2013

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Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Year Wishes...

I wish you better health.

I wish you financial security.

I wish you the love of friends and family.

I wish you the beauty of nature.

I wish you happiness and joy.

Best wishes for a wonderful 2013.

New Year Resolutions...

I can't believe it's been a year since I didn't become a better person but I continue to try. I think I am more patient and have tried to be more generous with my time. But there is always room for improvement.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Butch gave Michael and me a ride to DTW at about 6:30am. We were on our way to Honolulu for an Internet2 work conference. We checked our bags and my bag, at a whopping 50 lbs., just squeaked in under the max amount to have to pay extra. It has its own tag now, which reads "heavy." I am definitely going to mail my work clothes back after the conference ends. Both flights (DTW/LAX and LAX/HNL) were thankfully uneventful. We arrived in Honolulu, picked up a rental car for work, and checked in at the Moana Surfrider in Waikiki. After a quick dinner at the hotel's beach restaurant, we went to bed.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Today, my coworker and I met with hotel staff from both the Princess Kaiulani and the Moana Surfrider to discuss conference activities at both hotels. We also met with the bus company. We found a nice spot on the lanai at the hotel to work and pretty much spent the day camped out there. Michael walked down to Queen's Beach, swam, and just enjoyed being back in Hawaii. When I was done with work, Michael and I decided to eat dinner at the Princess Kaiulani and had just received our food order when "it" hit. Michael looked like he was about to pass out and left the table to return to the hotel room while I paid the check. A few hours later, I also became ill and found myself in the bathroom repeatedly throwing up. Both of us have some kind of gastroenteritis.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

I dragged myself out of the hotel room this morning and went to the East West Center on the University of Hawaii’s campus to work. I feel absolutely awful - extremely tired, chills, stomach cramps, and my back and ribs are sore from retching all night. I tried to stay hydrated and drank plenty of water all day. It was a relief to finally return to the hotel around 6pm and collapse.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

I ended up not making it in to work today and feeling extremely guilty about it as it is day one of the conference and we expect it to be hectic. Michael and I both spent the day sleeping. At one point we went to the hotel pool, found a couple of lounge chairs in the shade and passed out so housekeeping could clean our room. I went to the ABC store across the street from the hotel and bought water, bananas and a few packaged sandwiches for Michael in case he decided to eat something.

Monday, January 14, 2013

I woke up still feeling queasy and tired but better. Things were pretty busy at the EWC but the UH staff supporting the event were really helpful and quite kind to me. I was still afraid to eat so they gave me a few bananas and some crackers and made sure I had plenty of water. I ordered a grilled cheese from room service when I got back to the hotel and was only able to eat half of it.

Tuesday-Thursday, January 15-17, 2013

I felt almost normal again. Work, work, work...

Friday, January 18, 2013

The conference is over and I am finally free. Michael and I picked up our car rental and made the move from the hotel to the Kawaikui house. After catching up on laundry, I had dinner with Ellen at a cute Mexican restaurant called ChaChaCha on the marina in Hawaii Kai.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

I am still feeling a little tired but managed to wake up early and walk around Nui Valley. Later Michael and I went to the post office to get a box so I could ship some of my clothes home. Afterwards, we picked up lunch at the Hawaii Kai Zippy's (teri burgers and mac salad) and headed to Sandy Beach. As always the view as you round the corner by Hanuama took my breath away.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Today is the first day I feel normal again. I had a really great day. Michael and I got up early and walked around Diamond Head (about 4.4 miles). Then we hung at the beach till about 1:30pm. We just got back from an excellent dinner at Michael's friend Peter’s house. It was really nice sitting around and having good conversation with good people.

Monday, January 20, 2013

Michael spent the day trimming trees and tooling around in his man shed. We then headed for Kahala Mall and ate dinner at the California Pizza Kitchen. I must admit I am enjoying the break from work and being somewhere warm. I understand it's only about 4 degrees back in Ann Arbor and here I sit in a tank top and shorts.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I started my day with a two-mile walk around the valley, skipping the hills as it feels like I am getting shin splints. Michael rode his bike to Sandy Beach while Ellen and I went to the post office and Safeway. I picked up groceries to make spaghetti for dinner tonight. I also bought arugula salad, bread and wine. Michael and I went to Kuhio Beach for a few hours this afternoon. I have already finished reading three books if that says anything about my time off so far.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Michael and I drove around the island today. It was a bit rainy but overall pretty nice. We stopped briefly at Sunset (there wasa surf meet happening), the Pipeline and Waimea. I took quite a few photos today and some videos of the surf. We stopped in Haleiwa and ate dinner at Cholo’s. Another nice day...

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Time here is ticking away. Thursday it was raining so we went downtown to the Hawaii State Art Museum. The museum has a really nice collection of art and exhibit space. We discovered that some of Michael's artwork that was purchased by the Art in Public Places Program in the 1970'scan be viewed online which is really cool. We also walked around Ward Warehouse.

Yesterday (Friday) we went to Kuhio Beach. Michael went surfing while I relaxed. Today we went to Kawaikui Beach Park. Michael went surfing but at about noon it got really cloudy. We ended up going out to Hawaii Kai and walked around the shops, City Mill and Costco. We had dinner at Kona Brewing then picked up a carton of mango ice cream - pretty yummy.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Happy Birthday to Donna (even though I know she'll never see this). It sounds like she did not have a very good day. I am not sure if it is related but Butch ended up spending time in the ER today with Dad. He thought he might have a blood clot in his leg.

I am feeling a bit bummed as we only have three more days here. We haven't done a lot but maybe that is a good thing. I certainly got a much needed opportunity to just relax and have enjoyed the ease of spending time outside without the worries of having to bundle up. Michael was telling me stories last night about when he was a child in Nui Valley. It's hard to reconcile his memories of cane fields, a dairy, etc. with all the houses and traffic that exists today. I love looking at the mountain peaks in the back of the valley when I am out walking. The view varies from morning to morning. Some days they are shrouded in mist and occasionally you see a rainbow or two. I really do love it here. Driving around just feels familiar.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Michael took offense at my comment that I haven't done a lot while on vacation. I would like him to know that not doing a lot is a plus in my view because most of my inactivity has been me sitting in a beach chair under a coconut tree by the ocean. Which by the way is one of my favorite non-activities. Today we went to Target and it’s amazing how we are able to wander around that store for hours. We also went up to the Pali Lookout and both of us took lots of photos in hopes of getting the "money" shot. We have a friendly little competition going. I am not saying who won. Then we had lunch at Buzz's in Lanikai. Leslie treated us which was really, really nice. The calamari steak scores high marks (as did my Long Island). As luck would have it on our way out of Kailua, Michael stopped at a surf shop and found the board he has been wanting. It came home with us and before I knew it we were at Kawaikui Beach Park so he could give it a test run.

Monday, February 4, 2013

I am back at work today. It is a snowy wintery day and Hawaii is on the other side of the planet both physically and mentally. I thought I had adjusted to the time difference but am feeling really tired. Fortunately, I am somewhat caught up with home chores like laundry and grocery shopping. And I plowed through an 8-inch pile of bills and junk mail. Butch and I visited the parents on Saturday. Butch went to Sears with Dad to buy a new fridge and I went with Mom to Wal-Mart to buy cat food and a few other items. Yesterday, Michael and I went out microwave shopping to replace the one that caught on fire. I thought it would be an easy purchase but apparently a compact 1000-watt microwave is tough to find.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Today was my scheduled day to start taking insulin. I must admit feeling pretty stressed out about it. Last night I crawled into my sleeping bag when I got home from work, felt physically ill, and couldn't sleep. But I got a reprieve from the doctor. My A1C level had gone down slightly despite stopping one of my meds. The doctor attributed this to my weight loss efforts. I plan to go to a dietician and am determined to lose another ten pounds before my next doctor visit in May. Baby steps...

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Ugh, I am sick. My nose starting dripping today while visiting family on Lennane St. and it has been downhill ever since. And a cautionary tale about buying something in a box that is banged up or looks like it may have been opened and resealed. In less than a month's time I have purchased two items I ended up returning. The first was at the Kahala Mall Macy's. I purchased a set of cookware. The box looked like it had been opened and resealed and my gut was saying get a different box and my mouth was saying I am sure it is fine. Sure enough, when I opened the box the cardboard pieces that fit around the cookware was strewn in the top of the box and one of the skillets was missing. And then I purchased a microwave at Loewes. It was the last one on the shelf and the box was banged up. I hemmed and hawed, again my gut was saying don't buy it and my brain was saying don't be ridiculous. We got it home, opened the box only to discover a big dent in the microwaves frame. I will listen to my gut from now on.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Surfs Up! Happy Birthday to my handsome surfer dude.

Also warm birthday wishes to Tricia. Hope it was a good one.

Friday, February 15, 2013

I really shouldn't listen to all the moody music I have in iTunes while working because it makes me feel reflective and not in the sense that I am shiny and reflecting light. When I think back on my life and the choices I've made, there are all kinds of things that I wish I had done differently - recognizing though that hindsight can be a double edge sword. I wish I had taken better care of myself because trying to make right some of my health issues has not been an easy path. I am often discouraged but at the same time am grateful for the encouragement and support I've received from Michael (and my new doctor who perhaps unwittingly has made me believe I can do this). Looking back, I wish too that I tried harder with some people to be kinder and more considerate of their issues. But there are also people I wish I had been tougher with, which is something I find very difficult even when I know they are taking advantage of my weak spots. I could ramble on but I think I've said enough.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Happy President's Day!

I just spent forever on the phone with the University of Michigan making an appointment at the Weight Management Clinic. I sure hope my insurance will cover this.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Happy Birthday wishes to both Bern & Christopher. It's crazy how many birthdays our family has in February. May must be a pretty frisky month for folks. I just got back from my diabetic eye exam and no change from one year ago but I am still on track to have cataract surgery some day. Kathy arrives tomorrow night. I think she's coming to my house in search of a bed but I guess I don't know 100%. No matter as I will be awake and the bed will have sheets on it.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I just got back from a trip to Chicago with Butch, April and Celina. I stayed with Sean and Rose and as always it was really nice to visit them. Yesterday we all went to the Chicago Museum of Art.

