Do you feel concerned about your child's gender development? Are you looking for support as you navigate gender development processes with your child? Are you worried about stereotypes, gender roles, and how to support a gender-queer child? We hope we can help by providing you with inclusive, science-backed but easy-to-understand information about gender and its development.
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How can developmental psychology help?
How can developmental psychology help?
Human development is made up of complex interactions between nature (your genes) and nurture (the way the world has shaped you). The purpose of developmental psychology is to find the patterns of change over time and see how different contexts or environments affect this process of change. Through research on these patterns, psychologists have found that environment does in fact shape a lot of developmental paths as it interacts with your genes. You can utilize some of these principles to help guide your child on a healthy gender development trajectory.
One way in which your genes will affect your development is in the form of temperament. A temperament is a tendency for a baby to have a specific set of emotional responses and behaviors. One way in which parents can influence development is by understanding your child's unique temperament and how to interact with it. How you support and talk to your child about gender will depend on the unique relationship that you and your child have.
Gender development is driven by a mixture of biological and social factors. The social influence can be positive or negative, teaching children about language and expected roles surrounding gender. One of the main goals of this site is to teach you how to guide your child's understanding of gender so they fully comprehend their own gender and gender expression.
It's important to understand as a parent that things like gendered play are not bad! As a child attempts to go about understanding their place in the world, it's natural to experiment and play in many ways. Play is an important component of both brain and social development. Young girls do not need to avoid pink and dolls to be healthy, just as young boys do not need to avoid blue and trucks. In fact, a mix of traits stereotypically attributed to each gender has shown to be healthier than just identifying with traits associated with one gender.
We understand that children will exist all over the spectrum of gender and behaviors and that in some cases these things may not even relate to each other. So, it's important to allow for free and unstructured play. So, don't worry too much if your child wants to play house or play wrestle, you're doing just fine.
Understanding The Development of Gender
Children begin to label genders by 18-24 months, being able to point and say words like "lady" or "man" with relative accuracy. The tendency towards gendered play and activities tends to increase after this age as well. Even if we do not overtly teach our children gender stereotypes, they are able to pick up and try to behave how they think they are supposed to based on the societal input surrounding their gender.
Gender roles are the behaviors that are stereotypically associated with or assigned to a specific gender. Historically, there have been strict gender roles that have determined what type of behavior is acceptable for both men and women. Children are taught from a young age that they are either a boy or a girl. Boys were taught to act in a masculine way such as being tough and serious. Girls were taught to be in touch with their emotions and socially nurturing. These ideas were enforced throughout a child's upbringing in a variety of ways. Boys would be given toy trucks to play with, they would go outside to play sports with their fathers, and they would be allowed to participate in rough and tumble play. Girls would be given dolls to play with, would frequently stay home to help their mothers with chores and participate in more nurturing play. These assignments had negative sides as well with young boys being discouraged from showing emotions such as sadness, and young girls being taught to shy away from things such as being assertive. These things may have even been taught implicitly by, for example, telling a young boy that he might get made fun of if he cries in front of his classmates. These pressures can genuinely impact their quality of life.
We all have gender stereotypes ingrained in us from our own upbringings. Our society is very gendered and it is impossible to avoid. TV advertisements of products targeted towards men and women are very different, such as with the marketing of Dove's different products for each gender. Even walking through a store, the toy aisles are separated by gender with the boy's isle containing toy guns, trucks, and Legos while the girl's isle is centered around dolls, babies, and toy kitchen sets.
Even for adults, it is normal to still hold on to some of these thoughts. The important thing is to be able to recognize that these stereotypes exist in your mind and analyze how strongly these stereotypes affect your own thinking. Although the strict ideas we have about the gender binary are created by our society and culture, we are the ones who create our society and culture. We can change the rules that we have established around gender and this can start with you and your child.
It is fine if you have placed these pre-existing notions on your child or taught them how they are supposed to behave for their gender in the past. Children have an incredible ability to learn and adapt. Change continues throughout our entire lives and even into adulthood. It is never too late to help guide your child to be more open-minded about gender and help nurture a healthier gender identity.
