Marriage

KEY READINGS

Goldberg Textbook - Religion: Contexts and Expressions pg. 258-259

Overview

Jewish marriage provides companionship and ensures the physical and spiritual survival of humanity by creating faithful communities who live out their love for G-d. Marriage is seen as integral to G-d's plan of ongoing creation which began with the first human couple, Adam and Eve.

Traditional Weddings

Modelled on a property transaction in which the groom paid the bride’s father a bride price (mohar), marriage has evolved into a more spiritual commitment. Yet even today the legal basis of traditional Jewish marriage is rooted in acquisition, with the marriage effected by the husband’s bestowal of a wedding ring and the wife’s passive acceptance. Despite the imbalance of power in the husband’s favour, however, Jewish law quickly evolved to create protections for women. The ketubah (marriage contract) obligates a husband to provide food, clothing, and sexual satisfaction to his wife. It also includes a lien to be paid by the husband to the wife in case of divorce.

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The Ketubah

A traditional ketubah usually includes:

A provision for the maintenance of the wife after divorce equivalents to the amount needed to support her for one year and paid in a lump sum.
The value of the property the bride brings to the marriage; the husband may enjoy the income accrued from this property, but in a divorce he must repay the principal.
An additional amount pledged by the husband, the 'tosefet ketubah' or additional ketubah
A woman's ketubah acts as a mortgage on her husband's property assuring her ability to collect in the event of his death or their divorce.

The Talmud states clearly that the purpose of the ketubah is to make sure that 'it should not be easy for a husband to divorce his wife', a protection under Jewish law since only the husband can initiate a divorce.

Wedding Rituals & Customs

Key Beliefs reinforced in the ritual

The practice of marriage for the individual in Judaism is highly significant because the process of marriage is an expression of a belief in Judaism. The individual fulfils the mitzvah of “increase and multiply” (Genesis 1:28), thus ensuring the continuation of the tradition and the beliefs of Judaism.

The ketubah emphasises the major significance for the individual as they are agreeing to a written contract in a religious setting. This is a form of covenant. Every marriage builds a new house in Israel forever changing the life of the individual with his or her change of status from single to married. Marriage celebrates the distinctive way that an individual can experience God’s saving love, which touches and transforms his/her life.

The giving or exchange of rings links the individual to the history and community of all Jewish people – “behold you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the Law of Moses and Israel”. This also assists the individual in setting up a loving home shalom bayit (peace in the home) to provide strong foundations for the Jewish community. It may also involve, for the women, setting up a kosher home.

Key Actions of the Ritual

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Key Symbols of the ritual of Marriage

The Chuppah

One of the most iconic Jewish wedding symbols is a classic chuppah. Simply four poles with a cloth attached to the tops of each pole, stretching out to create a canopy for the bride and groom to stand beneath. The chuppah symbolizes the home that husband and wife will create together. Because the chuppah is open on all four sides, it also symbolizes the concept of unconditional hospitality as Abraham and Sarah kept their tent open on all sides to welcome people into their home.

The Rings

Though not necessarily a forerunner, in terms of classic Jewish wedding symbols, the wedding ring is, nonetheless, definitely part of the wedding ceremony. According to Jewish law, the marriage is not official until the groom gives the bride an item of value. Traditionally, the valuable item used has been a Jewish wedding ring. The ring must be a plain band: simple and seamless: without any holes, scratches or engravings and bought and paid for by the groom, himself. This Jewish wedding symbol represents that of hope for an everlasting marriage. The circular band evokes the notion of the cycle of life. In modern Jewish weddings, today, both the bride and groom exchange rings.

The Wine

As far as Jewish wedding symbols go, wine plays an important role in the ceremony as well as many Jewish ceremonies. Wine and marriage have between them a profound mystical connection. Wine is a symbol of joy, making the heart happy. In order to make this happy-heart-making drink, a grape must be squeezed and crushed. The grape is not unlike marriage – persevering through all the crushing moments, coming up on top and taking you to whole new levels of love and joy. Not to mention, becoming richer with age.

The Broken Glass

Breaking the glass at a Jewish wedding ceremony is also a fairly iconic Jewish wedding symbol. Following the couple’s declaration of being spiritually one, a cup is wrapped in a cloth and set under the groom’s foot. The groom then crushes the glass reminding those present of the sorrow of the destruction of the temple – even in times of great joy, Jerusalem and the Temple should be remembered.

The Ketubah

More than just a religious Jewish wedding symbol, it was (and still is) a legal Jewish document. A ketubah is essentially a marriage contract outlining the obligations of a husband to provide food, shelter and marital relations to his wife. While not quite a spiritual Jewish wedding symbol, it is a symbol of marriage and an intertwining of two lives. Many choose, today, to alter the traditional Aramaic text, adding their own text that elucidates the commitment of the couple to their mutual love, as well as, their vision of the home they wish to establish. Couples often choose to purchase an art ketubah as a way to immortalize this momentous event and later hang it in their home in order to perpetuate its promise.

ACTIVITY

According to Jewish law and custom, what is a Levirate marriage?
What does the term 'marrying out' mean? Is it considered good or bad? Why or why not?
Investigate the parameters for divorce in Judaism

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