Sunday, March 10, 2012

The times, they are a changin' Spring is definitely in the air with temps on track today to hit close to 60 degrees. A sure sign of spring for me though is the switch to daylight savings time and me not having a clue what time it is as only half of our clocks are correct. I just poked my head outside and was greeted by the sound of chirping birds. I am thinking I should take advantage of the weather and head to Gallup Park today to walk and just breathe it all in.

Later in the day, Michael and I went to Gallup Park and walked 3 plus miles and I hit the 100-mile mark on the Nike app on my iPhone. Yay me! And the Old Riverman announced the river is running high. Not that mind boggling of a statement since the river was obviously overflowing its banks.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

I was thinking about Mom this morning while driving to work. I believe she had her heart attack and triple bypass in December 1995 so it's been 17 plus years. In that time she's had a few strokes, carotid artery surgery, a stint put in, and more. And despite taking a licking she keeps on ticking. She is an incredible woman. I wish she had a better quality of life though. Her days of traveling, which she dearly loved, are pretty much gone. I used to marvel at how she would drive by herself to North Carolina. And I miss the days of her driving out to Ann Arbor and dropping in unannounced and saying, "I was just in the neighborhood." I watch her struggling to get in and out of the car and how determined she is to do it unassisted and it makes me realize that determination got her through several years of raising eight kids with little support. Like I said, she's an incredible woman.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

A story about a pocketknife and people helping other people… This is not really a story about a pocketknife but some stories that Dad told me that started when we ran across a pocketknife in his basement. Dad says that it’s his pocketknife from when he was a kid. Knee high boots and knee length pants were the style in the 30's and the boots came with a pocketknife that was in a little pocket at the top of one of the boots. Now the story - when Dad was in the 2nd or 3rd grade, his teacher told him to go to the principal's office. When he got there, there was a woman with the principal. She was there to take him shopping for clothes. She took him to a shop and bought him pants, shirts and a winter coat. Fast forward to eleventh grade. Dad was asked to tutor another student in math. When he arrived at the house to tutor the student, he discovered she was the daughter of the woman who years before had bought him clothes. When he finished tutoring the daughter, the mother tried to pay him but he refused to take the money and told her that he was the little boy she had helped years before. He was afraid that his Aunt Rose would be angry with him for not taking the money because they had not had meat in a long time. But when he told her who the mother was, she told him he did the right thing.

Upon hearing this story, I asked Dad how he and Aunt Rose survived all those years. He said they were on welfare. He used to leave school at lunch time and take his little red sled to the welfare office to pick up their rations of food, take them home and then would head back to school. He also told me that when he was child, the railroad tracks ran fairly close to where they lived and there were often coal cars on the trains. When the trains went through the area the workers on the trains would "spill" some of the coal and the kids would pick up the coal for their families. Dad mentioned how people shared what little they had with each other during these hard times.

Friday, March 29, 2013

So when you lose weight, where does it go?

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy Easter, a celebration of spring.

Wednesday, April 3, 2012

Today I feel like the lyrics in this REM song. This is post my annual performance review at work to put this in perspective.

That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion, trying to keep up with you. And I don't know if I can do it. Oh no I've said too much. I haven't said enough.

Friday, April 5, 2013

I resisted eating a very yummy looking cupcake today.

Monday, April 8, 2013

I visited Mom and Dad on Saturday with Butch, April and Celina. We took them out for dinner at the Red Lobster (which reminds me that I owe Butch money). I have to say getting old is rough. It makes you realize you need to live each day to its fullest because you don't know what tomorrow will bring.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

I am at a work conference in Washington DC with five days down and 1.5 to go. I am tired and my feet hurt from standing for hours. And I am looking forward to Michael arriving tomorrow night.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Six days down, a half-day tomorrow and I am free and looking forward to getting to sleep past 4:30am tomorrow morning, Michael arrives around 10pm tonight. Interestingly, this is our last really big conference this year so I am looking forward to being able to take a long vacation this summer (back to Hawaii).

Sunday, April 28, 2013

I just got back from visiting Mom and Dad. It was really sobering. I felt so ineffective and found myself wondering what I could do for them that would make a difference.

Monday, April 29, 2013

I received two calls today - one from Dad and one from Donna expressing concern about Mom. She apparently had some difficulties at the drugstore today and needed their assistance getting in her car. She also had a fall a few days ago and Dad had to call 911 to assist her. She definitely should not be driving and as difficult as it will be to actually make this happen probably needs to be in an assisted living facility. I am not sure what Dad's medical coverage or financial picture is to make that happen though. "Worry, worry, worry, worry. Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone."

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I went to see how Mom was doing today and she seemed more alert. She admitted that she had fallen at CVS yesterday. I am really struggling with my feelings about her situation - mind vs. heart. We got some of her errands done including Pet Supplies Plus and CVS. She still wants to go to Wal-Mart and I am just hoping she doesn't take it upon herself to drive over there on her own. I also had a chat with Aimee whom I have decided to nickname Aussie because of her proposed middle name.

And I am adding this quote from Don Draper on Madmen because I found it oddly touching.

I only ever wanted to be the man who loves children. But from the moment they’re born, that baby comes out and you act proud and excited, hand out cigars. But you don’t feel anything. Especially if you had a difficult childhood. You want to love them but you don’t. And the fact that you’re faking that feeling makes you wonder if your own father had the same problem. [Sigh.] Then one day they get older, and you see them do something and you feel that feeling that you were pretending to have. And it feels like your heart is going to explode.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

All things seem possible in May. (Edwin Way Teale) Michael has already pointed out that May Day is Lei Day in Hawaii. And 59 days to vacation but whose counting.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Michael and I went to dinner last night with the Pedits to celebrate both April's birthday and Celina getting her driver's license. Michael drew a portrait of Celina on the paper covering the table. I really enjoyed myself even though I embarrassed myself by spilling my drink all over the table.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Mom ended up in Emergency at Botsford last night and was eventually admitted to the hospital. She apparently experienced some difficulty after sitting in her hot car out in front of the house for a few hours yesterday. I am not sure if she was out there because she was cold and was trying to warm up or was in the car just to get some peace and quiet. Dad keeps the volume so high on the TV that it is impossible to hear yourself think and even more difficult to carry on a conversation. The hospital has been running several tests in an effort to determine what's going on with her. She seemed to be in pretty good spirits today. I plan on going to see her tomorrow and am hoping to find out more.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Mom is still in the hospital but is scheduled to be released tomorrow to a rehab center to work on her strength and balance issues. Fortunately the social worker I was working with was able to find a bed at the facility that is the next street down from my parent’s house. Mom is really disappointed not to be going home though. She is worried about and misses her cats. Hopefully the move goes well tomorrow and she adjusts to the new place. I hope they are able to help her because I would hate to see her need longer term care.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I am feeling incredibly tired and sad. Mom moved to the Village of Redford today and it is obvious that she is worried she may not recover her strength. It is so hard to predict what the future will bring. I am just hoping that she does not give up.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

I visited Mom briefly this morning. Once again I'll use the word "sobering" to describe my feelings. She seemed like she didn't have any fight in her and I rather miss her usual on the mark and often humorous comments. I remember the line she used to respond with when you asked if you could do something, "I don't care what you do as long as you don't hurt anyone." It always made me think when I was a kid.

I must admit being concerned about Dad as well with all that is going on. He really relied on her to do the shopping and not having someone else in the house in the event he runs into a health issue or falls is a bit scary.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there but a special mother's day wish to Mom whom I love dearly. She seems to be getting some of her strength back but I still have some misgivings about her going home, which I know is what she wants. I am going to reserve judgment though. There is a meeting on Tuesday at the rehab facility regarding her prognosis. I'll be curious to hear what they say. On another note, I received a card from Sean and a necklace from Rose. Lucky me...

Monday, May 13, 2013

Mom spoke about her cats visiting her outside her window at night and I found myself imagining what it would have been like if true. A warm comforting thought. It made me think about the power of dreams and that blur between what is real and what is a dream. And it brought to mind the Sandman's A Dream of a Thousand Cats. I am not advocating that cats should rule the world. It’s just that sometimes dreams are closer to reality than you might think and can be a window to something else.

It’s night, in what seems to be an ordinary neighborhood. A couple prepares to go to bed while their young white kitten settles in for the night. But as the humans leave, the kitten is summoned by an older cat outside, summoned to a special meeting where a regal Siamese tells a group of felines a dark secret. The world was not always as we know it to be now, she says. Once, cats were larger than humans. Cats ruled the earth. They hunted man, enslaved them, held dominion over them. The one day, a single human began preaching a message of the power of dreaming. If, he said, enough humans could dream that they were superior to cats, then perhaps they could make that dream a reality. And so the world became as it is now, and this Siamese is traveling far and wide to preach her own message about the power of dreams. If enough cats dream that they rule the world again, perhaps they will.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I am increasingly grateful to Marilyn for really stepping up to the plate. She has been really generous with her time. She visits Mom regularly and spent hours yesterday at my parents house cleaning the bathroom and scrubbing floors. That kind of largesse is rare. Thank you, thank you, thank you Marilyn - you are a thoughtful, kind person.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

I visited Mom today and helped her get her hair done. She wants to look nice for when Kathy is here this weekend. The beauty parlor reminded me of Opal's Beauty Shop in Fried Green Tomatoes. The walls are all painted pink and it was really busy with ladies all gossiping about their families. Mom confirmed something I've suspected. There are a number of staff there that aren't really all that nice or patient with the residents. I agree it takes a special kind of person to work with the elderly but there is no excuse for being disrespectful or inattentive to their needs. It's hard to hear when it's your own mother on the receiving end. I am not sure if there is any point in saying something.

Friday, May 17, 2013

In times of family crisis it's interesting to note people's reactions - who the givers are, who says "someone needs to xyz." vs. "I'll take care of xyz" etc. I am not necessarily being critical (except for the those that fall in the "someone needs to" category) because I realize how hard it is to balance work and family responsibilities and for some dealing with Mom and Dad's issues is just too much. And geography is certainly an issue. I just realized I am not sure where I am going with this so excuse my ramblings.

Monday, May 20 2013

I made the 200 mile mark on the Nike app on my phone today at lunch.

