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Within Buddhism there is no spiritual or traditional obligation to get married. Marriage in Buddhism therefore is a personal choice, and as a result of this, Buddhists do not have any formal teachings on what the ritual should consist of. Buddhist monks and nuns cannot marry while living in a monastery.
The closest Buddhists come to one is to hold a blessing or celebration but the marriage ritual itself mirrors that of a secular wedding ceremony.
"If a man can find a suitable and understanding wife and a woman can find a suitable and understanding husband, both are fortunate indeed."
"If a man can find a suitable and understanding wife and a woman can find a suitable and understanding husband, both are fortunate indeed."
Venerable Dhammananda Maha Nayaka Thera
If there are no teachings, are there key beliefs still expressed in a Buddhist marriage ritual?
If there are no teachings, are there key beliefs still expressed in a Buddhist marriage ritual?
Yes! Marriage in Buddhism comprises of a civil ceremony that legally unites two people. Buddhist monks may bless a marriage but will not conduct the actual marriage ceremony. Therefore, the main content of Buddhist marriage ceremonies reflects the culture of the country the couple live in. This is more significant than religious content.
Most Buddhists believe the purpose of marriage is to:
unite with someone they love or who is a good partner in other respects
have children
create a sound basis for their extended family, including their parents
Does marriage cause suffering?
Does marriage cause suffering?
Buddhists accept that marriage may cause suffering and should be aware of this before getting married. The second Noble Truth, 'The truth of the cause of suffering', refers to desires which can cause frustration. Therefore, a Buddhist will try to practise teachings such as metta (loving kindness) and ahimsa (total non-violence in words, thoughts, and actions) within the marriage so that the couple can sustain a positive relationship.
Key Belief - The Five Precepts
Key Belief - The Five Precepts
The Five Precepts are considered an important source of authority in Buddhism. The third Precept offers guidance on how to achieve a successful marriage. 'Do not engage in sexual misconduct', instructs Buddhists to be content within marriage and not to commit adultery as this will cause suffering.
Key Belief - Enlightenment
Key Belief - Enlightenment
Buddhists monks choose not to marry and remain celibate while living in the monastic community. This is so that they can focus on achieving enlightenment. They understand that the demands of marriage, raising a family and working to support both, will be a distraction from the full-time effort needed to follow the Buddhist path. Monks do not have to spend the rest of their life in the monastery – they are completely free to re-enter mainstream society and some only spend a year as a monk.
Sigalovada Sutta
Sigalovada Sutta
The Sigalovada Sutta is a teaching from Buddha that gives Buddhists practical ways in which to live, for example: respecting your husband or wife, honoring your parents etc. It provides advice for adherents who are considering marriage such as how to treat each other and have a happy and successful marriage. It contains guidelines for both the wife and husband.
The husband can ensure a good relationship with his wife by:
The husband can ensure a good relationship with his wife by:
being attentive and courteous to her
not looking down on her
being faithful to her
sharing his authority with her
providing her with clothing, jewellery etc that she wants
This ancient text assumes that a wife is not economically independent. The wife can ensure a good relationship with her husband by:
This ancient text assumes that a wife is not economically independent. The wife can ensure a good relationship with her husband by:
performing her household duties well
being welcoming to all their relations
being faithful to him
budgeting properly within the household and protecting family resources
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