2018

Monday, December 31, 2018

Rose is a writer and not just for work. She writes about her experiences and emotions and has a fictional piece being published this spring. I really like this about her. This is a portion of a piece she just posted at It Means Rose of the World by Rosamund Lannin. It seems like a fitting way to say goodbye to 2018.

My husband was born on 7/7 and I was born on 9/9. Sometimes I try to convince Sean this is really cute, and he always just stares and says, "No." Just before Thanksgiving his dad, Mike, came down to visit, and we stepped inside Bloomingdale's to check out one of the prettiest bathrooms in Chicago. Satisfied by the stained glass windows and deco tile, we began our slow journey out, stopping to touch crystal menorahs and mugs featuring astrological signs. I grabbed one bearing Sean's sign without thinking and held it up, and Mike responded with a half-horrified laugh. I quickly put it down. Yes. Right. Fuck. I wanted to walk into the sea of S'wells. Instead we went to Grand Lux Cafe, where I dove for the bread basket and tried not to think about fate or divination or the movement of celestial objects because fuck the things you can't control.

In early October, Sean was diagnosed with salivary gland cancer. There was a lump in his neck, which upon removal was found to to be malignant. The cancer didn't spread, but it was close to his healthy tissues. He is currently completing a course of radiation treatment at the Chicago Proton Center. He will probably be okay.

Is it okay that I am a tiny bit jealous that Rose mentions Michael in her writing and not me? That deep down I think she likes him more? And that what she describes as his half horrified laugh, was actually a snort. The answer to these questions will have to wait until 2019... Happy New Year!

Saturday, December 29, 2018

I have been trying not to dwell on my aches and pains but I have a blood blister in the middle of my left palm that made my workout at 24 Hour Fitness this morning a bit uncomfortable. Cause is unknown. I ended up wrapping my hand in a towel so the pressure of the weights wasn't directly on the blister. In other health news, my bursa finally completely went away and I suspect in time so will this blood blister.

Yesterday we had quite a bit of rain and there was a flash flood alert. These rain events understandably make Michael and I a little nervous but by late afternoon it started to clear up and all is well at the Dove homestead. Today, Michael has been working in the yard all day trimming trees and cutting up brush. The sheer volume of yard debris makes me wish it was permissible to have a bonfire, fire marshal be damned. Michael has been bagging what he can for January's bulk pick-up - our fingers are crossed that the city will pick it up.

Our thoughts are with Sean today as he concludes his fourth week of radiation. Three to go. I no longer believe in karma. Or kismet. Or God for that matter... Sean interrupted - 19 down, 14 to go

Friday, December 28, 2018

Yesterday both Michael and I independently looked at how clear the skies were over the Ko'olau Mountains in the back of Niu Valley and had the same thought - what a great day to go to Waimanalo Bay. So we did and it was a spectacular beach day. No wind, clear skies, and beautiful views in all directions... I am not sure yet what if anything is on today's agenda. Sean interrupted - 18 down, 15 to go

Thursday, December 27, 2018

I called Sean yesterday to ask how he is doing. His throat is sore making swallowing painful and he said that his face and neck are red from the treatments. He is matter of fact about it and doesn't complain. I like that about him but hope that he isn't internalizing his feelings to an eventual breaking point. Something I sometimes do. His stoicism, however, is admirable given all that he has endured these past few months. When I mentioned he was nearly at the halfway point, he did admit that it felt like the proton treatments had been going on forever. I have to agree as I was in Chicago four weeks ago for his first week of treatment and it seems like that was eons ago. I love my kid. Sean interrupted - 17 down, 16 to go

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

It took me less than ten minutes today to take down the Christmas decorations I put up. I'm not sure what if anything this says about the efforts I made to decorate this year. It could just be that I am very efficient. This is, however, the first Christmas that Michael and I didn't really celebrate per se. I sent out cards and exchanged gifts with a few family members but Michael and I decided not to exchange gifts and we attended no family gatherings. I believe unless we have guests at Christmas, this is our future going forward. And I suppose in some ways it affirms for me that Christmas is about family and not much else.

Sean is nearly halfway through his proton beam treatments. I follow both him and Rose on social media and find myself looking for cues on how he doing physically and how they are both doing emotionally. I look forward to when this episode in Sean's life is in the past. Sean interrupted - 16 down, 17 to go

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Michael and I watched Crazy Rich Asians last night and really enjoyed the movie. As an aside, we have jokingly been calling the two sisters that are building the mansion across the street crazy rich asians and I am hoping I am not being offensive as I suspect that are probably nice ladies. And they just happen to be asian and crazy rich.

Before I went to bed last night I checked the mailbox and there were Christmas cards from both Sean & Rose and Butch & April. I found myself feeling a little melancholy after reading them. But when I woke up this morning it was pretty much business as usual. I went on my early morning walk and midmorning Michael and I headed to the beach for a few hours. The beach, by the way, was very busy - lots of local families and visitors enjoying themselves.

I am hoping everyone has had a wonderful Christmas today...

Monday, December 24, 2018

Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the couch is so delightful. And since this weather is bound to remain, Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain... Merry Christmas Eve! (and by the way, it stopped raining)

Sunday, December 23, 2018

I think one of my secret powers is making beef tomato. Just saying...

Saturday, December 22, 2018

I slept on the love seat in my lady den last night because someone (whose name I won't mention) was blissfully snoring. The love seat is the perfect size for someone four feet tall - not so great for a five footer like me. I woke up with sore joints from sleeping in a contorted position and really had to psych myself into going to 24 Hour Fitness this morning. Kinks have been worked out so all is good.

I decided to do some baking today and made a batch of Russian Tea cookies and two loaves of banana bread. I also decided to juice a bag of limes a neighbor gave me. I am not sure yet what to do with the juice. Just call me domestic... By the way my choice of baking entertainment was a Sherlock marathon running on BBC.

Meanwhile Michael has been outside for hours trimming even more trees and bushes. He's working on the lawn right now. He's determined to not let the yard win.

Friday, December 21, 2018

I spoke to Butch this morning. Joe is visiting - he apparently had a lunch meeting with his boss today in Ann Arbor. Butch also revealed that Joe is returning to Rwanda in January. I must say Joe leads an interesting life. He could be the most interesting man in the world... Sean interrupted - 15 down, 18 to go

Thursday, December 20, 2018

Michael's epic battle with yard clean-up continues and currently the yard is winning. I tried to lend him a hand this morning and didn't make much of a dent. Michael and I also spent a few hours at the beach today. It's amazing how few people were at Queen's. I expect next week will be a different story with Christmas break starting for many tomorrow. Sean interrupted - 14 down, 19 to go

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Rainy blustery day. Watching The Clinton Affair and feeling sorry for Monica Lewinsky. Sean interrupted - 13 down, 20 to go

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Michael and I received a Sean update today from Rose - The radiation is going fine, he’s starting to experience symptoms like mouth sores, sore throat, and dry mouth. We’re doing everything they suggested: salt gargle, mouthwash, drink tons of water, eat soft and moist foods. Expected, yes, but easy to hear, not so much. Especially when it's your child (yeah, yeah, I know he's 39). And I know it's going to get progressively worse as the days and weeks of radiation continue. I can only echo what so many of his friends have been telling him, you got this Sean... Sean interrupted - 12 down, 21 to go

Monday, December 17, 2018 Happy Birthday Kathy!!

I've been home a week and feel like I am past some of the inertia I was experiencing when I first got back. I'm back to my normal routine and house chores. I'd like to help Michael with yard clean-up as well but he's so intense it's hard to be out there at the same time as him. Sorry, Michael...

I went to a gynecologist this morning - the first time in many years because my family doctor in Michigan always took care of checking me out "down there." What a different experience from my last very rushed doctor's appointment with my primary care physician. My new GYN is an older physician that is past trying to prove something. It's making me think that maybe I need to find an older doctor to be my PCP.

Usually this time of year I am rushing around trying to finish last minute Christmas related tasks. It's actually freaking me out a little that Michael and I are taking a hiatus of sorts from Christmas this year. It's hard to let go but I understand that sometimes change is a good thing. Sean interrupted - 11 down, 22 to go

Friday, December 14, 2018

Sean just finished his second week of radiation, five more weeks to go. I think about him every single day. Sean interrupted - 10 down, 23 to go

Thursday, December 13, 2018

Michael and I shopped at Costco today. Michael splurged on a bottle of Suntory Toki Whiskey. Who can forget Bill Murray's classic line in Lost in Translation - "For relaxing times, make it Suntory."

I am working on my 2018 annual photo book and am hoping that Shutterfly doesn't let me down. Once I got past the initial learning curve, it's pretty simple to use. I just don't know what the final product is going to look like. Sean interrupted - 9 down, 24 to go

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Beautiful day for the beach.The water at Queen's was so calm and clear that several fish were visible including striped convict tangs, yellow butterfly fish, and lots of big ula (hoping I've identified the fish correctly). Thinking back to my recent short stint in the mainland flyover zone (aka the frigid midwest), I almost feel a little guilty enjoying blue skies and the feel of the warm sun on my face. Sorry midwesterners, wishing I could share the warmth. Sean interrupted - 8 down, 25 to go

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Michael and I grocery shopped today at Target and apparently we missed out on one heck of a sale because a lot of shelves of sale items were empty. It reminded me a little of the store shelves during our last hurricane season.

I went to 24 Hour Fitness this morning after a three week hiatus and discovered I forgot to put on my Apple watch. So no tracking or credit for my workout <sad face, sad face>. I find it a bit humorous how much I try to close the "rings" on my watch daily so missing out on nearly two hours of activity at the gym this morning actually bummed me out a little. Kind of stupid, especially in the scheme of things... Sean interrupted - 7 down, 26 to go

Monday, December 10, 2018

Despite some wind and rain, Michael and I spent a few hours at Queen's Beach today. The sun felt nice and it's good to be wearing a tank top, shorts, and slippers again.

I am dealing with post trip stuff today. I finished unpacking and did my travel laundry this morning. Next on the agenda is catching up on mail, bills, and other paperwork that accumulated in my absence. Fortunately this is an activity that can be done while watching TV.

What's going on with Sean has made me want to simplify Christmas as much as possible this year. I haven't given Christmas decorations much thought yet and need to figure out just how much I want to do. I've decided to skip mailing "care" packages of local products this season. I've already mailed out Christmas cards but did not bother with an annual Christmas catchup letter. (The thought of writing about the joy I felt at Sean and Rose's wedding followed by news of Joann's death and Sean's cancer diagnosis depresses me.) Michael and I simply gifted Sean and Rose money. I abandoned making bracelets for my sisters and nieces after having doubts about whether or not it was something they would even wear. And I need to talk to Michael to see if he is interested in exchanging gifts this year. We seem to be at a point in our lives that if we truly want something, we buy it ourselves. And quite honestly, I am not feeling creative... Sean interrupted - 6 down, 27 to go

Sunday, December 9, 2018

I returned to Honolulu today and it is good to be back home. Even though I was gone less than three weeks there is a little bit of awkwardness with both Michael and Kali as they adjust to my re-emergence in the house and their lives. It was a good trip away and I am happy for the time I got to spend with siblings in southeast Michigan and Sean and Rose in Chicago.

I sat by a Make A Wish young man on my flight from Seattle to Honolulu. He was with his brother and parents. After seeing Sean deal with multiple tests and doctor's appointments, surgery, and now proton bean treatments - it was a sobering reminder that many young people get life threatening medical conditions. No age group is immune from the effects of cancer.

On my last day in Chicago, Sean, Rose, and I went to the Museum of Contemporary Art and the Apple Store in downtown Chicago. A fitting conclusion to my time away from Hawaii. Did I already say it's good to be home?

Friday, December 7, 2018

I'm on my last few days in Chicago. I return to Honolulu on Sunday. My time in Chicago has been bittersweet - it's been good seeing Sean and Rose but I wish it had been under better circumstances. But I'm glad that I was able to accompany Sean on his first week of appointments at the Chicago Proton Center. It's reassuring to me to see him getting the treatment he needs to assure no cancer cells remain. That said, I miss Michael and look forward to being warm again so it is good to be returning home soon.

I am not sure what's on the agenda these last few days. Sean and Rose may be going to a friend's house warming tonight or possibly a movie with friends. If the invitation is extended to me I am thinking I may decline. Sean interrupted - 5 down, 28 to go

Thursday, December 6, 2018

Another day, another proton beam treatment. Dare I say it's starting to feel a little routine? The sun is actually shining today and there are patches of blue sky. I found myself enjoying the sun's warmth in the car on the commute to the Proton Center. Sean had a short conference with the doctor at the Center yesterday and they added gabapentin to his ever increasing drug regimen. This one works in the brain to relieve neuropathic pain related to radiation-induced mucositis. From what I understand he has to be weaned off this drug when his treatments end.

I am making crockpot stew for tonight's dinner and hoping it turns out well. It's not my usual recipe so fingers crossed. Sean interrupted - 4 down, 29 to go

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Sean and I went to the Chicago Proton Center today without Rose so I had an opportunity to talk/listen to him in the car. We didn't talk about anything deep and no life mysteries were revealed. But I did find out that Sean loves to drive which somehow makes me feel better about his daily commute to the Proton Center. Also he pretends a little like he's driving to a job (one in which he pays, not gets paid). So in some strange way, I felt reassured when all along I thought it was me that was supposed to be reassuring Sean. Life works in strange ways.

I did not get a walk in today and am feeling antsy. I just couldn't psych myself into bundling up and walking out into the big chill feels like 20 degrees temps. I am a sloth looking for a warm spot on the couch as I binge watch A Million Little Things.

Tonight we are going to Hofbrau Munchen, a German restaurant, with a few of Sean and Rose's friends. Red cabbage, sauerbraten, and spatzle here I come. Sean interrupted - 3 down, 30 to go

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

In this deja vu land of grays and browns, I have not seen blue skies in days. The cold seems endless. And winter hasn’t even officially began. A confirmation that living in this part of the country again is not an option I’d like to consider. All that brings me here on this deep and dark December day is family. And I think about Sean driving the long road we are currently on for the next six weeks, crawling along in a maze of cars and concrete and I shudder. There’s a bleakness to it that could easily overtake your soul. And then I look at Sean and Rose and their love shines like a beacon of light in this field of grey and I believe It’s all going to be alright. Life continues. And maybe, just maybe it’s a pastel grey kind of day.

When we arrived at the Chicago Proton Center today, I noticed a big glass vase full of wooden chips on which there were combinations of names and/or patient numbers - some with messages. One read “thanks for the years of life.” Brought tears to my eyes... Sean interrupted - 2 down, 31 to go

Monday, December 3, 2018

Today was difficult. Sean started proton therapy and for me his cancer ordeal became very real. The commute to the Chicago Proton Center was an hour each way - treatment time was about 30 minutes. Sean said that the procedure was uncomfortable but not painful and the discomfort was mostly from the mouth guard and the back of his neck from holding the positioning for the instrument. I am sure he would love to fast forward six weeks.

I accept that I may not get much walking in this week because I'd like to accompany Sean to the Proton Center. Both Sean and Rose returned to work after treatment so my only activity today was walking back to their home from Four Star Studios. Admittedly I could have walked further but I am lazy and Sean's couch was calling to me. Sean interrupted - 1 down, 32 to go

Sunday, December 2, 2018

Today Sean, Rose, and I went to the Renegade Craft Fair. It was in the Bridgeport Art Center - a really awesome space that hosts artist studios, gallery space, raw industrial work space, and special events. It used to be a warehouse and has high ceilings, wood floors, etc. - the kind of space you fantasize about living in. There were two large event rooms used for the craft fair and both were packed with exhibitors and people browsing. Lots of jewelry, ceramics, clothing, fancy salts, candles, etc. I bought a ceramic ikebana vase - kind of pricey but I liked the design. Afterwards, we headed to Aloha Eats for a late lunch and lucked out as Ivan was at the front counter so I got to say hello. There's nothing like going all the way to Chicago for a plate lunch fix.

Sean's first treatment is tomorrow and understandably he's anxious. He mentioned he'd taken some of his anxiety meds and seems pretty subdued right now. My heart goes out to him and Rose. I must admit feeling a bit anxious myself. Sigh...

Saturday, December 1, 2018

I'm experiencing that guilt and awkwardness you feel when you are staying at someone's house and don't want to "be any trouble." Being a guest is a tough balancing act. Rainy lazy day today. Activities so far include watching old movies, a trip to the post office, and buying sidewalk salt and window washing fluid at Target. Tonight we are meeting the Chi Cookbook Club (the group Sean and Rose do monthly dinners with) at HaiSous, a Vietnamese restaurant in Pilsen, which is a community in south Chicago. Dinner is rather late - they are meeting at 8pm. Not really an optimal time for me as I normally eat at a much earlier time. But when in Rome...

I mailed Christmas cards today so am feeling a bit smug about my efficiency. I had originally planned to make beaded bracelets as Christmas gifts for the ladies in my life but I am having my usual self doubts about whether or not anyone would even wear my creations. I'd like to think that one day I'll get over my sense that I am just a hack but it's hard to overcome a lifetime of feeling this way.

Friday, November 30, 2018

Temps are on the rise. It's 39 degrees. I actually unbuttoned the top few buttons of my coat on today's walk. Stops today included Target for Christmas stickers, the post office for stamps, and Trader Joe's for fresh corn (Rose's request). By the way I really miss my Chicago walking buddy (Michael).

Last night Sean, Rose, and I went to Mariano's for groceries. Rose drove - she recently learned how to drive a manual and wanted to practice. My heart went out to her - she did fine but her stress was evident. It reminded me of me in my early days of driving a manual. And as I recall Sean had a few awkward moments during learning as well. It's too bad we aren't able to laugh at ourselves in the moment. Our foibles only seem to be humorous with the passage of time. After shopping, we had dinner at Meatheads. Nothing like a big double patty burger and fries when you are trying to be prudent about overeating.

Thursday, November 29, 2018

The temps hit 32 degrees today which almost felt balmy after the much chillier temps since my arrival last week. I walked to the WMS Boathouse today and took a few photos of the snowy trees and river. I found myself listening to the sounds around me as I walked. Footsteps crunching on icy sidewalks, train whistles in the distance, and the sound of my hat brushing against the inside of the hood on my coat. Much different from the sounds on my walks in Niu Valley.

I think I may head north if I walk tomorrow given I headed east/south on Wednesday and west/south today. I'm a little concerned about icy sidewalks as Chicago's expecting freezing rain overnight. Temps are supposed to hit the mid 40's this weekend but unfortunately the forecast also includes wind and thunderstorms. I much prefer the "boring" weather in Honolulu.

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Busy, busy, busy... Last night Sean, Rose, and I went to a pizza restaurant in Logan's Square called Reno. Tonight we went to the Gallery Caberet in Chicago's Bucktown area for Miss Spoken (lady live lit). This is the third show I've been to over the past few years while visiting Sean and Rose. I enjoy listening to the reader's life stories about family, work, etc. It makes me wish I was brave enough to participate but I am not aware of anything similar in Honolulu.

I braved the 26 degree weather today to get a 2.81 mile walk in. If not for the icy sidewalks, it would have been fine. I was certainly warm enough all bundled up in my overly large puffy coat, jeans, pullover, and hoodie. With all the food I have been eating lately, I'll take whatever exercise I can get. I plan to bundle up again tomorrow and walk while Sean and Rose are at work. Fortunately, Butch still has my old exercise bike in his basement and some weights so I was able to get in an hour ride and some strength training most mornings when I was in Michigan last week.

Sean is supposed to start radiation on Monday, 12/03. The proton beam treatment facility hasn't contacted him yet about the time. He's hoping it's not in the evening because the location is at least an hour away and even more when the traffic is heavy. I worry about him being out on the road in icy conditions in December /January. Sigh...

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

I arrived in Chicago this morning. Butch kindly drove me so I could experience the I94 drive across the state experience one more time. We left Ypsilanti at 4:30am and arrived in Chicago at about 9:15am. It continues to be snowy and cold and there were some slick spots on the highway on the west side of Michigan. We even stopped at the McDonalds in Coloma - it was just like old times.

I am hanging out with Sean waiting for Rose to come home from work. He had an earlier doctor's appointment in Wicker Park. I tagged along and braved the cold to do a little window shopping while he was at his appointment. I definitely need to invest in a hat as it looks like this frigid weather is going to continue.

