Assorted Writings Part D

by Jeremy Tyck

Interviewer: "What is your stance on circumcision doctor?"

DQ: "I'm all for tying down creatures that are weaker than me, cutting away important body parts, then saying they can't feel it to avoid litigation. People need this sort of thing. The earlier the better. Just imagine how peaceful and harmonious people would be without this being encoded into them during the first days of life in our world?"

Interviewer: "It is almost too scary for me to think about."

DQ: "Paranoia and fear are often overlooked by the modern caregiver. No amount of neglect and abuse can compare to the sheer amount of terror we introduce into your bundle of joy. That's the type of quality care you can't match any other way. Who else is going to give your baby this eye opening experience? Some religious quack who still holds on to outdated traditions? Some person who doesn't use cold plastic and steel tools, assembly line methods, and an uninviting sterile environment that would make robots cringe? Where's the life altering experience in that? We don't need any other reason than nature is ignorant and we are smart. It's up to us to correct the flawed bodies that have let us survive for thousands of years. I'm going to give it to you straight. The baby needs this. The baby wants it so bad he can taste it. Babies are vile and conceited little creatures, all they do is whine and poop. They're perpetual garbage disposals that make a 'waah' sound. There's even been times when I've seen a baby get an erection as the nurse straps him down and puts antiseptic on his penis."

Interviewer: "Disgusting."

DQ: "What do they think this is a brothel? If these little pigs are going to learn how to live in our society they need the gift only a metal clamp and scalpel can give them. They may give the impression that they don't like it and have been betrayed by their fellow humans, but that is just speculative nonsense at this point. I have never had a baby tell me to stop. Let's face it, if they really didn't like to be held down and attacked then they would say so, but all they do is cry. Babies are dumb and can't express themselves the way higher level mammals like us can. How can you be sure they aren't elated with so much excitement it isn't a happy cry? If this procedure was so bad for the baby wouldn't you hear ear piercing screams as the baby struggles? Until it whites out, and its body shut offs and looks like an oxygen deprived comatose Smurf?"

Interviewer: "Yes."

DQ: "I can personally say that I have never seen that happen in all the years I've been correcting the hideous mistakes of nature we call our male babies."

The doctor spirals further as the interview progresses.

DQ: "Having seen public opinion, and fearing for my medical license, I would like to alter my stance. Do I think that babies are vile and putrid little creatures that deserve all the pain they get, yes. Do I advocate tearing, crushing and cutting their penis to achieve this? No."

Interviewer: "Yes but,"

DQ: "Look Ed."

Interviewer: "My name isn't Ed."

DQ: "Look Jeb, I don't advocate circumcision trauma anymore than a Polar Bear advocates eating its young."

Interviewer: "Is it true that you are lucratively paid for the sale of the cut skin to organ harvesters?"

DQ: "I get paid the same no matter who I sell it to."

Interviewer: "What is your new position?"

DQ: "I'm glad that you asked Gary. I did some research the other night on Yahoo and have arrived at the conclusion that circumcision prevents all bad things from happening."

Interviewer: stunned silence

DQ: "A study in Africa showed that a certain population group that was not circumcised and that was exposed to certain VDs had a high epidemic of VDs. Another population group that wasn't exposed to those VDs and that was circumcised had no cases reported of those VDs."

Interviewer: "You’re saying that circumcision prevents the spread of venereal disease?"

DQ: "No, I'm saying that people who are circumcised are too smart to allow a group of eugenics engineers pretending to be researchers to expose them to a host of VDs for season tickets to 'Cats'! 'Cats' isn't even playing anymore. There can be no survival in an uncompassionate and psychopathic world unless we're all brutalized and psychopathic! Get them before they get you! Sadism is love! The gods love you Larry! Let them mutilate you! It's like they say in baseball; defense is offense!"

Interviewer: "Cleary circumcision has benefits."

DQ: "That's what I'm saying Todd. Did you know that the cut penis skin can be reused for treating patients who need tissue transplants? This is what it's all about, the good we can do for our fellow man."

Interviewer: "You don't say."

DQ: "Yes, I've even had patients I've circumcised approach me about the procedure."

Interviewer: "That must be nice to get some recognition."

