Diagnosing Dreams
Natasha Roca
Shadowing Fear
Size: 11.9’’ x 8.9’’
Media:
Liquid Ink
Watercolor Paper
Pencil
Artist’s Statement:
The disproportionate sizes of the painting, mutate the realistic aspect of a door. The door is in a position of closure without the act of closing anything out, unable to serve its purpose. The light, present but out of reach from where I stand watching, waiting for the darkness to creep in from the emptiness. Stillness presents my inability to move, the constant state of alertness, protecting the vulnerability that will slip through the shadows of my fears, unable to close them out for good.
A Teardrop in Lonesome
Size: 12’’ x 9.0625’’
Media:
Drawing Paper
Pencil
Eraser
Chalk Pencil
Artist’s Statement:
The pigments and the lack thereof demonstrate the spiraling perspective of realism, an illusion from reality. The inclusion of the darkness and black teardrop represent the pain felt from holding the weight of sadness that others cannot see. Separating the two realities describes the loneliness felt within the pupil, mutating my own perspective on life from feeling unnoticed becoming a place of hurt and pain that I see of myself, disassociating from the color that others cannot see within.
Growth in Solitude
Size: 8’’ x 7.9’’
Media:
Canvas
Acrylic Paint
Pencil
Ruler
Artist's Statement:
The box of life is a box of growth, viewed from the perspective of a trapped and distanced shadow waiting to reach its other half. Boxed in and on display for others, I am viewed as a dark and evil personality, as they cannot see what lies outside the box of their own mental picture of who I am. In silence and sadness of wait, the fingerprints represent the desperate hope to break out of the box, forcefully put in to demonstrate constricting my growth of being who I am meant to be.
I Scream But You Can't See the Pain Your Words Cause Me
Size: 1’ 4” x 11.95“
Media:
Acrylic Paint
Canvas
Artist’s Statement:
A mutated dream of a scream so loud it was silent to the rest of the world. The feeling felt of pain from the experience of being attacked and a voice blended into the sound of surrounding chaos. I scream but you are oblivious to the depth of the hurt of the judgements you unleash. I scream to defend the me that was once inferior to the maturity you took as power for which I lacked. I scream but you can’t see the pain your words cause me.
Flowering Flatline
Size: 5.85’’ x 6.25’’ x 4.75’’
Media:
Clay
Acrylic Paint
Artist's Statement:
The pulsating heart in the struggle to keep beating represents the change to overcome pain. The sculpture replicates the shape and design of a plant pot, holder of growth and life, even after death. The veins present a darkness overcoming the source of life as the darkness and pain felt in the depth of the heart formed from the hurt feelings caused by others obstructs the life to continue. Yet in the process of harm, growth will prevail even when perceived as the end has approached.
Instilled Hope
Size: 11.875’’ x 9’’
Media:
Colored Pencil
Ink
Acrylic Paint
Glue
Sharpie
Artist's Statement:
The butterfly is a symbol of the hope in dreaming of a change that will allow things to be better. The wings of change become the contrast between the past of a colorful childhood of adventure and dreams for the future, to the saddened futuristic perspective from where it stands. The bright colors become the overwhelming emotion of happiness entering the once bland view where grief was instilled in the mind of a younger less hopeful version of me.
Jar of Hearts
Size: 11.9'' x 9''
Media:
Pencil
Colored Pencil
Sharpie
Artist’s Statement:
A jar of hearts held in safekeeping, guarded to protect those that have been hurt. Fallen hearts cut and broken into pieces with a lack of life sink to the bottom. Barbed wire protects the fragile heart in hope that the pain won’t reach through the barrier of glass to shatter by sheer force. Hearts colored and colorless symbolize the limited hope created by one's lifetime to which they can prevail after suffering a broken heart caused by those who were meant to safekeep the gift of love.
Curatorial Rationale
The theme constructed by my artworks are to reflect the feelings present within my mind of dreaming. The individual pieces focus on certain influences by people and places in the real world, after being altered by my subconscious. I chose to display this theme for the exhibition in a way to diagnose my emotions by creating them into a visual representation of how they alter my mind.
Exhibiting my art in this way is meant to serve as a sense of closure for myself, to create the fear and struggles that have been holding me back and letting them take control of my paintbrush. I allowed my exhibition to represent these dreams through a particular style and vision of how they came to me while sleeping, to recreate the simple paintings and complicated structures to hold a deeper meaning than what they seem at first sight. I perceive things in black and white and recreating these pieces to hold the lack of color for the simplicity in the tones, is my way of showing the audience their meanings in relation to my perspective. The use of black and white is projected through different mediums, such as acrylic paint, ink, and color pencil. The mediums used allow for the tones to show a range of cold and dark depth to their design, which enhance the presence of color in some of the works such as, “A Teardrop in Lonesome”, and “I Scream But You Can’t See the Pain Your Words Cause Me” and the lack thereof in others, such as, “Shadowing Fear” and “Flowering Flatline”. The materials used accentuate the darkness in the simpler black and white pieces as well as show the warmer tones of life in the presence of darkness when formed with color.
The placement of my pieces help to achieve the realization to my audience that it is okay to let yourself feel the vulnerable emotions that overwhelm us. In the orientation of my works, “Shadowing Fear '' will be the center and focus of my works as it may attract the audience to search through the open doorway and open their minds into my self diagnosis. This will influence the audience to visualize my works together where the door leads to the remainder of my artworks and allows for imagination to flow through my exhibition theme into the other emotions generated by my dreams.
I hope to achieve a realization to my audience, those that struggle with putting words to their own feelings that take control in haunting them. The symbolism used in my exhibition is intended for a physical representation of what it feels like to be invisible, boxed in, and screaming when no one is there to listen. In revisiting the dreams that haunt me I create a doorway to let them out, and in doing so I develop a freedom of my mind. Opening my dreams to a display where others can see the emotions that affect me is a vulnerability I needed to embrace, where the door is open and I no longer feel I need to stand guard to whatever decides to come through.