Don't feel discouraged for having pre-established gender stereotypes as even psychology researchers also fall prey to these beliefs sometimes. Older theories about gender development still used gender stereotypes and gender roles in their research. The psychological theories about gender stemming from the 20th century were based on and also influenced how parents have traditionally taught gender to their children. The belief was that the mature state of gender development was for children to learn to understand and perform the behaviors that are associated with their gender. There was also research such as the Bem Sex-Role Inventory (BSRI) which tested the level of masculinity or femininity in individuals. Sandra Bem created a list of traits that were commonly seen as either masculine or feminine and had participants rank how much they felt these characteristics reflected themselves. She believed that children who could express both feminine and masculine characteristics, or those who were androgynous, would do better.
While this idea of having both feminine and masculine traits creating a better end result did end up being true. It didn't change the fact that this outdated idea of gender itself is flawed. Traits that were used included analytical, happy, and moody. From this list of traits, you may have had some assumptions about which of these were deemed feminine or masculine, but are these traits truly gendered? Being happy can be masculine and being analytical can be feminine. These traits shouldn't be and aren't actually separated by gender.
video.mp4There is no one right way to be a woman or a man. Being a woman or a man is also a concept that our culture has created. Rather than being either masculine or feminine, we all fall on a spectrum for our gender. The gender binary is a harmful idea that can teach children norms that can restrict their exploration of their gender and gender identity as well as forming limits for their entire identity. Children who want to push outside the bounds set by these gender roles will be limited and it will affect their identity exploration whether or not their gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth.
You can help your child have a happier and healthier relationship with gender.
Having conversations about important topics may feel like it needs to be an event. We've all heard of and experienced "the talk" after all. A parent takes a deep breath one day, when they feel their child or teenager may have started thinking about sexual activity and decides to lay it out on one big platter. It's awkward, embarrassing, and ineffective. But what's a better way?
The reason why "the talk" may be so awkward for most families is because they've never had such a serious conversation about a topic such as this before. This is why it's so important to bring up important, uncomfortable topics frequently and in everyday life. Let me pose you this question:
Which is more effective?
A singular sit down talk consisting of an hour of awkward conversation around an uncomfortable topic.
Frequent, small talks that come up naturally surrounding what may be going on around you.
When thinking about sex talks specifically: part of the reason why the first situation is so ineffective is that it usually happens after the teenager has already begun thinking about, or maybe even started having sex and have had to learn a lot of this themselves. The second strategy gets to children long before they begin to think about something and it relates the conversation to an experience. It is more effective to point out sexism when your child sees it on TV, in real life, in the unfairness of a situation; than to have a conversation with a 13 year old about sexism when it's never been pointed out to or explained to them.
Children’s Books about Gender
Children’s Books about Gender
Books for Young Children (4-8 years old)
Books for Young Children (4-8 years old)
Annie's Plaid Shirt by Stacy B. Davids, Rachael Balsaitis, Sam Pines
Are You a Boy or Are You a Girl? by Sarah Savage, Fox Fisher
Calvin by Vanessa Ford, Jr. Ford, Kayla Harren
I Am Jazz Hardcover by Jessica Herthel, Jazz Jennings, Shelagh McNichola
It Feels Good to Be Yourself: A Book about Gender Identity by Theresa Thorn, Noah Grigni
Introducing Teddy: A gentle story about gender and friendship by Jessica Walton, Dougal MacPherson
My Rainbow by Deshanna Neal, Trinity Neal, Art Twink
My Own Way: Celebrating Gender Freedom for Kids by Joana Estrela, Jay Hulme
Phoenix Goes to School: A Story to Support Transgender and Gender Diverse Children by Michelle Finch, Phoenix Finch
Pink Is for Boys by Robb Pearlman, Eda Kaban
The Bare Naked Book by Kathy Stinson, Meilssa Cho
The Boy & the Bindi by Vivek Shraya, Rajni Perera
