Wellness Tips

Pre-teen and teenage friendships can sometimes turn ‘toxic’. Or sometimes toxic friendships can develop if your child hangs out with ‘frenemies’ – supposedly friends who are mean to them.

Instead of making your child feel good – like they belong and are accepted – toxic friendships can lead to your child feeling bad about themselves or others. That’s because frenemies often put people down, manipulate them, leave them out or behave in other mean ways, both face to face and on social media.

Pre-teens and teenagers sometimes need help to avoid, manage or end toxic friendships.

To help your child avoid toxic friendships, you can try talking with your child about what ‘good’ friends are like – they’re the friends who look out for your child, care about them, include them in activities and treat them with respect. This will help your child work out which people might be good to hang out with.

It also helps to encourage your child to have a wide range of friends from a variety of places, like school, sports or social clubs, family friends and neighbours. This gives your child other people to turn to if a friendship turns toxic.

Getting to know your child’s friends is important too. This gives you the chance to quietly observe your child’s social interactions and pick up on any issues. You could encourage your child to have friends over and give them space in your home.

You could also try talking with your child about how they’re going with their friends, both face to face and online. Listen to your child and use open-ended questions. When you keep the lines of communication open, your child is more likely to talk with you about any problems that come up.

When you talk, you could describe your own friendship history. If you had friendship difficulties, it might help your child feel that you understand what they’re going through.

Finally, you can be a role model for forming and maintaining positive relationships – with your own friends, partner and colleagues. Your child will learn from observing relationships where there’s respect, empathy and positive ways of resolving conflict.

If you have any concerns about your child's socio-emotional wellbeing in school, please get in touch your child's teachers.