1. Share how you have made mistakes before and how you kept trying. For example, you didn't get selected for the school team for sports when you were schooling, how did you feel, what did you do to deal with those feelings and what else did you do to work towards your goals?
   

2. Failing can be a scary thing for kids. It is really important to help them realise that failing doesn't mean one is a failure. This conversation revolving failing is important and it must be intentional. Talk about failing, talk about how they feel, find out what they think about failing. This conversation is different from the one above as this is about them, about their perspective and feelings towards failing.
   

3. Through family games, set your child up for some gentle failures. This helps them to be familiar with failure. And avoid rescuing them the moment they fail. Try empathising, saying, “I can tell that was hard for you. Now that you’ve been through this, what would you try next time?”
   

4. Reframe perspectives:

When they say: "I'm such a failure"

Encourage them to say: "Sometimes it takes more than one try, there's no failure."

When they say: "I made a mistake, I'm the dumbest"

Encourage them to say: "Mistakes help me learn, I can get it right eventually."

While the fundamental idea of learning from not achieving goals / mistakes is supported by evidence, do remember that the sink-or-swim method does not really work. Failing is only productive when two things are true: first, the child who fails actually learns something from it and is thus motivated to try again, and second, the failure doesn’t permanently close future doors.

So dear parents, be willing to be needed differently. Give feedback and guidance rather than answers. Ask questions that help your child reflect on what they want, who they are, what they care about, how they feel, and, ultimately, what they should do as a result.

If you have any concerns about your child's socio-emotional wellbeing in school, please feel free to get in touch with our School Counsellors.