The boss hauled me into his office last week. I had a hunch I was in for a royal wuppin’ and he didn’t let me down.
“Sit down, son,” he said. “Yes, sir,” I replied (it’s always a good idea to use the word sir when a royal wuppin’ is about to ensue).
“We have something we need to talk about.”
“What’s that sir?”
“You were at Burger King this week, weren’t you?”
“The drive through, sir. For the BK Veggie. It’s very good, you know.”
“This isn’t about what you ate. When you were waiting in line, what happened?”
“Are you talking about that man, sir?”
“That was me. Go on.”
“That was you sir? Wow.”
“And what did I say to you?”
“You said you were hungry.”
“So what did you do?”
“I looked in the ashtray to see if there was any change.”
“How much change do you usually keep in there?”
“Sixty-five, maybe seventy-five cents.”
“I see. Can you buy a meal at Burger King for seventy five cents?”
“No sir. You can’t sir.”
“I see. So what did you do next?”
“I looked in my wallet for a dollar sir.”
“And did you find one?”
“No sir. I did not.”
“Can you buy a meal at Burger King for a dollar?”
“No sir. You can’t.”
“I see. So what did you do next?”
“There was a five and I didn’t want to just say no so I gave it to him … I mean you. That was really you?”
“Why did you choose the five?”
“What do mean?”
“Didn’t I see a twenty in there as well?”
“Well yes sir.”
“Why didn’t you give me the twenty?”
“I guess I just gave the smallest bill I had sir.”
“Hmm. I see. So what happened next?”
“Well sir you looked at that bill, pumped your fists into the air and said, ‘Whoa! Thanks! Then you did sort of a skip, jump, hop combo over to where a friend of yours was asking someone else for some help.”
“That was me too, but go on.”
“Well the two of you counted the money you had collected, high fived each other and with smiles as wide as the Mississippi went into Burger King.”
“How’d that make you feel?”
“Pretty good, I’d say. It was fun to watch, kind of like kids at Christmas. It was funny. It was only five bucks.”
“Five bucks can bring a lot of joy when you’re hungry.”
“I suppose it would.”
“So why did you start by looking for change in the ashtray?”
“I don’t know sir. I didn’t know it was you sir.”
“And why did you only look for a dollar?”
“Well, it seemed …, I mean … you know I don’t know sir. I guess I was just looking for as little as I could so that you would go away sir. I didn’t know it was you. I’m sorry sir.”
“Hmm. I see. Did you have plans for that twenty?”
“No sir, I didn’t. You know sir, maybe I’m not cut out for this job?”
“Are you still learning? Still growing?”
“Am I ever.”
“That’s all I ask, son. That’s all I ask. Hey son?”
“Yes?”
“Thanks for the five. That burger tasted mighty good.”
“You’re welcome, sir.”
As I walked back to my desk, it was painfully clear. He doesn’t need a little change. I need a big one.