Yesterday, Butch and I drove to the airport to meet up with Joe. He was on his way back from Myanmar and had a long layover between flights at DTW. We picked him up and had breakfast at Bombers in Ypsilanti. It was really nice seeing him even if it was just for a few hours. Unfortunately, he sent a message this morning to advise Butch and me that he woke up with a fever and wasn't feeling well. With all the people I have been in contact with this past week that have respiratory and other illnesses, I am keeping my fingers crossed that I am not next.

Lastly, I've said this before but I feel fortunate to have really nice siblings. It was good seeing them while I was in Michigan last week. And I can't thank Butch and April enough for their hospitality and willingness to drive me around to see family, shop, etc.

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Today Butch and I went into downtown Ann Arbor so I could indulge in a few nostalgic moments visiting stores I used to frequent. There was a festive Christmassy atmosphere in the Main street area. Lots of Christmas lights and many store/restaurant windows were painted with holiday scenes. I enjoyed my walk through town and of course ate the equivalent of a meal in samples at the Cherry Republic. Spiced nuts, chocolate covered cherries, crackers with cherry jam - don't mind if I do...

Yesterday morning, Butch, April, and I went to the Northside for breakfast. Jim was not in yet and Andy was off but I did get a chance to talk to Dave Ruby for a few minutes. I also got a warm welcome from a couple of waitstaff members that recognized me - the first words out of their mouths were "where's Mike?". Following breakfast, we ended up taking Celina to Urgent Care for a respiratory issue and also rib pain from coughing. I felt rather sorry for her as she's been trying to work and was feeling pretty worn down. She is off today so hopefully having a few days to rest helps.

And Butch just advised me that Chicago is under a blizzard warning tonight. Nothing like a good blizzard in the midwest...

Saturday, November 24, 2018

Butch, April and I ended up going to Casey's last night for dinner instead of tackling the refrigerator full of leftovers in their kitchen. I am disappointed to report that while Casey's is pretty much the same atmosphere, food, and drink wise, I recognized no one. According to our wait person, both Booper and Susanne still work there but were off with family because of the Thanksgiving holiday. Unfortunately, however, John was "let go" a few weeks ago. The wait person confided that he had been having some health issues. It saddened me to hear this as Michael and I really liked John. And yes, I drank a huge long island so bite me...

I think we are headed to the Northside Grill this morning. I am afraid to step on the scale.

Friday, November 23, 2018

Butch, Tricia, Donna, and I visited dad's grave at the Great Lakes National Cemetery in Holly, MI today. There is a sense of order and military precision in how all the gravestones line up that I appreciate. The conversation quickly turned into relating memories about dad - our love for him was not in question but also not in question was how difficult he could be. Following our visit to his gravesite, we ate lunch at a coney island called Mike's in Holly. I ordered a corned beef and swiss on rye that was described as having a half pound of corned beef in it. It was really good but half a sandwich later, I called it quits. With the piece of cherry pie Tricia gave me and the remaining sandwich half, I am good for dinner.

Last night's Thanksgiving dinner was really nice. I met both Celina's and Elizabeth's boyfriends - Michael and Dylan, respectively. Donna and Aimee also attended. And Tricia and Larry dropped by after dinner with pies for dessert. Good company and lots of delicious food. The evening also included some phone time with both Michael and Sean. Who could ask for anything more?

Thursday, November 22, 2018

I left Honolulu late Monday night and after a couple of long flights arrived in frigidly cold Michigan Tuesday afternoon. Butch, April, and I shopped yesterday morning. Our first stop was Kohls (really miss not having one in Hawaii) and then Dick's (bought a pair of Merrill shoes). Then we stopped off at Starbuck's to say hello to Celina, who was looking really cute in her green apron and headset. From there, we went to Meijer's to get groceries for today's Thanksgiving dinner.

Last night, we headed to Tricia's condo in Brighton for what she advertised as pizza, beer, and pie baking and a nice time was had by all. I really enjoyed seeing both Jerry's and Donna's families. And it was nice talking to Tricia. She is going through some interesting medical issues (but I guess that's true of many of us). Also, I finally know Larry's last name (Antieau) - another Pedit mystery solved.

While I am wishing everyone has a nice Thanksgiving day, I can't help but think of Michael alone today piecing together his meal for one. It makes me sad that he is not with family today eating a very traditional Thanksgiving meal. Loving and missing my guy... Happy Thanksgiving...

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Last night I went to Kalani's 50th high school reunion. I knew in advance that a few people that I've been in contact with over the years would be there and it was nice seeing them and a few others who remembered me. But the reality is that most of the attendees were not students I interacted with my one year at Kalani. I believe that as we meander through life we tend to gravitate toward people who have something in common with us. At Kalani, I bonded mostly with members of the track team, National Honor Society "smarties," and other people who like me were from the mainland and were just trying to fit into an environment that was somewhat alien to us. It made me think, however, how much more meaningful a Fort Ruger military brat reunion might be. Or would it We were a group of kids of all ages that lived in close proximity together for a few years and spent a lot of hours in each other's company at the base's youth center. I still remember the Jet girls taking me under their wing. This included skinny dipping at a Kahala beach shortly after I arrived (an initiation of sorts) and them loaning me clothes for the first few dates I went on. I will be forever grateful for the camaraderie I felt with my fellow "brats" when we lived at Fort Ruger.

I am finding myself feeling a bit subdued as I prepare to leave for Michigan tomorrow. I am really looking forward to spending time with family but at the same time I am struggling with my emotions over what is going on in Sean's life right now. Yes, he is an adult now with his own life but he is also my child. Someone I physically carried next to my heart for nine months and still carry in my heart 39 years later. It is hard to imagine what he is going through but in some capacity Michael and I feel it too. Don't cry, don't cry...

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

I ran errands today with Michael that included Target and Taco Bell. I am starting to think more about what to pack. I remind myself that they do have washing machines and stores on the mainland.

When I went to the dermatologist last week, she zapped a small spot on my chest. It formed a blister which burst and my chest is really itchy. I put some antibiotic ointment on it and I'm not sure if it's a help or hindrance to it healing. For the amount of unprotected sun exposure I get, I am relieved that she didn't find anything more.

It's nice to have Michael back. However, it feels a little bittersweet for me to be leaving next week. I am experiencing guilt to not only be leaving him to his own devices on Thanksgiving but also to be leaving him so I can see my Michigan family.

I am watching a TV program in which the main character has a cancerous tumor and he is talking about the pre-radiation prep he still needs to get done and it included dental stuff. Before Sean's diagnosis, I had no idea that dental work prior to radiation treatment is a thing.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Michael is home. I successfully drove to the airport to pick him up but have to admit I let him take over driving for the trip back to the house. We were treated to three rainbows on the drive home. A nice Hawaiian welcome home for Michael. Also, I mowed the lawn today in prep for his return. I didn't want him to think I am a slacker.

Saturday, November 10, 2018

We all end up stepping outside of our comfort zone as we go through life. I think of Rose's efforts to master driving a stick shift car so she can help Sean get to and from the Proton Therapy location when the time comes. Or stupid things like me driving to the airport tomorrow to pick up Michael at the same time 36,000 people are driving to a Bruno Mars concert. Whether it's applying for a job, asking a girl out, or telling someone bad news - we do it because it's part of moving forward and we hope for the best.

I am listening to the rain, which has been steady on and off for hours. The house has a cool damp feel. It's like you wish you could put everything in the dryer for a few minutes to get the moisture out. Maybe with a dryer sheet so it smells nice too.

Moving on, I found my lost elbow compression wrap at the fitness center this morning still draped on the handle of the stationery bike I used four days ago. Apparently the center's employees do not check the equipment for lost items. I recall seeing a phone someone had left charging at one of the outlets for more than two weeks before it was claimed (or stolen).

Which reminds me - an honest person found Michael's lost wallet. And in a city as big as Chicago, it turned out it was someone who knew Sean. He saw the last name Dove on Michael's ID, etc., did an Internet search, made the connection to Sean, and contacted him to let him know he'd found his Dad's wallet. Everything in the wallet was cancelled but it has to be a big relief for Michael to have it back. It's a little like being reconnected to an old friend...

Thursday, November 8, 2018

I had two medical appointments this morning. A surgery follow-up appointment and annual eye exam with my ophthalmologist and a skin check with a dermatologist. All is well and I had a positive experience at both locations, which was a welcome relief after last week's frustrating visit with my primary care doctor. I did get a good laugh, however, when the eye doctor's assistant told me I had Buddha ears. She was commenting on my long earlobes, which according to her in Chinese culture means I will have good health and a long life. The first thing I did when I got home, of course, was look in the mirror to see if my ears were looking particularly big today.

Tomorrow I am going to a trade expo with one of my neighbors. She is convinced I need to go to get jewelry making supplies. And she told me to bring lots of cash. I smiled. Busy, busy, busy...

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

I am at home today doing yard work and laundry. It's been interesting not having Michael here. On the plus side, I sleep more soundly and I rather like not having to worry about meal prep. But I do miss him and his presence in the house - especially evenings. I find the sound of him puttering around and doing his thing comforting. I spoke to him today and he is still feeling the loss of his wallet. But it sounds like he had a wonderful day today with Sean. They went to the Chicago Institute of Art and lunch (Sean's treat). I mailed him a charge card that he should get tomorrow so he will no longer be a deadbeat dad

I was amused this morning when I was walking with one of my neighbors and she mentioned that she forgot her iPhone and wasn't getting credited for her steps. Yesterday I had a similar experience at 24 Hour Fitness when I realized I had neglected to put my Apple Watch on. What? No credit for two hours of working out? What's a girl to do.

One of my old classmates from Kalani HS is in Hawaii to attend our 50th class reunion on the 17th. We met at Kahala Mall yesterday for a movie and lunch. The movie was about two siblings dealing with their mother's dementia. One scene in the movie made me think of mom. The mother in the movie drank holy water after a church service and it made me think of mom helping herself to some leftover salad on a bus cart on her way out of Olive Garden. By the way, I am not suggesting mom's behavior was dementia related. Anyway...

Monday, November 5, 2018

Michael lost his wallet today. Drivers license, charge/atm/medical cards, cash, etc. gone, lost somewhere in Chicago. I spent time this morning helping him cancel his charge cards. He says he feels like he's lost his identity. And there is something definitely creepy about somebody finding his wallet and having his personal info. I am hoping if the wallet is found it is by a decent person. Or even better, it turns up somewhere in Sean and Rose's home.

One good thing that has come out of Michael being in Chicago is that he and Sean have had an opportunity to talk to each other one on one. Sean mentioned to him that cancer is changing not only his life but also how he views himself - he is now a cancer survivor and going forward that means regular doctor visits to make certain that cancer has not returned. A sobering future. Michael also mentioned how much Sean has to do in advance to prepare for photon beam therapy (which will probably not begin until early December). One pre-treatment item that sounds especially onerous is that he has to have extensive dental work done including having all his existing fillings replaced. Shades of Marathon Man...

Friday, November 2, 2018

We received some good news today. The results of the PET scan Sean had yesterday showed that cancer had not developed in other areas of his body. Collective sigh of relief heard from Illinois to Hawaii... They are planning to treat his cancer with proton beam therapy instead of traditional radiation. Treatments will not start however until late November/early December, which is making me wish that I had delayed my visit and maybe spent Christmas in Chicago. Loving how we are always second guessing our decisions. Michael leaves for Chicago tonight and will be gone a week.

I hate to be a whiner but I had a frustrating experience at the doctor's office this morning. I was scheduled for a thirty minute appointment at 11am. The doctor was with another patient until 11:20am, came in and rushed me out there as quickly as she could. She admitted she didn't have time to go over everything and told me to schedule another appointment in February. I was stunned. One of the things I wanted to discuss was possibly going to PT for sciatica. Very disappointed in not only feeling like I got the short shrift but also that the doctor's curtness and dismissiveness left me feeling pretty insignificant.

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Both Michael and I have made reservations to go to Chicago to hopefully provide some support (and not added stress) to Sean and Rose. Michael arrives in Chicago on Saturday, 11/03 and will be there for a week. I arrive in Michigan on 11/20 to spend Thanksgiving with Butch and April and hopefully visit the rest of my family. From there, I'll go to Chicago, exact date to be determined. By then Sean should be at least a 2-3 weeks into his radiation treatments so I am hoping I can help out in some capacity. (Also hoping I can still drive a manual shift car.) I am also wishing the weather gods play nice as I no longer own any serious winter gear although I may have a few items I left at Butch's house four years ago.

I spoke to Bern today and much to my amusement he has been doing Halloween arts and crafts. He painted a small gourd a few days ago and was coloring pumpkins today. He told me he "mostly" stayed within the lines. It sounds like he will be there through November. I imagine it will be challenging for him once he returns to his apartment - by then there will probably be snow, icy steps, and darkness to contend with so getting out is going to be treacherous on crutches.

It seems like my siblings have been having more and more serious health issues these past few years. Donna has had a few years dealing with cancer and now I've heard Tricia may be suffering from brain atrophy - cause not yet known. She has had a few blackouts and other symptoms. Admittedly I haven't spoken to her directly and I believe she is still going through some testing so my information may not be correct. But I find family health news a sobering reminder that we need to live our lives as fully as we can and not put off doing things and going places. (Um, money permitting, of course...)

Friday, October 26, 2018

A portion of Rose's latest Facebook update on Sean's tumor: the tumor is a mucoepidermoid carcinoma (the most common type of salivary gland tumor, and not the worst kind), and that it's is T3 (stage 3), which is not ideal but does not change the overall prognosis or treatment. Basically, the plan is exactly the same as it was before: radiation. Next week we do a PET scan, and find out if the cancer has spread anywhere else.

I must admit having mixed feelings about Facebook being my source of information about Sean but it's certainly better than not hearing anything at all. Being a long distance parent is difficult when something like this happens.

Some additional information - Michael and I spoke to Sean this afternoon by phone and he was able to answer a lot of our questions. But even more, hearing how calm and pragmatic he is about his next few months was reassuring. I'm glad we were able to connect today.

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Every time Sean has a doctor's appointment, I feel like time stands still as I try to understand the additional snippets of information we receive about his tumor, cancer (there, I've said it), treatment options, his future... This morning I heard a message from Rose coming in on my phone at 4:20 am and I was wide awake, the long night of waiting for results of his appointment today finally over. But the information shared left me with more questions than answers. An hour later I was at 24 hour fitness and so lost in my thoughts, I was surprised to look at the bike monitor and see that I had ridden seven miles.

This is Rose's latest posting on Facebook: Although the lymph nodes and margins came up negative, the malignant tumor was very close to the rest of Sean's cells (less than 1mm away). The oncologist is recommending radiation to kill any cancer that could be remaining. We are setting up a radiation plan now, there's two weeks of tests before that starts: a PET scan to make sure the cancer has not migrated anywhere else, and a medical oncology appointment to discuss therapy options. We're also looking into proton beam therapy, per the oncologist's recommendation. The oncologist is optimistic about his prognosis.

She added in a text to Michael and I that they also want to do a panel of genetic testing - Sean is really, really young to have this kind of cancer. It’s really unusual.

I wish I could feel reassured - maybe in time that will happen but right now I feel like I was just sucker punched. Michael described feeling like all the air had been sucked from the room. And it's hard not to keep asking why even though I realize there is no why.

Saturday, October 20, 2018

It's funny how we just adapt to "things." My latest are my aging electronics. The sound on my laptop is distorted. My Kindle seizes up regularly and has to be restarted. And the home button on my iPad no longer works. And while I've toyed with the idea of replacing the Kindle and the iPad, it's unlikely I'll follow through because they still work, sort of...

Thursday, October 18, 2018

The latest update from Rose regarding Sean: Got the staples taken out. His lymph nodes and the margins around them were negative - no cancer in them. We still need to do a full body scan with an oncologist to see if there’s cancer anywhere else. At that point, we’ll know if he needs radiation and how much. Oncologist appointment is on Tuesday.

I just got some further clarification from Sean: From what I understand, the tumor was malignant. But the nodes and tissue around it that they also removed was cancer free. So it hadn’t spread to any of the surrounding areas. Tuesday I see the radiation doctor, from what I know they will do a full body scan just to make sure they don’t see anything else, and then figure out a plan from that, so that could mean no radiation, doing radiation if they find something, or maybe radiation just to make sure everything is dead.

I guess I am still waiting for the miracle to come but the news so far seems to be a reason for optimism. Big, big sigh...

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Waiting for the miracle to come. Let's sing another song, Leonard, this one's grown old.

Monday, October 15, 2018

Michael and I spoke to Sean today. His doctor removed the drainage tube this morning and the staples will be removed on Thursday. He should also be getting the pathology results around that time. He mentioned that if he ends up needing radiation, he'd prefer we visit then. Which I get as he has a lot going on right now not only health wise but also work wise. And personally, if he and Rose end up having to delay their honeymoon, I am selfishly hoping they may visit us at Christmas. But that said, what I really hope is that his pathology results indicate he's cancer free and they are able to go on their honeymoon as planned.

Friday, October 12, 2018

Sean's surgery this morning for the removal of a salivary gland tumor went well but the surgeon said the tumor is probably malignant. Sean will get a final determination next week. I've been keeping this private at Sean's request but it's been a cause of anxiety and worry this past month. The mother in me wanted to fly to Chicago prior to his surgery but I restrained myself. But I still want to be there. Michael and I discussed this at great length today and decided to sleep on it and touch base with Sean and Rose this weekend before making any travel plans. I really do hate being so far away at times like this.

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Rainy day today... I rather like it. It's a nice reprieve from some of the heat we have been experiencing.

Given my track record lately, I've been hesitant to admit that my sciatica has come back. I've dug out the exercise sheets I received from the physical therapist the last time I had this issue and am hoping they will help. Lately it seems like it's just been one thing after another but given the health issues other family members have experienced I don't have a lot to complain about.

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

The latest news from Donna is that her labs came back and she is currently cancer free. What a relief and I'm really happy for her. Cancer or the threat of cancer seems to be touching our family's psyche a lot lately. Any kind of lump or abnormality discovered becomes a cause for worry. I find myself hearing about someone's experience and suddenly every irregular mole on my body looks suspicious.

And a little Bern update. I spoke to him Sunday and he is doing well. I actually think he may like being at the rehab facility he's in. Meals are prepared, he has his own room, etc. and he's getting positive results from the physical therapy he's receiving nearly daily. He also mentioned participating in some of the activities the facility provides. Who knows, he may be making Halloween decorations for his room out of empty toilet paper roll tubes in the near future.

Monday, October 8, 2018

A conversation with Michael this morning about whether or not we needed to feed the parking meter on a holiday resulted in a $35 ticket. It turns out Discoverers' Day is not a state holiday so consequentially parking was not free. An expensive but honest mistake. Sigh...

Friday, October 5, 2018

This morning on my way to the gym I spotted a little hitchhiker in the car. It was still dark out but I saw the silhouette of a gecko on the dash and my one thought was I hope it doesn't hop on me. A few minutes later, I felt it crawling up my leg. I am just glad I saw it first or I might have been really freaked out. I gave it the brush off and kept driving.

I just finished assembling the shelves I purchased from Target. Thirty-four screws later, I concluded using the little Allen wrench that came with the shelving made my fingers hurt and it needs a little handle on it (or something).

I was chatting with Butch on my cell this morning with the audio on and Michael commented later that hearing his voice was nice. And I have to agree...

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

I went to the doctor yesterday to get my elbow checked out. I was pretty much told to not put any stress on it and continue using a compression wrap. Eventually it will heal on it's own. But in the meantime, no weightlifting, paddle boarding , etc. I get that I got off pretty easily but it is annoying as I really would like to continue my upper body workouts.

I wish there was a way to charge my Apple watch while I am wearing it....

Monday, October 1, 2018

Between the pounding, drilling, loud music, and other unrelenting noises coming from the house construction across the street, my brain hurts. The house is huge and it looks like no expense has been spared - metal roofing, polished floors, beautiful windows, etc. I cannot for the life of me understand, however, why these "crazy rich Asians" are building this house on a tiny lot in this neighborhood when for the money they are spending, they could have had a home on a lot with an ocean view. I sure hope they enjoy looking at our tiny house across the street.

Unfortunately for me, I have been thinking about how angry and defiant Kavanaugh was at his hearing last week. Irregardless of the allegations made against him, I would not want him as a Supreme Court judge based on how he comported himself. I don't believe that he would be impartial in his rulings. He comes off as full of himself and I find it credible that he is a belligerent drunk as some of his old college mates have claimed. I find him to be an arrogant, white privileged male - much like the man that put his name forward for consideration.