DQ: "They usually tell me that they are going to peel the skin off of my body with a fruit peeler and sacrifice it to their anti-circumcision gods."

Interviewer: "And your follow up to this would be?"

DQ: "It just reinforces the fact that circumcision makes you smarter Gary. Clearly using a fruit peeler is beyond the grasp of most men. I have trouble opening juice boxes, I never know what end to poke. Who knows what would happen if people like me weren't circumcised? The world would stop turning Harry, the-world-would-stop-turning."

Interviewer: "We wouldn't want that."

DQ: "No Ed we wouldn't. If the world stopped turning it would lose its gravity and everybody would fall off."

Interviewer: "I suppose you got this from Yahoo."

DQ: "No I saw it on a '2010' movie, our planet operates on a centrifugal gravity system."

Interviewer: stunned silence

DQ: "That is why everybody needs to be circumcised."

Interviewer: "You were saying how circumcised skin is sold and used in tissue transplants. If the people who are asking for transplants or various creams the skin is used in are circumcised; are those that have been circumcised buying something back that was theirs to begin with?"

DQ: stunned silence

Interviewer: "Wouldn't you agree that this is a case of cutting off somebody's arm to further the growth of the prosthetics industry?"

DQ: "Now you're going over my head Jerry. All I know is that in Japan they sold more bagels when circumcision rates went up last year. Clearly circumcision helps support the struggling bagel farmers in that country."

Interviewer: "So you're going off of statistical evidence here?"

DQ: "Again Jerry, way over my head."

Interviewer: "Are you aware of the phrase "snake oil"? It's a product that the seller claims to cure everything from the common cold to cancer. It's used to describe any miracle procedure with obvious ineffectiveness and/or ulterior motives."

DQ: "It cures the common cold and cancer! Where I can get some?"

Interviewer: "Why do I try..."

DQ: "Did you know that sniffing glue can lead to increased states of awareness?"

Interviewer: .....

DQ: "It's true, studies of children who eat paste and sniff glue during art class have shown them to be more active and better ready for extra scholastic activities like soccer. Extra scholastic activities are good for kids Jerry, it keeps them out of trouble."

Interviewer: "Do you have any concept of relevant cause and effect in your mind at all?"

DQ: "Let me check, nope."

For the next several minutes the doctor seemed to lift off into space, staring vapidly with a dumb grin on his face.

DQ: "Did you know that ancient civilizations on the moon used to circumcise their young? Do you know why Jerry?"

Interviewer: "No but I suppose you're going to tell me."

DQ: "To keep their penises from explosively decompressing. There's no gravity on the moon, if they had that shell around their penis the air trapped inside would burst out."

Interviewer: "Ouch."

DQ: "Explosive decompression, real scary stuff."

Interviewer: "That sounds like a smart society."

DQ: "That's because they were circumcised. If they weren't circumcised how could they build rockets to travel to the moon ? It's a long way from Mars."

Interviewer: "How would they travel from Mars? That's a good point doctor."

DQ: "What?"

Interviewer: "I said it was a good point."

DQ: "You have to stop sidetracking us here Jerry, this is an important issue."

Interviewer: "You said that you've gotten no complaints from people who you've circumcised, I'd like to show you a letter from somebody who says differently:

Doctor,

Your senseless act has ruined my life, there is not a day that goes by when I don't think about what you took from me. You are a vile excuse of a man and should not be allowed a medical license."

DQ: "Clearly this is not an issue about whether or not he was circumcised. A circumcised man would be too insecure and traumatized to send a letter, I doubt that he was circumcised at all."

Interviewer: "You don't get any valid complaints then?"

DQ: "I haven't listened to a single one of them."

Interviewer: "Perceptive reality doctor?"

DQ: "Hey did you know the kids like circumcision, it's like earrings and tattoos."

Interviewer: "You don't say."

DQ: "I do."

Interviewer: "Ok you do, what do you have to say about the subject?"

DQ: "About what."

Interviewer: "About circumcision being a trend."

DQ: "I didn't say that."

Interviewer: "But,"

DQ: "Look Ed, I know you aren't the smartest knife in the drawer but try to keep up."

Interviewer: "Alright doctor."

DQ: "Everybody should be circumcised."

Interviewer: "You don't say... I mean, why is that?"

