Driving Question

Ava Yau

October 7, 2024

Essay/Article 1

Looks

Growing up in today’s society has torn me apart. Typically I would feel a little shame saying that, I would be worried it makes me seem insecure. But I have realized I most likely speak for 90% of this generation. I was introduced to filters, magazines, and social media at the ripe age of 10. Ever since then, I can't remember a moment I didn’t wish something about me was different or looked “better.” I often hear people speak about this generation as if we are losing it, and they aren’t wrong, but who can blame us? I open my phone to see the beauty standard our world is held to today, but the beauty standard isn't even real. The beauty standard is filler, botox, and plastic surgery. Self-perception has been distorted, leading us to believe that what we look like on the outside holds more value than who we are on the inside.

I have a distinct memory that other people may also be able to relate to. I’m sitting in front of the mirror, tears are running down my face. One tear represents my nose which could be smaller, and another for my hair which should be longer. So many tears, my skin should be clearer, my lips bigger, and at least a few inches off my waist. I wasted so much time and energy trying to meet society's infinite expectations. I don't feel that I am truly vain or insecure, sometimes I just have vain moments of insecurity. Moments that stem from unrealistic beauty standards that have been engraved on my brain. We have been conditioned to associate our worth with our looks. With all of this being said I can't help but question how much the way we look influences who we are. 

“Oh god, I need to lose weight.” “Ew! Why didn't anyone tell me I looked like this!” “Ugh, I look disgusting.” Do these words sound familiar? I have heard these remarks from family, friends, myself, and even people I don't know. The way these phrases roll off the tongue so effortlessly proves how prominent they are in our daily lives. Criticizing ourselves has become second nature, an immediate response when we see our reflection. The negative connotations we apply to our image have become normalized while positive affirmations are unexpected. While I have put a strong effort into not saying or thinking such unpleasant things about myself, it is a continuous struggle. These words don’t just reflect how we view ourselves, they shape our self-worth and belief system about who we are on the inside. 

I truly fell into a negative cycle of thoughts while staring at my reflection wearing a sparkly prom dress. The one thing that was supposed to make me feel like a princess, as if when I put the dress on the whole world would cater to me. Instead, I stood there and wondered why I didn't have curves like other girls on Instagram and if it made the dress look funny on me. My special moment somehow turned into a whirlpool of insecurities. I felt almost out of place in something so beautiful. Looking back I am disappointed in myself, why would I let a false image of beauty created by society dictate my happiness? 

I spoke to my roommate CC, I asked if her appearance ever affected her confidence growing up and how social media influenced her self-perception. She explained that it did, she often felt that she wanted to change parts of herself due to social media. CC communicated that she feels she doesn't resemble the type of beauty she sees on the internet,  which has compromised the way she views herself. I somewhat expected this response considering we both grew up in the age of social media. 

I then spoke to my mom, I was curious to see how her perspective might differ since she comes from a different generation. When I asked her the same questions, she explained that her appearance has affected her confidence over the years but viewed social media differently. While she does believe that social media can manipulate confidence, she felt it didn't apply to her personally. She mentioned that she is not on social media much and doesn’t think it influences how she sees herself. 

After having both of these conversations, I concluded that appearance does influence who we are but the added aspect of social media amplifies this effect. Social media introduces countless opportunities for comparison and insecurity. I understand that the internet has many beneficial traits and can help improve society in various ways but at what cost? It is not worth the self-doubt and destroyed self-worth that comes with it. 

We read a story called “The Day I Ate Everything I Wanted” in class one day. And I can't help but think that Elizabeth Berg, the author, would love to get in on this topic as well. Berg struggles with being overweight and feels judged by society and its standards. The critique she received concerning her and her father's appearance influenced the way she viewed society and her place in it. She watched as people's commentary hurt her father, she stood up for him in her way and it gave her a sense of power against these people. I think she would agree that appearance does affect identity, both in a good and bad way. She would probably say you can learn how to overcome obstacles but are also faced with them often when you don't fit societies standards. 

Writing this has brought to light that our appearance and society's beauty standards affect many of us. Not just other people's judgment, but especially our own, cuts deep enough to make us question our self-worth. At what point do we stop comparing ourselves to others and accept us for who we are? I realize that I also fall victim to the cycle of comparison, often questioning my worth based on unrealistic criteria provided by strangers online. It is a battle that many people will face, likely for as long as social media exists. But I am hopeful that over time this cycle will begin to break and we will embrace our true selves.