religio5
Tue 05/01/07
them first and foremost.
.. perhaps best to love from a distance
jesus commands us to love becauuse its good for us .. not a burden .. and the order of love is god, self, and neighbor
acquinas says "we should love ourselves more than our neighbor" .. love means "to want what is best" and unless you want it for yourself, you can't want it for another; loving out of insecurity never works.
if i don't care about myself enough to want what's best for myself, i'll have no idea how to love another because i have no idea how to love myself.
otherwise we can set ourselves up so that love does not give us life.
page 201 - "i've been atoning and atoning..."
why doesn't he feel forgiven ..
ian still seems himself as a failure -- but others see him differently -- he's not the same person that night -- he's changed.
atonement, reparation.
forgiveness .. gift-for-us. ian is working under the assumption that forgivemeness is the reward at the end of a struggle .. but actually its a gift for us -- not something that we merrit or ern, but a grace .. not so much the end of a process but a grace that begins a process.
ian is thinking of forgiveness as a reward..
that hasn't worked -- he thinks forgiveness is something he has to earn .. but if its a grace, you don't earn it -- so maybe he's been forgiven all along .. the question then is not did we earn it, but what does it enable us to do.
Emmett - 225 - "some people prefer to hug their problems ..."
forgive your brother and your wife .. he also has to forgive danny and lucy ..
ian interprets the whole night in terms of his action -- he sees himself as the only moral agent .. but danny and lucy were moral agents too.
ians act had consequenes that changed the loves of other people, so did danny's and lucy's - his life is also forever changed.
the consequences of their acts, redirected his life .. ian's learned oo accept that, but its not the life he would have chosen.
bottom of 224 ..
why is it hard sometimes to let go?
1) .. it becomes a part of who we are
2) sometimes we can want to posses it -- can be a kind of power. if somebody has really hurt me, one way to have power over them is to never let go -- always remind them thht they fell short
3) what does it do to a person's spirit .. can lead to despair, bitterness
4) can become an excuse to define yoursself as a victim .. then i'm going to be in the possession of something that was done to me ..
but also can be an excuse not to grow -- i choose not to move forward.. so nobody can challenge me, ask anything of me.
5) honor the memory - certain memories we shouldn't forget, like holocaust .. moving forward, if it means forgetting, is it also forgetting the person who was lost .. so the question is not to remember or not but remember in hopeful ways.
the other part of this .. for the most pprt he thinks that he has to do this all on his own
but forgiveness, unburdening, requires a community
.. it requires companions.
God works through others
.. example - augustine confessions .. loss of friend.
.. ultimately, his friends get him through it -- my friends finally got me laughing again.
our friends can be a kind of mean of healing.
everybody in the church of the 2nd chance came there looking for forgiveness .. they seemed to move a lot faster into forgiveness .. eventually, they relaxed and settled in ..
and by relaxing and settling in, they were able to forget about atonement .. ian is not at that point.
forgiveness - learning how to relax into a gift -- that's not always easy -- means you've gotta let go
maybe emmett is saying "you were forgiven from the start" - -if that's the case, then the challenge is to learn how to live a forgiven and forgiving life .. ian hasn't learned to do that ..
is the christian life really just a matter of relaxing into grace?
.. way of understanding freedom -- someone who's able to relax in the knowledge that they're loved.
really, we do not have to give our lives significance because the significance is given by God -- so to say "i have to give my life meaning" is herisy
chapter 9 & 10, tomorrow.
last reading .. marriage and divorce.
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Wed 05/02/07
paper - also, what do you think about it .. apply to life
cite some primary text -- used in the class.
work with another text.
due monday by 6pm.
chapter 9 - rita the clutter counselor.
rids people of all their clutter.
people hire rita because there are some things that are hard for us to let go of.
sometimes people feel guity getting rid of things .. i can do that because i don'' have attachments.
getting rid of things .. symbol for bedloe family .. but also for ian.
metaphor for the clutter in ian's life - re: brother's death.
clutter of our past.
sometimes the clutter can get in the way of freedom and growth.
