Grief in children

Allow emotional expression

Allow your child to have a safe space to express his or her feelings. Your child may experience a wide range of emotions: anger, sadness, pain, shame, guilt, or other powerful emotions. He or she may cry at unusual times. Often, he or she may have difficulty talking about their feelings, but it is important that they express their feelings. Your child may not be ready to talk. Encourage, but don't feel that you have to force the conversation. Sometimes drawing pictures helps. Have markers or crayons and any kind of paper handy for tough times. Avoid telling your child how they should feel. Instead, encourage them to talk about their feelings, about their loved one who died, about the things they miss, about happy memories.

Maintain routine and traditions

It is important for your child to continue regular life routines, like attending school and after-school or sports activities.

Children sometimes worry that they will forget their loved person who died. As a family, find ways that you can remember that person. Your traditions can keep your child’s connection to the loved one strong.

Some past traditions may have to look differently. Talk about that with your child. Decide together what to keep and when to try something new. Activities are important, when your child is ready to do them: make a scrapbook, visit your loved one’s grave, or plant something in the person’s name or memory. Share stories about the person who died; children love hearing those stories. Watch your child’s face as you tell the story. You’ll know if you should tell more or less at that time.

Encourage coping skills

You can help your child deal with the many changes that may happen in his or her life following the death of a loved one. Try out different activities as a family: deep breathing, yoga, taking breaks, going for walks. Take turns saying words that express gratitude. Help your child identify the different kinds of activities that work well for them, then create a plan for when difficult feelings arise.

Ask for help

Sometimes it can be difficult to ask for help, especially if you think others don’t understand what is going on in your life. When you have support for yourself, you can better help your child. Stay connected with friends and family who support you.

Encourage your child to identify friends and adults that they can go to when they need support. You may also find other parents who have experienced loss as you and your family have. Your child may also find a new friend who has a similar experience. It is good to have a social support system, others who understand what you and your child are going through. Bereavement and Grief Centers are helpful resources.