Our Goal Statement

What is attachment?

Attachment is a product of the specific relationship between a caregiver and a child, who both have a different impact on the relationship itself. For the child, this attachment is then turned into a schema – or a pattern of thinking – that concerns how a child is expected to be treated in relationships later in life. This schema will dictate how the child treats others based on how they expect to be treated, courtesy of their earliest experience with a relationship – with their caregiver. Attachment between infant and caregiver starts from the moment the child is born. From birth, attachment can be seen as occurring in stages.

Pre-attachment (birth to 6 weeks)

New parents at this stage are experiencing hormonal changes that make them increasingly more responsive to their child’s cues. Infants have sensory preferences that predispose them to social interactions with their environment, as well as their mothers in particular. Newborns are able to respond to voices, communicate their needs by crying to get others to care for them, and most enjoy being held or touched.

Attachment in the making (6 weeks to 6-8 months)

Babies begin to smile at around 6 weeks old, and most develop a social smile they direct specifically at people around 2 months old. This smile is often directed at individuals the baby recognizes and is familiar with. This is one of the very first physical signs of an attachment forming. Now that the baby can distinguish between individuals they know and don’t know, they begin to exhibit stranger anxiety. This is when the child sees or is interacted with by a person they are not familiar with.

Clear-cut attachment (6-8 months to 18 months-2 years)

Infants are now able to move around on their own and actively maintain close contact and interaction with their caregivers. The caregivers are now seen as a ‘safe base’ that they seek out when stressed or afraid. They also begin to exhibit separation anxiety, which happens when the infant is separated from their caregiver and becomes outwardly frightened.

Goal-corrected partnership (18 months +)

The infant is now aware that their caregiver has goals and plans that are different from their own. This is now the phase of the relationship where both caregiver and child are interacting, both having an equal goal of keeping the interaction going. This is when the attachment becomes a schema in the child’s mind, creating the expectations a child will have in their future relationships – how others will treat them and, in turn, how they will treat others.

Up until about age four, building an attachment with a caregiver is extremely important. However, a child’s mind (schemas) are extremely flexible during this time as well. So, if you are not satisfied with the attachment you and your child currently share, no need to worry! Because a child’s mind is so flexible at these ages, if the caregiver’s behaviors change as well as the relationship dynamic itself, the child’s attachment schema can also be changed!

Why is attachment important?

Attachment plays a big role in the developmental, psychological, behavioral, and physical well-being of children. As previously mentioned attachment also provides a child with the baseline expectations of their future relationships. These expectations create a schema in a child’s mind that dictates how they treat others based on their preconceived expectations and values of relationships with their caregivers. Attachment also provides the basis for how a child will learn trust or mistrust and determines how the child will learn and act within their environment. When a healthy attachment is fostered between and caregiver and a child, the caregiver becomes a ‘safe base’ which allows the child to become increasingly more comfortable exploring (and subsequently learning from) their environment through play as they see their environment as safer with the caregiver present. With this ‘safe base,’ caregivers will also help children to develop healthy emotion and stress regulation skills, adaptability, and resilience. For example, a healthy attachment with their caregiver predicts better stress responses and less anxiety in adolescence. An insecure attachment with their caregiver is predictive of unhealthy stress responses and higher levels of cortisol/different cortisol peak patterns in adolescence.

Cultural variation in terms of attachment

Though attachment is a universal need for children of all cultures, parenting styles and techniques certainly differ depending on where the family is located in the world. The reason for this difference is the values and beliefs within each culture. For example, some cultures are more interdependent, so children are raised with a more community-centered approach. On the other hand, more individualistic cultures raise their children with a more self-centered approach. In the United States, the most effective parenting style is authoritative. This means that parents maintain a high level of control over their children but still offer a high level of warmth and encouragement to their children. However, in some Southern European and Latin American countries, children of permissive (low control and high warmth) parents tend to do better than children of authoritative parents. Children in the United States who were raised by authoritarian parents (high control and low warmth) do worse than children of authoritative parents and tend to be withdrawn, defiant, and resentful with very low levels of self-esteem. However, in countries with collectivist cultures (Iran, India, Egypt, and Pakistan), children are raised to inhibit the expression of their wants and needs in accordance with the collectivist expectations. Notably, these children do not share the same low self-esteem as children in the United States who are raised by authoritarian parents. Additionally, in many cultures, children may have multiple caretakers, sometimes being cared for by other members of the family/community more than their mother. Though caretaking is different for these children, healthy attachments are still very possible.

Lastly, cultures have different ways of responding to their children. For example, mothers in Africa tend to interact with and talk to their children less than mothers in Europe, the Far East, and both North and South America. A final example would be how Jewish mothers tend to match their child’s emotional state while Palestinian-Arab mothers tend to have more positive responses to their child’s emotions. This variety in parenting across different cultures reminds us that we need to be aware of these differences when discussing childhood attachments. We also must remind ourselves that good parenting does not look the same for all cultures, and children are still able to form secure attachments regardless of where they are from.

A conversation about identity

In the United States today, we are experiencing what can be referred to as a massive cultural shift. The number of young adults born in the 2000s identifying as transgender jumped 48% between the years of 2021 and 2022. Similarly, the number of these individuals identifying as nonbinary jumped a whopping 60% within the same period. By late 2022, 8% (or 1 in 13) of 18 to 22-year-olds identified as either transgender or nonbinary. This shift is likely due to the increasing prevalence and acceptance of gender diversity within our society and the media. With these massive changes occurring, it is becoming increasingly important for parents to support their children during the important stage of identity development. Beginning during toddlerhood, children begin to recognize that they are their own individual with their own autonomy. They will continue to explore and interact with their environment and will begin to discover things that they like and do not like. These things may consist of different toys, methods of play, types of clothing, and even peers they interact with. Discovering these likes and dislikes contributes to the development of their identity, which is crucial to understanding who they are and who they want to be. This means that as a parent, your child needs your support and acceptance during this time. By allowing your child the freedom to express themselves in whatever way is comfortable to them, your child will recognize that you are there to support them rather than leaving them feeling ashamed, fearful, and rejected. These negative feelings can stunt the development of identity within a child. Instead, offering support will help build and strengthen the trust between caregiver and child which is crucial to a healthy, loving attachment.

Conversation on Temperament Slideshow for video-1.webm

Once again, we understand how challenging being a parent can be, especially today. However, we want to emphasize the fact that though all children have needs unique from one another, they also have the universal need for a warm, loving environment suitable for them. To wrap up our discussion, we’d like to share the ‘garden’ metaphor described by Alison Gopnik. To be a parent is not to fall into a rigid style such as gentle or helicopter parenting. To be a parent is to simply know your child, their temperament, their behaviors, and their needs. With these needs in mind, your job is to create a protected space in which your child can explore, learn, and grow. This is key to building a warm, healthy attachment with your child. Instead of being a ‘carpenter,’ or a parent who attempts to mold their child into a certain identity or attachment, be a ‘gardener.’ Gardener parents, just like actual gardeners, work to cultivate a safe and healthy environment for their children to grow. They recognize the needs and behaviors of the child and shape the environment as well as their own behaviors in a way that allows the child to flourish.

Meet the Authors

Abbi Best

School: Pacific University

Year: Junior

Major: Psychology

Future Career Goal: Clinical Psychologist

Jordhan Spencer

School: Pacific University

Year: Junior

Major: Psychology

Future Career Goal: Child Psychotherapist

Molly Sporn

School: Pacific University

Year: Junior

Major: Psychology

Future Career Goal: Pediatric Optometrist

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References

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