability. Our family and friends need us to have the courage to be a Nathan for them. We need them to feel welcome to be a Nathan to us. Chuck Swindoll, in fact, in his book on David suggests that every person should invite someone to be a Nathan to him or her. By doing so, permission is given to cross a personal boundary that is typically taboo. Think about how your life might be different if you had a Nathan in it. Then think about appointing one.
Second, we need the self-discovery skills of Nathan. How much more relevant could we be if we could learn to help one another arrive at the moments of self-awareness and self-acknowledgement of sin rather than just pointing it out for them. Let’s face it, seeing sin in others is easy for us. Learning how to really help them grow is difficult.
Third, I think Nathan teaches us to not sugar coat the story when we must confront someone regarding sin. But Nathan, actually God through Nathan, provides the fact pattern to David. He doesn’t editorialize. He doesn’t overstate or understate the sin. He just delivers the facts at the right moment and with the right words. From this we learn that we must be willing to call sin, sin.
Fourth, we must always have the restoration of the sinner as our only goal. I think we as a church usually fail miserably at this … especially when we engage in church discipline. Don’t believe that? Then look around the church and identify how many of those disfellowshipped from this congregation are back in it. I think Nathan shows us a better way.
And finally, from David we learn how to respond to Nathanic messages we receive. David listens, is humbled and repents.
These qualities of Nathan may seem a bit ideal. A bit out of touch with the norms of our culture. But they’re relevant. And they’re important. The bottom line is that everyone needs a Nathan at many points in their life. We may not find it culturally comfortable in our aloof society today but each of us needs someone to consistently befriend us, compassionately confront us and continually restore us.
God sent Nathan because he desperately longed to restore David as a pure, committed and forgiven child of his. He seeks nothing less of us today. To be that for him, we must learn to be deeper people. We must learn to look through our cultural barriers and find a Nathan. And to break through our reservations to be a Nathan. Because today in a society that’s falling apart, in families that are dysfunctional, in a church that’s superficial and increasingly irrelevant, more than ever before we need a Nathan.
Will you be that Nathan? Will you allow someone to be that Nathan for you? God didn’t put this story in the Bible just to entertain us. My prayer today is that we’ll understand its powerful message and act on it. Because everyone needs a Nathan.