Sunday, September 30, 2018

I found out from Bern's friend that he was placed in rehab following his surgery. I spoke to him yesterday and he is doing fine and at this point does not know how long he will be there. I felt a sense of relief knowing that he isn't alone in his apartment and is getting the PT and OT he needs to safely get about when he's released to return home.

As I think about myself and other family members that are having various health issues, I've realized that my siblings and I are "that age" now. We are replacing the generation before us and now it will be our children that will be shaking their heads and saying things like we should have taken better care of ourselves or I'll never get that way. Hah!

And I still stand by my earlier comment that September was not a kind month for many family members. I've heard about a few more health issues that people are dealing with (which I am not able to elaborate on). We can only take it a day at a time, I guess, and hope for the best.

Saturday, September 30, 2018

This is for a few people I love...

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone. When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes. Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along when your day is night alone (hold on, hold on). If you feel like letting go (hold on). If you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on 'cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand if you feel like you're alone. No, no, no, you are not alone. If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long. When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on, well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries, and everybody hurts sometimes so hold on, hold on. No, no, no, no you are not alone. ("Everybody Hurts" - REM)

Friday, September 28, 2018

Sad day... Michael's half sister Joann passed away this morning. She was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer nine months ago. What makes this sadder is that she moved back to Hawaii less than two years ago after living in Florida for several years to be closer to family. And while it was good that she was with family after her cancer diagnosis, I am sure it is not what she envisioned when she moved back. A big thanks to Leslie for sacrificing her life this year to move in with Joann and care for her.

In other news, Donna's surgery reportedly went well and she returned home today. Now the road to recovery starts. And of course the hope is that she is cancer free. I have not heard any news at all about how Bern is doing following his surgery ten days ago. It's concerning to me that he hasn't felt well enough to post anything on social media. I may try to contact his friend Diane to see if she may have some information on how he is doing.

September has turned out to be a really tough month for a lot of people.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

I normally try not to get worked up when it comes to politics. But I have to admit that I am finding how Trump and many members of congress are reacting to the accusations about Kavanaugh's alleged inappropriate behavior as a young man disappointing. Not that I am at all surprised. I honestly don't know if the women that have come forward are telling the truth but I believe that they are and should be heard. One of the criticisms is the timing of their stories. I believe that up until now what happened to them didn't have the significance it has now. There are a lot of inappropriate things men did to me (or tried), especially as a young woman in places I've worked or in college, that I never reported. But in Kavanaugh's case, because these actions speak to his character, they should be reported regardless of the timing. I am hoping I am making sense.

I just read one of Rose's threads on Twitter and can relate to her outrage. It angers me to think about her or any other woman being the target of inappropriate (and I am being kind to use that word) behavior. That some men think it's acceptable to behave the way they do in this day and age is reprehensible. And ditto to anyone that defends it.

Monday, September 24, 2018

Another hot humid day. I am currently in my lady den watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and running the portable a/c unit Ellen installed when she lived here. Yesterday, I spent time in the kitchen frying ravioli like some crazy lady and had a fan blasting on me the whole time, which only marginally helped. My culinary efforts today so far have consisted of making guacamole. Still pondering the rest of the meal as I'd like to minimize time using the stove if possible. Michael and I got flu shots today. One more thing I can check off my to-do list. I also ordered shelves from Target and was surprised that not only will they ship large items to Hawaii, there was not a shipping charge. Yay!! I've been disappointed more times than I can enumerate (my vocabulary word for the day) when I've tried to order items on-line only to get the message that shipping was not available to Hawaii. It makes me feel like Hawaii is not considered a "real" state.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Sean is currently in Leeds, England for a comicon - Thought Bubble 2018. This is the first time he's exhibited in Europe. I'm pretty proud of him. Graphic art is a hard competitive field and he works diligently at it.

Despite the urgent care doctor saying it wasn't necessary to continue wrapping my elbow, I've noticed that the bursa is still filled with fluid, although certainly not as pronounced as it was before I had it drained. So between the tenderness in my elbow and painful bruising on my wrist and upper arm, I am finding wrapping my elbow brings me some comfort - even though it does irritate me at the same time. I have a routine scheduled appointment with my PCP on October 12, so unless the discomfort worsens, I am thinking I may take a wait and see attitude until then. One thing I've noticed, however, is an increase in clumsiness since this injury. I knocked a glass measuring cup off the shelf last Sunday that shattered on the counter. And yesterday, the washing machine lid fell on my left hand leaving a bruise appropriately on my middle finger. And remember the stubbed toe that started all this? The toenail is completely black now. This is a dangerous world to live in.

I am saying all this with a touch of humor because my small injuries in no way compare to the surgeries both my older brother and youngest sister are dealing with currently. My brother had surgery on his foot on 09/18 and my sister is having a hysterectomy on 09/27 that comes along with a cancer concern. Both face long recoveries. I am grateful for my mobility and that I have a spouse who is here for me.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Whew, it's hot and muggy here. I'll be happy when the trades return. Also, I couldn't help but notice this morning when I was out for my walk how many flies there were. I could have used a flyswatter. I am thinking the flies were more pesty than usual because of how still the air is.

Michael and I went to Target today to pick up a few items. $150 dollars later...

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

I had a very nice birthday yesterday. Michael and I went to Queen's Beach for a few hours, which was relaxing after the stress of the past week. My birthday dinner at Michel's last night was tres' bon (hoping that's the right french phrase for very good). I had not eaten there before and you couldn't have asked for a better view of the sun setting over the ocean. Also our server was a wonderful older gentleman - very professional and kind. And just to continue my birthday buzz, we spent today at Waimanalo Bay. It was so clear that both Maui and Lanai were visible. It was one of those beautiful days that makes me appreciate being in Hawaii.

Monday, I went to Urgent Care for a follow-up visit. The doctor said my elbow seems to be healing and recommended I keep it wrapped an additional 4-5 days. Much to my relief nearly all the swelling I've been experiencing is gone. My arm, however, is covered with bruises. But I feel fortunate as the doctor said I was lucky not to have broken some bones. Apologies to my body for all the trauma I keep putting you through... And kudos to the Urgent Care Clinic for calling me today to check on how I am doing. Something my primary care physician's office has done never.

Bern's foot surgery was yesterday. I am hoping it went well. I believe his friend Diane is letting him stay at her house for a few days to recuperate. He is lucky to have such a good friend.

Saturday, September 15, 2018

I don't know if this is typical but my wrist and hand are both swollen from the compression wrap on my elbow area. In fact my hand looks like a surgical glove that has been blown up - who knew one's skin could stretch so much. I've tried to keep my elbow iced and elevated but at a certain point stuff needs to be done around the house. It is tempting to take the wrap off in hopes I will have a normal sized hand again but the instructions from the clinic pretty much indicated I should keep the elbow wrapped. And in the scheme of things...

When I was a child I had a fever. My hands felt like two balloons. --Pink Floyd

Thursday, September 13, 2018

I am having a bad day. In the wee hours of the morning, I got up and managed to stub my toe on a kitchen stool in the dark. The toe is sore and my toe nail has turned black. Then at noon today, I was moving a heavy concrete planter and tripped and fell on my left side. I banged up my knee, hip, and elbow. Nothing was broken so I cleaned up the mess made by the broken planter and continued moving planters. I sat down for a moment and noticed that a huge lump had formed on my elbow. Long story short, I have bursitis. The urgent care doctor tried to drain the bursa but was unable to completely drain it. I need to have it drained again on Monday and if that doesn't work it was suggested I may need to see a specialist. Fun, fun, fun...

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Oahu dodged another bullet weather wise. We are feeling some effects from Tropical Storm Olivia - mostly rain and earlier today, wind. The rain continues so for Michael and me the greatest threat is flooding. But so far, all is good.

Michael's sister, Joann, continues to hang on. It's hard not to reflect back on what we experienced when Mom and then Dad were in that limbo state before death. I found solace in being with Mom in the days leading up to her death. She wasn't able to communicate but it helped me deal with the grief I felt with her passing. But that said, I know how stressful it must be for Leslie, who has taken on the difficult role of being Joann's live-in caregiver. It is difficult to see her current emotional state and heart breaking to hear her ask why it is always her, as she also took on the caregiver role for both her mother and Nanu prior to their deaths. And she continues to work at Chuck's. Michael rarely expresses his feelings but I am aware that this is a difficult time for him as well.

Monday, September 10, 2018

A lot has happened since my last posting. I arrived back in Honolulu Friday night and it's good to be back. Kali was a little slow realizing it was me but she quickly adjusted and is back to her usual early morning shenanigans. Michael is just relieved to have me home to take over Kali's care and feeding, mostly cleaning her kitty litter, which he found disgusting. Kali also welcomed me home by barfing on my side of the bed Saturday morning. Yes, it's good to be back - and I really do mean that.

I also returned just in time for hurricane Olivia - which is expected to be downgraded to a tropical storm as it passes through the Hawaiian Islands. Storm effects are anticipated tomorrow evening (or later) on Oahu so I suspect we have a sleepless night of wind and rain ahead of us.

Sadly it looks like Michael's sister, Joann, may not have much time left. We went to see her Saturday and she is on oxygen and slipped in and out of sleep during our visit. I am going to save my feelings and comments about her for a later post but it is evident that Michael is having a difficult time coping with her deteriorating health.

Backtracking to the last few days of my Alaska visit... Wednesday, Bern, Butch, and I drove to Denali National Park. It's a long drive but well worth it especially if you have not been to Denali before. Of course, I spent way too much time (bordering on obsession) trying to get a clear photo of Mt. McKinley. The best views of McKinley are on the highway before you get to the Denali park entrance because cars are only allowed to drive 15 miles into the park's interior. We "sort of" saw a moose. There was a traffic jam along the road of cars and tour buses - a sure sign of a wildlife sighting. I took a photo and if you blow it up you can see a slightly blurry moose. On Thursday, Bern had a few doctor appointments so we just hung around Anchorage. We went to a restaurant called Crush for dinner - sort of a last night in Alaska, early birthday celebration for me. Butch treated me to a fabulous dinner accompanied by a very strong Long Island. And much to my surprise, he gave a me a lovely pendant for my birthday that was carved by an Alaskan native. I had not purchased anything for myself on this trip so having something made in Alaska is a really nice remembrance of the time I spent with my two brothers on this adventure. I will share my thoughts about the trip in a later post. I'll end with this John Muir quote, "To the lover of wilderness, Alaska is one of the most wonderful countries in the world."

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

We enjoyed a busy weekend with Cat. Saturday we had a late breakfast at a restaurant on Old Seward Road called the Southside Grill (not to be confused with the Northside Grill in Ann Arbor). I am not sure it is their claim to fame but they had huge cinnamon rolls, one of which Bern consumed. From there, we went to Bern’s apartment to pick up a few items he missed. We then headed downtown to the farmer’s market which had a lot of craft items in addition to food and music. I was tempted by a few items but resisted except for a small zippered wallet to replace a wallet I have with a broken zipper. After a brief walk through downtown Anchorage, we ended up at a Burger King that was next door to a bead shop. The bead shop (Bead Shack) had a nice selection of beads, but once again I resisted - mostly because I spent a small fortune on beads when Michael and I were in North Carolina in May. We also went to the Alaska Botanical Garden - a really serene area filled with flowers and plants.

Sunday morning we headed to Seward to take a cruise on Resurrection Bay to look at wildlife and glaciers. The weather couldn’t have been more beautiful - it was breezy out on the water but the sun really helped wih warmth. In addition to the beautiful coastline (glaciers, rocky cliffs, etc.), we also saw some wildlife including a few sea otters, sea lions, puffins, and cormorants. We also saw starfish, salmon, and huge jellyfish. All in and all a very nice cruise. And secretly, I was humming the Gilligan’s Island theme song to myself most of the afternoon. On the return drive to Anchorage, we stopped at Exit Glacier. There were year markers along the road and it was interesting to see how much the Glacier has receded over the years.

Yesterday, Butch and I went for a short hike on the Campbell Creek Trail through a wooded area adjacent to an airfield. There were several bear warnings posted but fortunately we didn’t see any along the trail. Both Butch and I kept hoping, however, to see a moose on this trip but so far, no luck. It's become a running joke.

And to backtrack a little, Bern, Butch, and I visited Potter Marsh Friday morning. The trail is on a wooden boardwalk through the marsh. It’s a big birding area and I spotted quite a few shorebirds.

Bern had a doctor’s appointment today so we have mostly hung around our rental and did some catch-up on paperwork, etc. And we have been watching lots of YouTube videos...

Friday, August 31, 2018

Yesterday was a lazy day. Butch took Bern to his apartment so he could pack some additional clothes and other items. Then Butch and I went out midday for a walk to a Starbucks that’s about a mile up the road. On the return trip I checked out the businesses at a strip mall along the way and decided that I liked the style of the clothing at Duluth Trading, which is apparently known for its “buck naked underwear.” They also advertise a 100% no bull guarantee. Plus their stores provide customers with free beverages says the person (me) that downed a very hot cup of hot chocolate.

I also managed to connect with Michael’s cousin, Ipo. Butch and I met her for dinner at a nearby Olive Garden. She was really talkative about her life and background - a super nice woman with a sense of adventure and an apparent love for Alaska.

I am not sure what’s on the agenda today. It looks like it may be a nice day. Maybe Potter‘s Marsh Also, Bern’s daughter, Cat, arrives tonight.

Thursday, August 30, 2018

I arrived in Anchorage a few days ago. Bern has joined Butch and me at our Airbnb. Yesterday we had a full day of outdoorsy stuff. We drove up Turnagain Arm which is south of Anchorage and has beautiful views of the Chugach Mountains on one side and the Turnagain Arm waterway on the other. Our first stop was a short hike on a wooded trail in Girdwood. I love the smell of fir trees and found myself taking deep breaths of the mountain air just to take it all in. Our second stop was an area where you could watch salmon fighting their way upstream to spawn. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit I never knew it was their last hurrah. Some of them looked pretty ragged. So a bit of an educational moment for me. We then went to small port town called Whittier, which is on the Prince William Sound. You have to drive through a 2.5 mile fairly tight one lane tunnel through the mountains, which the railroad also uses. We waited over a half hour for our turn on our way out not realizing that there was a strict time table. We ate a late lunch at a small seafood restaurant called Swiftwater Seafoods in Whittier that had surprisingly excellent food.

Our last adventure was a hike up the one mile trail leading to Byron Glacier. Bern struggled along obviously in pain but he persisted. I must admit feeling concerned when he continued up the trail - going farther than was prudent given our late start (6 pm). To make a long story short, we didn’t make it back to the parking lot until about 10pm. But we did make it back which is what really counted. I heard myself being called a few not so attractive things by Bern as I prodded him along. Reminding myself that it’s the journey not the destination...

Monday, August 27, 2018

I am pretty much packed and ready for my flight to Anchorage tonight. It should be a good trip. However, I did see a small anole in my suitcase that I was unable to catch so I may have a hitchhiker - although I am not sure it will survive.

I feel like I have been doing a lot of waiting lately. The waiting for Hurricane Lane was especially stressful and tedious because of my flooding fears. It's good to have that behind Michael and me.

Saturday, August 25, 2018

What a difference a day makes. Hurricane Lane was downgraded to a tropical storm and Michael and I both sighed in relief. Other than some wind and a few rain showers, weather conditions have been pretty peaceful. We are feeling very fortunate as news from the Big Island about their torrential rains continues. While I haven't completely lowered my guard, I am feeling much more relaxed.

We went to Chuck's Cellar last night for dinner and it was crazy busy with Japanese tourists. I would love to know why. Leslie says that they don't advertise so maybe it's word of mouth? Needless to say it is definitely a popular spot.

Butch and I are still on target to meet up with Bern Tuesday morning in Anchorage. I am looking forward to a change in scenery and the opportunity to spend time with family.

Friday, August 24, 2018

It's 8:30 am and we are still in wait mode. Hurricane Lane has slowed to a crawl. Winds have picked up but the torrential rain is not expected till later today. I suspect I'll have more to say later today (unless we lose power).

In other news, I was up at 4:30am this morning after listening to the wind all night. I turned on my computer and the TV to get weather news and was swarmed with gnats attracted to the light. They were all over me and the couch I was sitting on and both the computer and TV screens were covered. Kali (who was sitting next to me) got up and wisely left the room. I turned everything off, put my shoes on, grabbed my phone and a flashlight, and went for a walk instead.

Thursday, August 23, 2018

Ugh, the anticipation is stressful and causing my anxiety to increase. Hurricane Lane slowed down and the latest is that it will impact Oahu tomorrow. It is pounding the Big Island and parts of Maui currently and they are experiencing a lot of flooding in areas. Unfortunately the final track is uncertain but I am certainly hoping that by the time it hits Oahu it weakens. I worry about the rain that's expected, however, because April's flooding was a good reminder of how vulnerable we are. Today we are "enjoying" a rainy blustery day. I hate to think about tomorrow...

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Jackie Lannin posted this on FB today: "You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better." My first reaction was, yeah, totally. But the truth is that I find it difficult to post negative comments about people and even tend to make excuses for their bad behavior. My reasoning is that I don't know what may be going on in their lives and there may be something pretty major that is impacting their behavior. On the other hand, they may just be assholes.

This train of thought actually leads me to my own father's behavior over the years. I am not retracting any comments I've expressed about how he bullied our family but there were some positive moments too. I give him credit for trying to give us some good experiences when we traveled. When I was 12-13 years old, we went on a family trip from Nebraska to North Carolina to visit mom's side of the family. We camped along the way and I have some wonderful memories of the thousands of fireflies in the night sky at a Kansas rest stop, exploring a cave and seeing stalactites and stalagmites for the first time (which I now believe may have been the Gap Cave), and swimming in a mountain stream (also I believe in the Cumberland Gap area). And then at the tender age of 16 in the summer of 1967, the family traveled from Michigan to California when we moved to Hawaii. I have fond memories of camping at Yosemite National Park, wading in the Great Salt Lake, and visiting the giant redwoods. Growing up, all of these experiences added to my wonderment of the world at large. And I have dad to thank - so there is that...

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Hurricane Lane is on track to be a bit of a nuisance. We are expecting high winds and rain later this week and through the weekend. I am hoping our house makes it through unscathed as my flight to Anchorage is on Monday and I'd prefer to not have to deal with damage or flooding. This morning both Costco and City Mill were packed with people buying emergency supplies, which I found sobering and made me a little more anxious than I already am. Police were directing traffic in the very congested Costco parking lot. I meant to buy a cat carrier when I was out today "just in case" and completely forgot but I did find the cat food Kali's currently eating and barfing up, so there is that.

I smiled listening to Bern today over his concern for Cat's food preferences. She is joining us (Bern, Butch, and me) in Anchorage, Labor Day weekend. I pointed out to him that she is an adult now and can take care of her own food requirements but I guess it is a Dad's prerogative to worry.

Friday, August 17, 2018

Regardless of what the weatherman says, it is really hot and humid today with virtually no wind. This morning, Michael and I headed to Ala Moana Beach Park and paddled - the cool water felt really good. I had two honu sightings, which always makes my day. I also saw a big silver fish jump out of the water.

I am doing most of my laundry one day early because it's too hot to vacuum or do yard work. And I am hoping tonight's dinner is somewhere with AC...

Thursday, August 16, 2018

I am disappointed that Sean and Rose were unable to incorporate a few days in Honolulu into the travel plans for their November honeymoon in Japan. Seeing them in April for their wedding in Chicago should be enough but I selfishly want more. Michael and I were pretty lucky all those years that Sean came home (to Ann Arbor) for both Christmas and Thanksgiving. But I recognized when Michael and I moved to Hawaii, that seeing Sean and Rose would be more difficult. They are no longer a 4-5 hour drive away. But it still makes me sad to spend the holidays without them. I associate the holidays with family and without family it almost feels like the effort to celebrate isn't worth it. Michael isn't really into all the decorating, food prep, etc. that goes on. And visiting his local relatives doesn't seem to hold much appeal for him. But I digress. The reality is that Sean and Rose are their own family unit now and are making their own family traditions. Would I like to be included? Hell, yes but how they choose to conduct their lives is their decision and I accept that it's time for me to suck it up and put on my big mommy pants.

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Inexplicitly, the ice maker resumed making ice late yesterday afternoon. I don't know if changing the water filter made a difference or if this is just "one of those things." It also occurred to me that it's because I bought additional ice trays when I was shopping at Target yesterday and the refrigerator is saying in your face, Sugar.