DQ: "Because people are defective, God wouldn't of given us scalpels if he didn't want us to cut something."

Interviewer: "You would recommend that girls get circumcised then?"

DQ: "No, what are you an animal? That would be dehumanizing and cruel. That would be like giving men equal treatment in equality laws. Men are pigs Jerry, I would know I'm a man. Do you want to see?"

Interviewer: "No! Pull your pants back up doctor!"

DQ: "Once I get going I don't stop. If it wasn't for the guilt and repression of circumcision half the world would be impregnated with my piggish seed by now."

Interviewer: "Scary."

DQ: "If your children were packaged with dipping sauce would you eat them?"

Interviewer: "What?"

DQ: "It's a simple question Jerry."

Interviewer: "No! Of course I wouldn't."

DQ: "I would."

Interviewer: ........

DQ: "My favorite sauce is barbecue. Did you know that a circumcised man invented barbecue sauce? Just think what the world would be like without barbecue sauce."

Interviewer: "I can't imagine."

The doctor turned around and tried to talk to the wall for fifteen minutes. I regained his attention by yelling 'candy bar', for some reason the doctor has a thing for candy bars.

DQ: "'What's Happening' or 'Good Times'?"

Interviewer: "Good Times?"

DQ: "I like Fat Albert."

Interviewer: "That's great doctor." It was at this point that I decided to make my exit. Leaving the doctor to feed his fish rubber cement and sniff aquarium algae.

* For additional writings by this author and healer, visit his blog: http://realitymeetsdream.com/blog/

by Jeremy Tyck

Interviewer: "What is your stance on circumcision doctor?"

DQ: "I'm all for tying down creatures that are weaker than me, cutting away important body parts, then saying they can't feel it to avoid litigation. People need this sort of thing. The earlier the better. Just imagine how peaceful and harmonious people would be without this being encoded into them during the first days of life in our world?"

Interviewer: "It is almost too scary for me to think about."

DQ: "Paranoia and fear are often overlooked by the modern caregiver. No amount of neglect and abuse can compare to the sheer amount of terror we introduce into your bundle of joy. That's the type of quality care you can't match any other way. Who else is going to give your baby this eye opening experience? Some religious quack who still holds on to outdated traditions? Some person who doesn't use cold plastic and steel tools, assembly line methods, and an uninviting sterile environment that would make robots cringe? Where's the life altering experience in that? We don't need any other reason than nature is ignorant and we are smart. It's up to us to correct the flawed bodies that have let us survive for thousands of years. I'm going to give it to you straight. The baby needs this. The baby wants it so bad he can taste it. Babies are vile and conceited little creatures, all they do is whine and poop. They're perpetual garbage disposals that make a 'waah' sound. There's even been times when I've seen a baby get an erection as the nurse straps him down and puts antiseptic on his penis."

Interviewer: "Disgusting."

DQ: "What do they think this is a brothel? If these little pigs are going to learn how to live in our society they need the gift only a metal clamp and scalpel can give them. They may give the impression that they don't like it and have been betrayed by their fellow humans, but that is just speculative nonsense at this point. I have never had a baby tell me to stop. Let's face it, if they really didn't like to be held down and attacked then they would say so, but all they do is cry. Babies are dumb and can't express themselves the way higher level mammals like us can. How can you be sure they aren't elated with so much excitement it isn't a happy cry? If this procedure was so bad for the baby wouldn't you hear ear piercing screams as the baby struggles? Until it whites out, and its body shut offs and looks like an oxygen deprived comatose Smurf?"

Interviewer: "Yes."

DQ: "I can personally say that I have never seen that happen in all the years I've been correcting the hideous mistakes of nature we call our male babies."

The doctor spirals further as the interview progresses.

DQ: "Having seen public opinion, and fearing for my medical license, I would like to alter my stance. Do I think that babies are vile and putrid little creatures that deserve all the pain they get, yes. Do I advocate tearing, crushing and cutting their penis to achieve this? No."

Interviewer: "Yes but,"

DQ: "Look Ed."

Interviewer: "My name isn't Ed."

DQ: "Look Jeb, I don't advocate circumcision trauma anymore than a Polar Bear advocates eating its young."

Interviewer: "Is it true that you are lucratively paid for the sale of the cut skin to organ harvesters?"