I had an interesting weekend. I had a great time Saturday night with Michael, Celina, and her friend Faith at the Detroit Derby Girls Championship match at the Masonic Temple in downtown Detroit. The Pistoffs lost but there was a lot of positive energy in the air and cheering on our team was a great way to relieve tension. On Sunday, the family had a dinner get-together at the rehab center with Mom. She tired out pretty quickly but it was nice to see so many family members there regardless of what their motives might have been (see how suspicious and cynical I am becoming - bleh!).

I have a doctor's appointment with the endocrinologist this afternoon, which I am a bit apprehensive about. Despite losing weight, blood sugar levels are still not optimal - morning readings are still high and recovery after eating is slow. We shall see what he says.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

I visited Mom yesterday and am a bit more optimistic about her ability to get around using a walker but am wary at the same time that she will slip back into her old ways and start using walls and furniture for support instead of the walker. Old habits are hard to break especially without someone in the house to reinforce what she's learned in rehab. Prove me wrong, Mom.

My doctor's appointment was interesting. The doctor was pretty optimistic that weight loss would reverse my diabetes. Unfortunately, despite losing 25 pounds my A1C number was only slightly better - from 6.9 to 6.8 and he was hoping for it to be at 6.0 or lower. He seems interested in figuring out what else might be going on with me to cause the blood sugar issue and ordered blood tests - one which involved taking dexamethasone at 11pm last night and going in for the blood draw at 8am this morning. I think he is trying to rule things out. He also seems really interested in the type of abdominal fat I have - subcutaneous (bad) vs. visceral (really bad). Talking about one's fat is always an ego booster.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

I am not sure what this says about me but every time I see the iPhone commercial with people using the camera feature I smile at the end when they show the little girl in pink giggle at the picture of herself. It's the same reaction I have every time I watch a video I took of Michael jumping on his SUP from shore. It's one of those feel good moments.

Monday, May 27, 2013

I spent a lot of time in Redford this weekend and am going back today. Joe is visiting and it's been nice seeing him with Mom. He is really good with her. She seems to be in good spirits. I am not sure whether to be amused or horrified by some of her comments, some of which are somewhat inappropriate given the racial mix at the rehab facility. Yesterday she said it was like Gone With the Wind - referring to the fact that it is mostly white ladies being attended to by mostly black women. An astute observation but nevertheless not something you'd want to necessarily vocalize.

Joe and I also dropped by the Lennane house. Butch and April were nearly finished painting the house interior and it looks so much better and cleaner. It was hard not to feel badly though that they spent their entire Memorial Day weekend scrubbing, patching and painting walls. When we returned to the rehab facility Mom was asleep but I did drop off some laundry and personal items she requested. And then I took Joe to the airport and came home and collapsed.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

I took care of a lot of personal business today. I called the doctor's office regarding the lab work done last week and results were all within the normal range. I also cancelled my home phone landline. It was actually hard giving up my phone number of 32 years but when you calculate the per call cost it definitely made sense. And I made an appointment to take my car in for service tomorrow morning. It sounds like Sherman tank - obviously an exhaust issue. It rather embarrasses me to drive it right now. Hopefully the repair will not be some astronomical amount.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

My heart fell when I dropped my car off this morning and my arch nemesis Nick Sneed waited on me. There was over forced politeness while my inner self was screaming no. I ended up applying a Band-Aid to my exhaust issue. Instead of replacing my catalytic converter and B Pipe to the tune of $2,150, I replaced the catalytic converter studs and nuts to my rusted out flange at the bargain price of $154. I left with a warning that my flanges were very thin and my car may need future attention. I guess I will try to avoid potholes and driving off curbs.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning then plan to visit Mom.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Unbelievable! I noticed this morning that my rear window wiper was completely ripped off my car.

I am assuming at the car wash when I took my car in yesterday. I called the dealership this morning, Nick answered and asked me to bring the car by tomorrow so he can take a look and order the parts. There was a brief moment when I just wanted to weep with frustration - my own private pity party.

The visit to Mom was pretty uneventful but I did speak with the therapist and got a possible release date. As it stands now, the home assessment is next Tuesday, June 4 and she will be released a week later on Tuesday, June 11. I tried to talk to Dad today to see if he understands what they will be looking for when they come to the house. I even got her walker out and walked around with it to show him the problem areas with the kitchen and bathroom having the most issues. I plan to go back this weekend and am hoping that now that the painting is done I can clear all the stuff that got piled in her room and tidy it up. I also wanted to try to damp mop the floors while I was there. There is the realization that this is just the beginning of a long haul.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

I spent the last two days trying to get some last minute cleaning done at the Lennane house. I am pretty sure Dad is not pleased with my efforts and perceives it as a imposition which just adds to the stress of this whole situation. He has really been out of sorts. I think that there is just too much on his plate right now that is out of his control. I must also admit being concerned for his health. Walking just short distances seems to take a toll on him. Hopefully all goes well with the home assessment on Tuesday and we can all breathe a sigh of relief but for now we just need to take it one day at a time and hope for the best.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

My rear window wiper was replaced this morning at no charge with Nick telling me he really loves my car. I tried hard not to smirk. I am feeling a bit more optimistic about Mom at least getting released. If only I had the same optimism about her using the walker when she gets home. It should be interesting to see how quickly she reverts back to her old ways. I can already see her going down the basement stairs to do laundry. I am hoping that some of the Lennane folks will find time to take her shopping. Once she is home, I'd like to go over and help her sort and organize her clothes. Now if I could just find her missing billfold.

Friday, June 7, 2013

After looking through my last five weeks of postings, I realize how much energy and time has been expended (and not just by me) caring for Mom and Dad. It's ironic how much roles reverse as we age because just like parents of teenagers I've found myself exasperated with Dad for how unreasonable and ungrateful he seems. I am not a person that gets headaches normally but I've left his house several times digging in my purse for Advil. And yet I find it difficult to just walk away. I suppose in part because my and other family members' efforts have the goal of allowing Mom to return home. And I also keep finding reasons and excuses for dad's behavior, right or wrong.

But I have a lot to be grateful for too. My thanks to Michael for understanding why I am not home and for taking care of things like the yard in my absence. And my thanks to Butch and April for suffering along with me and making the weekends at the Lennane house more tolerable.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Mom’s wallet suddenly appeared. Dad had it all along. Unbelievable!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Tomorrow is our 41st wedding anniversary. I know it's not a big one like one's 25th or 50th but it is still a milestone in my eyes. We have dinner plans at the Gandy Dancer and I am really looking forward to our "date." What to wear, what to wear...

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Michael went all out for our anniversary - dinner at the Gandy Dancer and a beautiful necklace and card. I am feeling very lucky and looking forward to many more years together. Today we went paddling at Gallup Park. After all the weekends in Redford, it was nice to get some sun and relax on the river.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Butch, April and I went to visit Mom today. I must say Dad was definitely not in a happy place and didn't want anyone else to be either. We managed to get Mom out of the house and stopped at the bank, post office, and had Mexican food for lunch at a small place she likes on 5 Mile. She was home in time for her physical therapy assessment and then we headed to Wal-Mart and even stopped at Burger King on the way back to the house for ice cream cones. Dad was irritated that I got out one of the boxes he stashed her stuff in so she could get her checkbook. So we have a situation where he took it upon himself to go through all her stuff and box it up and she isn't supposed to have access to it? Can you imagine how he would react if one of us decided to go through his stuff in his absence to organize it for him and then tell him hands off because he might mess it up. Mom commented that yes her room was messy but she knew where everything was at least. Now she can't find anything. Let this be a warning that I will not consider it a favor if anyone decides to organize my stuff for me. Please wait until I am dead.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

This is Sean's bio from the Chicago Alternative Comics Expo, CAKE! that Sean participated in this past weekend. I couldn't help myself. Another example of feel good stuff that just makes me smile.

Sean Dove lives and works in Chicago, where he runs his one-man design studio And Thank You for Flying. He makes humorous, retro-inspired images with bold, solid shapes and smart colors. His work has been exhibited at galleries around the United States, including New York and Los Angeles’ Gallery 1988, as well as publications such as Strange Kids, Club Comix Magazine, G.I. Joe, and LLoys Kaufman Presents: The Toxic Avenger And Other Tromatic Tales. He also self publishes Fried Rice, a collection of short all-ages comic works. He enjoys walking to work, the middles seat at the theater, and plaid shirts.

To quote my mother, “Oh fuck.” I received a call from Donna around 8pm advising me that Mom was being taken to the ER. It turned out she had suffered a stroke among other things. Life seems unfair sometimes.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

I spent the day at Botsford Hospital today with my mother. She had no idea I was there and no words were exchanged between the two of us. Based on her combative behavior in the ER last night, I must admit being a bit apprehensive when I arrived that she would swear and/or ask me to leave so it wasn't that bad of an outcome. She was asleep most of the time I was there, only waking briefly when roused for medical tests. And she even slept through most of those. They are giving her medications through a feeding tube through her nose. It's still not clear exactly what going on. They believe she had a stroke based on the CAT scan but want to confirm it via an MRI. They are also treating her for a high ammonia level which I googled and could be causing her inappropriate behavior so I am hopeful that once her ammonia levels drop she will be back to normal. Keeping my fingers crossed. She's been through so much already and it just seems so unfair that after enduring 5 weeks in rehab that something like this happens.

Friday, June 21, 2013

I debated where to go when I got up this morning and ended up going to work. Fortunately Donna visited the hospital this morning and reported that Mom woke up and was pretty much back to normal. No more swearing. Secretly I wish I had taped her but that just seemed so wrong. I am going to assume her altered mental state was due to higher than normal ammonia levels. I am not sure though what caused her ammonia levels to become elevated other than a liver issue. Hopefully the doctors can figure that out so it doesn't happen again. She apparently also had a stroke and because of the weakness on her left side will be going back into rehab. Donna visited a few rehab facilities in the area and it seems like they all have pros and cons. All I can say is this mother of mine is not living the dream - old age has not been kind to her.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

I spent the day at Botsford today in anticipation of mom possibly being discharged to the rehab center. It was a no go. Her hemoglobin level dropped and they were giving her a blood transfusion. The doctor said maybe tomorrow or Thursday. On a lighter note, Mom thought she was in the hospital because she has pneumonia not because her ammonia level was too high. I understand now why she kept telling me they misdiagnosed her. She also told me that if she should die while I am in Hawaii not to come back for her funeral - instead stay and have a good time. She says she is ready to die and that she will not fight it. I am glad I've had this time with her before leaving for vacation but I expect to see her up and about when I return.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Mom was released today back to the Village of Redford. This is a bit selfish but I must admit being relieved that she got settled before I left for Hawaii. I will also be able to get back to work tomorrow. It's been a bit awkward for me to miss this much work especially before going on vacation. BTW, a big thanks to April for giving up her day to go in with me today. It took a lot of the pressure off for me.