I am starting to pull things together for the trip to Anchorage, which by the way is in less than two weeks. I am whispering to myself do not overpack, do not overpack. (I believe this is the official traveler's mantra.) Should I bring shorts? Do I need a jacket heavier than a windbreaker? What about sweaters? And the list goes on...

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Target and Taco Bell on the same day. It's like I hit the jackpot. And yes, I bought an Almond Joy at Target if anyone is wondering and ate it in the car before we left the parking garage.

There hasn't been much going on this past week. I returned to the ophthalmologist that did my surgery on Friday and she said the incisions are healing and the stitches have all dissolved. Fortunately the incision area is in the crease of my eyelid so it isn't visible. My lids feel heavy if that makes sense. I am also still, however, experiencing numbness on the right side of my face and head, which the doctor said is unusual but apparently happens. I am pretty certain it is from the stitch she put in my eyelid.

Our refrigerator ice maker is no longer making ice. I think it may have something to with the water line because you don't hear the sound of the water filling the ice maker tray. I, of course, have been googling troubleshooting sites and from what I have gleaned the infrared sensor seems to be okay. One site suggested changing the water filter in the event it might be clogged, which we did this morning. But so far the new filter hasn't seemed to make a difference. The bottom line is that I am now making ice manually in a few ice cube trays. Certainly not the end of the world in the scheme of things.

Donna and Aimee are being interviewed by CNN this week. I'd be a nervous wreck and give them both a lot of credit for their willingness to share their story. Wishing them both good luck!

I just spotted a vividly green gecko on the back patio. Most of the geckos I see in the yard and house are brown. And we are in for some hot humid weather this week as the trade winds die down. I am not looking forward to the heat...

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

It's hard to believe it's been four years since Mom died. It feels like a million years ago but at the same time like it happened yesterday. Time and distance have softened the feeling of loss for me, but haven't lessened the inherent grief. And there is a part of me that is glad I do not have to drive by the house on Lennane daily. Too many reminders reside there. And yet I would love to have the opportunity to sit with her on her front porch one more time...

Other than stronger than normal trade winds and high surf, we haven't felt too many effects from Hector so far. And fortunately the Big Island dodged the proverbial bullet as Hector headed south.

Sunday, August 5, 2018

Sundays always seem a bit laid back. Michael and I start the day with a big breakfast at home and normally don't go anywhere. I tried to help with yard work today by bagging up some of the brush and leaves that has accumulated in our yard. Admittedly, I can see why Michael is completely overwhelmed by just how much yard work and yard waste there is. But I am also a little amused that he refuses to ask for or hire help. Not that I am not guilty of the same thing with tasks I think I can manage.

Friday, August 3, 2018

Kali is busy batting around a doorstop this morning. It amuses me that she has balls and various stuffed mice, etc. to play with and the doorstops in the house hold her attention the most.

I am admittedly bad about initiating phone calls to relatives. I always feel like I am disturbing them, which is ironic given how pleased I am to receive calls. So when I called Donna a few nights ago, I was relieved that she seemed receptive to talking to me. I enjoy talking to her because she has an interesting perspective on a lot of things and she's usually spot on. I said something about how often people blame others, especially their parents, for both real and perceived shortcomings. And I added that I don't do that. Donna responded that she does blame Dad for all the years he belittled her - saying things like she was stupid or would never amount to anything. She hit on something that I think happened to all the members of our immediate family, especially Mom. The constant verbal abuse and fear that we endured growing up. While I can't speak for my siblings or Mom, I know from my own personal experience how much it chipped away at my sense of esteem and confidence to the point that when I did accomplish something of note, I'd act as if it was a fluke. Self deprecation became a way of life for me. And it still is. As much as I have tried to rise above it, I am an end- product of Dad's belittlement. And I wish the perfect self deprecating remark was on the tip of my tongue right now.

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

I am still trying to determine what books, pottery, craft items, etc. I want to put on my new bookshelf. We went to Fisher Hawaii (office product warehouse) today and purchased some inexpensive bookends. I originally imagined something more artsy but I rather like the simplicity of the black steel ones I purchased. Michael and I also made our not quite weekly trek to Target this morning. I was amused that both Fisher and Target were packed with mothers and kids with their lists shopping for school supplies.

I finished the wedding photo book I was working on and placed my order with Apple today. I am hoping it looks as good as it does on my computer. I then revised the book to include fewer photos of the Pedit side of the family and added a few photos of the Lannins that Jackie Lannin, Rose's mom, sent me. I'll place the order for the revised version after I receive the original order and have had an opportunity to review it.

Sunday, July 29, 2018

I have an itch so deep that no amount of scratching will relieve it. I don't know the source, it's just there. I believe we all have the instinct to evolve and maybe this is me still being unclear about my wants in life. I'll be 68 years old soon. Certainly not too old to experience new things or resolve old things but nevertheless my time on earth is ticking away.

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

I find it cathartic to write about how I am feeling especially when I am distressed or overwhelmed but perhaps I need to have a second private place to vent. My thanks though to Kathy who reached out to see how I am doing. I think in the light of day it's a lot easier to put things in perspective.

I've nearly finished the Sean and Rosamund Wedding photo book I've been working on. It needs some polishing and I still need to add titles and comments on the pages but I'm mostly happy with the layout. I am hoping to place my order within the next few weeks. Rose had only a few relatives attending the wedding so I am also thinking I should make a second wedding photo book that is less Pedit family centric for her and Sean and also one for Rose's mother.

I have a busy day tomorrow. I need to be at Queens Hospital at 7:45am for a mammogram. I have a hair appointment at 12:30pm and shelving I ordered for my "den" is being delivered between 1pm-4pm. Michael has agreed to hang out for the furniture delivery as I may not be home yet from the hair salon.

Monday,July 23, 2018

It's 5:15am and I've been awake for well over an hour. And maybe it's just the early morning hour but I'm going to indulge my id/ego for a few moments because my emotions are all in a jumble and I am feeling worn down. It's been three weeks since my surgery and while I am certainly on the mend, the ongoing discomfort as I try to get back into living my life exhausts me at times. Couple that with an unhappy spouse and I am feeling drained. It's like I want to be enveloped into someone's arms and be told everything is going to be alright. I'm just so tired right now. And I feel like crying but the tears won't come. And I know in two minutes I'll probably have second thoughts and feel foolish about this posting. Sigh...

Friday, July 20, 2018

Just a little fitness center tidbit. Earlier this year 24 Hour reorganized the placement of their weight machines and I grimaced a little to discover the inner and outer thigh machines were placed facing a huge mirror. Spreading one's legs in front of a big mirror makea a certain part of the anatomy visible to the entire weight room - not so great for users of both sex wearing short shorts or leggings. Someone must have finally said something to management because when I went to work out this morning the lower mirrors had been removed.

In a similar vein - you know how if you look up something on Google, you are inundated with ads for that product. Michael pointed out a male surfer when we were at the beach today wearing a thong instead of the usual surf shorts just about everyone surfing wears. And I googled men's swim thongs. Big mistake...

And in other news, effective September 30 Apple will no longer be in the print business. Given my commitment to making annual photo books using Photos this is not good news for me. Apple apparently solicited other companies that create photo books for photo apps compatible with Photos but the ones I've looked at so far do not offer many layout or style options. I am really disappointed! And I suddenly have an urgency to create a photo book for Sean and Rose's wedding photos before it is too late.

Thursday, July 19, 2018

I spent time yesterday scanning our wills, POAs, health directives, and trust documents. I originally planned to make copies and mail them to Sean and Butch but decided that rather than giving them more paper to file somewhere that digital copies made more sense. Also, it eliminates the need to go to the post office and mail copies. Of course, they will probably end up getting lost as well. I can't count the number of times I've looked for files on my computer with no luck.

I am trying to come up with a cute name for the group I walk with most mornings. All five of us met up this morning. With all the slowing down to talk or pet animals, I logged a few 26 minute miles, which drives me a little crazy. The saving grace is that two of the women live towards the back of the valley and I got some hill work in that my watch actually counted as exercise. Yes, dammit, I am looking for my watch's approval. There is nothing more demoralizing than walking 90 minutes and having my watch only credit me for two minutes of exercise.

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

I am trying to resume my normal routine this week and returned to 24 Hour Fitness this morning after an eighteen day hiatus. It took me longer to get my ten miles in on the stationery bike but overall it went well.

I still have a few facial bruises and some upper eyelid discomfort where the incisions were made but seem to be healing. My biggest concern at this point is that the numbness in my temple area still persists. I guess if someone calls me a numbskull, they wouldn't be wrong.

Michael and I went to Queen's Beach yesterday and discovered a lot of the grassy area was blocked off for filming Hawaii Five-0. The only cast member I spotted was Kamekona Tupuola, the guy that runs the shave ice truck - which by the way was set up with the Waikiki skyline as the backdrop. He was standing by the restroom. A little girl asked me if they were filming Hawaii Five-0 and when she spotted him mouthed "it's him" - really cute.

We received a check from FEMA yesterday which was a bit of windfall because Michael and I didn't go out our way to apply. They showed up, registered us, and did an inspection a few weeks ago. It was enough to cover the cost of the electrical work we had done last week so excellent timing. Yay...

Sunday, July 15, 2018

I tackled some yard work yesterday and despite taking frequent breaks to cool down, my face was hot and red from the heat. And unfortunately when I woke up this morning my eyes and face were puffy. I iced my face and tried to limit the time I spent doing yard work today but I have to admit feeling a bit anxious about the possibility that I had come in contact with something I am allergic to yesterday. Not to mention that it's really frustrating to feel like I have to use caution to work outside. Especially because there is a lot I'd like to do. Sigh...

Friday, July 13, 2018

I've been feeling unproductive these last few weeks and with that unproductitivity a sense of guilt. There's a certain irony that it's hard to give ourselves a break even after surgery. I sense this is a trait I share with other family members.

I decided to make lemonade concentrate out of the lemons a neighbor gave me last week. I am waiting for the simple sugar I made to cool so I can add the juice from the lemons I reamed yesterday. Then I'll be pouring the concentrate into a few ziplock bags and freezing for future use. Think blender with crushed ice and vodka.

We also have a tree loaded with mangoes so I may look for a good mango bread recipe. It's too bad I am not a chutney person like Nanu.

Michael and I visited Joann yesterday. She's hanging in there. It sounds like she goes through periods where she is able to get around using a cane and other times she needs to use a wheelchair. She's wheelchair bound currently and is experiencing a lot of back pain. The doctor prescribed oxycontin which seems to be giving her some relief but she's worried about becoming drug dependent. When I heard her concern all I could think is that if I was in her situation and had limited time left I'd just want to be as comfortable as possible.

I am looking forward to going to Chuck's Cellar for dinner tonight...

Thursday, July 12, 2018

I am off to the dentist in a few minutes to he can check a red area he saw in my mouth when I went in for my last cleaning three weeks ago. I am pretty sure it's related to a sharp edge on an ice cube I was chomping on. A hard habit to break, by the way.

In reference to the bruising on my face, one of my neighbors finally asked me yesterday what happened. Most people politely refrain even though I am sure they notice. I've been wanting to make a corny comeback like "you should see the other guy" but it just doesn't come up when you run into most people.

And just because - it's amazing how much time I have spent on the couch with Kali in my lady-den the past few weeks. I am calling my room a den now because that's how FEMA listed it in their paperwork. The qualifiers for a den must be a couch and a TV.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

I ventured to Queen's Beach today and sat under a tree with my hat and sunglasses on. No problems with the sunlight so I am hopeful that my light sensitivity is diminishing. Yes, I am aware that I wasn't in direct sun light and was well protected but it's what I call progress.

Rose started a new job on Monday as a writer for a company called HS2 Solutions. I was amused to discover her new workplace is only 4 blocks from Sean's studio. I am really happy for her because it's a full-time position with benefits. Yay!

Brobots and the Mecha Malarkey! Vol. 2 got nominated for the Joe Shuster Dragon Award. This is the Brobots' series second nomination. I'm really happy for Sean. It's always nice to get recognition for your efforts.

This is me trying to post some happy moments as the world drowns in many not so great news moments.

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

I went to the eye doctor today because I am experiencing numbness in the temple area on the right side of my face and some scalp sensitivity, also on the right side. Nothing definitive but it's probable that it's related to the stitch in my eyebrow. Michael and I headed to Target after my appointment and loaded up on stuff we didn't know we needed. I bought Kali a new brush and she looked like she was in heaven when I groomed her. Who knows, I may try the beach tomorrow - wearing dark sunglasses, of course.

Monday, July 9, 2018

We have electricians at the house this morning taking care of some of our outdated electrical outlets. Michael is also having them put in additional outlets including a few outdoors which will eliminate the need to run an extension cord from the inside of the house to mow the lawn, for example. We also have light switches that have stopped working so I am looking forward to getting most of of this stuff taken care of.

I spoke to Bern last night about our upcoming trip to Anchorage and I let him know his daughter Cat will be joining us over Labor Day weekend. It made me stop to think about how many years it's been since they have seen each other. I believe the last time may have been when he visited Ellen while she lived in the condo on the Ala Wai. So maybe six or seven years ago? I would find it very difficult to not see Sean and Rose for such a long period. And I have to admit, I actually miss seeing my sibs. I am thankful for the technology that allows us to at least connect with each other via text, email, etc.

Last night I had a dream about my father. We were on some kind of family vacation and he seemed to be taking glee at taking us to a temple full of women singing gospel songs. I've mentioned this before but I find it interesting that I don't dream about my mother. Maybe being with someone when they pass away makes a difference. And when I dream about my father, we are usually on a journey somewhere. I try hard not to read too much into my dreams but it does make me wonder.

Sunday, July 8, 2018

It's been a week since I last posted. It just hit me that those words are reminiscent of the words one utters in the confessional - as in "it's been a week since my last confession." However, I am pretty sure that given how uncomfortable this past week has been, I have already done my penance for any transgressions I might be guilty of. It's a Catholic thing...

Monday's scheduled eyelid surgery went okay but I was a bit irritated to discover I was four hours early. The doctor's office neglected to call to let me know that my surgery time had been changed from 7:15am to 11:00am. I arrived at 5am only to be told I didn't need to be there until 9am. Fortunately I had my Kindle and iPhone with me and self entertained but six hours is long time to wait. Of note is that I did find it interesting that the crew in the operating room was all female. My ophthalmologist, the anesthesiologist, and two other women (nurses?) greeted me when I was wheeled into the OR. Thinking back, this was also the case when I had my colonoscopy in October.

I didn't realize that post-surgery I wouldn't be able to close my eyes and that my vision would be extremely blurry. Not being able to close my eyes was a little freaky but fortunately, by Monday evening, I could partially close my eyes enough to sleep. Even now though, a week later, I cannot close them all the way due to the stitches and swelling. A side effect of not being able to fully close one eyes, is that they become very dry so the ophthalmologist has me applying an antibiotic ointment that blurs my vision. It's been driving me a little nuts to not be able to read the paper, email, etc. (I am cheating today and haven't applied ointment yet so I can catch-up.)

The first few days there was some pain and lots of swelling and bruising. I was applying cold compresses to my eyes for about 20 minutes out of every waking hour. I am still applying compresses a few times a day. Most of my discomfort is from my eyes feeling like something is in them or just feeling really itchy. Last night I was uncomfortable to the point I couldn't sleep. Each day my bruising and discomfort lessens but I am looking forward to feeling normal again.

Michael has been a trooper this week - he's been cleaning the kitty litter and even helped me wash my hair mid-week, which was a good mood lifter. So my week has pretty much consisted of me sleeping, laying on the couch with Kali, eating carbs, listening to the TV, and then eating some more.

In other news, FEMA stopped by the house a few days ago to register us and do an inspection. I am not sure if it will result in us being awarded some dollars but we are in the system and you never know. Sometimes good things do happen.

Sean celebrated his 39th birthday yesterday. I haven't spoken to him but if I am reading social media correctly, it sounds like he may be going to London. Maybe I'll play the Mom card and bug him tomorrow for details. Because that's what Moms do.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

Michael finally bought an iPhone X last week at Target. They were offering a $200 Target gift card as an incentive which was hard to pass up. He seems pretty happy with his purchase and is especially loving the phone's camera. Sometimes good things do come to those that wait.

I continue to enjoy my Apple watch. It's nice to no longer carry my phone on my morning walks and when I go to the gym. Although the other day when i was out for my walk, the moon was absolutely beautiful above Hawaii Loa Ridge and I thought darn I can't take a photo because I don't have my phone. And I do find answering my watch when someone call me a bit odd.

Tomorrow morning is surgery day. I am scheduled for surgery at 7:15am and was asked to arrive at Queen's Hospital at 5:15am so an early start to the day for Michael and me. I think the sedation is similar to what you get when you have a colonoscopy - it's administered through an IV and you "lightly" sleep. I am ready. I have: a live-in chauffeur to drive me to the hospital and back home; antibiotic ointment for the incision area; Tylenol if needed for pain; bags of frozen peas for cool compresses for swelling; and eye drops for dry eyes if needed. And last but not least, a couch to lay on with my head propped up and my comfort cat, Kali.

Saturday, June 30, 2018

I know a couple of women whose voices are often loud and I believe would be classified as shrill. I wince a little when they laugh. And I don't think it it just me that has this response to their voices. I am pretty certain Michael knows exactly who I am speaking about. By the way, I actually like both of these women a great deal. But it does make me think about different people's voices and ponder the nature vs. nurture question and the role genetics play in how our voices mature.

And in slightly related news, I'd like to add that Kali has an ugly meow that makes me laugh.

Friday, June 29, 2018 Some random thoughts...

I find it interesting that someone I know in Ann Arbor used to play sports in high school in Bay City with one of my relatives. I discovered this when I noticed they were friends on FaceBook. Small world...

While I was at 24 Hour Fitness this morning I asked myself if I had gym swagger but then realized that if you have to ask the answer is no. This was after observing a guy who joined after me and used to be really tentative in the weight room - he walked in this morning looking like he owned the place.

Thursday, June 28, 2018

My sister, Kathy, had an appendectomy this morning. Sounds painful. I am not sure what the recovery time is but hopefully she'll heal quickly and be able to resume her normal activities. I have to be honest, however. When I had umbilical hernia surgery in 2014, I underestimated how much it would hurt to do simple activities like getting out of bed, for example. But Kathy's pretty tough so I suspect she'll be fine.

A loveseat I ordered about a month ago for my office was delivered today. I'd like to get some colorful throw pillows for it. Perfect timing as I expect I'll be putting it to good use after my eyelid surgery on Monday morning. I also have shelving on order that's currently on a ship somewhere in the Pacific. I am hoping to make my office look a little more put together instead of a mish-mash of odd pieces of furniture.

I have been watching the Handmaiden's Tale on Hulu and don't think I've had a show impact me the way this one does in a long time. It's such a grim look at an alternative USA. I am a huge Elizabeth Moss fan and her performance in this show is really phenomenal. In the last couple of episodes especially I've been sitting on the edge of my seat nearly in tears. It is one of the few shows I watch without doing something else at the same time.

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Workers poured the foundation for the house that is being built across the street on Monday. One of the workers told me this morning they used 120 loads of cement - big cement trucks were coming and going most of the day. Lumber was delivered today so the next noise we will hear is the sound of wood being cut and nail gunned into place. Power tools, lots of power tools...

Michael and I were pulling into our driveway this afternoon after being gone for about three hours to find a woman walking out of our back patio area. She claimed to be in the area marketing a water filtration system. You would think that if she knocked on our front door and got no answer that she would take that as a signal we weren't home and leave. No promotional materials were left either. Needless to say it made me uncomfortable to have someone snooping around the house. I'm not sure what to think but I rather wish I had taken a photo of her with my phone "just in case."

Monday, June 25, 2018

I bit the bullet today and did a soak and poke and finally removed the splinter that's been plaguing me for the past ten days. I soaked my hand in warm water and baking soda, sterilized a needle with alcohol, gritted my teeth, and started digging. It hurt like hell, but I finally managed to remove the stubborn remains of a large splinter I pulled out over a week ago. Whew...

And to repeat, there are people with real problems in the world - this is not one of them.

Sunday, June 24, 2018

I am a week away from my eyelid surgery and I find myself looking at the eyes of every "mature" woman I encounter and there are quite a few with low eyelids. Last night I was watching the movie Red Sparrow and both of Charlotte Rampling's eyelids looked like they were shrouding the upper portions of her eyes. I think this may be the most I have fretted about a surgery and I wonder if it's because it's an eye thing. Or I'm afraid of how I might look post-surgery. Deep breaths...