DQ: "I get paid the same no matter who I sell it to."

Interviewer: "What is your new position?"

DQ: "I'm glad that you asked Gary. I did some research the other night on Yahoo and have arrived at the conclusion that circumcision prevents all bad things from happening."

Interviewer: stunned silence

DQ: "A study in Africa showed that a certain population group that was not circumcised and that was exposed to certain VDs had a high epidemic of VDs. Another population group that wasn't exposed to those VDs and that was circumcised had no cases reported of those VDs."

Interviewer: "You’re saying that circumcision prevents the spread of venereal disease?"

DQ: "No, I'm saying that people who are circumcised are too smart to allow a group of eugenics engineers pretending to be researchers to expose them to a host of VDs for season tickets to 'Cats'! 'Cats' isn't even playing anymore. There can be no survival in an uncompassionate and psychopathic world unless we're all brutalized and psychopathic! Get them before they get you! Sadism is love! The gods love you Larry! Let them mutilate you! It's like they say in baseball; defense is offense!"

Interviewer: "Cleary circumcision has benefits."

DQ: "That's what I'm saying Todd. Did you know that the cut penis skin can be reused for treating patients who need tissue transplants? This is what it's all about, the good we can do for our fellow man."

Interviewer: "You don't say."

DQ: "Yes, I've even had patients I've circumcised approach me about the procedure."

Interviewer: "That must be nice to get some recognition."

DQ: "They usually tell me that they are going to peel the skin off of my body with a fruit peeler and sacrifice it to their anti-circumcision gods."

Interviewer: "And your follow up to this would be?"

DQ: "It just reinforces the fact that circumcision makes you smarter Gary. Clearly using a fruit peeler is beyond the grasp of most men. I have trouble opening juice boxes, I never know what end to poke. Who knows what would happen if people like me weren't circumcised? The world would stop turning Harry, the-world-would-stop-turning."

Interviewer: "We wouldn't want that."

DQ: "No Ed we wouldn't. If the world stopped turning it would lose its gravity and everybody would fall off."

Interviewer: "I suppose you got this from Yahoo."

DQ: "No I saw it on a '2010' movie, our planet operates on a centrifugal gravity system."

Interviewer: stunned silence

DQ: "That is why everybody needs to be circumcised."

Interviewer: "You were saying how circumcised skin is sold and used in tissue transplants. If the people who are asking for transplants or various creams the skin is used in are circumcised; are those that have been circumcised buying something back that was theirs to begin with?"

DQ: stunned silence

Interviewer: "Wouldn't you agree that this is a case of cutting off somebody's arm to further the growth of the prosthetics industry?"

DQ: "Now you're going over my head Jerry. All I know is that in Japan they sold more bagels when circumcision rates went up last year. Clearly circumcision helps support the struggling bagel farmers in that country."

Interviewer: "So you're going off of statistical evidence here?"

DQ: "Again Jerry, way over my head."

Interviewer: "Are you aware of the phrase "snake oil"? It's a product that the seller claims to cure everything from the common cold to cancer. It's used to describe any miracle procedure with obvious ineffectiveness and/or ulterior motives."

DQ: "It cures the common cold and cancer! Where I can get some?"

Interviewer: "Why do I try..."

DQ: "Did you know that sniffing glue can lead to increased states of awareness?"

Interviewer: .....

DQ: "It's true, studies of children who eat paste and sniff glue during art class have shown them to be more active and better ready for extra scholastic activities like soccer. Extra scholastic activities are good for kids Jerry, it keeps them out of trouble."

Interviewer: "Do you have any concept of relevant cause and effect in your mind at all?"

DQ: "Let me check, nope."

For the next several minutes the doctor seemed to lift off into space, staring vapidly with a dumb grin on his face.

DQ: "Did you know that ancient civilizations on the moon used to circumcise their young? Do you know why Jerry?"

Interviewer: "No but I suppose you're going to tell me."

DQ: "To keep their penises from explosively decompressing. There's no gravity on the moon, if they had that shell around their penis the air trapped inside would burst out."

Interviewer: "Ouch."

DQ: "Explosive decompression, real scary stuff."

Interviewer: "That sounds like a smart society."