Friday, June 28, 2013

This is me trying to make sense of Mom's health issues as I pull together snippets of what doctors have said during her stay at Botsford mixed in with a little bit of Google searching. My take on all this is that it's all related to heart failure as her heart becomes progressively weaker over the years. With blood moving through her heart and body at a slower rate, her heart is not pumping enough oxygen and nutrients to meet her body's needs. Thus the anemia and need for the transfusion. Her heart's inability to pump efficiently could also be related to the issues she has with her kidneys and liver as fluid builds up. In her case this led to the ammonia build up the hospital was treating her for. She also has issues with water retention. Despite being told she had a stroke, I find myself a bit skeptical that she had one recently unless it was a small one. Almost Dr. Sugar

Sunday, June 30, 2013

I am counting today as my first official vacation day. I consider yesterday a travel day. I started the day with a walk around Nui Valley. One of the things I've always loved about Hawaii is how good it smells. Plumerias seem to be in full bloom right now and their scent was definitely in the air. Michael and I headed to Zippy's for breakfast after my walk. Alas, no mac salad this morning. I told Michael we should just buy a tub of mac salad (serves 26) and a haupia cake, ask for a couple of forks and call it a day. We then went to Kuhio Beach and while I relaxed in my beach chair, Michael went surfing. All in all, a good day...

Monday, July 1, 2013

We went to Target (Salt Lake) this morning, which is similar to the Target on Carpenter Rd. merchandise wise but seems a little bigger and is laid out differently. After wandering around the store for a few hours and spending beaucoup bucks we headed to Sears Ala Moana to look at chain saws only to find it closed last month. So this afternoon, Michael tried to trim a tree that is out of control in the backyard using just a small saw. In this battle of nature vs. man, I believe nature may have won.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

We arrived in Hawaii Saturday evening and matter how long we are away I am always a bit surprised by how familiar it feels. We've lucked out with the weather so far. The days have been warm and the nights have been fairly cool. We invested in a chain saw today and Michael has been busy trying to tame a tree over hanging one of his sheds/work area in the back yard. We are now looking into finding a way to get rid of all the brush and tree branches.

I've tried not to dwell too much on all the stuff going on with my parents but reading snippets on Facebook makes it hard to ignore.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

It’s another beautiful day. Michael and I went to Kuhio Beach today. He went surfing while I read and people watched from the comfort of my beach chair. Several people were staking out their sites to view tomorrow's 4th of July fireworks. It is beginning to look like a tent city and reminded me of regatta days when Michael used to coach high school crew.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Happy Independence Day!

Michael and I celebrated by going down to the beach in front of Calvary Lutheran Church and joining Leslie, Chelsea, Sione, Selena, and Lily to watch the firework display going on in Hawaii Kai. Leslie brought hot dogs, potato salad, chips and wine. A very relaxing and fun evening.

Friday, July 5, 2013

I spent today waiting for the plumber. I ran a load of laundry Wednesday night and apparently there was a blockage in the sewer pipe and all the water from the washer backed up and came up the shower drain. The bathroom and parts of all three bedrooms flooded - lots of soaked rugs and towels. It would have really helped to have a shop vac to suck up the water. The plumber found roots in the pipe, which means there is a breach somewhere. He is coming back Monday with a camera to determine where the problem is. I have spent the last view days disinfecting floors, etc. There is nothing like the smell of Clorox.

Michael went for a bike ride this morning and surfed with his friend Peter this afternoon. We had dinner tonight at ChaChaCha in Hawaii Kai (Mexican food). I ate and drank too much!

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Tomorrow is Sean's 34th birthday, which is hard to believe. It just occurred to me that I was sitting in the very same spot I am sitting in now 34 years ago nine months pregnant (and weighing less than I do now, yikes).

I just spoke to Butch on the phone and got an update on Mom and Dad. It sounds like Mom is doing well and even socializing some at the rehab facility, which is good to hear.

I've kept up with my walking. I'm 23 miles short of hitting the 300 mile mark on the Nike app I've been using on my iPhone so there is a good chance I may hit it while still in Hawaii. I'd like to do the Diamond Head loop (4.5 miles) a few more times while here so that should help. I walk fairly early to beat the heat and it always surprises how many other people are out walking - many old and some with walkers. There is one old couple that shuffles along faster than I walk.

We've experienced some plumbing issues at the house - an old problem that occurred on another visit some years back. The water from the washer backed up into the shower drain. Unfortunately I didn't notice it was happening until after the bathroom and parts of the bedroom floors and rugs got soaked. It took a few hours to get all the water mopped up. Then I spent two days cleaning with Clorox and drying out rugs. The plumber was out yesterday and snaked the sewer pipe. He said there were roots in it but didn't have his camera so is coming back Monday to determine the "root" of the problem. This all seems so un-vacation like but is a part of being in a home, not a hotel I guess.

Today was the perfect beach day. We went to Waimanalo Beach Park - there was just enough breeze to keep it from being really hot and uncomfortable. The surf wasn't really rough so I managed to get out in the water for a while, which was nice. We went to Kona Brewing for dinner, which was a nice way to finish the day.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Happy Birthday Sean! Leslie and Chelsea came by and we all ate haupia cake to celebrate Sean's birthday. I really love those girls and feel lucky that they accept me as part of the family. I have to admit to wishing I could be a part of one of those families I see at the beach with the pop-up tent, coolers of food, surfboards, etc. I am not sure what that says about me.

Monday, July 8, 2013

Very uneventful day - I went to the grocery store and post office this morning but mostly hung out at the house waiting for the plumber (who by the way never showed up). After a few dinners out, I bought groceries to make at least three dinners at home and spent only about $20. Tonight I made a pasta dish with linguini, olive oil, garlic, and spinach.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Today Michael and I went to Waimea Bay on the North Shore. I love swimming there - sandy bottom and the water is crystal clear. We ate lunch at Pizza Bob's in Haleiwa (instead of our usual spot at Cholo's). Another perfect day with my best pal.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

It hit me today that time in Hawaii is running out. We have been in Hawaii eleven days so far and leave a week from now. We made it to the North Shore yesterday. Waimea Bay was gorgeous as always. I must admit that I have pretty much done what I came here to do which was primarily to relax and spend some time with Michael. Beach time isn't too shoddy either. What's left? I'd like to walk around Diamond Head one more time, go to Buzz's Kailua for lunch, and maybe try paddle boarding before we leave.

I got a bit of a wake-up call this morning at 4:20am from the doctor that released Mom from the Village of Redford. She went over some of Mom's medications and gave me a review of what medical issues she has. No surprises and I passed on what I could to Donna and Butch.

This morning, Michael and I went to the Hawaii State Art Museum in downtown Honolulu and then headed over to Chinatown to walk around and take photos. There were quite a few pieces on display at the art museum that were created by people that we knew from our University of Hawaii days years ago. There was a farmers market going on in the Chinatown area - prices for fruits and vegetables seemed cheaper than the supermarket. After leaving downtown, we headed for Ward Warehouse and browsed our favorite stores (Island Guitars, Na Mea Hawaii and Nohea Gallery). We then headed to Zippy's for mini teri-beef plates and to Kuhio Beach. BTW, it's been super windy since last night.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

I went for a walk this morning with all the "seniors" in the valley. I have to admire these old folks out there with their walkers and canes each morning. And I've said this before but some of them really book. Michael has been tinkering out in his man shack. He rigged up some electricity out there that involves a long extension cord.

I've been thinking about how a lot of haoles in Hawaii seem to feel they have to prove they are local. You hear them talking about where they have lived and/or worked, who they know, etc. Some act like they are an authority on all things local. It kind of makes me feel embarrassed sometimes about being a white mainlander.

This morning started off rainy but it looked like it was going to clear up so we headed to Kapiolani Park only to have it start pouring. We ended up going to Safeway instead and then back to the house. I teased Michael that we had taken his surfboard out for a car ride.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Michael and I started the day by walking around Diamond Head. Michael then went surfing while I read a book and people watched at Kuhio Beach. Both the yard guys (made me think of yard ninjas) and the plumber showed up when we returned home. It looks like we need to have about an 8-foot section of the sewer pipe replaced or repaired due to roots that have broken through the pipe. We had dinner at Roy's in Hawaii Kai. We sat out on their lanai enjoying good food and a beautiful view - a very nice way to end the day.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Michael and I picked up lunch at McDonalds with the intent of eating at Kawaikui Park but ended up at Maunalua Bay in Hawaii Kai when we couldn't find parking. Later we went to Kailua to visit Michael's Aunt Wanda and cousins Courtney and Carol. Nice visit.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Michael and I started the day off with breakfast at the Outrigger Canoe Club with Leslie, Chelsea, Sione, Selena and Lily. A big thanks to Leslie for inviting us to what turned out to be a fabulous buffet in the perfect setting.

Michael and I stopped at Kahala Mall on the way back to the house and ended up buying a chair. Michael also bought a picture frame for one of his father's watercolors, which is now hanging in our bedroom.

We ended the day by meeting up with Leslie, Chelsea, Sione, Selena and Lily at Ala Moana Beach Park. We took turns going out on Chelsea's SUP board. I had a really nice time.

Monday, July 16, 2013

Sione's family came by today and hauled away all the tree branches and brush we had piled in the yard so there is one less thing to worry about before we leave. It completely filled their pick-up truck. A big thank you to the Tausingas and a big sigh of relief!