I am taking a break from my Apple Watch today and it's nice to not worry about closing my move, exercise, and stand rings. Who knew a piece of electronic equipment could be so demanding?

I realized yesterday why there is a big bruise on the front area of my hand under my thumb. There are a couple of weight machines at the gym where there isn't a lot of clearance between the pin used to set the amount of weight on the weight stack and the seat of the machine. If someone has the pin at the highest weight level (which is the bottom weight on the stack and closest to the floor) it is really difficult to pull the pin out and you find yourself tugging on it to wedge it out. When it suddenly releases, your hand bangs into the machine itself. Thus the big bruise.

And since I'm dwelling on my owwies (is that a real word?). I got a splinter in the fleshy part of the palm of my hand (Mount of Venus) last week and apparently part of it is still embedded under the skin. It's a little red and sore. I read where you can use epsom salt to bring the splinter to the surface. So I tried doing that yesterday and it seemed to take away the redness but I am not sure what's going on with the splinter. I hate to keep poking at it because I am afraid of infection. What to do, what to do.

And to think there are people in the world with real problems...

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

I had an appointment with my primary care physician to get clearance for my eyelid surgery on July 2. Five minutes later...

The workers building the house across the street set up their coolers and chairs on our sidewalk in the shade under our trees to eat their lunch. It's highly amusing to listen to their conversation.

I've started work on a wedding photo book. I asked family to share their photos and when you add the photos the wedding photographer took, the sheer quantity is a bit overwhelming. I'm going to try to cluster them - group photos, dancing, the ceremony, etc. and see how that works out. Fingers crossed...

And my new favorite words are "attention whore." I heard it used to describe the Pacific Ocean on the show The Affair and it made me laugh.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

I was standing at the sink washing my hands in the women's locker room at 24 Hour Fitness this morning and the scent of freshly washed hair, shampoo, and soap filled the air as women were getting ready for their day post-workout. It made me wonder what the men's locker room smelled like. I step a little out of my comfort zone every time I go to workout. While there are women there of many different ages and body types doing cardio on the ellipticals, steppers, etc, the weight room is still dominated mostly by men. Especially the free weight and lifting areas. I prefer the weight machines and do a series of six lower body and six upper body exercises. I've noticed that most women using the weight machines, like me, get on the machine and do their sets of reps and move on to the next machine. Men seem to linger. I am guessing because they tend to set the machines at higher weights, they do more sets with fewer reps and more rest time between sets. It can be annoying at times because when they monopolize a machine long enough, I sometimes end up skipping that machine. Fitness center dynamics can be complicated at times.

Summer is here - it gets hotter earlier in the day than it did a few months ago so getting out later to do yard work or exercise can be unpleasant. Fortunately, Michael and I are able to head to the beach for a few hours but I do find myself a little envious of all of our neighbors that have pools.

Monday, June 18, 2018

My heart goes out to the people on the Big Island that have lost their homes as a result of Kilauea's eruption but at the same time I am conflicted about my feelings. Many in the Puna and Pahoa areas are mainlanders that were looking for an inexpensive piece of paradise and bought knowing that they were purchasing property on old lava fields from a still active volcano. Some built their homes without work permits and are uninsured. Articles describe many of the residents as hippies, funky artists, alternative healers, and off-the-grid survivalists. And unfortunately it's that perception (which I suspect is partially true) that has many locals feeling a little unsympathetic to their plight. Because like it or not, many locals resent mainlanders coming to Hawaii and after living here a few years calling themselves Hawaiians or acting like they know everything there is to know about Hawaii's culture. As a caucasian mainlander that first moved here in the 60's, I was a minority student at the high school I attended. And while I was fortunate not to get hassled, the same was not true for my younger brother. Negative feelings toward haoles existed then and unfortunately still exist. It amuses me that one of the first questions many locals ask when they meet you for the first time is where you went to high school. A topic for another day...

Thursday, June 15, 2018

Michael and I had a very nice day yesterday despite a disappointing (for Michael) visit to the AT&T store. He had hoped to take advantage of an advertised buy one get one free iPhone 8 offer but he discovered the offer is only valid if you are adding a new line to your account. There is always a catch, I guess.

We spent a few pleasant hours at the Honolulu Museum of Art yesterday. I find it interesting that we have gone to the museum often enough that we notice any changes to the artwork that is on display in the galleries dedicated to their permanent collections. We splurged and had lunch at the museum's cafe - we shared a turkey sandwich and a salad. We were trying to eat frugally to save our appetites for dinner at Roy's Hawaii Kai last night. An extremely nice ending to a wonderful day and a great way to celebrate our 46th wedding anniversary.

Unfortunately, Michael had a dentist appointment this morning for a deep cleaning - not such a great way to start the day. To add to the discomfort, our normal hygienist no longer works for our dentist and Micheal doesn't like her replacement. He thinks she's "rougher" (probably not the right word) as his mouth really hurts after she treats him. I have an appointment with her for a routine cleaning next week and am trying to keep an open mind. It's always hard when someone you really like and trust leaves.

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Butch and I committed to dates and purchased airline tickets today. We are off to see Bern at the end of August. I am giving Alaska Air a try - they offer a non-stop flight to Anchorage once/day from Honolulu. A rental car is also set and I hope to find reasonable accommodations for us over the next few days. I've come to realize that it's the things I haven't done for one reason or another over the years that I regret the most.

Michael and I have reservations at Roy's tomorrow night to celebrate our 46th wedding anniversary. I am oddly excited.

Monday, June 11, 2018

Happy Kamehameha Day! It's a state holiday so a lot of families took advantage of the beautiful weather today and headed to beach parks around the island. Including us - we went to Queen's Beach for a few hours today and felt fortunate to find a parking space.

Butch and I are exploring dates for a possible visit to see Bern. We are thinking late August. Bern has foot surgery planned the third week of September so it seems like a good time to go. We considered late October to save money on air fares and accommodations but are thinking it might be nice to go while it's still relatively warm.

Elizabeth has given me a lesson in accepting oneself. She's posted revealing but very tasteful photos of herself - something I've never had the courage to do. I recall a photographer I knew asking if he could photograph me when I was pregnant with Sean and I now wish I had said yes. But at the time I just wasn't comfortable posing nude for someone other than Michael. And I certainly would still be uncomfortable. But I can't help but wonder if younger me might have been more open if digital photography existed back in the day.

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Another somewhat lazy Sunday. Michael and I grocery shopped this morning after breakfast at McDonalds (egg, bacon, and cheese biscuit, my favorite). Michael had their local breakfast of portuguese sausage, eggs, and rice. I loved that he brought a bottle of tabasco with him and am pretty sure had other diners noticed, they would have hit him up for some of his hot sauce.

I also put on my elbow length playtex gloves for protection and raked up two bags of leaves. I barely made a dent in the yard. Leaves and flowers are falling at a faster rate then my pathetic clean-up efforts.

Michael and I will be celebrating 46 years of marriage on Thursday and we have known each other for fifty. And I find those stats pretty amazing. I am just glad that we still find each other attractive and still laugh about life nearly every day.

Saturday, June 9, 2018

It turns out the plants (Rhoeo) I have been digging up along the driveway have poisonous sap as evidenced by my very itchy forearms. Unfortunately my skin is pretty sensitive to plant sap and red welts are already forming. I also discovered a huge nest of cockroaches under one of the planters. As soon as I lifted the planter they came scurrying out in droves. It was like a scene out of a horror movie. I moved out of the way pretty quickly and sprayed quite a bit of bug spray in the area but I'm sure half of them escaped and are planning their revenge.

I finally succumbed and purchased an Apple watch last night. I like that it tracks your heart rate - something I think would be helpful to know when I'm working out. I haven't played with all its features yet but am looking forward to figuring it all out. It looks like my next purchase may be wireless headphones. I have a small inexpensive bluetooth speaker that I paired with the watch this morning so I could listen to NPR while I was walking. It worked but lost the connection a few times.

Thursday, June 7, 2018 Last week the Honolulu Star Advertiser published a bunch of famous Hawaiian critter stories. One of them featured Lani Moo, a cow Michael has mentioned many times over the years when talking about his early years in Niu Valley. It's a cute story.

Lani Moo

The most famous bovine in Hawaii is Lani Moo. In 1950 the Dairymen's Association held a contest to name Little Miss Golden Guernsey. The association was celebrating its 50th anniversary.

Patricia Colburn, 7, a student at Kamehameha Schools, won $100 for her proposed name and promptly donated some of it to charity. Over 3,500 kids submitted names. Several thousand others visited the calf at her corral in Niu Valley.

After her naming, Lani Moo moved to the old Waialae Ranch and later into a $1.5 million facility on the North Shore.

Former Meadow Gold President Glenn Muranaka has helped build a Keiki Corner at the Honolulu Zoo, and you can visit Lani Moo there today. (Portion of an article written by Bob Sigall)

I started thinning out two planter boxes bordering the driveway today. Now I have a number of plants I need to relocate and/or repot. I guess it's a good problem to have but this particular plant has done poorly in a couple of other locations in the yard. We also seem to have a number of palm seedlings that have sprouted. I've been clustering the sprouts in pots but I predict that if I continue propagating plants at my current rate, our yard is going to look like a nursery at some point. I find it ironical that I had a number of houseplants when we lived in Michigan and no houseplants here.

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Michael and I went to Queen's Beach today. School being out plus big surf meant a lot more people than usual enjoying themselves Certainly a much younger crowd as well. Unfortunately, a group one tree over was blasting reggae music (I'm not a fan) so any hopes of enjoying the sounds of the surf and the birds were dashed. We eventually moved to the Diamond Head side of Queen's where it was much quieter. It's also the side where you can spot both men and speedos. Fee free to draw your own conclusions.

I find myself second guessing the eyelid surgery I have scheduled in July. Lots of "what if" scenarios have been running through my mind. What if the doctor cuts away too much skin and I can't close my eyes? What if I don't like the way I look afterwards? And the list goes on...

Monday, June 4, 2018

While grating cheese yesterday for a pasta dish I was making for dinner, I grated some skin off the tip of my finger. A bit painful and also I am wondering if I'll be able to use that finger for ID when I go to the gym tomorrow morning. They use a fingerprint scan thing for entry.

I bought a loveseat today for my office. I've been wanting something I can lay down on when I am watching TV. I am not sure what I am going to do with the futon chair that I am using now. It's pretty comfy so I am hoping I can find it a home.

The construction noise across the street is loud and persistent. I actually look for places to go to get away from the noise and predict I'll be in the poor house before the year is out because I end up spending money every time I go out. Today it was a loveseat. I might need to start leaving my charge cards at home. ;)

Friday, June 1, 2018

Michael's FB post of the wedding toast has generated quite a few responses. The last time I looked, it was at 69. Who knew he had so many fans. All kidding aside, Michael is a really good writer, better than me. He keeps most of his thoughts private but his sketchbooks are full of his ideas, feelings, and of course, sketches. They also include quotes and other little snippets of information he runs across in the course of his day. It's the Michael that he mostly keeps to himself but if you are lucky he shares with you occasionally.

After nearly three years of not being able to get a strong enough internet signal to watch my not so "smart" TV in my office, I discovered by moving my TV six feet so that it's closer to the door, it works. I feel like I'm the not so "smart" one now. Our cable provider required us to get a cable box for that TV recently so I now have access to the same stations that are on the living room TV. Add on to that my newly accessible Amazon, Hulu, and Netflix and I could watch TV 24/7 if I was so inclined. Fortunately, I am not. Thank, god...

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Michael posted the "toast" he made to Sean and Rose at their wedding reception on Facebook this morning. I have to laugh as I asked him to share it with me nearly a month ago. I do have to say, he is really good at writing and delivering heartfelt words, something I love about him. Rose sent me the vows and the two readings from their wedding ceremony as well. With the photos family have shared and the ones taken by the wedding photographer I feel pretty good about putting together a wedding photo book. Michael's toast follows my post.

The first season of Killing Eve is over and most shows are in reruns now. So it was a relief to see my guilty pleasure, America's Got Talent, return last night. I still miss Nick Cannon although Tyra Banks is growing on me.

And just because... I saw a nice looking woman at the beach today in a very skimpy butt revealing bikini wearing a fanny pack. Not that there is anything wrong with this fashion choice but it did look odd.

Michael's Wedding Toast

I recently had the privilege of see my son Sean and his beautiful Rose get married in Chicago. Sometimes wonder what Happiness is, but I'm pretty sure this is it!

Love Love Love

As I stand here today I wonder where the time has gone. I remember you as the baby that I fell in love with upon first seeing. And watching you grow has been a blessing. I am so glad that you have found someone who you can spend the rest of your life with.

There have been many times and countless instances over the years where I thought that I could not be any prouder. Today happens to be one of those moments. As I look at you (Sean) and the person you love (Rose), who you have made this commitment to, my heart is filled with joy and I am at peace knowing how happy you both are. It has been so achingly heartwarming to see the warmth, love and compassion you have for one another. I know that together, you will continue to do great things, this time as husband and wife.

I leave you with this old Chinese Blessing: (because that’s how I roll)

Ten thousand things bright / Ten thousand miles, no dust / Water and sky one color / Houses shining along your road." —Chinese blessing

Here’s to your joy and to ours as well. Love, Mom and Dad 4-29-2018

Sunday, May 27, 2018

I am sitting on the back lanai watching a bird eating a banana from the bunch we just harvested. The birds are pretty bold when there is food involved. I am also thinking about a conversation I had early yesterday morning with Grace, a woman who lives about two blocks from us. I believe she is in her seventies and cares for her elderly mother who I think she said was 103. I may have mentioned her in an earlier post. Her house was severely impacted by the flooding that occurred on April 13th. Her car was totaled and she lost a lot of furniture, household and personal items. I asked her how she was doing and how the clean-up was going. Like many people living in the valley, including Michael and I, she did not have flood insurance and couldn't afford to hire outside help. She said she was doing alright but still has some drywall and cabinets that need to be replaced. Fortunately her children and siblings have come by to help. But then she started talking about the yin and yang of life and her belief that when something negative happens to you, something positive will follow. I'd like to believe her belief is true - especially for her after how much she has endured in the past six weeks. She is also a strong believer in meditation and feels that it has helped her find balance in her life. I am not sure where I am going with these thoughts but it has given me something to consider.

Tonight we are going to a graduation party for a girl who lives across the street. I've said it before - we have wonderful neighbors.

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Thankfully, my back pain seems to have been short-lived despite two days of moving furniture, books, etc. and scrubbing and mopping my office floor. The last of the laminate flooring was pulled out today. I still have a lot of stuff I need to put away but it is a start. I'd like to paint the wall that I had Sean's posters on next. I'm not sure what the final plan is regarding the floors. Michael found a $10 can of grey concrete paint in the sale bin at City Mill and is painting his office floor. I'm a bit tempted to buy an area rug for now and just let me floors stay as they are. I always have to remind myself there isn't really a rush.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

I woke up this morning with the left side of my back and shoulder sore. My lower back and left leg has been a little sore the past few days, which I believe is sciatica. I'm not sure, however, what is causing this new pain. Fortunately, after I was up and moving around the pain seemed to decrease but this new issue is not making me happy. So no gym for me tomorrow, I guess.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Sometimes I talk to Mom. Usually it's a silent whisper in my brain but sometimes I whisper out loud. She never answers. I guess that's a good thing. That sound of silence.

Monday, May 21, 2018

Michael and I went to the beach today and ended up only staying an hour. The city workers were trimming the trees in the grassy area where we normally sit and the exhaust smell and the sound of the saws and chipper made it hard to relax. Unfortunately we have a similar level of noise at home due to the house construction across the street. So no win-win today. I ended up tackling house chores instead while watching Judge Mathis and People's Court. Michael is napping with Kali.

Michael just had his back-up drive fail. Things like this always make me a bit nervous about losing files despite having a back-up to my back-up drive. Which reminds me that I need to do another back-up. I never did figure out what happened to the recordings I made of Mom telling her stories and the few recordings I had of Dad. I am glad I transcribed the recordings I had of Mom but losing the actual recordings really hurts. Fortunately I made flash drives a few years back for my siblings that included not only one recording each of Mom and Dad but also the eulogy from Dad's funeral service and the photo slide shows from both funerals. While we were in North Carolina, Joe found the flash drive and I was able to download what was on it. I felt like I had found a long lost part of me and I am so grateful to Joe for still having the drive.

So far Michael, Joe, Cat, and Shannon have shared their wedding photos with me and thank you doesn't even begin to cover my gratitude. I am also eager to see the photos the wedding photographer took. What a joyous event!

Sunday, May 20, 2018

I am making slow cook chili for dinner. I think I have finally found a recipe I like. The secret ingredient may be cocoa. I am thinking about adding portuguese sausage to the pot just to mix things up. Something tells me my chili is going to pretty spicy but hopefully not "get ready to sweat" hot.

I am currently binge watching For the People. I am finally caught up on Killing Eve and The Handmaiden's Tale, two shows I really love. I like that Kali seems to enjoy couch time with me. As soon as she hears the TV, she heads to the living room to stake out her spot. Did I mention, however, that it's a beautiful day and I really should be outside?

Thursday, May 17, 2018

The sheer volume of photos, books, paperwork, and memorabilia that we amass over our life time is mind boggling. Despite both Michael's and my efforts to divest ourselves of such items when we moved, we still have a lot. Michael even more so than me because as an artist he has not only his artwork, materials, and art supplies - he also has years of sketchbooks, notebooks, etc. I have a lot of photo albums, photo books, and photos in my space. Add to that things I've kept of Sean's, my parents, and siblings. And I occasionally get the urge to make something and thus have craft and needlework supplies. It's so hard to throw things away that you feel you might need or have some meaning to you. And this brings me to looking at the space I call mine and trying to devise a way to maximize storage and display needs but at the same time have it look uncluttered. Always a conundrum - a word I used a few days ago to describe an issue with dresser space in the bedroom.

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

I went to the ophthalmologist's office today for a field vision test and to discuss getting blepharoplasty (eyelid surgery). Apparently my old person sagging upper eyelids are obstructing my vision. Once permission from HMSA is secured, it's just a matter of scheduling a date. That's what I heard from the doctor. I am guessing it's actually more complicated than that and I suspect it's an uncomfortable procedure with an uncomfortable recovery.

I woke up this morning with sore arm pits and upper arms - a result of returning to the gym yesterday. Amazing how much the body deteriorates in one month's time.

Michael tore out the flooring in his office today, which leaves just the room I use for an office. I wish I had the energy to be of more help. I just can't seem to completely get rid of the bug I picked up. Sigh...

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

When I was at the Aina Haina McDonalds today, the guy waiting on me asked me if I was Mexican. When I inquired why he was asking, he said if I was he wanted to speak Spanish to me. He's probably in his 40's and someone that's waited on me quite a few times and always calls me "ma'am." Michael was highly amused.

Today, Michael and I went to look at dressers. We wanted to buy a duplicate of the dresser we currently have but the store we purchased it from no longer carries it in the color we have. They only have it in white. They did have a different brand/style dresser in a similar color, however. So we have a bit of a conundrum.

I am still feeling the effects of being ill. Mostly I just feel tired. I went to the gym this morning to work out and it turned out to be a real effort. Granted I haven't worked out in over a month but I really struggled and ended up dropping the weight on a few of the machines. I also am normally able to ride the stationery bike six miles in about 30-31 minutes and only managed 5 miles this morning. Then this afternoon, I was scrubbing the bedroom floor in the room Michael tore the flooring out of and found I had to take frequent breaks - I just didn't have the energy to keep at it. I am really hoping this lethargy doesn't last much longer.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Michael started the process of ripping out the laminate flooring in the three back rooms today. He started with our bedroom. There was some dampness under the flooring but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I haven't had an opportunity to scrub the painted concrete yet so it's a bit dirty and gritty right now. Michael is talking about eventually sanding and repainting it.

I spoke to Butch this morning and he seems to be doing well and enjoying his retirement. He mentioned that both he and April had a respiratory illness the week after they returned from Chicago. Joe was also ill that week and I started getting symptoms the following week. Makes me wonder about the where and the who of the source. I feel much better but am still tired and am coughing occasionally. I've held off returning to the gym but may give it a try tomorrow morning to see how it goes.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

It's Mother's Day, a day that's always been about my Mom and deservedly so. Her not being around anymore has left a big void. Miss you, Mom.

Michael and I went to Panda Express for dinner and discovered that the Hokule'a was docked right behind the restaurant. So we ate our dinner outside by the ship and enjoyed the view and took lots of photos. I may try to visit early one morning so I can take photos of the Hokule'a with the sun rising in the background. Pretty cool.