DQ: "That's because they were circumcised. If they weren't circumcised how could they build rockets to travel to the moon ? It's a long way from Mars."

Interviewer: "How would they travel from Mars? That's a good point doctor."

DQ: "What?"

Interviewer: "I said it was a good point."

DQ: "You have to stop sidetracking us here Jerry, this is an important issue."

Interviewer: "You said that you've gotten no complaints from people who you've circumcised, I'd like to show you a letter from somebody who says differently:

Doctor,

Your senseless act has ruined my life, there is not a day that goes by when I don't think about what you took from me. You are a vile excuse of a man and should not be allowed a medical license."

DQ: "Clearly this is not an issue about whether or not he was circumcised. A circumcised man would be too insecure and traumatized to send a letter, I doubt that he was circumcised at all."

Interviewer: "You don't get any valid complaints then?"

DQ: "I haven't listened to a single one of them."

Interviewer: "Perceptive reality doctor?"

DQ: "Hey did you know the kids like circumcision, it's like earrings and tattoos."

Interviewer: "You don't say."

DQ: "I do."

Interviewer: "Ok you do, what do you have to say about the subject?"

DQ: "About what."

Interviewer: "About circumcision being a trend."

DQ: "I didn't say that."

Interviewer: "But,"

DQ: "Look Ed, I know you aren't the smartest knife in the drawer but try to keep up."

Interviewer: "Alright doctor."

DQ: "Everybody should be circumcised."

Interviewer: "You don't say... I mean, why is that?"

DQ: "Because people are defective, God wouldn't of given us scalpels if he didn't want us to cut something."

Interviewer: "You would recommend that girls get circumcised then?"

DQ: "No, what are you an animal? That would be dehumanizing and cruel. That would be like giving men equal treatment in equality laws. Men are pigs Jerry, I would know I'm a man. Do you want to see?"

Interviewer: "No! Pull your pants back up doctor!"

DQ: "Once I get going I don't stop. If it wasn't for the guilt and repression of circumcision half the world would be impregnated with my piggish seed by now."

Interviewer: "Scary."

DQ: "If your children were packaged with dipping sauce would you eat them?"

Interviewer: "What?"

DQ: "It's a simple question Jerry."

Interviewer: "No! Of course I wouldn't."

DQ: "I would."

Interviewer: ........

DQ: "My favorite sauce is barbecue. Did you know that a circumcised man invented barbecue sauce? Just think what the world would be like without barbecue sauce."

Interviewer: "I can't imagine."

The doctor turned around and tried to talk to the wall for fifteen minutes. I regained his attention by yelling 'candy bar', for some reason the doctor has a thing for candy bars.

DQ: "'What's Happening' or 'Good Times'?"

Interviewer: "Good Times?"

DQ: "I like Fat Albert."

Interviewer: "That's great doctor." It was at this point that I decided to make my exit. Leaving the doctor to feed his fish rubber cement and sniff aquarium algae.

* For additional writings by this author and healer, visit his blog: http://realitymeetsdream.com

~*~

by Bob

The best method is to circumcise about an inch above the doctor's wrist on the hand she or he uses to hold a knife. Cut squarely and forcefully with a sharp blade. An alternative device uses a clamp to increase pressure slowly until the hand is severed completely. This is thought to reduce the sudden trauma and help to cauterize the wound. It is important to cauterize emotions along with blood vessels so the procedure should be a painful as possible.

Some parents feel that a "nice tight circumcision" should be done right below the doctor's chin. However, others feel that this form of circumcision is more aggressive than necessary. Under chin circumcision does have the greatest benefit in preventing future diseases and has been shown to reduce cancer rates more than the less intrusive wrist circumcision. Doctors who have had under chin circumcision also have greatly reduced death rates from AIDS according to research done in undeveloped countries. A doctor who has had an under chin circumcision will not worry about possible death from AIDS or cancer in another 40 years. A parent should consider the merits of both methods before deciding which method to choose for their child's doctor.

In later life the circumcised doctor will have a reduced chance of skin cancer, broken bones or hangnails. Accidental injuries have been shown to be significantly reduced by hand circumcision. It will be much cleaner since her or his hand won't be picking buggers any more. She or he won't be spreading as much infection around the hospital and won't have to wash with soap and water so often. Circumcision prevents the need for frequent washing. Its so much better to do it once and be done with it than to have a life long problem with digital cleanliness.