The Pronoun Book by Chris Ayala-Kronos, Marco Tirado
We Are Little Feminists: Families by Archaa Shrivastav
What Are Your Words? A Book about Pronouns by Katherine Locke, Anne Passchier
What Makes a Baby by Cory Silverberg, Fiona Smyth
Who Are You? The Kid's Guide to Gender Identity by Brook Pessin-Whedbee, Naomi Bardoff
Your Whole Body: From Your Head to Your Toes, and Everything in Between! by Lizzie DeYoung Charbonneau, Misha Iver
One of A Kind, Like Me / Único como yo by Laurin Mayeno, Robert Liu-Trujillo (English & Spanish)
Books for Older Children (8-12 years old)
Books for Older Children (8-12 years old)
47,000 Beads by Angel Adeyoha, Koja Adeyoha, Holly McGillis
Melissa by Alex Gino+
Gender Identity for Kids: A Book About Finding Yourself, Understanding Others, and Respecting Everybody! by Andy Passchier
Gracefully Grayson by Ami Polonsky
Sex Is a Funny Word: A Book about Bodies, Feelings, and You by Cory Silverberg, Fiona Smyth
The Gender Book: https://thegenderbook.com/the-pages/
The Gender Wheel: a story about bodies and gender for every body by Maya Christina Gonzalez
Too Bright to See by Kyle Lukoff
Wandering Son by Shimura Takako, translated by Matt Thorn
You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, and Other Things by Cory Silverberg, Fiona Smyth
They Call Me Mix/Me Llaman Maestre by Lourdes Rivas, Breena Nuñez (English & Spanish)
Books for Parents
Books for Parents
Gender Neutral Parenting: Raising Kids with the Freedom to be Themselves by Paige Lucas-Stannard
LGBTQI Parented Families and Schools: Visibility, Representation, and Pride by Anna Carlile, Carrie Paechter
Nobody Passes by Matt Bernstein Sycamore
Jamie Samson
Junior at Pacific University
Major: Psychology
Minor: Communication Sciences and Disorders
Interests: Reading, Baking, Photography
Haleigh Colfelt
Junior at Pacific University
Major: Psychology
Minor: Communication Sciences and Disorders
Interest: Softball, Workout Classes, Finger knitting
Trinity Millier
(They/Them)
Junior at Pacific University
Major:Psychology/ Mathematics
Interests:Yoga, Crochet, Art, Weightlifting, Baking
Tracie Sun
Junior at Pacific University
Major: Psychology/Kinesiology
Interests: Hiking, Skiing, Ice Skating, Calisthenics, Guitar
References
References
Andrzejewski, J., Pampati, S., Steiner, R. J., Boyce, L., & Johns, M. M. (2020). Perspectives of transgender youth on parental support: Qualitative findings from the resilience and transgender youth study. Health Education & Behavior, 48(1), 74-81. doi.org/10.1177/1090198120965504
Campbell, A., Shirley, L., & Caygill, L. (2002). Sex-typed preferences in three domains: Do two-year-olds need cognitive variables? British Journal of Psychology, 93(2), 203–217. doi.org/10.1348/000712602162544
Diamond, L. M. (2020). Gender fluidity and nonbinary gender identities among children and adolescents. Child Development Perspectives, 14, 110-115. doi.org/10.1111/cdep.12366
How to talk to kids about gender: An age-by-age guide. Today’s Parent. (2022, October 17). https://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-gender-age-by-age-guide/
Katz‐Wise, S. L., Gordon, A. R., Sharp, K., Johnson, N. P., & Hart, L. (2022). Developing parenting guidelines to support transgender and gender diverse children’s well-being. Pediatrics, 150(3). doi.org/10.1542/peds.2021-055347
Killermann, S. (n.d.). The genderbread person version 2. It’s Pronounced Metrosexual. www.itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2012/03/the-genderbread-person-v2-0/
Levine, L. E., & Munsch, J. (2022). Child development: an Active learning approach (4th ed.). Sage Publications.
Levy, G. D. (1999). Gender-typed and Non-gender-typed category awareness in toddlers. Sex Roles, 41, 851–873. doi.org/10.1023/A:1018832529622
Martin, C. L., & Ruble, D. N. (2010). Patterns of gender development. Annual Review of Psychology, 61(1), 353-381. doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.093008.100511
Mayo Clinic. Children and gender identity: Supporting your child. (2022, October 1). www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/childrens-health/in-depth/children-and-gender-identity/art-20266811
Poulin-Dubois, D., Serbin, L. A., Derbyshire, A. (1998) Toddlers' intermodal and verbal knowledge about gender. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 44, 338-354.
Stennes, L., Burch, M. M., Sen, M., & Bauer, P. J. (2005). A longitudinal study of gendered vocabulary and communicative action in young children. Developmental Psychology, 41(1), 75–88. doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.41.1.75
The Gender Book. Pages from the gender book. (n.d.). thegenderbook.com/the-pages/
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