Saturday, May 12, 2018

I believe that sometimes in our efforts to be responsible and kind, we end up overthinking matters in which we believe we fall short and/or blame ourselves for things that either happen or don't happen. This is me contemplating my past month of travel, the wedding, and my life in general. This is me wishing I knew what other people, particularly family members, are thinking or feeling. This is me grateful that I care but not often knowing if what I am concerned about is just a fabrication in my own psyche. This is me worrying, maybe too much. This is me being me.

Friday, May 11, 2018

Despite a coughing fit shortly after I went to bed last night that resulted in me retreating to the couch, I feel better today. The tired sluggish haze I've been operating under all week is starting to lift. We are still playing catch up on getting the house and yard back in order but have made time to go to the beach for a couple of hours a few times this week. There is a lot of vog from the eruptions on the Big Island in the air today. Barber's Point wasn't visible at all from Queen's Beach.

I was thinking today about places on Oahu that I haven't been to that I'd like to visit. And a big one is the Arizona Memorial. I am also interested in the Battleship Missouri and the Pacific Aviation Museum. I suspect Michael might not have much interest, however. I'll have to give this some thought.

I spoke to both Bern and Kathy this morning. Bern is still busy getting his "clean" room and the remainder of his apartment in shape. I am glad that he's addressing the issues with his foot (feet?). Anything to increase his mobility is a plus. Kathy is getting her affairs in order and job hunting. Wishing her the best...

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Things are somewhat back to normal. I still need to give the house a good cleaning but have caught up on paperwork, laundry, and we have groceries. Unfortunately, my cold seems to have settled in and I am starting to cough. Which in addition to being annoying to me seems to annoy Kali as well. I'll be glad when it runs its course.

I spent a few minutes last night looking at the photos taken at Sean and Rose's wedding reception. And I believe this quote reflects my feelings, "Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale." Their wedding reception was a wonderful celebration of their love and union as man and wife. It was heartwarming to see so many family members and friends sharing in the joy of their special moment. Happy, happy, happy...

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

My nose starting running on the flight back to Honolulu on Sunday and it appears I have a cold virus. A box of Kleenex is my new best friend. Other than a sinus headache and feeling a bit tired, I feel okay and am trying to keep the momentum of unpacking, catching up on paperwork, etc. going. I just machine washed my pricy mother of the groom dress on the hand wash cycle and am letting it air dry. Fingers crossed.

Since we returned, it's been rainy. I have enough to do inside so it's fine but I am looking forward to spending a few hours at the beach.

Monday, May 7, 2018

There and back again... Michael and I returned home yesterday. Both flights went smoothly. The flight from Raleigh Durham landed at Atlanta's International terminal and I thought we might have to hustle to another terminal but fortunately the flight to Hawaii was only a few gates away. And it's been a long time since I've been on a Delta flight that provided as much food and beverages as the flight to Honolulu did. The arrangements I made for pick-up at the Honolulu airport also worked out well. The driver was on-time and super nice. I'd definitely use that company again. So a long day of travel that went well.

On Saturday, Joe took Michael and me to the Carr Mill Mall in Carborro so I could check out the Firefly, which is a shop that sells beads and other jewelry making supplies. I bought a half dozen bead strands and am looking forward to making more bracelets. We also went to Joe's work place at UNC in Chapel Hill and he showed us not only his lab but also took us on a brief campus tour that included cheap eats at the Cosmic Cantina (his favorite lunch spot). A nice way to spend our last day in North Carolina.

It's good to be home, however. Kali is fine and seemed to do well in our absence. But we have a lot of catching up to do. Unpacking, laundry, grocery food shopping - the list goes on. Michael summed it up pretty well with the words "it's back to reality."

Friday, May 4, 2018

May the fourth be with you... Couldn't resist. We had breakfast at Al's Diner and then Joe drove Michael and me to the Fort Bragg/Fayetteville area. We went on a short hike at the Carvers Creeks State Park, which is in the sand hills and is also the location of an old retreat for one of the Rockefeller's. The marsh we were anticipating to see was dried up. It was in an area damaged by a tropical depression created by Hurricane Matthew in 2016. The dam was breached and has not yet been repaired. It was interesting seeing all the exposed tree roots. And I have to admit I loved walking through all the pine trees. Following our hike, we visited Mom's grave at the Campground United Methodist Church Cemetery. Did I mention how hot it was today?

Last night Michael and I tried out the San Felipe Mexican Restaurant which is just down the road from Joe's. Fairly good prices and food. You can't beat $2.99 margaritas. Ole!

Thursday, May 3, 2018

I heard from Cheryl, the woman that is housesitting while Michael and I are on the mainland. It sounds like she has been exploring Oahu on her own, which I am glad to hear. I was a bit worried that she wouldn't get out and about. She, her husband, and daughter visited Hawaii some years ago. They celebrated her husband's 50th birthday and renewed their wedding vows on the beach. Sadly, he passed away in 2009 at the age of 53 from Parkinson's disease and I think this trip gave her a chance to relive some of the happier times she had with him. It also sounds like Kali (cat) adapted quickly to our absence and Cheryl became her new best friend, which I am glad of. Although I did tease Michael that Kali is a little traitor.

Yesterday, Joe, Michael, and I went to the North Carolina Museum of Art in Raleigh. There was a very interesting light, color, and sound special exhibit that I enjoyed walking through. We also looked at their permanent collection which had a good mix of contemporary and older artwork and a surprisingly large collection of Rodin sculptures. I really like how spacious the museum galleries and grounds are. The grounds include a trail with commissioned pieces of art along the pathway. A very well thought out concept.

I managed to walk early this morning. I only got in 3.3 miles but it felt good to be moving. We had planned to go to the Sarah P. Duke Gardens and the Nasher Museum of Art today but Joe believes he has strep throat again (he was sick in August as well). Michael and I decided to explore downtown Pittsboro while he rested and I ended up getting another 3.5 miles of walking in. Another relaxing day in NC.

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Michael and I flew to North Carolina yesterday after being in the big city of Chicago for more than a week for Sean and Rose's wedding. We are now at my brother Joe's home in the small town of Pittsboro. It's a completely different environment. Michael is in post wedding relaxation mode and has been snoring away blissfully for hours. To the point, I finally moved to Joe's couch at about 3am this morning in an effort to get some sleep. We had originally intended to go to Asheville while we are here but have now decided that rather than spend hours in the car we will go to some of the galleries and gardens, etc in the area instead. More later...

Monday, April 30, 2018

Sean and Rose's wedding and reception were beautiful. They have wonderful friends and it was really nice for me to see the many members of the Pedit family that traveled to Chicago to celebrate their special day. I have a lot I'd like to say but I think I will save it for another day when I am feeling a little more contemplative.

Today we had lunch with Sean, Rose and a group of their friends (most originally from Ann Arbor) that included a few friends that had set up and tore down the event room. They all worked for hours yesterday setting up the tables, signs, etc. and then were back at it this morning packing everything up. There are so many people I am grateful to. We also returned $200 worth of leftover beverages today, most of it wine. It looks like hard liquor and beer were the most popular drinks last night.

Michael and I leave for North Carolina tomorrow. I will miss Sean and Rose...

Sunday, April 29, 2018

Today is Sean and Rose's wedding day...

Yesterday, Sean rented a van and we got everything stored at the studio and their house loaded. We also picked up a few last minute items. Last night's rehearsal dinner at the Revolution Taproom was well attended. It was primarily for "out-of-towners" and it was so nice for me to be able to see family in advance of the wedding today.

This morning Rose has arranged for a few stylists to do hair and make-up for family and friends. I am not sure how I feel about this beauty ritual personally but I've decided to go with the flow. And I do have to say my nails look nice so Rose hasn't steered me in the wrong direction so far. Sometimes we oldsters need to be nudged in the right direction.

Saturday, April 28, 2018

And then there were five. Kathy, unfortunately, is unable to travel to Chicago this weekend. Life issues have taken precedence and it sounds like she has a lot of difficult decisions to make. I just hope she knows how much I and others love and care for her. She deserves a life that's on a more even keel.

Sean and Rose got their marriage license yesterday. It turned out to be a bit of an adventure as we navigated several corridors in search for the appropriate office. Then it was off to the Miracle Mile on Michigan Avenue where I gazed in wonder at an edifice built overlooking the Chicago River with the Apple logo on it. What an impressive looking Apple Store. From there, we ate lunch at the Grand Lux, stopped in at Sephora for lip color for the bride, and visited the Men's Wearhouse for a pocket square and tie clip for the groom.

Last night we had a fantastic dinner at Bavette's Bar and BoufI and Michael and I finally met Jackie, Rose's mom for the first time. Although, after reading her Facebook posts and exchanging emails with her over wedding attire, I feel like I've known her for a long time.

Today's agenda includes renting and loading the van. There are also a few more items to purchase. Tonight is the "rehearsal" dinner at the Revolution Taproom. I am really looking forward to seeing family. It's been a long, long time.

Friday, April 27, 2018

Tick, tick, tick... time is ticking away. Today Sean and Rose are headed downtown to get their marriage license. I am trying to remember doing this when Michael and I got married and have a vague recollection of physically going to an office somewhere in Honolulu to apply. And I realized yesterday that we are only four years away from our 50th anniversary, which seems incredible.

Sean picked up his suit yesterday (whew) while Rose and I got mani/pedis at a salon in Lincoln Square. Afterwards, we ate lunch at a place called Baker Miller. We took the train which was fun. Meanwhile, Michael opted to do some exploring on his own. He walked in a northerly direction this time and mentioned that in addition to seeing some great old architecture, he said hello to some homeless folks. Because that's just the way we Doves roll.

I am also happy to report that we went to Binny's Beverage Depot, Costco, and Trader Joe's yesterday afternoon to purchase bourbon, beer, wine, champagne, paper products, bitters, cherries, lemons, limes, oranges, and much, much more. There are a few more items pending but for the most part Sean and Rose have what's on their list and everything has been stockpiled at Sean's workplace. Sean is planning to rent a van on Sunday to transport it all to the venue.

Last night Sean, Michael, and I had dinner at Big Brick's. And just because, I ordered mac and cheese with burnt ends and I liked it. Rose had dinner with her mother who had just arrived from Minneapolis. Just another long busy day in Chi-town.

Thursday, April 26, 2018

Wedding stress is in the air. Sean's intended trip to Brook Brothers yesterday for a final fitting and to pick up his suit was aborted when he discovered that they had sent his suit to New York for alterations and it hadn't been returned yet. Not a good moment. He's been advised that his suit is being shipped back to Chicago but it's all a bit too close to his wedding date for comfort. Michael, Sean, and I went to Costco instead and picked up some of the beverages for the reception but were limited by how much we could fit in his vehicle so another trip is in the works. So much to do, so little time. I wish Michael and I could do more of the running around for them.

Last night I went with Sean and Rose to the Miss-Spoken event at the Gallery Cabaret. I really enjoyed listening to their readers. The topic was You Throw Like a Girl and I certainly could relate to the stories the women related about growing up as girls in an environment of male attitude about women's athleticism. I can remember attending a catholic school in Nebraska where girls were not allowed to compete in sports and practicing posture and walking like a woman were part of PE class. The first time I competed in a sport was as a senior in high school. I joined the track team and my main goal was not to come in last. Title IX was not passed until 1972, four years after I graduated from high school. I think about how impressive, strong, and hard working the young women were on the high school crew teams Michael coached (1999-2010?) and realize how far women's sports have progressed over the years. Oorah...

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Looks like a beautiful sunny but cool day in Chicago. The high is supposed to only be 47 degrees today but tomorrow's high is 60 so the weather is at least trending in the right direction. Michael commented that the weather report here is a lot more interesting than it is in Honolulu where the temps are pretty much the same every day with some rain and/or wind and a surf report thrown in.

Yesterday, Michael and I walked in a southeast direction for our "outing." Our destination was the post office to purchase stamps for Rose. We stopped at a small place on Ashland Ave for an inexpensive lunch of hot dogs and fries that was surprisingly good (or maybe I was just really hungry). Michael and I made spaghetti, garlic bread, and a couple of salads for dinner last night.

We've been trying different routes on our daily walks and have seen a lot of interesting looking homes and shops. The architecture here is quite different than Ann Arbor's and very different from what you would see in Honolulu. A lot of brick and many of the houses are 2-3 stories and are on narrow lots. I think they are considered to be row houses. You also see a lot of multi-family dwellings. For example, Sean and Rose live on the main floor of a house with another family living below them in a ground floor apartment (which I would call a walk-out basement but I guess the fancy name is garden apartment).

Later today we are headed to Brook Brothers in downtown Chicago to pick up Sean's suit for the wedding. And tonight we are headed to the Gallery Cabaret for an evening of lady live lit via Miss-Spoken. The Doves living large today in Chi-Town...

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

I had a difficult time falling asleep last night. Michael and I are sleeping on a twin bed, which I am pretty sure is intended for only one person so there is no room to stretch or get comfortable and I am not a snuggler. I like my own space.

Yesterday, Michael and I walked to Southport Street, which is about a mile from Sean's and Rose's house. Michael tried to sell me on the area by mentioning there was an Anthropologie but his motivation for heading that way was actually an Outfitter store, where we picked up a few items. We also checked out an Amazon Bookstore, a running store, and Anthropologie (which had a really nice interior). We stopped into a Potbelly for a quick lunch. Service was slow but our sub was pretty good and more importantly they had a bathroom. On the way back to to the house, we went to Trader Joe's and bought pork chops and a few other items for dinner, which Michael prepared and it was delicious. He cooks a lot fancier than me.

We are headed to the post office today. Just another adventure in Chi-Town.

Monday, April 23, 2018

And then there were six. I just heard from Bern that he will not be flying to Chicago to attend the wedding due to the expense of the plane ticket, etc. It's disappointing but understandable.

Michael went to the WMS Boathouse in Clark Park yesterday morning when he ventured out for his walk. And I called it. Although I suppose it's logical that he would be interested in the rowing community here after coaching crew for so many years. Plus it's in his nature to be attracted to water whether it be a river, lake, or the ocean.

After breakfast at the Kitsch'n in Roscoe Village, Sean, Michael, and I went to Costco to check out liquor, beer, wine, soda, and cup prices. It looks like it's a yes to the liquor, soda, and cups but beer and wine may be purchased elsewhere (Trader Joe's?). As an aside, the Costco store was packed when we were there. It was like going to a Black Friday sale without the sale part.

Last night, we all went to a cookbook club gathering. A group of Sean's and Rose's friends get together monthly with each preparing a dish from a selected cookbook. Last night it was several vegetarian dishes. For desert one of the guys made some extremely moist and tasty tahini brownies. Love at first bite. Nice group of people with intelligent conversation although I did feel like an oldster.

I have no idea what Michael and I are doing today but I suspect it will involve us walking somewhere. Rose is about to leave for work - she bikes to work so is packing her work clothes, computer, etc and bundling up against the cold. I suspect Sean will also be getting up soon to head off to Four Star. The start of the work week is in full swing...

Sunday, April 22, 2018

This is a first. Michael is the one that is out for a walk this fine morning. I opted to stay inside with my Kindle and a blanket to stay warm. And yes, I do have regrets about being so lazy.

Sean, Michael, and I ran errands yesterday while Rose worked. I now have two watches ticking away after getting new batteries at Batteries Plus. We also picked up Rose's shoes, went to Party Central to look at plastic cups, and shopped at Target.

There are still a lot of wedding related items pending and I am hoping Michael and I are able to tackle a few of them as I'd rather be useful than underfoot. We plan to stay at a hotel next weekend but I need to determine if doing so adds extra stress for Sean and Rose rather than relieve it. It sounds like they may be counting on Michael to help cart items to the venue. We are buying the liquor, for example. I guess we all just need to communicate our expectations better, something we seem to suck at.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Michael and I arrived safely in Chicago yesterday afternoon. Unlike Michael, I didn't get any sleep on the airplane and am feeling a bit groggy this morning. My brain is definitely in a what the hell time is it mode. Ergo, it is daylight so it must be time to be awake... If I was smart, I'd bundle up (oh, did I mention it's kind of cold here) and walk around the block. I am pretty sure it would be invigorating and wake me up.

It feels strange being back on the mainland. Looking at the mountains from the windows of Salt Lake City's airport and then flying over miles of farmland as we approached Chicago was a reminder of just how expansive the country we live in is. Nothing like the small cozy island I currently live on.

Michael and I left behind a slightly damp but at least clean house. A woman named Cheryl is housesitting while we are on the mainland. After picking her up from the airport, we gave her a quick tour of the Aina Haina shopping center, what's available in Hawaii Kai, and even took her along the coast as far as Makapuu so that she could get a sense of where the house is and what's nearby. Kali knew something was amiss and hid behind the futon couch in Michael's office so I didn't get to give her any last minute affection but Cheryl said she visited with her in the early morning hours and she is eating so I'll take that as a good sign she'll adjust to us not being there. It's funny how much we humans worry about our furry companions.

Well, it's time for me to get moving.... Yawn....

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Shifting gears today. It's time to start thinking more about what last minute chores need to be done and packing before we leave tomorrow. Michael did a wonderful job getting the yard in shape and the house is as good as it's going to be until we get back. We went to the bank and post office yesterday. Both Michael and I are a bit sore and tired but are in good spirits. One day at a time...

Monday, April 16, 2018

Michael and I worked for hours yesterday - I tackled the the two back bedrooms and the bathroom. Michael spent most of his day in the yard cutting up fallen branches and in his studio cleaning up. It surprises me how sore the back of my legs and shoulders are from mopping and moving furniture. Over the past three days, I have also been doing laundry non-stop. Today, I spent time on some of my regular house chores and helped Michael with yard work. We are leaving pulling up the flooring until we get back. There just isn't time to do it now. A neighbor loaned us their dehumidifier so I have that running in the room I use as my office in hopes it dries out the flooring.

Most of our neighbors had no damage. A few other homes on our street had water come in like we did but it was much worse a few blocks away. Houses were hit by not only water but also mud. And after seeing what they are dealing with, we feel pretty fortunate. Of course, it would have been nice to have escaped the flooding altogether but we will survive.

I still need to decide what clothing I am bringing and start the packing process. It looks like I need to bring both cold and warm weather clothing given the variance in the temps in Chicago and Pittsboro. Can't wait to see everyone!

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Friday the 13th turned out to be unlucky after all. A storm passed through our area Friday evening with wind and torrential rains that led to flash flooding that overwhelmed the storm drains. The volume of water flowing through our yard was deep enough to flood the inside of our home. We have been in clean-up mode ever since. Just when I thought I had everything under control for our upcoming travel this week to Chicago, all energy has been diverted to trying to clean up the dirty wet mess the storm left behind. Michael and I tackled the living/dining/kitchen area yesterday and that at least is under control The bedrooms not so much so I will be working on them next. The yard also needs a LOT of work as a big branch from the mango tree fell as well. It doesn't help that I haven't been able to sleep. Friday night not at all and last night I may have gotten in only about four hours. I woke up at 3am this morning and finally got out of bed at 4:15am. So much for leaving the house in good shape for Cheryl, who is housesitting while we are away. So, so tired...

Friday, April 13, 2018

Friday the 13th... Michael and I actually lucked out today and found free street parking at Queen's beach. Today may have been the last opportunity for us to get in some beach time before we leave next week so I am grateful for a sunny day. And it's only 39 degrees in Chicago today. Brrr...

So earlier this week a neighbor told me a very sad story about his much loved chihuahua's death and I must be a very, very bad person with a warped sense of humor because I wanted to laugh. He had just returned from a trip to the mainland where he had purchased a bag of beef jerky from Trader Joe's. He shared some with his dog and then went out to dinner with his family. While he was gone his dog found the bag of beef jerky and apparently his head got stuck in the bag. His owner found him dead when he returned from dinner. I imagine he was really traumatized to lose his dog this way but for some reason I found the image of this death by beef jerky a little humorous. Do not pass go, go straight to Hell... Just one more reason why you may not want me to be the decision maker on your medical directive.

Thursday, April 12, 2018

My doctor's visit this morning went as expected - in and out in just a few minutes. Labs were fine and as predicted the doctor reduced my B12 dosage to 1000 mcg/day. I was taking 2500mcg. She also suggested I might want to follow up with the gastro doctor on next steps for my swallowing issue. And she gave me a copy of the long lost test results for the manometry I had in November that I had been unsuccessful getting from the gastro doctor these past five months. I also got a pheumovax shot. So I am all caught up on my immunizations except for possibly getting another shingles shot. Apparently there is a newer improved vaccination available.

