A Few Slightly Sacrilegious Thoughts on Prayer
Joelyn and I were sauntering through the shelter belt at the farm a few weeks ago when she spotted some mushrooms beside a log. To her great delight she declared we’d discovered some morel mushrooms and were in for a great treat. Little did I know …
I snitched a bite from the skillet while Joeln was out of the room and the next thing I knew there was a wheel in a wheel in a wheel and I was a Taskforce worker way up in the middle of the air. I was assigned to work for a season in the Center for Prayer Intercession and Interpretation. It sounded important.
Tina Tellagin
One of my favorite clients was Tina Tellagin. When I received a prayer from Tina on my first day I felt it was fairly crisp, complete, and even concise. There was little work needed on my part. But then the next day, I thought perhaps I had mistakenly reopened Tina’s prayer from the previous day. It seemed much the same. And that was true the third, fourth, and nearly every day thereafter. At my weekly meeting I asked AI, my Angel Intelligence officer, how I should be handling this and here’s what I learned, “It's something akin to asking someone “How are you?” and receiving the expected “Fine, thank you, and how are you?” “Fine as well, thanks.” No meaningful dialogue has occurred in that exchange, I was instructed, but something very meaningful is actually taking place. It is a process of saying in essence, “I recognize you” and “I recognize you too.” God likes deeper conversations too, but recognition is always welcomed by God, AI told me..
Mable LaFable
My next interesting case was Mable LaFable. From what I could tell, Mabel knew very little about God and felt called to inform God about things that just might already be known to God, for like, eternity. Mable had been assigned to present a prayer on behalf of others as part of a worship meeting. She informed God that God had created the world. Check. She mentioned that he had sent his Son into the World. Check. She informed God of the green grass, blue skies, tall trees and majestic mountains that God had made. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. And Check. When I asked AI what to do, I was told to send this one over to the Holy Spirit desk. Mable, it was presumed, was still trying to convince herself of her view of the existence of God.
Ike the Inviter
The next prayer I needed training on was from Ike the Inviter. There are actually a lot of Ike’s out there, to be blunt. Ike prayed at the start of a meeting inviting God to join them in the meeting. I wasn’t sure how to handle this one. God had already told Ike that when he gathered with two or three others or more that God would be present. Did I need to let God know of the invitation? I mean, God was already sitting there as promised. When I consulted AI, I was told to be kind to Ike. It was just a cultural thing, not an indication that he didn’t trust God to do as promised. It did seem a bit rude to me still. God just smiled, knowing what Ike meant.
Tom Tellemoff
I thought I was beginning to get the hang of my Taskforce duties when I got the prayer to interpret from Tom Tellemoff. Tom invited the congregation to kneel and started off marvelously giving off praise, adoration, and thankfulness. And then, mercy, Tom began to inform and apologize to God for a list of things that were not being done correctly based on the will of God that Tom seemed to somehow know. The music was not God’s will. The dress was not God’s will. The raising of the children was not being done by God’s will. Now there were Amens that interrupted the transmissions and some muttering murmurs going on. I summoned AI and asked what exactly I was supposed to do. My instruction: Forward the first part but ignore the rest. Tom was just pass-aggressively praying that on behalf of himself to those forced to listen to him. No need to involve God, I was told. Tom doesn’t believe the Holy Spirit is capable of the task. God’s just going to ignore that and the Spirit’s going to keep on fixing things as before.
Ingar Insecurialis
Poor Ingar. She was one of my regulars. She would lament to God about what a worthless worm she was. Now many of our clients cast their cares and concerns upon God as they lifted up the prayers that we interpreted. God loved that. But Ingar got off track. According to her she was a scum bag. A pile of dog poo. A poor excuse of trodden over humanity. And she just kept telling God that. I was a little unclear exactly how to rephrase this for God. God had sent his son and watched him die for Ingar. And that would have happened just for Ingar if she’d been the only one in need. God knows Ingar didn’t deserve the gift. No one did. How could I recast this disrespect? I sought out AI. Once again AI suggested patience, noting the intentions were good, just really messed up. I was instructed to reroute the prayer to the office of the Holy Spirit.
Nancy Nonbelivus
Nancy Nonbelivus didn’t really believe much of anything God had shared with her through the Bible. Nancy thought God would not protect her on a driving trip. She didn’t think God would keep her safe during the night or provide the food she needed. Nancy just kept sending me prayers for the things God had already told her would be done for her. I asked AI how to handle Nancy. She clearly wanted and appreciated God being there ALWAYs for her, she just couldn’t claim it. I asked AI for guidance. Claim it for her, and send it on. Flip it to thankfulness with a dose of “help me in my unbelief.”
Frosty Angelhoggess
While I’m on the topic of Nancy I can’t help but tell you a bit about Frosty. When I got this prayer I thought it was just another person who forgot that God had already promised to be there. But then I saw a 70 year old man about to hurtle down the side of Pike’s Peak on a road bike. I ran to AI and nearly out of breath asked what I should do. Ah, Frosty, AI replied. Send it on marked Urgent: Extra Safety Angels Needed Stat.
Andrew Aboutmeus
Andrew was interesting in that most of his prayers were for his will to be done. I couldn’t fault Andrew for taking God’s promise to bestow good gifts on his children but I didn’t love the “about me” theme to many requests. “Help me pass this test for which I haven’t studied.” “Help me have no engine trouble in this car that has no oil in it.” “Help me promote into a better job with better pay though I rarely work hard.” Even when Andrew prayed through music his songs were about how God had made Anrew special. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. God loves me for such good reasons, he seemed to say. I wasn’t sure how to interpret that message to God. I mean there’s really not a relationship when only one person is in focus, right? I needed AI. AI instructed me to refer this one on to the Office of the HS.
August Apologis
August bugged me about as much as anyone. When you’re a prayer interpretation specialist, you see some pretty amazing prayer answers happening, constantly. August would always end his prayer with, “if it be thy will.” That made me see red. “Heal this person, God, If it be thy will.” What are you thinking August? That it is ever not God’s will to bless his children? Common’ man. AI saw the steam coming from my ears and ambled over. “August again?” Yes. “Humans need a soft landing. They can’t conceptualize eternity.” Just send it on as is. God knows what August means.
“I don’t think those were Morel mushrooms,” I said to Joelyn as I awoke to a slightly swirling room. “But thanks for the prayer for my safety. Gordon got it and fixed it up real nice for God.”
How we pray depends on the God we elect to serve. Many have created a god to fit the image they want or perceive they need to fill a gap in their lives. In praying to that god, they continually break the first commandment.
How we pray depends on the nature of our relationship to God. Our life experiences form this. Our walk with God forms this. How we engage with other friends will give hint to how we need God to befriend us. Do we trust? Or micro-manage? Have we stayed close? Or let our relationship become more casual?
The prayer instructions and examples in scripture are many and of great variety. What is consistent is that God Almighty welcomes a conversation with you and seeks your adoration and praise.
“O God,
I ask pardon from Thee for my ignorance,
and I ask Thee to disregard my evil acts!
So join me to the shelter of Thy mercy
through graciousness
and cover me with the covering of Thy well-being
through bounteousness!”
“O Lord you are the Giver of life, Remover of pains and sorrows, Bestower of happiness. May we receive the supreme sin-destroying light of the Creator of the universe. May You guide our intellect in the right direction.”