This afternoon we went to Kuhio Beach - Michael went surfing while I polished off another book

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

With only one full vacation day left we did some shopping and spent time at Kuhio Beach today. We ate dinner at Lung Fung, which is the Chinese restaurant in Nui Valley. I enjoyed dinner, despite tripping on the curb in front of the restaurant, much to my embarrassment. But I must admit I still like Hee Hings better.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

As Michael has been pointing out, it's back to reality tomorrow. It has been, however, a great and much needed time-out from our usual routine. It's been nice having the house to ourselves. I've woken up every morning to the sounds of what I can only describe as a chorus of birds greeting the day. I've tried to get in a walk early each morning before it warms up, taking in the views of the mountains in the back of the valley and the scent of flowers as I make my way up and down the neighborhood streets. I am sitting right now in the living room in the chair by the patio door enjoying a nice cool breeze.

The next time I post it will probably be from the house in Ann Arbor and despite how hard it is to leave Hawaii I must admit it will nice to be back home.

Thursday – Friday, July 18-19, 2013

Posted one day late but this is my final Hawaii trip posting. With each visit to Honolulu, I find it gets harder and harder to leave. A hui hou... (Good-bye, until we meet again)

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Sleep is like a cat - it only comes to you if you ignore it. This is the jet-lagged me talking.

Growing up my father "treated my mother at best like an incompetent employee. He never beat her, but his pure inarticulate fury would fill the house for days and weeks at a time, making the air humid, hard to breathe, my father stalking around with his lower jaw jutting out, giving him the look of a wounded, vengeful boxer, grinding his teeth so loud you could hear it across the room. Throwing things near her but not exactly at her. I'm sure he told himself: I never hit her. I'm sure because of this technicality he never saw himself as an abuser. But he turned our family life into an endless road trip with bad directions and a rage-clenched driver, a vacation that never got a chance to be fun. I don't think my father's issue was with my mother in particular. He just didn't like women." This is from a book I am reading by Gillian Flynn - it reminded me of my own father.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

I've kept at it and made the 300-mile mark on my Nike app a few days ago. It's the distance between Ann Arbor and Louisville, KY.

Monday, July 29. 2013

Reflections on this past weekend: I went to my parent's house on Saturday with Butch, April and Celina. Kathy was visiting so I was hoping for a few minutes to catch up with her in addition to visiting with other family members. As is the case when there are a number of people around, I didn't really get a chance to talk to Kathy, which was disappointing but not unexpected. And I am not sure what was going on with my father but his behavior really made me uncomfortable to the extent that I almost didn't want to be there. He was yelling at Mom about very inconsequential and outdated things and it made me wonder if his striking out was for our benefit or if that is what Mom is enduring day in and day out from him. I'm sure he felt a little left out as we were all outside on the porch and front yard and he wasn't the center of attention but it's really hard to respond positively to that kind of verbal aggression and meanness. Additionally, I felt like I didn't want to reward him by responding. But it wasn't okay with me and there is a part of me that wanted to reach out to him and ask him what's really going on. His behavior seemed so unnecessary.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

I cannot articulate adequately how I perceive what Michael must feel as he anticipates retiring and moving on to a new chapter in his life. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years - time ticking on but at the same time feeling like it has come to a standstill. A life in limbo where work seems meaningless, just a means to a paycheck. I am feeling it too.

Friday, August 2, 2013

I love this song by the Lumineers, it makes me smile. Ho hey, I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart...

Monday, August 5, 2013

I've been trying to add a loop through County Farm Park when I go on a longer walk - something I had done for years but had stopped a few years back. It hit me that I have been walking in this park for 30 plus years.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

I've been sleuthing on Google and in my junior doctor role have decided I have hypopituitarism, a condition in which the pituitary gland is not producing one or more hormones. I am basing this diagnosis on recent blood test results, which show very low ACTH and cortisol levels. The pituitary gland produces ACTH, which stimulates the adrenal glands to release a hormone called cortisol, which in turn regulates metabolism and blood pressure. Perhaps related is an MRI (11/29/09) that showed a possible pituitary adenoma. Got to love the Internet although it looks like the treatment is worse than the condition. I go to the endocrinologist in three weeks and am interested in what he will say.

Otherwise, life goes on. Both Michael and I had a cold. His lasted about a week, mine 4-5 days. It was mostly a runny nose with the resulting cough, which made me wonder if allergies might be a possibility.

I went to Xochimilco in Mexicantown in Detroit for dinner with a friend Tuesday night and got a good laugh when we got off the expressway and she quipped "I hope we don't get shot." The restaurant was packed and I really enjoyed my meal. I thought the quality and the amount of food you got for your money was a good value and wouldn't mind going again.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

I went on an early morning walk at Lillie Park with Butch, April, Selena and Saddie. It was perfect except for the mosquitoes.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Michael and I are interested in the Fast Diet aka the 5:2 diet. This is 5 days of eating normally and 2 days of fasting (600 calories) each week. We thought we'd try to do one fasting day instead of two this week and I'd like to report I am hungry. I have been keeping an eye on my blood sugar levels all day and ironically ended up eating an early dinner instead of going for a walk because my blood sugar level was really low, which seems a bit counterproductive. I definitely need to rethink timing of food intake.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Better than Carlos Danger… I checked out Sean’s Dirty Border film, Blood from a Stone, and loved it. It was created for the 48 Hour Film Project in Chicago. I am a proud mom and not afraid to admit it.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Another 48 Hour film called Ace of Hearts stars Rose, the other half of my favorite Chicagoans.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

It's a warm night and I have the windows open. The backyard night sounds seems especially loud. I am not sure what I am listening to but I am guessing crickets, frogs and other critters. It's a lovely sound.

Since returning from Hawaii I am finding it hard to feel invested in my job and often feel like the odd man out. It's an uncomfortable place to be. I can only imagine how Michael feels.

Summer is dwindling away and I am wondering what happened to all that lost time. And then I remember three lovely weeks on Hawaii beaches, walks in local parks, paddling down the Huron River with Michael, and lazing in the sun in my own backyard. It has been a good summer after all.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

In the windy city of Chicago, their lies a far away magical place. There was a really great look behind the scenes at Four Star Studios (and another proud mommy moment).

http://multiversitycomics.com/columns/artist-august-four-star-studios/#.UhZFwiv43fE.facebook

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Michael and I drove to Lake Michigan yesterday and went to Jean Klock Park just north of Benton Harbor. It turned out to be a beautiful beach day. We went paddling a few miles up the coast and also got in some quality beach chair time.

Today I went with Butch to visit Mom and Dad. I wish I knew how to help them. I feel like I live close enough to be of some benefit but too far away to make a real difference.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

I had a fairly successful doctor's appointment this morning. I have officially lost 30 pounds and my A1C level has dropped to 5.9. I return to the doctor in 6 months. If I am able to reduce my AIC level to 5.5 through old-fashioned diet and exercise, the doctor plans to cut my metformin dosage by half. Trying to control my weight and blood sugar levels has been a big undertaking but it is gratifying to see that my hard work is starting to pay off. I've realized though that this is a battle I am going to be fighting for the rest of my life, which is sobering. But the realization that I can still eat potato chips and an occasional Oreo and even drink on weekends makes it easier.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Happy 85^thBirthday Dad!

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

I am really looking forward to a long weekend in a few weeks. We are staying at the Boathouse in Douglas (courtesy of a friend). I am hoping the weather holds up, as it would be nice to get in one last beach day if possible before winter is upon us.

We celebrated Dad's 85th birthday this weekend. It was nice having the family together. Both he and Mom are moving pretty slowly these days. And it's pretty evident neither of them is feeling well.

Butch and I (sometimes also Celina and April) have been walking weekends. I normally walk alone and am finding it nice to have the company. So far we've walked at County Farm Park and Lillie Park.

Monday, September 16, 2013

I lost my weekend walking buddy this weekend. Butch was on call and ended up going out of town on Sunday when we planned to walk. I like walking with him. He opens my eyes to a lot of things I just don't see when I am out and about. I tend to keep my eyes on the trail ahead of me when I walk, mostly to keep from tripping. He notices everything and is constantly pointing out unusual birds and plants as we trudge along. He does the same thing when we are in the car. He is always seeing deer, falcons, and an occasional fox, some of which I get a glimpse of but often times not. I wish I could be more like my brother in this respect. I am sure there is some deep philosophical thing going on here in how we approach life.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Today is my 63^rdbirthday.

This is an email exchange I had a friend today.

Hi Em, This is pretty pathetic but apparently not having a birthday lunch with you left a surprisingly big hole in my day. I had one of those introspective moments at lunchtime when I realized I was on my own. By the way this is NOT a solicitation for lunch.

How goes getting your basement cleaned out? I watch you go through this process and realize I have a lot of work ahead of me.

Let me know if we are still "on" in October or if you will be unavailable. I am looking at the calendar now and it looks like the first Tuesday is on October 1.

XOXO, Ce

C, And that's why I never ever work on my birthday. People only remember what they want to remember and if it suits them. And you know Traci never remembers anyone except herself. I make my birthday my day and do what I want to do --- my family can't say a mean thing to me on that day or make me do anything I don't want to do. That's the rule. Lately I've chosen going to the DIA. Anyway... it is an awakening when you realize it really truly is only you and you alone. That's why I always tell women -- -take care of yourself first then everything will fall into place. You're taking care of yourself physically now, Ce, and Mike is starting to pay attention to that, isn't he? You need to take care of yourself emotionally/psychologically as well -- you know you are smart and gentle and giving -- you know you won't take advantage of people even if you start thinking of yourself first. Think of it -- no one else will put you first so you might as well. It will feel so good to be in charge of you. You've started now you need to continue.

Listen to me giving you therapy on your birthday?!?!? From one wise woman to another......

You know darn well that your family dumps on you all the time – not only your time, but paying for dinners, remembering birthdays, being the event organizer, etc. and making most of the decisions. At some point in time, you've become their pillar and they're all taking advantage of you. Do what's best for your parents and your immediate family. As the pillar, you just might be pounded into the ground if you let them. It doesn't mean you can't continue to be supportive --at some point in time, your time needs to be considered valuable as well. (I just don't stop when I'm on a roll. Been there and done that and finally rose above it all. Still think I'm a good person despite taking care of me first.)

So..........you should receive my card tomorrow. It was mailed yesterday and it did solicit you to a birthday luncheon --- way ahead of your email. We'll do something next week for sure when I get back from up north. I couldn't remember the exact date of your birthday and I scoured the files I have on the I2 computer and couldn't locate it there either. I usually rely on the HR files but all my data was deleted when we went to ADP records. Your original contract gave me your address but my Payroll Profile on you at that time did not include your birth date, as I never thought it was any of KJ's business to know birthdates.

