Domestic Violence
& Suicide

Summary

This page is focussed on Domestic Violence (DV, including Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) and wider family violence), which is generally recognised as including psychological / emotional abuse as well as physical violence, and thus is increasingly termed more broadly as "Domestic Abuse" (DA).  I also touch a little on other violence in the community, and include some observations on suicide — much of which appears to result from relationship problems (including DV), although the research on this seems to be extremely poor given the relative magnitude of the problem.

Unlike most other pages on my website, my primary aim here is to present the existing evidence I've gathered & analysed, rather than new policy solutions (although I do offer some new ideas).  It's also the longest, constantly growing page (including sub-pages) – sorry – as I keep coming across more relevant information.  Obviously the evidence on DV should in turn inform the design of publicly-funded "human services" & justice systems for addressing these problems, on which I offer some conclusions (much of which is consistent with emerging policy trends in the sector).

Yet despite the relative lack of originality here, I consider this one of the most important pages on my site, because it's about confronting the multitude of reasons why so many people are unhappy and badly behaved (rather than attributing DV to a single, primary cause), and hopefully points in the direction of greater tolerance and understanding of differences – including perceived imperfections & failings – as a precursor to having greater compassion, peace & love for all.  Fundamentally of course these basic issues have an importance that extends beyond DV to all human relations.  For whilst we have a strong evolutionary preference to care for "the fairer sex" and "their children", when we overlook the humanity of males, or worse, foster a culture of denigration, is there any wonder that they act badly when society treats them badly, or that we so readily send them to die in war?  Ultimately, possibly the greatest challenge – even more than the need for objective analysis and well-designed policy that addresses the complexity of effective human/social services – is to confront one of the biggest causes of conflicts in human society: our subconscious biases, and especially the deeply entrenched psychology of tribalism.  We will only have peace and harmony across society when we learn to consciously care as much for all men & boys (of any race, religion & sexuality etc.) as we do instinctively for women & girls.

However, despite (or perhaps because of) this virtuous goal, I should warn that a combination of the facts & discussion, which may challenge many people's existing beliefs, plus my bluntly honest Aspie-communication style, makes for a high risk of offence, especially for hardline feminists.  It's not my intent to offend, only to present the truth as I see it, but if you think you might need a more sensitive introduction, I suggest you start by reading this.  Otherwise, dive in now to this summary & key conclusions (note further detail and references can be found via the bolded links to sub-pages):

• DV research indicates men & women are broadly equally guilty of committing abuse in domestic relationships, although the nature of that abuse does have typical gender differences.

  • DV in some form affects some 20-50% of relationships (depending on the type of abuse), but it is typically a rare event &/or mild in nature (e.g. pushing).  Severe violence is much less common (perhaps affecting more like 2-3% of men & women), but this is often not disclosed in reporting of surveys.  Men are typically half as likely as women to report abuse to authorities.

  • Women tend to be more psychologically abusive and men more physically aggressive, especially in extreme forms (but both genders are often guilty of either type of abuse).

  • Contrary to feminist patriarchal doctrine, some studies indicate violence is most often caused by women's desire to control their partner, and of the roughly half of DV cases involving uni-directional violence, women are more than twice as likely as men to be the sole aggressor (as men generally avoid retaliation).

• Child abuse is as likely, or more likely to be committed by women than men, especially in the context of a relationship breakdown, when many children are alienated from their other parent:

  • Parental alienation is estimated to be present in over 10% of divorces involving children.  In Australia, over a quarter of the children of separated parents see their non-resident parent (usually Dad) less than once a year (with 44% no more than 4 times a year), whilst half have no nights at all with them and almost a third eventually never see their father again.  About 1-in-5 UK Dads experience challenges accessing their children or have completely lost contact with them, whilst in the USA & Canada, over 30% of parents feel they are being alienated from a child by the other parent and about half of parents who have been alienated from their child have considered suicide.  Nearly half (44%) of all US children now live in a single-parent household, fifteen million, or 1-in-3, without a father.

  • The dramatic increase in "Dad-deprived boys" over the last 50 years is having disastrous consequences for society, including greater substance abuse, school failure, inter-generational mental, behavioural & relationship problems, suicide and crime (such as rape and other violence including even school shootings & terrorism).

• Injustice is worsened by dysfunctional, self-serving & corrupt legal systems and so-called "child support" agencies that are not fit for purpose and even complicit in enabling much abuse, especially alienation of children from a separated parent.  The archaic justice system needs drastic reform.

• Sexism still exists amongst some "Western" men (& women), but there's no evidence that this is a material cause of violence against women (and discrimination is much reduced from past decades, especially in employment, as girls are increasingly outperforming boys at school & beyond).

• Claims of "sexual assault" being experienced by 1-in-5 women may include instances of 'mild' touching & harassment (e.g. unwanted advances) or subjectively determined "threats", which need to be clearly separated out of such data in order to reconcile to an estimated 2-3% of women being raped (with maybe less than 1% of men being rapists, given many rapists are repeat offenders).  Moreover, reported rapes have fallen by over a factor of three in recent decades in the USA & Australia, despite increased encouragement of reporting and despite, or – the evidence suggests – because of the widespread availability of online porn.  Random rapes by strangers are extremely rare and the true risks of such events should be better communicated, in order to reduce unnecessarily high levels of anxiety in the population.  Nevertheless, with perhaps just a third of rapes reported to police and only about 10% of reported sexual assaults resulting in conviction, there is a need for an improved justice system that can better manage the wide range of different types of cases, and reduce the growing pressure to resort to "mob justice":

  • To reduce the complexity, uncertainty, duration, cost & trauma of some trials, it may be worth creating additional categories of sexual assault & rape, with differing levels of evidence required for different degrees of culpability & punishment, so that only complex cases are subjected to the most complicated & arduous process.  e.g. perhaps by having a simplified category based unambiguously on the parties' actions, rather than their state of mind (which may require a verbal "no means no", in cases where the accused was freely able to).