in some ways, ian has changed, but from another angle, he's been dragging this past along with him for so long. augusttine: "like i'm dragging this clanking chain"
how do we deal with memories .. esp. difficult memories?
countries also struggle with this
memories can haunt us .. not always a question of trying to erase these memories -- we can't .. so , not so much an optin of forgetting, but how to remember so our life can go on .. go forward
if memories are troublesome, we have to be able to remember in a way that is not dismembering (: to tear appart) ..
and memories can do that .. ian has to learn to remember in a way that's not dismembering.
has to be able to recollect his past -- bring it back together , make it whole .. remember in a way that's true but allows for wholeness.
ian has to
(1) see or interpret his life differently -- when he's 44, he's still dragging this around from the time he was 17 .. that even is just one page in the story of his life .. but since then, ian has written further chapters to his life --
to judge his life honestly, he's gotta see the whole story -- he's not the person he was that night when he was 17 .. he's changed.
so he has to be able to see himself as more than a single mistake.
he can regret that night but its not the defining moment of his life.
cant do that alone -- needs friends ... friends teach us, help us .. show us how to remember.
one of the greatest acts of friendship is helping people deal with painful memories so that they can move forward.
so when it comes to dealing with memories, sometimes we need outside help -- ians outside help is going to come from rita.
at the same time, peopole instead of helping us can consign us to the past .. they will not allow us to be anything moe than the things we regret -- our mistakes ..
so sometimes people hinder us when it comes to moving forward becuase they keep reminding us of where we fell short.
part of justice is not to hold a persons past against them. .. not to erase it .. but a read sign of grace is not to hold somebody's past against them ..
in order to do that, we have to be able to re-envision the person .. ian has to be able to re--evivison himself .. friends can help him re-evision himself.
but part of what we owe people in justice is the willingess to do this.
prodigal son.
.. we don't see what happens the next day --
.. older brother is a key cahracter because the only way for the pridgal son to really begin a new life is if the older brother can see him differently -- not hold his past against him.
can we re-enivison people who have done us wrong?
prodigal son doesn't have to ern forgivelness, its a grace -- the prodigal son also hhs to accept it -- if he had stayed among the pigs .. then his life would have ended there.
page 302. .. the pride of the virtuous man.
emmett .. no alcohol rule -- could have chosen so fallow it .. but he takes the aalcohol with this guy.
the wife was a member of the church of the 2nd chance ..
50th anniversary bottle of wine.
accepting the wine .. the more faithful act ..
example of jesus .. one of the things that get him in trouble .. he demonstrates an amazing freedom in regart to the law .
hightest law: .. love of neighbor
in this scene, emmett is called to love the neighbor of the husband. the neighbor -- whoever is right before us.
love of neighbor -- who is the neighbor now .. what does love require of me now?
you can have all these other rules .. and they're good as far as they go but they never go far enough .. love of neighbor is the highest law.
danger of virtues is that you can take your own self too seriously. if i start to think what really matters is my character, that can lead to pride .. so concerned about their own moral goodness that they lose sight of ..
"what does the good require?
... to care so much about the law -- legalism -- can make us very rigid very inflexible .. in order to do what the law requires, we have to be adaptable ..
living a good life is not paint by numbers -- a person can paint by numbers without being an artist -- doing the good is a kind of artistry .. a skilled artist does not have to htink twice -- has a sense of what is astehtically pleasing -- same thing is true with the moral life .. kind of artistry to create a vbeautiful good.
situation where the safe thing to do is follow the law, but not always the right thing to do . . gray areas.. a lot of times, the good is found in the gray areas.
following the law can be a safe path .. it can get us out of thinking things through -- also one of the dangers of churches -- to become so legalistic that they never bend.
salus animarum -- the good of souls -- looking beyound the rule , law and to be able to see for this person here and now right before me what's reaaly good for them .. what's best for them .. what would be a grace for them. what would reaaly care for their soul, spirit in a way that allows them to experience grace.
epikeia - "sweet reasonableness" .. instead of being rigid and unyielding .. what allows me to do the good here what allows me to really help this person.
page 305. "sometimes i have this insomnia . . "
(1) forgiveness is ultimately a letting go, handing over .. surrender
(2) if ian thinks that he first has to change his life and then be forgiven .. forgiveness actually happens first -- he can only change his life when he's been firgiven.
a changed life is a consequence of forgiveness.
its because his father can forgive him that his life is changed -- in prodigal son story.
chapter 10 . ian is 44.
lucy is still on his mind. all these years later. she's the mystery person in his life .
