For Friends & Family

Cisgender and Heterosexual people, we need you. The LGBT community continues to be marginalized day after day, and it never stops. Even the most accepting environments have people who are cold towards us and will go out of their way to demean us and our identities. In those moments, we need our allies more than ever. Please use your privilege to your advantage and take care of your LGBTQ+ brothers/sisters/siblings/children/friends.

How can I support my LGBTQ+ friend or family member? 🤔

Casually

Speak of their identities with respect. When you talk about their future, imagine it within their gender/sexuality.

Help with their confidence when it comes to: freedom of expression, coming out to other people, etc.

Assist them within gender specific spaces. E.g. accompany them when using gendered bathrooms.

Actively Supporting

Listen to queer people and educate yourself as much as possible about LGBTQ+ discourse. Be present with their identity, deeply empathise with them, and be an ally.

Challenge anti-trans/anti-queer things you hear from other people. This is really important if you want to stand up for your confidant.

What NOT To Do:

DON'T OUT PEOPLE

NEVER FORCE SOMEONE OUT OF THE CLOSET; NEVER SPREAD THAT INFORMATION WITHOUT CONSENT; AND NEVER USE IT AS BLACKMAIL. You don't know if that information could be detrimental to the safety of the person.

"Jokes" and Pejoratives

Don't make attack helicopter jokes, don't call things 'gay' when you don't like it, and don't make judgmental comments about someone and calling it "a joke". Don't use slurs. You are not cool or edgy for using slurs - you are being homophobic or transphobic. A lot of people find insensitive jokes offensive and will use it to find out if someone is bigoted or arrogant.

"Gay best friend"

Don't call someone your 'gay friend' or your 'trans friend'. This dehuamanises them and reduces them to one small part of their identity rather than seeing them as a whole person. Gay people are not an accessory; this is a microagression.

Invasive questions

Don't ask questions you wouldn't ask a cisgender or heterosexual person. Asking things like 'how do you have sex' or 'what's in your pants ' or 'what's your deadname' are incredibly rude, especially if you don't know the person well. This can be very othering and is invasive to their privacy. You are not entitled to information about people's private lives. If you are very close friends and have the bond where you can ask questions like this, please do it respectfully and at a time when you are in private. Also, google exists.

What TO Do:

How should I react to someone coming out to me?

Read and understand the context of how they're telling you. If they're nervous, this is probably one of the first times they've told someone about it so be understanding and show how you're proud of them. They do it by a grand gesture? Make a BIG deal out it! They give it to you upfront? Just don't react negatively.

Pronouns Matter:

Introduce yourself with your pronouns, and if you have social media, display your pronouns on your bio. This normalises sharing pronouns, and not assuming the identities of other people.

Be patient with someone questioning or exploring their identity.

If your comrade is still trying to figure out themselves, please don't rush them. Their gender or sexuality is not about you so respect their pronouns.

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