  • Similarly, it seems worth having alternatives to conventional criminal-court rules, with lower evidence standards & lesser penalties for some "non-violent", "civil rape/assault" cases.  However, they must be fair and constitutional, to protect against material risks of false accusations.  Essentially this means refining, regulating and mandating existing confidential private-sector practices (including those in universities), to ensure cases lacking a criminal standard of evidence are managed consistently across society.

• Killings by strangers or through domestic violence are very rare (impacting ≈0.01% + 0.03% of Australians respectively), and such extreme cases do not provide useful evidence to inform actions to address the much more pervasive but milder forms of DV.

  • DV in Australia leads to about one man being killed by a partner (1 every 30 days) for every three women killed by a partner (1 every 10 days), totalling around 50 p.a. over the 5 years to 2020 (of which about 75% are women), with the rates having halved for both male & female victims over the two decades to 2020 (& continuing to fall, albeit with annual fluctuations).  Less than 1 in 5,000 Australian men kill their female partner.

  • Including children (about 20 killed p.a., more often by mothers than fathers) and some domestic killings not officially classified as "DV", there is about one male victim of domestic homicide every 10 days and one female victim every 6 days (38% of victims being male).

  • Whilst women killed by men are the single biggest category in DV homicides, more life is lost from the total of men, children & other women killed by women.

• Suicide kills vastly more people than homicides.  Men comprise more than 3/4 of all suicides, with 40-50 Australian men suiciding in an average week (6 of 8 suicides every day until 2019 when it reached 7 out of 9 a day) — about 70 times more than the number of women killed by their partner.

  • Although suicide is commonly linked to "mental illness" & depression – which is a significant factor for women in particular – male suicides are more commonly linked to a range of distressing life events, with about 60% of male suicides related to relationship problems and at least one every week linked to child custody disputes.

  • The media & governments should stop ignoring suicides (which have been rising in Australia, unlike many other causes of premature death) and give greater priority to better understanding, predicting & preventing its causes.

• Unemployment, poverty, gambling & alcohol are significant factors affecting DV, suicide & general crime, especially the disproportionately high rates in Aboriginal communities.

  • Cannabis could offer a less damaging alternative to alcohol and seems more popular with Aboriginal people, but its illegal status is currently contributing to their high levels of arrest, incarceration and disadvantage.  Therefore consideration should be given to legalising it (for everyone, as part of a broad drug reform strategy), or a more nuanced approach could be followed with the help of a separate Aboriginal justice system, which could be established to manage a range of legal issues that strongly affect the welfare of indigenous people in Australia.

• Many feminists are guilty of deliberately dishonest denial of these realities (because it doesn't fit their ideology of blaming everything on patriarchal control and "toxic masculinity"), and of showing extreme intolerance & disrespect for differing opinions and typical gender differences (especially inherently masculine traits), and no understanding or compassion for male problems.  The vast majority of men are naturally inclined to protect women, and Australia is rated the world’s safest country for women to live in, but fear-mongering has made them feel less safe than in any other OECD country, even though most violence is actually reducing.  Current feminist propaganda campaigns, including those in schools that instil fear in girls and teach boys to be ashamed of being boys, are inflaming gender wars and making things worse.

• Reforms are needed to replace the current feminist narrative and polices with:

  • Universal programs that educate about the reality, rather than ideology of DV – especially in relation to coercive control – and help people (children especially) better recognise abuse, manage their emotions and develop respect for themselves (i.e. robust self-esteem) as well as for the differences of others.

  • Community support systems with flexible, evidence-based (data-driven) & technology-enhanced "human services" (including mental health, housing and child protection services) that are well-prioritised and tailored to individual person & family needs (informed by research that needs a major improvement in objectivity and quality). 
    Support should be available to all DV victims/complainants based on their individual needs, not their sex/gender.

  • More efficient & responsive justice systems to identify & intervene earlier in more extreme (but less common) cases of abuse & violence affected by serious mental illness.

  • Potential separate, alternative "Sexual Complaint Investigation Tribunals" – funded, monitored & regulated by government – to better handle those cases not well suited to current criminal justice & courts and/or currently subject to variable disciplinary practices followed by employers.

  • Sick/compassionate leave that provides for a broad range of difficult life events (not just a separate & narrow DV-leave entitlement).

Click on the following links to pages that cover the above points in detail along with supporting references:

• Introduction — some context on feminist ideology

• DV Research — references and commentary on the facts (& their misrepresentation) in relation to DV

• Sexism & Sexual Abuse — pervasive in various degrees, but not an escalating crisis

• Killings: Counting dead women — time for men to step up?

• Child Abuse including filicide, sex abuse, parental alienation and the politics of abortion

• Injustice in the Courts & "Child-Support" Agencies — they need drastic reform!

• Suicide — a much bigger problem, especially for men

• Reforms & Initiatives — including school education & human/community services.

and finally:

• some thoughts on Toxic vs Protective Masculinity,

• & links to relevant web sites & Facebook groups.

It's Time to put Kids First!