October 1 is my plan as well for our monthly dinner. Do we have to start now trying to make the decision on where???? heh.

Well, birthday girl -- I have lectured you enough and rattled on and on about ME again. I do hope your birthday ended up being a nice one with family remembering you. I remembered you..... just wasn't sure if it was the 16th or the 26th. I was wrong -- it was the 18th. I would have met you in Ann Arbor for lunch if I knew it was today. All I did was go shopping today so it would have been perfect to meet you. I am sorry I didn't have your date down. I won't forget ever again.

My best to you today, Ce. As they say, we are born alone, live alone and die alone. There's just those pesky people we have to put up with-- a great escape is a good book, right?

Hugs and kisses today,

Em

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Michael and I said goodbye to summer this past weekend in Douglas, MI with Sean, Rose, Butch, April, and Celina. A father of one of the young women Michael coached offered us a vacation rental he has in Douglas that he calls the Boathouse. His daughter ended up at an ivy league school and landed a coaching job at Boston State University. It is a fabulous house and I must admit well out of my price range. The beach was a little too cool for sunbathing but Michael and I did get in a couple hours of kite flying in the beach parking lot on Friday. We set up our beach chairs between two sand dunes to break the wind. When Sean and Rose showed up Friday evening, we went to Phil's in Saugatuck for dinner. The food was good and it seemed like a pretty popular place. Butch, April & Celina showed up later Friday evening.

Saturday morning Butch, Celina and I walked up to Oval Beach - the view was well worth the trek. Later we all drove up to Holland and checked out the shops downtown (a mix of clothing, gift, recreational - something for everyone, I guess). Butch treated us to wonderful (and fun I might add) dinner Saturday night at the Wild Dog in Douglas. He built a fire in the fire pit when we got back to the house and we all sat around and chatted (looking for a sweet spot by the fire that was warm but not too smoky).

Butch & I walked along a bluff overlooking Lake Michigan on Sunday morning and fantasized about what it would be like to own one of the houses along the road. When we got back to the house, Michael made everyone a yummy breakfast of eggs and pancakes. He claims he'd do a lot more cooking at home if he had a kitchen like the one at the Boathouse. I must admit having some kitchen envy myself. After cleaning up the kitchen, we headed for Oval Beach and spent about 45 minutes walking along the water's edge and taking photos. We then went into Douglas and checked out an art gallery and a few shops. And then it was back to the house to say goodbyes as Butch, April & Celina headed back to Ypsilanti and Sean and Rose headed back to Chicago. It was sad to see everyone go but I am glad we were all able to get together in such a spacious comfortable place. It felt good to be with family for a few days. And it has been way too long between visits with Sean and Rose.

Despite the cool weather, Michael and I decided to chance sitting out on the deck at the Mermaid in Saugatuck. I layered two hoodies over a sweater and was fairly comfortable. The Mermaid has become kind of a tradition for Michael and I when we are in Saugatuck - we've spent many anniversaries in a variety of weather conditions sitting on their deck overlooking the Kalamazoo River. When we got back to the house, we watched a movie and the Emmy's before heading for bed.

Monday morning was spent cleaning the house in preparation for our departure. I must admit having four bathrooms to clean is a bit much but fortunately April had tackled the two downstairs before she left. We went to Oval Beach on our way out of town - it was a beautiful clear, sunny, calm day. Gazing out on the sand and lake, I truly felt like we were saying goodbye to summer. It is always so hard to leave.

Friday, September 27, 2013

I want to share a recording I made of Mom on Mother's Day, 05/13/12. I started recording mid-conversation while she was talking about a dead dog she had found when she was younger.

Mom: And I took the wheelbarrow down to the highway and put it in the wheelbarrow and brought it home. And whoever had hit that dog, took those puppies.

Sugar: Oh, it had babies?

Mom: Yeah, the lady just cried and cried. She was nice. I told her I felt terrible but I know that I didn’t hit him because I don’t drive. At that time, we didn’t even own a car. She knew it so she didn’t question me anymore.

Sugar: People can be pretty mean.

Mom: I thought I’d write a note to Thelma’s family. Put it in a card to the family.

Sugar: Do we have an address?

Mom: No

Sugar: I wonder if Kathy has one.

Mom: I doubt it. I am going to send it to her address in Asheville. I am trying to think of things to tell and you know when Thelma was little she had long black hair. One day Daddy was cutting her hair with horse shears. We were poor. We didn’t have regular shears and he cut part of her ear off. And I’ll put that in there because I think that is something that they would enjoy hearing about. What do you think?

Sugar: I think anybody likes to hear old stories about their family.

Mom: Yeah, about when they were little. So I thought what I would do is get together a bunch of stories of stuff we did when we were kids. But that was something I can remember. He was snipping with those shears and the whole lobe came off her ear.

Tricia: Whose ear?

Mom: My sister’s – the one that just died. Thelma. So that’s life I guess. Did you eat any of those red hots? (referring to spicy hot dogs)

Sugar: No, did you eat one?

Mom: I ate one. They were hot. If you ever want a spicy hot dog, that’s hot.

Sugar: Didn’t you used to borrow Thelma’s clothes or something?

Mom: When we were young, yeah. She had a brown gathered skirt with rickrack around the bottom and she had a peasant blouse, you know with the low neck and rickrack to match around here. And I would steal that every chance I got. And she’d look for her clothes and I was wearing them.

Sugar: I was always surprised by how tall she was.

Mom: How tall?

Sugar: Yeah, she seemed really tall.

Mom: 5’7”

Sugar: Given the other women in the family that’s pretty tall.

Mom: Yeah, all the women in my family were small. They were all just about your size. Grandma Jackson and my mother and all them were just about your size. I can remember like it was yesterday and they wore their hair pulled back in a ball with a turquoise hairpin in it. Today it would be fashionable but back then it was old fashioned.

Sugar: So you had Esther, Thelma, Jean, and there was one more girl, right?

Mom: There was Florence. She died. She died when she was six years old with scarlet fever because back then there was no penicillin.

Sugar: Do you have any pictures of Florence?

Mom: Of Florence? Yeah, go look in the mirror.

Sugar: Me look in the mirror, or you?

Mom: Well, I mean it’s true. There were pictures of Florence. She had her hair cut straight across in a little dutch-boy. And she had deep-set brown eyes. Florence was very pretty.

Sugar: And then you’ve got your brothers. You’ve got James, Max and Charles?

Mom: That was it. There were three boys. Charles was the baby.

Sugar: Is Max in pretty good health?

Mom: Max had prostate cancer but he recovered.

Sugar: But James is in bad health.

Mom: They say he would be better off dead. That he’s like a zombie now. He doesn’t know who anybody is.

Sugar: How old is he? Do you remember? Ninety?

Mom: Late 70s.

Sugar: James? Isn’t he older than you?

Mom: No, James was younger. All the boys were younger than me.

Sugar: Really? Boy, did I have that messed up in my mind.

Mom: Charles is ten years younger and when I went down there the last time it was kind of funny. We went out to breakfast together and they thought he was my husband. Charles sat there and looked at her. But people used to think Bern and I were married years and years ago.

Sugar: Wow, I guess I always thought James was older. I don’t know why.

Mom: James was the oldest boy but he’s still younger than me.

Sugar: I had a crush on him when I was little.

Mom: James was a good-looking man. Benny-Lou said when they moved to Myrtle Beach and James went out to tell her [neighbor?] how to get her [?] off her driveway because they were moving and Benny-Lou came out and she told her I just talked to the best looking man I ever saw. He was good-looking. That whole family of Fairclothes were like that – tall and…

Sugar: When he was visiting us I just remember he used to let me watch him shave in the bathroom in the morning. I was only in elementary school and he was so cute.

Mom: Where were you that you saw him?

Sugar: He came to visit us when we lived in Germany, didn’t he?

Mom: Oh, that’s true. But I didn’t know about him shaving. John never had anything to shave.

Sugar: All I know was that he was handsome.

Mom: He was. Of course, you were at an age were you were [?]

Sugar: I was probably ten years old or something.

Mom: He had a daughter and a son. And his son is commander at an air force base in Alaska.

Sugar: Which one?

Mom: Larry, his name is Lawrence. And the daughter was a nurse at the hospital down in…

Sugar: North Carolina?

Mom: I don’t remember what the name of the hospital was – Highsmith, I think. Don’t you have a small pox scar? [directed at Celina]

Tricia: It probably doesn’t scar anymore.

Celina: By the time I got it, it doesn’t scar.

Sugar: They still give those? Isn’t that one of those diseases they feel has been eradicated?

Mom: My small pox scar still swells up.

Celina: My mother has one.

Mom: It still swells up. It itches so bad that I have to get up at night and put hydrocortisone on it.

Sugar: I don’t know if they still give them. [looked this up – stopped giving in 1972]

Celina: That’s true. I don’t know if I ever got vaccinated but I know my Mom did.

Mom: She’s got a scar?

Celina: Yeah

Mom: Well you know when we were living in Germany we had to line up every year and get vaccinated.

Sugar: For lots of stuff.

Mom: Can you remember that?

Sugar: Oh, yeah.

Mom: In the army, lining up to get inoculated. They had the little squares of polio dropped on the sugar.

Sugar: The Salk vaccine or whatever it was called. Oh yeah, the sugar things. Forgot about that.

Mom: Oh, sometimes I wake up at night and I think about how different my life was because of the military.

Sugar: You know what is surprising is that when we went to Hawaii how many shots we had to get.

Mom: I don’t remember.

Sugar: Yes, we did. I remember we had to go get a bunch of shots.

Mom: We had to go get yellow fever.

Sugar: Yes, I think we had to get typhoid fever or something. I can’t remember – typhus? But I remember we went in and got a big booster shot of something. I remember because when we were traveling cross-country, we couldn’t go swimming because we had just gotten the shots. We had to wait three days or a week or something. And it was really hot.

Mom: You know I can’t remember the part about the swimming.

Sugar: Probably because you weren’t looking at the swimming pool the same way I was.

Mom: I can remember going to Salt Lake City and they wouldn’t let us in for some reason.

Sugar: They wouldn’t let our family in?

Mom: Not in the water.

Sugar: Oh, in the water.