322 - lucy keeps coming back to him.
"he was noticing this to gain some distance"
page 337 - he and rita have a son -- and ian thinks of lucy
"he was halfway down the stairs when he felt a kind of echo effect"
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Thu 05/03/07
saint maybe
annulments
saint maybe
last chapter, ian still thinking about lucy
people change each others life all the time
where do you stoop answering "who changed your life"
who's changed whose life.
all kinds of people have shaped ian -- not just lucy .
.. the fundamental goodness of people -- there's no true bad person in the book -- no eveil people -- a book about the power of ordinary goodness -- how you can see goondess displayed in ordinary people
power of ordinary goodness. .. lucy -- don't make such a big deal about it.
saying -- goodness is not rare. -- really important moral and theological claim.
what holds the world together and gives it hope is the goodness of ordinary people
hopeful statement - the power of evil distroys things - the power of goodness to it make whole -- to hold things together -- what Finally keeps us together?
people part of a chain of goodness.
goodness shines trhough all the people -- not only shines through but its transformative.
goodness is transformative -- in a constructive way ; evil in a negative way
who has been part of that chain of goodness for us?
in this last chapter -- who's changed ians life -- but you can turn it around and say ian is not the only one who's changed -- ian himself has been an agent of change.
heart of palms dish that ian got - ian doesn't remember it but the kids do -- we can be agents of change and not realize it .
he doesn't remember it but the kids do and all these years later, the memooy is as fresh as if it had just happened yesterday.
intention & consequences -- consequences can take on a life of their own -- good acts have consequences that alos live on --
the consequences of the good acts of the hearts of palms night lives on in the children .. goodness doesn't die, but it lives on in them.
the power of oridinary goodness -- significant --
related to the title saint maybe ..
sometimes we think of saints tthat are so far out of our reach that we can't imitate them -- not so!
ian as an apprentice to mr b. - metaphor for the christian life
ian makes joshua a cradle -- he could not have done that as an apprentice.
.. no longer an apprentice .. he has master a craft - of the christian life
ian doesn't see this, but everybody else does
at the end of the book , he's no longer an apprentice, he's mastered a craft .
anne tyler
legacy of goodness is hard to point to
catholic position on marriage and divorce.
.. under certain conditions, a marriage is indesoluable -- you can't end it; break it apart
that is only true under three conditions
1) has to be a marriage between two baptized christians.
2) has to be consent - and has to be done before whitnesses. .. the priest and the deacon doesn't marry, he whitnesses
3) marriage is consummated - there's sex.
exception clauses..
some of the gospels say "no divorce"
but the exception clause has the greek word porneia .. adultry
there isn't divorce in the catholic church .. so talks about annulments.
divorce rate is the same among catholics
church wants to respect and protect marriage.
that's good -- we live in a culture that's pretty casual about divorce, etc ... so the catholic church wants to hold up marriage.
a lot of people say annulments -- simply divorce catholic style.
annulment
1) no marriage (sacremental) ever really existed.
.. there's something about the marriage that was lacking ..
not a decision that the couple itself makes.
normally, the external forum makes it .. so if a couple divorces and want to seek an annulment -- they submit an annulment to what's called the marriage tribunal.
extremely lengthy questionare -- very detailed and personal .. painful ... others say it was helpful but for a lot of people, it was a difficult process.
another thing -- even though its easier to get an annulment now -- theres still no garrentee -- and a lot of it depends on the diocese.
B) traditionally, there was a second path -- the internal forum .. person's dicision of conscience.
a pastoral practice -- a person in good consience said that I belive i can enter a 2nd marriage -- that I never really had a marraage --
under JPII - he essentially many times came oout and said " if there really is a case for an annulment , then it will be granted -- otherwise, you really don't deserve it --
so he didn't take away the internal forum , but people he felt were abusing it .. so this certainly downplays it ..
three grounds for an annulment.