Circumcision of a hand is also known to increases sensitivity. The scar of a stump is known to be the most sensitive part of the hand and is more exposed once the hand is removed. Some individuals may feel that the loss of very sensitive nerve endings in fingers actually reduces sensitivity, but that is just a matter of personal feeling, not a matter of anatomy.

Don't bother with her or his permission; no patient getting a circumcision has human rights in her or his medical practice. Just badger the child's parent who is in obvious stress to check a little box so you will leave them alone. If they don't approve the doctor's circumcision the first time you ask, keep asking until they do. That way you can claim you have satisfied the need for a parent's approval (or request) for the circumcision. We only do it because parents demand it. Our approval requirements meet the ethical recommendations of the AMA and the AAP, both of which recommend that circumcision should be a parent's decision. After all, whose body is it anyway? The person whose body is getting circumcised should never be consulted nor their rights respected when making this decision. Circumcision is a parent's right.

If the doctor screams or struggles be sure to restrain her or him in a full body circumstraint. That way her or his screaming and struggling won't interfere with your "medical" treatment.

There's no need for anesthetic. Everyone knows that doctors don't feel any pain.

Don't confuse the screaming with objecting to the procedure. Doctors do not have the mental facilities to understand circumcision and offer a valid objection. That is why the parents of the child need to make the choice. Doctors are too young to understand the benefits of circumcision and just scream because they are away from their office. It doesn't mean they are in pain or terror or suffering at all. They will come to understand circumcision much better as they grow older once the wound has fully healed.

It heals up completely in a few days and causes no harm. The few doctors who die from the procedure each year are of no consequence and the losses can be hushed up by the hospital as natural causes. It has no negative affects on their lives and no loss of feeling; after all they can still reproduce.

Later as she or he grows older and asks why you circumcised her or his hand you can explain, "it's for your own good," and "we just did what we thought was best." If she or he is still angry you can tell her or him to "get over it" after all "its just a little piece of skin" and bones. If she or he protests more you can insult her or him as a "hand freak."

Circumcision above the wrist has been shown to greatly reduce masturbation and its harmful effects such as hairy hands. It works even better if you circumcise both hands. Studies show that under chin circumcision is even more effective in reducing the many harmful results of masturbation such as dementia or mental retardation. The parents should review the benefits of each method and decide which method to use for their child's doctor.

The hand(s) can be sold for medical research or tossed in the trash without asking her or him.

Amputation above the doctor's wrist or right below the doctor's chin are by far the best and the only really safe methods of circumcision. All other methods cause life long physical injury and emotional damage to the child.

Religious and Human Rights Considerations

It is important to respect the religious beliefs of the parents when considering whether or not to circumcise the doctor. Disregarding their beliefs is a violation of their human rights to free expression and practice of religion. Do not worry about the human rights of the doctor since he or she has demonstrated that the human rights of any person to be circumcised do not matter. It is a sacred act when performed as a religious ritual in several ancient faiths. A religious ritual sacrifice that began over 3,000 years ago should not be questioned now. No one should criticize the free exercise of the parent's religion. The religious rights of the parents to sacrifice the flesh of another person are what is important. The human rights of the person who's flesh is to be sacrificed shall always be disregarded.

When performing the "nice tight" circumcision below the doctor's chin it is well established that a Rabbi, Priest, or Shaman may be called to the last rites for the doctor. In some faiths the below chin circumcision should be done by the Cleric as part of a religious sacrifice to the God of the parents, as they believe was commanded by their God. Such religious sacrifice should be made 8 days after the birth of the child and 8 days before the burial or cremation of the doctor according to the word of God (or according to some dumb schmuck claiming to have the "word of god.")

In Summary

The authors generally prefer the "nice tight" under chin circumcision over the less aggressive above the wrist circumcision since it has the greater prophylactic effect in preventing death due to AIDS, cancer, heart disease, and several other causes. Under chin circumcision also prevents future trauma to other children by stopping the doctor from ever sexually mutilating another child. However, the above the hand "wrist" circumcision is also acceptable. It is always the parent's right to chose what's best for their child's doctor.

~*~