Mom: And they said that if you fell in it you wouldn’t drown because you had so much salt you would float.

Sugar: I thought we went in. I don’t know why.

Mom: Maybe you did. I didn’t.

Sugar: Maybe I didn’t. Maybe I just wanted to.

Mom: I look back when I was child and I think that we would stand down on the road and watch the caissons going by. You know the big trucks, like covered wagons coming through. And the GIs were whooping and hollering. And then we would go out and stand by the railroad track if we knew the train was coming and the train would be as far as you could see – tanks and guns, cannons. And I said how many children have actually seen something like this.

Sugar: Probably not many.

Mom: But when we were living in Germany, they pulled the troops out from Bremerhaven and sent them to Lebanon. Can you remember Lebanon when there was an uprising there?

Sugar: I don’t. I was so young when we lived in Germany.

Mom: And you could see those tanks coming through and the American soldiers – oh were they mean. They would get in those tanks and lift the lids up and yell “the Russians are coming, the Russians are coming” and the German people hated the Russians because the Russians took their country over and they killed a lot of innocent German people.

Sugar: I just remember that when we lived in Germany as a kid, it seemed like we sure did run around a lot. We were going everywhere all the time. We were unsupervised. It seemed like we were all over the place. I still marvel that you guys let me go to German school.

Mom: Marvel where?

Sugar: That you let me leave the house in the morning..

Mom: And go to German school?

Sugar: Yeah, I marvel at that – that you let this little kid go out of the housing area and catch a streetcar.

Mom: Times were different. It was kind of funny because you were going with your friend – what was her name down the street?

Sugar: Lynne McIntyre. It was an Irish name.

Mom: And I was talking at the bus stop, you know how you are talking and you don’t know who you are talking to and I said I understand there is this new principal they’ve got doesn’t like the American children to go to the German schools and she said I know he does approve of it because ours goes. It was his wife.

Sugar: That’s funny. Sometimes the German kids were really mean to us. They used to like to play war when we were out on the playground and they always would capture Lynne and me and put us in the prison. [monkey bars on playground] It was kind of funny.

Mom: And there was that Mrs. Miller that lived behind us that had that yellow cat sitting there in the window and he said hi, my name is Charlie. One night the phone rang and I thought what on earth is this. She was speaking German. She was telling me to get out of the house. She said get your children and get out of there. And I said why? She said because the place is on fire and there was a big fire in the basement. They called out the fire department.

Sugar: Wow, I don’t ..

Mom: You don’t remember that?

Sugar. No. At nighttime when I’d look out my window and I’d see that bombed out part of the building behind us and sometimes she would have laundry on her clothesline. My imagination would go wild and I would think that it was ghosts out there and I would get scared.

Mom: Butch was going to get me a walking cane for Mother’s Day. Where is it?

Sugar: Uh, oh – he slipped up.

Mom: I am going to have to ask him where is my walking cane?

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Yesterday I went for an early morning walk in the fog at Lillie Park with Butch and Celina. The diffusedlighting gave a soft dream like quality to the trees and ponds.

Monday, September 30, 2013

I made the 500-mile mark tonight.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Parents say the darndest things. I took my mother grocery shopping today and she told the cashier that he looked like Brutus from Popeye. The cashier told her he didn't know who that was and then turned to me and asked if it was some fat guy. I found myself at a loss for words but do have to admit the guy really did look like Brutus.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

The end of another weekend. The rain put a damper on my plans to deal with my leaf covered yard so I very lazily caught up on some of the TV shows I am interested in now that the new season has started. And as usual, I've indulged in far too much food the past few days - including a box of nutty bars I politely accepted from my mother yesterday. I feel fat.

Monday, October 7, 2013

I can understand why people with diabetes often suffer from diabetes burnout and give up. The focus tends to be on the physiological impact and not the emotional impact of the disease. It is exhausting, however, to constantly be thinking about how what you eat affects your blood sugar. I ate a piece of fruit this morning, which on the surface seems like a good choice but my immediate thought was this is a carb, I should be eating protein with it. And I admittedly often eat "bad" stuff but each bite comes with a psychological hit. It is really hard to relax and enjoy a meal, munchies or a drink with family or friends because my mind is constantly at work assessing what I am eating. Mercy!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Sorry for another post about diabetes 2 but I felt a little validated when Tom Hanks disclosed he had it on the Late Night show recently.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Reminder to self to use "long blue edge of summer" for something, maybe a photo montage of the Lake Michigan shoreline.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Beer is the proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.(Benjamin Franklin) – and also seen on the shirts of the servers at the Sidetrack Bar and Grill in Depot Town.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Another mom-ism. After raking leaves for about 4 hours on Saturday, my upper thighs really hurt from crouching down several times to bag the leaves. I mentioned this to Mom yesterday and she ignored the leaf raking part of the story and asked "is it from sex?" Got to love her.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

I find myself struggling with a family issue that has come up. Without getting into the details, it's a mind vs. heart dilemma. A few of us family members want to help but we don't know what if anything we can do that will be meaningful and/or actually improve the situation for the person involved. Distances, the inability to take the time away from work and our families without consequences and quite frankly the receptiveness of this person to the invasive nature of such a mission weigh heavily. Especially when my heart tells me that I should at least try to find a way to help this person that I care about and love. Am I a fool?

Thursday, October 24, 2013

I had a busy Saturday this past weekend. Butch and I went for a walk in the rain at Lillie Park. Then we all went bowling - Butch, April, Celina, Michael (shocker), and me. The testosterone was flowing as Butch and Michael squared off to gain the title of king of the pins. I should note that no one broke 100. We went to Archilles for lunch and then April headed home and the rest of us went to the Toledo Art Museum. We checked out an exhibit called Perry's Victory: Battle of Lake Erie, which in addition to having some fascinating maps of the area included some really interesting correspondence. I was quite touched by this letter that Perry wrote his wife.

Put in Bay, Bass Island

September 15, 1813

My dear and beloved friend, You will easily conceive how constantly and entirely my time is occupied. I have hardly allowed myself to sleep since the action securing the prizes and prisoners, they required the greatest exertions. We have now landed most of the prisoners and have got the vessels into a place of safety. It is considered the war is nearly to an end in thy quarter. Nothing shall detain me from home after I have seen everything properly disposed of. It will take me some time however – with what rapture shall I return to those domestic enjoyments. How I long again for that happiness that is only to be found at my home. In a day or two my beloved and adorable wife I shall write you again. God help & protect you thou best of women – prays your devoted & adoring husband. -- O. H. Perry

Sunday, October 27, 2013

I'm not sure what started me thinking about this but I grew up never learning how to be happy. I am a good worrier, however. I also have never had a close girlfriend - the kind you confide in or hang out with. But I think I understand love. My love for Michael and Sean is the one thing I am completely sure of.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Some reflections on driving. I've said more than once that I don't really like driving but actually it's only certain things about driving that I am uncomfortable with. I don't like on-ramps on expressways for example, some more than others. I will drive all the way to Ford Road to get on M14 East to avoid getting on 23 North at Washtenaw. Ditto on the way back to Ann Arbor. I will get off at Ford Road instead of taking M14 West to 23 South. Trying to merge on the expressway when there are a lot of semis in the right lane makes me grip the steering wheel. And I don't like passing trucks either. And I hate driving when there is an adult male in the car. So I am actually OK with driving surface roads by myself unless I'm in a big city and I don't know how to get to where I am going. Normal or neurotic?

Also, something to file under things you do not want to hear your elderly mother with balance issues say, “I got the ladder out this morning and climbed up on it but it was real wobbly.” She was changing the light bulb in the dining room.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

We're going to have a blizzard this year. I can feel it coming. (Quote made by Michael a few weeks back)

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

It's hard to believe that Thanksgiving is three weeks away and Christmas is seven weeks away. I am planning to have Thanksgiving at my house this year but am already feeling a little guilty about not being able to accommodate someone's work schedule. Realistically though I can't expect Mom and Dad to sit around all day waiting for dinner (or my husband either for that matter). So what will be will be. I am really looking forward though to seeing Sean.

Celina is going on a college visit to Knox College in Galesburg, IL on Monday and I plan to tag along. It is a pretty long drive (in the 6-7 hour range). I was kind of wishing she would go somewhere a little closer but I guess in the scheme of things it's really not that far. I will miss her when she eventually leaves for college.

Friday, November 8, 2013

It's been a bit of a crummy week. Sunday I was raking leaves in the back yard and while moving the 60-gallon size compost cart, which is almost as tall as me, it tipped over and whacked me in the face and I nearly fell inside it. It hit my nose hard enough for my eyeglasses to leave an indentation and break the skin, plus a bloody nose - not pretty. The swelling has gone down but my nose has a lovely scab on it (which I keep picking at) and still hurts. I may have just as well gone out and asked someone to punch me in the nose. And then to add insult to injury, I woke up with a sore throat a couple of days ago and am now trying to suppress the urge to cough. In the scheme of things, none of this is all that bad but it's making me tired and grumpy. And I am also hungry but my blood sugar is elevated right now (do not know why) so I hesitate to eat more. I had an apple and a hardboiled egg an hour and a half ago. Ugh, it's going to be a long day at work. I want nothing more than to curl up on the couch with my sleeping bag and eat a BK Whopper with a side of fries.

Monday, November 11, 2013

I am home today ill and have been coughing so much and so hard the past few days that my ribs hurt. Much to my disappointment I ended up feeling badly enough yesterday that I decided not to go on Celina's visit to Knox College. It was the right decision but I am still bummed out about it. The only silver lining is that it gave me time to work on a photo project.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I went back to work after being home ill for two days. It’s been a great day so far (it's only 8:40am). I coughed up a snot ball this morning, which strangely felt good despite the grossness factor. And then I spent 15 minutes prying my frozen car doors open and chipping ice off my windshield.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

I ended up staying home today after waking up at 2 am and coughing for about 90 minutes straight. I took some Mucinex and finally fell asleep. I was awake at 6am to get ready for work and took a shower but when I looked in the mirror, the person looking back at me looked like death warmed over. A visit to the doctor's office resulted in a prescription for a cough syrup that contains codeine with the instructions to take it at bedtime. I must admit I'm a bit leery about using a product with codeine in it, as I haven't responded well to narcotic based meds in the past. I may try half a dose to see how it goes. I'll sure be glad when this crud clears up.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Wow, it looks like it's been a few weeks since I've added any entries to this site. I thought a short recap of my Thanksgiving weekend might be in order. I decided to host Thanksgiving this year - keeping in mind the old saying that "no good deed goes unpunished." Sean arrived from Chicago Wednesday night by train. No big surprise but the train was two hours late. I am not sure what caused the delay but I suspect it was weather related. There was a lot of snow west of Ann Arbor (and Michigan). I had this moment of intense feeling when I caught a glimpse of Sean through the train window waiting to disembark. It felt really good to see him.