I have a hair appointment on Saturday so other than packing am pretty well set for traveling next week. There is stuff I'd like to do in the house and yard prior to leaving but it's not anything critical.

Monday, April 9, 2018

I ended up going to the fitness center this morning instead of walking because I didn't feel like dealing with the rain. I discovered that if I do intervals on an upright stationary bike I ride six miles in about 30 minutes. If I ride at a steady pace it takes 33 minutes - the same time it takes me to ride four miles while reading on the recumbent bike. Fascinating, right?

Saturday, April 7, 2018

I picked up my pearl necklace from Liang's this morning. I am not knowledgable about whether or not the jeweler did an expert restringing job but thought the necklace looked nice. I am looking forward to wearing it to Sean and Rose's wedding. I wish I had a clearer memory of its origin because I'd like to know how it became mine.

I went in for lab work on Thursday in preparation for my doctor's appointment this week. The lab results posted to MyChart on Friday, which I thought was a fast turn-around. I am relieved to see my A1c is holding steady at 6.3. Eighteen months ago my primary care doctor reduced my Metformin dosage by half when my A1c dropped below 6.0 and it is discouraging to see that number climb a bit. But I have to admit, I really am glad for the reduction in medication. It is also a relief to see my hemoglobin level is in the normal range again after the big drop discovered in October. It's still lower than what it used to be but I'll take it. And to continue this medical theme - I have been taking a B12 supplement for the past 6 months after a very below normal level in October and am now at a higher than normal level. I wonder if the doctor will tell me to stop taking B12 or reduce the dosage. I guess I'll find out on Thursday.

Last night, Michael and I went to First Friday in downtown Honolulu. We had a nice dinner at Murphy's but fizzled out on the "art" part of the evening. We ended up going to Kapiolani Park instead to listen to the Jackson Browne concert at the Waikiki Shell. Others had the same idea as there were a number of people set up in their lawn chairs outside the Shell. We were treated to about 20 minutes of "free" music before Jackson Browne took a break. Sitting in the park at night with Michael brought back a lot of memories of being a teen/young adult. We spent a lot of evenings going to concerts at the Shell or just hanging out in the park.

Monday, April 2, 2018

Michael and I ran a few errands earlier today. We stopped at Walmart for a couple of items and I am surprised Michael survived. First there was someone with a dog in the art and crafts area. Then an old guy in a handicap scooter was blocking access to the shelves with the lightbulbs and didn't seem to be in any hurry to move. And then a woman in front of us in the express lane had 47 items in her cart (I counted). Despite having to wait while her items were being scanned, I was pleased that the cashier pointed out to her she was in the express lane.

I had a weird thing happen this morning when I was at the fitness center. My tongue swelled up on one side. I am assuming it was an allergic reaction but I have no idea to what. Other than water from home, I didn't eat or drink anything. It took a few hours to return to normal. It scared me. Needless to say I'm a little apprehensive and feel off today.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Apple credited my charge card but not for the full amount they charged me. They neglected to include the sales tax. It's just not worth the effort of contacting them again.

Michael took me to Ala Moana Beach Park yesterday so I could paddle board. It was low tide so a lot of the old coral was exposed. Paddling along the reef, I saw both fish and turtles. One of those feel good moments.

We splurged and went to Roy's Hawaii Kai for dinner last night. It was a nice evening and we sat on their lanai with a clear view of Maunalua Bay and of Diamond Head in the distance. And the conversation turned to the things we gave up to live somewhere so far from everything and everyone. And I think the consensus is that at least for now it is worth it.

My friend Arlene will be in Hawaii for much of April. I'm looking forward to spending some time with her before Michael and I leave for Chicago. I am glad to have her back in my life. Ironically she's made me realize that I've forgotten a lot of things that happened in the 70's. It makes me wonder how much other stuff I've forgotten.

Thursday, March 29, 2018

I was on the phone with Apple again today. They charged me for the reprints of the solar eclipse road trip books. Really?? After being transferred a few times I've been assured that a credit will appear on my charge card within the next 4-5 days. This reminds me a little of yesterday's conversation with the doctor's office and the promise that the test results will be mailed to me.

Michael mentioned the other day that I should start posting photos again at my Almost DoveArt Blogspot. I have pretty much stopped posting photos on my Musings because I keep hitting the site's limit and end up having to delete pages. So I may follow Michael's suggestion and start using Blogspot for photos again. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

I ran errands today. I dropped off a return to Amazon at UPS then headed to Kahala Mall. My first stop at the mall was Liang's, which is a small jewelry store. They repaired a couple of broken gold chains for me last year so I inquired about the cost of getting my pearl necklace restrung. It turns out grandma gave me real pearls, which was nice news. The jeweler also said the pearls were very old and of good quality. I think I received them in the sixties when the family visited North Carolina from Nebraska. There is also a chance she gave them to me in the eighties when mom, Sean and I went to North Carolina to visit family. I must admit my memory of receiving them is pretty hazy and it could turn out someone else gave them to me and I simply do not remember. But I like the grandma gave them to me story and wouldn't it be something if I passed them on to my granddaughter someday? I digress...

After Liang's, I went to Macy's and bought two Bali bras, a bathing suit top, and a set of sheets. I haven't bought a new bra in 4-5 years so it was time. The bathing suit top fit me, which made it a winner. And the sheets were marked down and in the "last chance" bin so I thought it was a good opportunity given the sheets that are currently on my bed are showing a lot of wear. I headed to Aina Haina shopping center next where I put gas in the car, picked up my prescription from Longs, and purchased a few essentials like milk and bread from Foodland.

I still have not received my test results from the manometry procedure I had in November. This is after two emails and three phone calls. The woman I spoke to this morning assured me that she would mail them to me. I am not holding my breath but it would be nice to have them prior to my doctor's appointment with my primary care physician in a few weeks.

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Michael and I took advantage of today's sunny skies and went to Waimanalo Bay State Beach Park. It was clear enough that three other islands (Lanai, Molokai, and Maui) were visible. And as always I was in awe of the beauty of the coastline as we drove the stretch between Hanauma Bay and Waimanalo. I will never get tired of the view.

My 2017 Photo Book showed up today and I am really pleased with how it looks. After the printing issues with the solar eclipse road trip book I was a little worried. Twenty plus books later, maybe I am just getting good at this.

Monday, March 26, 2018

I just noticed that I put the year 2017 instead of 2018 on my last ten posts. (corrected) It's a Hawaii state holiday today - we are celebrating Prince Kuhio Day. And apparently Good Friday is also a state holiday, which I have to admit I really don't get. What about separation of church and state?

I've been thinking about how I wish I had more photos of myself as not only a child but even more as a teen. Other than a few yearbook photos, there's a big void. And I also wish that I had said yes when a photographer Michael and I had befriended at Kahala Mall in 1979 offered to photograph me for free when I was pregnant. I am pretty certain, I would treasure those photographs now. Alas, no do overs on the past...

Saturday, March 24, 2018

A closer look at the Solar Eclipse Road Trip books I created revealed five pages with ink smudges. After perusing the Apple site, I discovered that Apple makes it very difficult to call someone with an issue. So I ended up just selecting one of their options (which in no way matched what I needed help with) and waiting for a call back. A very nice woman contacted me, found the appropriate department, and redirected the call. After what seemed like a lengthy question and answer period in which I provided the page numbers of the pages with ink smears, Apple is reprinting the books. I think they just wanted to make certain the issue was on their end and not the photos themselves.

The rain started last night and it is still raining this morning. There is a damp chill in the house. I have on a flannel shirt and plan to dig a pair of socks out next because my feet are cold. The weather has been rainy and on the coolish side all week. We were in Waikiki last night for dinner at Chuck's Cellar and seeing all the visitors reminded me that their expectations of warm sunny weather are just that, expectations. On the plus side, there was no need to water plants this week. Just keeping my fingers crossed that my succulents do not get water logged.

Friday, March 23, 2018

I am taking a break from window washing and cleaning the tops of the kitchen cabinets. I've also been spraying bug spray along the top beams in the kitchen so thought getting out of the kitchen for a few minutes might be wise. I just can't seem to get rid of the tiny little ants that zoom in on any little crumb left on the counter. And despite the moat around Kali's food dish, I still occasionally find them in her food.

Butch sent me a bunch of websites about how to tell if your pearls are real. Some I had already looked at and had tried a few of the tests listed but I think unless you have real pearls to compare your pearls to, it is hard to make a determination. I am guessing, however, that my pearls are not real. Which is okay because it's not like I am a June Cleaver or Barbara Bush.

The Solar Eclipse Road Trip photo book arrived today. Some of the photos are a little dark but overall I am happy with how it turned out. Another book for my shelf...

Thursday, March 22, 2018

The following excerpt from the book, Military Brats: Legacies of Childhood Inside the Fortress, really resonates with me. And possibly with the exception of maybe Butch, I don't think it applies as much to my younger siblings. Dad retired while they were still living at home and the moving stopped so they had the stability of the family having a more permanent home. I've never been one to make lifelong friends and even with most of my brothers and sisters, I often don't feel a sense of belonging.

It is lonely and unsatisfying to be on the outside, but for the military brat, outsiderness has the familiarity of an old pair of shoes. While it is hard to perpetually live in the outsider role, it is harder still to abandon it. The outsider syndrome is the central paradox of a military brat's life. A sense of belonging is our single greatest need and our single greatest quest - yet many military brats perpetuate their own marginality by making choices that are guaranteed to keep them on the outside.

On another note, I have finally returned all the dresses I ordered on-line - the last two were returned to Nordstrom's this morning. I really like the dress I settled on. My only reservation is that it is thin fabric and is unlined. I bought a shaper and am hoping that will help with things like panty lines. Although I must admit it will make peeing a challenge. I am still debating the value of springing for new shoes.

I spoke to Sean briefly this morning. It sounds like in addition to the wedding, he has a number of other stress makers going on right now. Hopefully he'll be able to relax at some point. Worry, worry, worry. Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

I washed about half of the windows/louvres today and feel I have to give a disclaimer. I was unable to reach the top 1/4-1/3 of the outside of windows because we have surfboards, tools, and yard equipment stored under them and I wasn't able to get the step stool I was standing on close enough. I need longer arms.

I am trying to decide whether or not to have a pearl necklace restrung. I am pretty sure I got the necklace from Grandma Stephens years ago so it has sentimental value but I am unsure if the pearls are real. And I feel like I would only restring the pearls if they are real. And admittedly cost is also a factor. This is when I wish I knew a jeweler that I could ask for advice.

Monday, March 19, 2018

We had a rainy start to the day this morning so Michael and I decided to run errands. Our first stop was the Bike Factory for tires and tubes. From there we went to both Famous Footwear and Macy's to look at shoes. I am looking for something to wear to Sean and Rose's wedding. I found a few pairs of dressy pumps I'd consider but may just wear a pair of black wedged shoes I already have. This is me being practical. I also looked at ballet flats thinking that I could keep them in my purse and switch to them for comfort at the reception. They seem to be really popular but after trying on a few pairs I have to admit I didn't find them comfortable at all. Sigh...

Michael is working on a second beach "character" painting. I love seeing him so focused and enthusiastic.

Saturday, March 17, 2018

After dinner at Kona Brewing last night, Michael and I drove to Sandy Beach and were treated to the sight of two or more whales cavorting off shore. We watched them for about 20 minutes before they moved on. On the way home we also stopped at the Blow Hole and saw two turtles in the Halona Beach Cove. Getting to see not only the ocean but also both whales and sea turtles so close to home humbles me. I feel really fortunate and grateful for what I have.

And by the way, today is St. Patrick's Day and I am reminded of a story about Michael's father. At one point he started using Patrick as his middle name instead of Porter. I am not sure why but I love that he seemed to be celebrating his "inner" Irish. And that's not just blarney...

Friday, March 16, 2018

I was feeling really passive aggressive at the fitness center this morning. All six stationery bikes were open when I arrived and I selected one on the end. A woman got on the bike next to me and then proceeded to carry on a loud phone conversation. After about five minutes a voice in my head was silently screaming shut up, shut up please, you are driving me nuts! After fifteen minutes, I started imagining ways I could reach over and shove her off her bike. At the twenty minute mark, I thought about repeating blah, blah, blah loud enough for her to hear. Of course I did none of these things and ironically posted my fastest time for riding six miles. I guess I was taking out my aggression by pedaling faster. But it was a relief to my then pounding head to get off the bike and walk away. Another pet peeve to add to my growing list...

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Question of the day is why do some people pronounce ask as axe? It turns out there is an interesting historical reason. Who knew?

We finally got a calm, hot, good-for-the-beach kind of day. Of course, both Michael and I complained about how warm it was in the house when we got home. Even Kali had abandoned her blanket on the bed for the cooler floor. The living room fan is on and I've opened more louvres to let what little breeze there is to cool the house so all is good.

I am nearly done with the Solar Eclipse Road Trip photo book that I am putting together and I am happy with how it looks. Of course it helps when you have hundreds of photos to select from. And Joe's solar eclipse photos are a big bonus.

I ordered an inexpensive Adonit Mark Stylus Pen from Amazon and am pretty happy with it. Happy enough that I ordered a couple more so I can keep one in my purse, beach bag, etc.

And thanks to Kathy for sending me a bunch of hotel lotions and shampoos a few months ago. I like that my bath towel and hair smells a little like Peter Thomas Roth lotion.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Time is ticking away. We leave for Chicago in 5 weeks for Sean and Rose's wedding. And while I am making progress finding a dress, etc. because I am primarily shopping online there is both a delay in receiving items and always a risk something will not fit. I am getting fairly proficient at returning merchandise, definitely not one of my life goals.

Michael is trying something different art-wise and it seems to have given him a new focus. He is working on a series of paintings of various people he has sketched over the years that we have encountered at the beach. I think he is on to something. And he certainly has a lot of interesting material to work with.

Meanwhile, I have been diligently working on my 2017 Photo Book project. I ended up on a tangent, however, when I got to August 2017, the month I went on the Pedit Solar Eclipse Road Trip. I have more than enough photos to create a photo book just for that trip. Once I complete the road trip book, I'll circle back to the 2017 Photo Book.

Friday, March 9, 2018

Michael and I ran into Leslie yesterday at Target. She was shopping for Michael's sister, Joann, who was waiting for her in the car. Joann had a port put in a few days ago in preparation for chemotherapy, which starts next week. Cancer is a devastating disease and it's especially difficult when it hits this close to home. In Michael's family, it seems to have touched most of the women in his immediate family. His mother had gastric cancer when she died and I believe cervical cancer when she was younger. His sister, Mary, died from lung cancer about five years ago and now Joann has the same. Michael's aunt, Wanda, was also diagnosed with breast cancer last year. On my side of the family, my sister, Donna, struggled with breast cancer a few years ago and suffered through radiation treatments. My nephew, Jeremy, had a brain tumor about ten years ago which was surgically removed and then treated with radiation. I think about all this when I feel distressed about my own health issues because they really do pale in comparison.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Some mornings I find myself exhausted by cat ownership. Scooping out the litter pan and washing and refilling her cat dish and water bowl aren't necessarily that time consuming but are chores that can't be put off to another day. And it doesn't help that Kali wakes me up sometimes as early as 3 am and is so persistent about wanting to give me a bath that there is no hope of falling back to sleep. And when I do get up, in addition to being exhausted, I am stiff and sore from laying in an uncomfortable position with 9 pounds of cat sitting on me. I should note that me grousing about Kali this morning is probably related to having to clean upchuck from the rug and floor shortly after getting out of bed. Meow...

Saturday, March 3, 2018

I was thinking this morning that I have probably amassed enough material to write a collection of short stories about the people and animals I run into on my morning walks. Story titles like The Cat Called Cat, Miller's Crossing, Who's Who (aka Jan and Terry), and Houdini, the Escape Dog come to mind.

Looking at the rather large pile of ripe bananas on the back patio led me to start looking up recipes and I am seriously tempted to make banana rum bread or a cake. I wonder if something like that would freeze well.

A few days ago I received the printed 2000 Photo Book I created. This is the first book I've assembled of scanned photos only and the image quality of the photos is so poor that I found the book disappointing. I also found the process of putting the book together tedious. It's making me seriously reconsider creating additional photo books out of my old albums. Although I still think scanning the photos is a good idea. I am working on a 2017 Photo Book right now and am enjoying the process.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Every once in a while someone says something that makes me feel better about who I am. An older woman I occasionally walk with in the morning is going through a lot currently with her family. Her daughter had a massive stroke last year and she is caring for her in addition to caring for her husband who is also having health issues. The other day she told me how calming it is to walk with me. It was a completely unexpected comment and I had no idea how to react so I just nodded my head and continued to walk with her.

We have a bunch of bananas from one of our trees that seemed to have ripened overnight. The bananas are on our back patio and I've noticed a couple of chatty birds helping themselves - even perching on the clothesline above the washer and dryer. It makes me curious how the birds even knew there were bananas on the porch. I'm not saying I'm clairvoyant but I see baking in my future because you can never have too much banana bread.

After a week of windy and rainy weather, we managed to get a few hours at the beach this morning before the clouds moved back in. The sun felt nice.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Wow, our federal tax return posted to our checking account today. I'm impressed as it's only been a week since I filed. I have to admit the timing couldn't be better. Michael and I have had a lot of travel and wedding related expenses lately. It sounds like a few family members have already started making their hotel and travel arrangements. I miss family and am looking forward to seeing them in Chicago. I still haven't found a dress but have six I ordered on-line that should be delivered over the next week. I am hoping one of them turns out to be "the one."

I upgraded our bank safe deposit box today to a larger size so I could store the originals of our wills, trust docs, POAs, etc. It's the domino effect - one action leading to another.

I also finally tackled weeding the area under the kukui nut tree this weekend. The ferns I planted under the tree are about the only plants that seem to be doing well (other than the weeds) so I am thinking about planting more. The bromeliads I planted look pretty scruffy but I'm going to leave them for now. I always remind myself that I have the rest of my life to make these important landscaping decisions.

Friday, February 23, 2018

Neighbors invited Michael and me and another couple to their house for breakfast yesterday. This is a couple I often run into on my morning walks. They have a lovely home on the ridge on the other side of the valley. I've said it before, but we really do have nice neighbors.

And another entry from Kali's diary - Cat Diary Day 823: One of my humans accused me of barfing on the bed and floor this morning. For the record, I didn't do it and have no knowledge of how the cat barf got on the bed. ...Kali

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Death and birthdays... Today is the third anniversary of my father's death. I still remember receiving the phone call from Butch that Dad had died. It was not a surprise but it was still a very surreal moment. I have to admit that being so far away and not seeing him the last six weeks of his life made his death more difficult for me to reconcile than the death of Mom. Reasonable or not, I felt a lot of guilt for not being there. I still remember how incredibly sad and hard it was saying goodbye to him before I left for Hawaii knowing it was the last time I would see him alive. I whispered "goodbye, I love you" in his ear and kissed his cheek, which is something I used to do as a child to say goodnight to him before going to bed. And thinking about all this is making me sad and teary...

So on a lighter note... It is also Bern's 69th birthday and Christopher's 32nd. (Happy Birthday, Bern if you should read this!)

I did end up going back to Costco yesterday and having a second set of passport photos taken. I had to laugh when the photo clerk remarked that she was surprised I bothered because the only people who see your passport photo are the TSA agents. Good point but I apparently did care. I put the passport renewal applications in the mail yesterday so I have one more thing checked off my to-do list.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

I did it. I finally hit submit and filed my taxes online. So one more item checked off my paperwork to-do list. Michael and I also went to Costco yesterday to have passport photos taken. I hadn't washed my hair in a few days and it looked like it in the photo so I am tempted to return to Costco this morning for a do over. I am not a terribly vain person but this photo will be my passport photo for ten years.

As I look around the house and yard this morning, I realize how neglectful I have been. Windows need washing, the rug needs vacuuming, the floors need to be mopped, shelves dusted, plants trimmed and watered, and the planting areas I feel responsible for need some serious weeding and clean up. It makes me wonder how I ever got everything done when I was working.

And just because - Cat Diary Day 820: Yesterday, I tried the new cat food my humans fed me. It was ok but I am keeping them in suspense about whether or not I really like it. I like seeing them anxious about my well being. Especially the one with the hair. ...Kali

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Cat Diary Day 818: My humans discover that all the bags of the cat food they believe I prefer are past the expiration date at the Aina Haina Foodland. Humans drive to the Ala Moana Foodland only to find out that all of the bags there are also expired. They purchase another flavor in hopes I will like it. I have put them on alert that I will express my displeasure by throwing up on the bed. (Michael and I also discovered that they did not have Nate's Chocolate Chip cookies and inari at the Ala Moana Foodland. Wasted trip!!)

