Parents all around the world feel the stressors that come with raising their children. You are here because you are looking for ways to cope and destress from the hardships parenting brings, and we are happy to share some information about things you can do to help you and your family thrive! Our goal is to share information on different parenting styles, the goodness of fit between you and your child, and overall solutions to limit your stress. Ultimately, we hope to give you the tools to make the best decisions for your family, and help you realize that you are not alone!

Contextualism

Bronfenbrenner's bio-eco systems theory proposes that an individual's development is shaped by interconnected environmental systems. While nature explains a person's genetics, this theory is a prime example of the nurture perspective.

This works to represent the layers of influence on a child, from the closest (like family and peers) to broader influences (like culture).

With this, we understand the multifaceted influence on one's environment. Some of these layers aren't in our control. We aren't able to change the culture we are in or our economic situation, but we can change the way we behave.

Parenting Styles

Parents socialize their children by balancing warmth and control. The way they do this differs and this variation can be summarized in 4 styles. These 4 parenting styles are based on the ways in which parents instill the socialization process in their children as they grow up. These styles vary widely across ethnic backgrounds and cultural contexts, and we will describe each below:

Authoritative: High levels of control with a good deal of warmth and encouragement
- Outcomes: Likely to be self-reliant, controlled and content
Authoritarian: High levels of control with many rules, very little warmth and encouragement
- Outcomes: Likely to become resentful, defiant, and have more internalizing/externalizing problems

Permissive: A great deal of warmth, very few rules or restrictions
- Outcomes: Likely very little self-reliance, explorative, and self-controlled, poor sociability
Disengaged: No control and no warmth, without emotional connection
- Outcomes: Likely aggressive, oppositional, high anxiety, low competence & sociability, as well as more likely to use drugs/alcohol.

Many agree that an authoritative style is the best way to foster positive impacts on your child, but the other styles above don't necessarily cause bad outcomes in all contexts. Different ethnic backgrounds and countries may instill any of the other 3 parenting styles, and their children turn out just as well because their society focuses on different things while raising their children. Excess of specific styles, like permissive and authoritarian, are not best for the child as they need both structure and freedom. The best thing parents can do, in any culture, is manage the balance between warmth and control, making sure that their children are getting both.

Gopnik & Parenting

Psychologist Alison Gopnik's book, The Gardener and the Carpenter, works to show the comparisons between those who parent in either the way of the gardener, or the carpenter.

The gardener parent treats raising their child as though they are tending to a garden, and allows their child's growth and space to thrive in a supportive environment. They realize that though their child may slip from their grasp of control, this could potentially lead to the formation of a person who feels safe in being their authentic self, whoever that may be.

The carpenter parent, on the other hand, raises their child with a goal in mind, and a hope for an end product that fits the idea they had in their minds for their children's futures. This is an undesirable way of parenting, as it limits the child to their parent's sole control, the parents in turn pushing for a creation that may not be who their child is at all.

Gopnik's attempt to raise awareness about these ways to parent shed light on the benefits and detriments of each side of the analogy. She does this in a way that does not shame parents, but helps them to see in analogical terms how these two types of parenting impact their child. To become a gardener parent, don't be afraid to let go of the reins and allow your child to explore themselves. By doing this, you allow your child to grow and succeed on their own.

Here's a link to Gopnik's book on Amazon! : The Gardener & The Carpenter

Temperament

Want to learn more about temperament? This video explains temperament and how different types of temperament can affect a parent and their child's Goodness of Fit. Watch to learn more!

Managing "Big Feelings"

Parenting is stressful, especially when children are learning to regulate their emotions. In the beginning, they are feeling their feelings in the biggest way, and it's hard for a lot of parents to navigate these emotions. There are ways to help, as seen in the infographic to the right! The best part is when children find ways to down-regulate, it calms parents down as well!

Solutions to Limit Stress

Meditation and mindfulness serve as effective coping mechanisms for stressed parents by promoting relaxation, mental clarity, and emotional balance. Participating in meditation allows parents to develop a heightened awareness of the present moment, effectively handle overwhelming thoughts, and respond to challenges with increased patience. This fosters a more centered and calm approach to the stressors of parenting.
- Click here to take a breather and engage in a 5-minute meditation exercise!
Having a reliable support system offers parents opportunities to share concerns, receive advice, and share the burdens of caregiving, fostering a sense of community and reducing the isolating nature of parenting challenges.
- Family and friends
- Doctors and pediatricians
Regular exercise can be a beneficial stress management tool for both parents and children. Engaging in physical activity releases endorphins, which act as natural mood lifters, and promote better sleep, helping parents cope with the demands of parenting. For children, regular exercise provides a healthy outlet for energy, promotes relaxation, and contributes to overall emotional well-being, reducing stress associated with academic and social pressures.
Encouraging children to engage in play not only fosters their cognitive and social development but also provides parents with valuable moments to take a break to reduce stress and foster a healthier family dynamic. Play is a natural avenue for children to explore their creativity, problem-solving skills, and interpersonal relationships. When parents encourage playtime, they not only contribute to their child's well-being but also create opportunities for independent exploration. This can afford parents precious moments to unwind, attend to personal tasks, or simply recharge.

After establishing an effective mindfulness routine, encourage your child to participate.

Kaya Cowles

Pacific University

Year: Junior

Major: Psychology

Minor(s): Kinesiology and Psychological Health & Well-being

Megan Pileri

Pacific University

Year: Sophomore

Major: Psychology

Minor(s): Anthropology and Communication Sciences & Disorders

Courtney Tiernan

Pacific University

Year: Sophomore

Major: Kinesiology

Minor(s): Psychology

References

Bronfenbrenner, U. (2000). Ecological systems theory. In A. E. Kazdin (Ed.), Encyclopedia of Psychology (Vol. 3, pp. 129–133). Oxford University Press.

Galanaki, E., & Malafantis, K. D. (2022). Albert Bandura's experiments on aggression modeling in children: A psychoanalytic critique. Frontiers in psychology, 13, 988877. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.988877

How to reduce stress | UNICEF Parenting. (n.d.). Www.unicef.org. https://www.unicef.org/parenting/mental-health/how-reduce-stress-parents

NPR Choice page. (2019). Npr.org. https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/05/28/614386847/what-kind-of-parent-are-you-carpenter-or-gardener

Sanvictores, T., & Mendez, M. D. (2022, September 18). Types of parenting styles and effects on children. National Library of Medicine; StatPearls Publishing. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK568743/

Picture Credits:
Image by <a href=" https://www.vectorportal.com" >Vectorportal.com</a>, <a class="external text" href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/" >CC BY</a>