1) defective consent.
annulment means that from the very beginning, you really didn't have a marriage ..
three grounds for defective consent -- taking of vows.
A) the couple really did not understand what the promise of marriage involved. .. they didn't really understand what they were saying yes to.
if you think of consent as making a life long promise .. that's saying they really had no idea of this -- .. one response to that is .. who really does .
.. the "they weren't ready for this" idea
B) coersion, pressure .. was a person feeling ppessured from families -- was the promise really free? .
can come from fear, a sense of insecurity "if it don't marry now, am i ever going to get married.
C) conditional concent .. this happens a lot . yeah i'll get married .. but i'll always leave the door open -- if that's part of your thinking from the very beginning, then you're not fully consenting.
2) 2nd grounds for an annulment ..
lack of psychological and emotional maturity.
saying that this person or the couple is not ready to enter into a life of marriage.
from a catholic perspective, a marriage is seen as an "intimate partnership of life and love"
.. whole sharing of life.an example of someone who is not ready ..
lack of trust .. lying -- if someone is lying to you and you marry them, they aren't going to stop.
. pregancy involved
before you get married , you ought to have some idea of what a good relationship demands.
.. you gotta be able to grow and change.
do they understand what a good relationship is .. have they ever known one.
are they read or really capable of genuine intimacy?
3) radical incapacity to sustain the obligations of marriage.
.. something basic . are you willing to be present to one another .
was there something there from the very beginning that was such an impediment that this really wasn't a marriage.
if an annulment can accurately describe certain relationships, it works
but the problem is that its the only solution to divorce.
in many cases an annulment seems to be true to the facts..
on the other hand, there's a lot of marriages where the marriage seems to be real, but at some point it dies.
and in those instances -- that can happen because of all kinds of ways
infidelity -- not just sexual -- all kinds of ways to be unfaithful . sexual infidelity can be theemost extreme but not most common .. refusal to grow / allow the other person to grow.
there are cases where the marriage seemed to be real --
the catholic church says the only thing that can end a marriage is death ..
but are there other forms of death besides physical? .
in these cases, its a qeustion of honesty - there was a real marriage here, but for a variety of reasons, that's no longer the case.
today, he annulment system works very well when it describes the facts . otherwise .....
if a catholic gets rremarried without an annulment because it says that that first marriage was still real.
the penalty for a catholic who got remarried w/o an annulment used to be excommunication ...
but if the first marriage still exists .. if there's sex in the next one, you're committing adultry
but if the first marriage is clearly over, the common advice of the curch is to remain in the 2nd marriage. but it doesn't recognize it.
B) also encourages the couple to go to church .. to be active in the local parish and faith community ... but they can't receive communion.
so the only way you can go to communion is if you end the 2nd marriage or you
D) remain in the marriage but live a brother and sister. .. married but you're not supposed to have sex with each other
three arguements behind this position --> flawed
A) cant go to communion because you're in a state of serious sin -- in a way, who's to say -- in almost any other case, the church is very careful about making those judgements of who's in a serious sin because .. that's a subjective condition.
is it always true that a person in a second marriage is committing adultry -- f the first marriage was clearly over and it was good .. is the 2nd marriage really adultry.
B) "in a state of imperfect unity with christ
.. because of this sin, they're not in a state of perfect unity with christ -- but WHO IS?
.. we go to communion out of need
... instead of approaching the sacrement in terms of who deserves it, its better to say that the eucharist is about grace.
so you could encourage a couple to go to communion out of that need for grace.
3) scandal. if catholics see devorce people going to communion, this would case confusion, scandal .. people whould think that hhe church is going easy on divorce.
.. but you can be equally be scandalized by a church that says a good couple should go to church but not to comunion.
if you look at marriage in an existential sense -- "look, it no longer exists" -- what's going on with indesolubility -- more a kind of metaphysical, ontological sense .. in other words, in the metaphysical sense, the church talks about the bond of marriage.
saying that if a catholic couple goes through all the motions, only death can destroy thht bond.
defender of the bond. - in an annulment .. someone says there's a marriage here.