Thanksgiving went pretty smoothly but not without a lot of preparation, money and effort. Despite Mom's parting comment that the stuffing was too dry, which by the way made me smile; I think the food turned out pretty well. Crockpots (borrowed from April) made it possible to make a few things earlier in the morning so I didn't have that last minute crush and demand on oven space right before the start of dinner. We had removed the furniture from the living room to make room for tables and chairs (which I borrowed from Butch and April) and after getting everything set up I must admit I thought it looked quite nice. I purchased a few red tablecloths from World Market and they seemed to tie the look together. What was missing though was Butch, April and Celina - it did make a difference for me. Also, Dad wasn't feeling well and asked Donna to take him to the emergency room immediately after eating. So things broke up pretty early and I rather missed that after eating lull of family sitting around and socializing. Everyone was gone by 4:00pm. Butch and Celina dropped by for a short visit afterwards, which was nice.

Sean suggested going to a movie that evening and we went to see 12 years a Slave at the State Theater in Ann Arbor. The movie was extremely well made but also an intense uncomfortable experience. I am glad I had the opportunity to see it.

On Friday, we were all a bit slow getting out of the house but we went to Best Buy, Dicks, Kohls, and Target. Other than me buying Christmas cards at Target, we came home empty handed. I think Michael regrets not taking advantage of the sales though. He was looking at a sound bar at Target but didn't take the plunge. We went to Casey's for dinner. They were pretty busy with a lot of families waiting for larger tables.

On Saturday, Sean and I went to Redford to visit my parents. Dad suggested going out for lunch. I called Donna and they were heading to Conner's (Five Mile and Haggerty) to take Elizabeth out for a birthday lunch so we decided to join them. Unfortunately, on the way to the restaurant I ran over a big bolt driving down Five Mile and it pierced the passenger side rear tire. I pulled over and the tire was still inflated so I decided to continue on to the restaurant and call AAA from there. It probably was not the right decision. The bolt fell out and the tire was completely flat when I pulled into the restaurant parking lot. By this time my head was pounding and my stomach was in knots so it was really helpful that the person who took my call at AAA and the driver from Westland Car Care were both very courteous and kind. Sean and I went to Discount Tire when we got back to Ann Arbor and I ended up buying two new rear tires. I don't know if I really needed them or if another tire brand/style might have been a better choice but I was too mentally drained to put much thought into the decision. I am not someone who makes these kinds of purchases without researching brands on-line so of course I'll be second guessing myself for days. Ugh...

While waiting for Discount to get to my car, Sean and I walked across the street and browsed the comic store and then went to Target. At the comic book store, Sean showed me a few graphic novels and comics he had worked on recently. Mostly a series called Revival that his studio mates created. I still get a little thrill seeing his name on the credits page. I had given Michael an update of what was going on with my tire so he joined Sean and I at Target and we all killed time together. After picking up my car, we decided to head to Paradise for dinner but ran right smack into the football traffic (Michigan/Ohio game) so ended up turning around and going to Maaz instead.

It is now Sunday morning. Sean leaves this afternoon.

Monday, December 2, 2013

I said my goodbyes to Sean yesterday as he headed back to Chicago. It was really nice seeing him. We went into downtown Ann Arbor and Kerrytown and cruised the shops. We also went to Bandemere Park and took some photos of the river. Then to the Amtrak station to drop Sean off. Dinner was Thanksgiving leftovers. I woke up this morning and felt fat. It will be good to get back to a more normal eating pattern. To my credit, I did ride my bike for 2.5 hours over the four days I was off of work.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

The events team I work with went to Cleveland on Tuesday to do site visits for a 2015 event. There was a lot of chatter in the car on the drive to Cleveland and two of my co-workers were talking about a radio show that does a segment on helping families during the Christmas holidays and how the story that was broadcast that morning made them cry. It got me thinking about just how poor we were in North Platte when Dad was in Southeast Asia. I remember not having warm clothes and decent shoes during the winter. I'd walk halfway across town to get to school and my feet and hands were so cold the pain brought tears to my eyes. I remember Mom trying to feed eight kids with no money. We ate a lot of peanut butter, day old bread, beans, rice with tomato soup, and grits. The nuns at the school used to give me a peanut butter sandwich at lunch so I would have something to eat. And I may not have thought about this at the time, but my girl scout leader would often feed me when I was at her house. Also, the man that owned the house we rented would sometimes hand back the rent money and tell me to give it to my Mom saying "she needs this more than I do." I am not sure how Mom managed especially with so many children and little to no help.

Friday, December 6, 2013

I am not sure what made me think of this but I seem to be quite influenced by others about various products I use faithfully. A few examples include: Noxema (Bern's first wife, Stephanie - she always smelled so clean), Jean Nate (Michael's sister Mary - very 1970's and I don't use this anymore but I really liked the citrus smell), Liz Claiborne cologne (Pam, co-worker at Michigan National - very 1980's so I keep expecting it to disappear from the shelves), and Lollia Calm (Sarah, Pioneer crew mom and sister of my dentist - my latest got to have). I am sure I will continue to be influenced...

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Ugh, the cough is back. This makes me wonder if it just never totally went away, and if that is the case it's been lingering now for something like 35 days. Hacking away....

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

A cousin's reaction to comments made by my brother on Facebook: WTF? So having an opinion that differs from yours is illogical, subversive, and twisted? You speak in convoluted and incomplete sentences B. I'm just trying to follow you're rant. But forget it. No more time wasted on complete assholes. Who can't write worth a damn.

And his reaction: Semantics – several hours ago I blocked a relative who espouses all of the right left political views, without realizing that in so doing that she is little different than the conservatives she rails against. Mouth open and engaged without regard as to logic or history, rapidly degenerating into name calling and hysteria. (In this case I made a comment about London Smog, but before doing so I went to four different British sites to get the history and refresh my memory. There are times when you just shake your head because you know that saying ANYTHING is useless. Her comeback ignored my statement and even history itself.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Today is one of those grey days with temps above freezing. It was a foggy drive in this morning. I just heard from Joe and he plans to drive up tomorrow rather than wait till Sunday or Monday so I am hoping he finds relatively safe roads on his trek here. I've had a few sleepless nights this week, the kind where your brain just won't shut off. I've tried reading as a distraction and it hasn't helped. I did manage to fall asleep last night but woke up at about 3:00 am. Fortunately I managed to fall asleep again. It's tempting to take a dose of the cough syrup (with codeine) prescribed for my cough last month because it certainly seemed to knock me out but I am hesitant to use it as a solution. I am also finding how dark it is in the morning makes me want to stay in bed. It would be just my luck that the sleeplessness is related to the extra carbs I've consumed this week at work. Between the holiday lunch and all the cookies and other temptations sitting out, I am sure my blood sugar is out of whack. I also missed two days of walking at lunch but am hoping to make up the time this weekend, as I am about 100 minutes short of my 240-minute weekly goal.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

I find I keep typing 2014 when entering a date so I must be all set for the New Year. It's been nice having family at the house for the holidays, although I must admit missing my usual hangout space in the house as I can't find any of my belongings. Joe left on Christmas morning. I admired his restraint in not leaving before dawn, as I know he likes to get an early start. Sean, Rose and Cat leave tomorrow. I'll find it particularly hard to say goodbye to Sean and Rose. It will leave a little hole in my heart. Unfortunately Cat has been sick all week with the dry hacking cough I had last month. She's in my usual space so I hope there isn't something in my room that's contributing to her cough (me over thinking everything as usual). I suspect it will be a relief for her to be home again because I think it's particularly hard to be at someone else's home when you don't feel well. I believe we are going into downtown Ann Arbor today with a stop at Barnes and Noble.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

The last of the family left yesterday. Sean and Rose headed back to Chicago by Amtrak and Cat back to Redmond via Delta. I always feel a little sad when Sean and Rose leave. Saying goodbye to them before they boarded the train is hard (I think in part because you don't know when you might see them again). I do have to admit though that it is nice to have my space back. I moved back into my office last night and it was oddly calming to be surrounded by my "stuff."

I spent a quiet morning at home today doing laundry and catching up on some much needed housework and paperwork. And yes the house did have that Clorox smell. I had a girl's day out this afternoon and evening with April and Celina. We all got manicures and later went to see the Walter Mitty movie. All in all a productive day.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

I've decided to measure today by what I did get done not by what I still need to take care of. This morning I made breakfast for Michael and read the Sunday paper. Butch and I then headed to Redford to visit the parents. I took Mom to Petco and lunch while Butch visited with Dad. I semi fell in love with a very friendly tabby kitten at the pet store so I am apparently still very susceptible to small furry kitties. I enjoyed chatting with Butch in the car. I am always interested in what he thinks about things going on in the family and the world at large. When I got home I put in a short workout on the bike and realized that trying to watch a video is very difficult to do over the noise of the treadmill. Michael was trying to get his workout in as well. I made dinner and here I am trying to capture my thoughts. As the year draws to an end I find myself thinking about all the things I am grateful for. First and foremost Michael and Sean. I don't think there is a way to measure how being with them makes me feel or even how sometimes just thinking about them makes me smile.

And just so I don’t forget, Michael’s food rules are: No Italian on Mondays or Wednesdays; No Mexican on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays unless it’s Taco Bell; No Chinese on Fridays; No Indian ever.

Monday, December 30, 2013

I caught up on a few errands today including grocery shopping. I even went to work and circled the office enough times to get in 3.28 miles in an hour. Depending on the weather, I may go in again tomorrow to get in another walk. I am still unsure what to do for my mother's birthday. Maybe lunch on New Years Day? Otherwise it could be lunch or dinner this weekend. What to do... what to do...