We spent yesterday afternoon in Hawaii Kai. Leslie arranged a birthday get-together for Joann. It was nice to see her enjoying time with her friends. Knowing that this is probably her last birthday is a bit sobering. She has decided to go ahead with chemo in hopes, I believe, that it will buy her more time. I am not sure when her first treatment is but I can't help but think that she has chosen a difficult path. Not that there is an easy path when cancer has invaded your body.

Butch retired on Friday. It took me time to adjust to not having to get up and go to work. Eventually I found a routine though that worked for me. Surprisingly, I get up even earlier than I did when I was working to walk or work-out. But I also go to bed much earlier. I am sure Butch will work it all out and I couldn't be happier for him. His upcoming "me" time is well deserved.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

I finally get to check something off my "paperwork" to-do list. Michael and I signed our wills, POAs, trust, and health directive documents yesterday. I filled out the paperwork to renew our passports but we still need to get new passport photos taken before I can put everything in the mail. I hope to do this soon as it would be nice to have the new passports done before we travel in April. Lastly, I thought I was pretty much done with my taxes only to discover last week that the tax program I have used for years has a glitch. I was reviewing the tax returns before hitting submit and noticed that the deductions listed on my state return didn't add up. I sent a note to customer service and they have been working to correct the software. I've been assured that it should be all set tomorrow. We shall see... Meanwhile, I told Michael they should hire me to assist with their quality control. I do have to admit that my confidence in their company has slipped a bit.

We have had a rainy couple of days. Everything in the house feels a little damp. And I always hate it when my bath towel is still wet the following day between showers. It is tempting to throw it in the dryer.

We went to Target yesterday. I splurged on a wooden salad bowl. Target was offering a $100 gift card with the purchase of an iPhone X and I thought there was a chance Michael would finally succumb and buy one. But when we walked out of Target with our cart full of stuff we didn't know we needed, there was not an iPhone X in sight. I think he worries that a newer version will come out and he'll regret purchasing now. Michael (and I) tend to overthink when we have decisions to make. I have been toying with the idea of buying an Apple watch for months and can't seem to make the leap to just do it. I use my phone now to track walking mileage and it works fine but the watch is tempting. And it's pretty too.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

I discovered that if you go to an ophthalmologist instead of your regular doctor for swollen eyelids and puffiness around your eyes that the focus is on your eyes' health not your puffy eyelids, which makes sense. She suggested eye lids wipes and hot compresses twice a day. I stopped at Longs after dinner last night and bought the wipes. I also found a compress made specifically for eyes that you heat in the microwave. It promptly exploded. The directions said to microwave it for 10 seconds and if it wasn't warm enough to add another five seconds. During the added five seconds, I heard a pop and these little jelly looking pellets flew out of the little compress packet. I ended up heating rice in a little pouch and using that instead. I am a quandary about whether or not to take the compress I bought back because I can't help but think I will get the evil eye accusing me of leaving it in the microwave too long.

I checked a few shops in Kahala Mall for dresses for Sean and Rose's wedding/reception and am still not seeing much that I like and even more problematic will fit me. Most dresses are too long, Even the petite sizes are targeted at women who are 5'3" or shorter. So being only 5' makes those dresses too long. I've had some success with dress lengths in the junior department but that's mostly because the junior lengths tend to be shorter anyway. I am wondering if wearing pants and a fancy top is appropriate attire for a groom's mom?

Friday, February 9, 2018

There is actually a little chill in the air today - it's a balmy 67 degrees according to the weather site on my computer. So despite it being sunny, Michael and I are not at the beach. We are hanging out at home this morning doing yard work, etc. (I will admit to also watching Judge Judy.)

I bought Michael a Solo Stove for his birthday. It was delivered yesterday evening and within 20 minutes of its arrival had a fire blazing in it. Michael sure loves a good fire. We have reservations for dinner on his birthday at Hy's Steak House in Waikiki. Rose and Sean thoughtfully sent us gift certificates that should cover nice steak dinners for both of us.

I finally broke down yesterday and made a doctor's appointment to have the swelling around my eyes looked at. Unfortunately, the first available appointment isn't until Tuesday. I had a brainstorm this morning, however, and called the eye clinic I go to for annual exams and a doctor there is able to see me this afternoon. I am keeping my fingers crossed that she is able to help me and I can cancel the Tuesday appointment. I suspect it is allergy related but I acknowledge that it could easily be something else.

Monday, February 5, 2018

Michael and I went to Ala Moana Shopping Center today. I wanted to look for something to wear to Sean and Rose's wedding. I checked out both Macys and Nordstroms and came up with nada. Most of the "cocktail" attire was made for a slim tall woman. I'm glad I have more time to look. When I shop I typically just know when I see something and that certainly didn't happen today. Fortunately our visit to the mall wasn't a complete loss. Michael found a nice suit and tie on sale at Macy's.

Saturday, February 4, 2018

I finished recording the last of our music CD's today. I need to go through the files on the hard drive to check for errors. It's such a brainless task that it wouldn't surprise me if I drifted off a few times. In the process of doing this I discovered that the audio on my computer may not be working properly. At first I thought the buzz I was hearing when I played some of the songs I was recording was due to the CDs being old and damaged. But they play fine on our CD player. Next on this project is going through all the music CDs Bern made to determine if I already copied them. I recall working on a stack of CDs about 4-5 years ago but I am not sure if the stack Michael has is one and the same.

I've made a first run through on federal/state taxes. I still need to double check all my entries but if they check out I hope to submit them within the next week or so.

Friday, February 2, 2018

Happy Groundhog Day! It's my understanding that Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow so there will be six more weeks of winter. Somehow this news doesn't surprise me.

Yesterday I wrote a long entry only to delete it. I was reflecting on my state of mind when I moved back to Hawaii three years ago. It started out with me describing myself as a wounded bird and then outlined a series of stressful events starting with the death of my mother. It was cathartic to write it all out but even more cathartic to delete it. I am stealing this from a book I read recently but it struck a chord with me. The deaths of my parents has taught me that comfort from others is both necessary and inadequate. That while we need someone to lean on, we have to remember how to stand.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

It's funny how family works. I don't hear from anyone for days only to hear from three family members today. I received a call from Bern shortly after receiving 28 boxes of sugar-free pudding from him. A bit of pudding overload that made me smile. Sean contacted me via text to ask a question and then later Butch and I chatted via text. It's always good to hear from people.

Michael and I went to Sam's Club today. It might just be his new calming place (sorry Target). It has a different feel than Costco and the employees seem friendlier. Plus you can get a hotdog and a drink for $1.50. And there was sauerkraut on the condiment table. Who could ask for more.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Yesterday morning I went to the library intending to work on the withdrawn books. Apparently, the dumpsters were full so I ended up leaving after working only 90 minutes so as not to create more trash. Hopefully I'll find time to do some catch up this week.

Today, Michael and I went to the Home Show. I saw a couple of things of interest. A business that sold kit homes had a 407 square foot cottage for a material only cost of $20,000. Unfortunately, it would minimally cost another $80,000 for the labor. There were also some nice looking stoves. And Michael found a bathtub that he thought would make a good soaking tub in the yard. Brings back memories of the tub he had on the back of our Michigan property.

I still have a rash on my arm and some facial swelling. The good news is that it hasn't worsened. The bad news is that it hasn't improved either. If I don't see a reduction in the facial swelling within the next few days, I may give my doctor a call. It's uncomfortable and is impacting my sleep. Big, big yawn.

Friday, January 26, 2018

I stepped on a big cockroach while barefoot in the dark last night. Eww...

Also, in addition to mango sap I am allergic to something else in our yard. I am thinking maybe plumeria sap. I raked and picked up leaves yesterday (mostly plumeria) and have a rash on my right arm and slight angioedema under my eyes. The rash is itchy and uncomfortable but the facial puffiness concerns me more. I am hoping it subsides by tomorrow morning because if it doesn't I may have a doctor's visit in my near future. I sort of wish the doctor I had when I first moved back to Hawaii hadn't left the clinic I go to. She is familiar with my mango sap allergy and might have prescribed prednisone without me having to go in.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

I couldn't help but think about the hair salon that was inside Redford Village when I went to get a haircut today. The woman that cuts my hair moved from the salon I used to go to in Kaimuki to a salon that is in a nursing home in Kahala. It amuses me how long it takes to walk down the hall between a couple of talkative seniors using walkers. One of the women had a bag of empty toilet paper rolls and was on her way to the arts and crafts room to make "firecrackers" to hang on her door for Chinese New Year. The other informed me that when you move into an assisted living community, it's a good idea to get accommodations next to the elevator so that you don't have to walk as far. Good advice and I have to admit I have a real soft spot for older people. I love talking to them. And I am well on my way to becoming one of them.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

I came home from my shift at the library yesterday to find two packages waiting for me. Bern sent me a Joyce Lieberman calendar which I will happily use to replace the freebee calendar in my office. I also received a box of hotel "amenities" that included shampoo, conditioner, lotion, and body wash from Kathy. It's a brand I really like so I feel like I hit the jackpot. So a big thanks to both Bern and Kathy for thinking of me.

Saturday, January 20, 2018

It looks like the Friends of the Aina Haina Library Book and Media Sale went well. I worked a shift today and we had a steady stream of people browsing through the boxes and making purchases. Sales yesterday totaled $1200. Hopefully today's sales are about the same. It was nice to see how many young people were looking for books with their parents.

Michael has been busy creating a new website to showcase his paintings and drawings. The new site looks really good. He asked me to proofread some of the text and I came across the word intern and I couldn't figure out what he was trying to say because it seemed out of context in the sentence he used it in. When I asked him about it, he said "you know, intern." And it turns out what he meant was in turn. I thought it was pretty funny - guess maybe you had to be there...

Friday, January 19, 2018

I had a "what was I thinking" traffic moment this morning. I was in the center lane and wanted to move into the right lane. The vehicle in the right lane was driving the speed limit, I put my blinker on, sped up and moved into the right lane. I looked in my rear view mirror and realized I had just cut in front of a police vehicle. His blue light was on. I was sure relieved when he turned the light off and I safely made the right turn into Niu Valley. I hate when I drive like an idiot.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Michael and I consulted with an attorney yesterday to set up a trust, wills, etc. It's long overdue. I am also working on a document that lists accounts, utilities, locations of records, etc. in hopes it will make it easier for Michael and/or Sean in the event something happens to me (or both Michael and me). With just about everything being online these days, I am not sure how best to share user names and passwords, which would be super helpful for them to have.

Interestingly, the attorney is also an army brat and used to live at Fort Ruger in the sixties. Her family moved just shortly before the Pedit family arrived. Her father was an officer so they lived in a house on Palm Circle, she attended private schools, and recalls playing tennis at the youth center. My dad was not an officer, we lived in an apartment below the Cannon Club (at which both Mom and Butch worked), I attended a public school, and recall maybe playing ping pong at the youth center. Same place, different world...

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

I just dropped my phone off at the Apple Store in Kahala to get the battery replaced. I was advised that there would not be a cost. Happy face, happy face...

Monday, January 15, 2018

People were joking about Saturday's emergency alert debacle at the gym this morning. I am happy that people can laugh about it. It was a pretty big screw-up and I suspect for parents and their children, in particular, it caused some major anxiety. It amuses me a little that the individual that initiated the alert in error was situated in a facility inside Diamond Head crater. As a teen, I toured the Civil Defense facility inside the crater as part of a summer job related youth activity. Michael's uncle used to work in the same building. And I am sure Butch has stories of going in the building to use the restroom or drink water when we lived at Fort Ruger. He climbed all over the crater and it wouldn't surprise me to learn that he was on a first name basis with several MPs.

Instead of a lazy Sunday, I spent yesterday doing laundry and cleaning out the kitchen drawers. What I thought was going to be a quick wipe down of the inside of the drawers turned into a major clean-up. I removed the contents from the drawers and then removed the drawers from the cabinetry. The things I discovered, especially behind the drawers, made me say "yikes" more than once. One drawer had hundreds of tiny yellow ants under the drawer liner. I am amazed that I never noticed them given the amount of times I've opened the drawer to get utensils. There was also all kinds of debris under a bottom drawer that included roach droppings, old menus, dead bugs, and more icky things. Given the dates on some of the takeout menus I found, I am guessing that no one had cleaned under there in several years. I even found an old photo that may have been taken at Chelsea's prom. Of course, I am feeling a little embarrassed that after living here three years, this is the first time I pulled the drawers out to see what creepy things lurked out of sight. But lesson learned.

My music project is underway. I have about one third of our CD collection recorded. I am dedicating an external drive to just music and downloaded all the music Bern and Butch have given Michael and me over the years. The one good side effect of doing this is that I also finally cleaned out and organized my computer files and deleted duplicates and outdated material. I made two back-ups, one of which I'll put in my safe deposit box at the bank.

My annual photo book project has come to an impasse of sorts. I started using a digital camera at the end of 2001 and have created photo books for the years 2002 through 2016. I scanned my photo albums from 2000-2001 but it's a tedious process and I am finding many of the photos are poor quality. Colors have faded and/or the focus or exposure is off. I started a 2000-2001 photo book about three months ago and just can't seem to get too excited about it. And frankly I'd prefer working on a 2017 photo book. I think I may go ahead and try to complete the older book and see how I feel about the finished book. And then decide how to proceed because I still think it's a good idea to scan my older photo albums, which by the way date back to 1968.

I want to repot the succulents my neighbor gave me a few weeks ago so I'm off to do that now.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

What a world we live in... Yesterday, Michael and I were enjoying a beautiful morning paddle boarding in the bay that fronts the valley we live in. This morning we were sitting in our hall way waiting for a ballistic missile to hit. It was a false alarm but it did cause me to stop and take stock of my life. And a calmness engulfed me.

I spent about four hours at the library today working to catch up on their "withdrawn" books. I managed to get through about two-third's of them but am well aware that the shelves will be full again the next time I go in. Books, books, and more books...

Thursday, January 11, 2018

I have been to three stores looking for Jello brand sugar-free instant pistachio pudding. Finally today I found two boxes of sugar-free chocolate pudding at Safeway. Not exactly what I wanted but I'll make do. It makes me miss shopping at Meijer's. They always had lots of flavors to select from. If I get desperate, there's always Amazon.

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

It's a beautiful day. Michael and I spent a few hours at our favorite spot by the ocean (Queen's Beach) to relax and people watch. We even lucked out and found a free street parking space. I chuckled when I overheard a conversation a couple sitting behind us was having. Husband: You should get a bathing suit like that girl's. Wife: Hey, I don't see you wearing a speedo. You go, lady...

In not so great news, Rose was laid off from her job yesterday. With the wedding coming up, it's an added stress she doesn't need. I really feel badly for her. But I keep reminding myself that she's an intelligent, resilient woman. And she's good at networking and knows how to market herself. So my fingers are crossed that her job situation will work out. And hopefully soon...

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

In an ironic twist of fate, I have come to realize that volunteering at the library has suddenly become a source of stress for me. I recently assumed more responsibility and am spending more and more time doing library related activities. Having obligations to get something done by a certain date for another entity is a part of my life I was happy to leave behind. I have a tendency to take things pretty seriously and am probably self-inflicting pressure on myself but that is part of the nature of being who I am. I am also not a quitter so have a conundrum I guess.

On days three and day four of Project Drain Fly, I am not able to claim success yet. There are still a few of those buggers on the sink overnight. I am going to do a little more investigation to see if I missed something.

Sunday, January 7, 2018

On day one of Project Drain Fly I used a bleach solution and this morning there were still a few bugs but nothing like we had been experiencing. So today (day two), I mixed salt and baking soda and poured it into the overflow pukas and the drain, followed by distilled vinegar. And then after waiting five minutes, I poured in boiling water. Then I turned on the hot water tap and let it run for awhile to flush the pipes. Tomorrow morning will be interesting (if you are into this kind of thing). I am prepared to repeat as necessary.

Dinner at Joann's last night was nice. She is getting around well and is in good spirits. She starts PT this week and is also seeing the doctor who will be managing her radiation treatments. She doesn't have a start date yet. She also decided not to advise her son or grandson yet. She doesn't feel that telling them would serve any purpose at this time and would prefer to wait until she herself has a better sense of her life going forward.

I am not sure of the cause but I have felt a bit unsettled the past few days. I've had problems sleeping and when I do fall asleep wake up from disturbing dreams. I've gone back to a familiar theme of leaving from somewhere and getting lost as night approaches. I seem to be looking for a happy ending - last night after wandering around I could see a recognizable city with tall buildings in the distance. Sigh...

Saturday, January 6, 2017

We have these little gnat-llke bugs that appear in our sink overnight. After a google search, I discovered these are drain flies. They lay their eggs in the gunk that builds up in your pipes. I'm not sure why they come out at night but I am on a mission to eradicate them because quite frankly, the little buggers annoy me and I am tired of cleaning them out of the sink daily. This is day one of Project Drain Fly...

Michael and I are going to dinner at Joann's tonight. I made a rum cake and I must say it looks and smells delicious. I am hoping to keep the ants from discovering it and have the plate balanced on a tall mason jar. I am probably over thinking this but I find myself wondering if Joann prefers having people over vs. going to their homes given her health situation.

Friday, January 5, 2018

Michael and I went to First Friday in downtown Honolulu tonight. After fish and chips at Murphy's, we stopped at a few galleries and the Hawaii State Museum of Art. At the first gallery we visited, I heard someone say my name, and when I turned around discovered it was one of my neighbors. She apparently makes beaded jewelry, which surprised me because she is also a doctor (pulmonologist). She walks early mornings like I do. It's funny how many people we run into when we are out and about. Small world...

Thursday, January 4, 2018

Michael and I spent a few hours at the Salt Lake Target today and spent $220. Hopefully we bought something good given the dollar amount we spent. :) We also went to Wendy's, which is a bit of a treat for us because there isn't one close to our house. So a big day for the Doves.

This morning, a neighbor stopped me while I was out walking and gave me a box of succulents. I don't know him really well but have chatted with him several times when I have stopped to admire his succulent gardens. Again, I am humbled by how kind and generous my neighbors are. Many of the plants in my growing potted plant collection have come from neighbors. I experienced the same generosity when we lived in Ann Arbor. I used to love walking around our yard and identifying who gave me what plants. Maybe plant lovers are just a special group of people.

I spoke to Kathy by phone this morning. She is job hunting, which is always stressful. Hopefully, she'll find a position with a company that treats their employees well. It makes a big difference in one's work quality of life. We chatted about health coverage costs as well. It's a shame that people who might otherwise be able to retire don't because health insurance premiums are so high.

And lastly, as I watch news about the frigid, stormy weather the mainland is experiencing, I feel lucky to be enjoying the balmy weather I wake up to most mornings.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Honolulu conducted its monthly test of the emergency siren warning system today. A little shiver went down my spine when the nuclear missile attack siren sounded. Especially chilling because of today's rhetoric between Kim and Trump. "I too have a Nuclear Button, but is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works! Indeed...

Monday, January 1, 2018 HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Another page in my life begins. Reflecting back on 2017, for the most part I've stayed the course. No dramatic changes in my personal life and I am at peace with myself. The biggest highlight of 2017 was the news exactly one year ago that Sean and Rose planned to get married. The second biggest highlight was going on a road trip with family in August to see the solar eclipse. Both make me realize how much I love and miss family. And how fortunate I am to have Michael in my life.

Looking back at my past New Year's resolutions made me laugh a little. I still cannot eat with chopsticks and I suspect I will always be a may I have a fork kind of girl. I did however work on my resolution to add weight training to my exercise routine. I joined a gym in April and have consistently been working out twice a week. And it has made a difference in how I feel overall.

I have just a few resolutions for 2018. Michael purchased a bicycle in September for my birthday and I am embarrassed by how little I have used it. So at the top on my list is to get over my apprehension about riding on Kalanianaole Highway and begin riding on a regular basis. The ultimate goal is to use my bike as transportation to the library on the days I volunteer. If Rose can ride her bike to work in Chicago's winter weather, I should be able to manage the mile to the Aina Haina shopping center. I also plan to do at least one plank a day - it just seems like a good idea.

On that note, best wishes to my family and friends for a better 2018. This past year has been a difficult one for so many.