Warning: This article contains minor spoilers.

In his recent review of 87North Productions’ all-new comedy-action film, Love Hurts (2024), Rolling Stone’s David Fear wrote, “Love may hurt, sure. But it’s not nearly as painful as being forced to watch a great actor stuck in a bad movie.” After watching Academy Award-winners Ke Huy Quan and Ariana DeBose take on the leading roles in this eccentric, genre-defying, yet immensely entertaining mess, we couldn’t agree more.

Love Hurts follows hitman-turned-realtor Marvin Gable (Ke Huy Quan) as he is reunited with the love of his life, Rose (Ariana DeBose), on Valentine’s Day. Marvin must confront his violent, criminal past in order to help her defeat his younger brother, a mafia boss called “Knuckles” (Daniel Wu), whose M.O. is . . . stabbing people with boba straws? Don’t ask us—we don’t know.

The film also features an eccentric ensemble, including Marv’s clinically depressed assistant, Ashley, who is searching for meaning; a nihilistic poet-slash-assassin operating under the pseudonym “the Raven” (yes, like Edgar Allan Poe), known for his feather-shaped darts and throwing knives; Marv’s sweet, cowboy-loving mentor and boss, Cliff; and two of Knuckles’ goons, King and Otis, who struggle to balance their home lives with their violent careers.

The movie lasts an incredibly fleeting eighty-three minutes, and it suffers for that. Rather than fleshing out the central characters and storyline through meaningful exposition, the film thrusts viewers immediately into the action, forcing the writers to resort to cheap techniques like unnecessary voiceover and overly explanatory dialogue in order to inform audiences of essential background information. It’s because of this that the story loses all subtlety and intrigue. For instance, when Rose and Marv are first reunited, Rose sees that he has lovingly held onto a piece of amethyst. “Amethyst,” she remarks. “A powerful protector against nightmares. I gave it to you. Why’d you keep it?” We can’t help but ask ourselves, who is this for? Marv knows she gave it to him. We, the viewers, have already worked it out from context clues. A great movie trusts its audiences to work out the details and deeper meanings for themselves, and that’s exactly what Love Hurts fails to do.

The film’s other major structural pitfall is that it is overcrowded with subplots that aren’t properly developed in its short runtime, and, as a result, each one subscribes to its own distinct tone. Essentially, each piece of the puzzle is unable to fit cohesively with the rest, producing a disjointed and incongruous patchwork of stories with one single unifying characteristic: unimaginable camp. On top of that, Love Hurts is rated R for severe violence and gore, which both alienates theaters’ typical Valentine’s Day audiences and drives away younger viewers who might better identify with its exaggerated tone.

Finally, despite the movie’s heavy emphasis on love and an over-the-top Valentine’s Day aesthetic, Marv and Rose have absolutely no chemistry. Aside from the fact that she spends the entirety of the film’s runtime using and manipulating him, the two are also entirely incompatible in the long run. While Rose pursues a life of violence without concern for those around her, Marv is forced to slowly abandon his true passion—real estate—in order to be with her. The actors’ twenty-year age gap is also extremely off-putting.

Despite its faults, Love Hurts features a handful of good moments. Ke Huy Quan’s performance as an earnest, reformed realtor is charming and entertaining. The unlikely romance between Ashley and the Raven is a highlight, finally capturing the Valentine’s Day spirit that the movie fails to cultivate between Marv and Rose. It also earns points for creative weaponry; where the Raven fights with dart feathers and Knuckles kills with boba straws, Marv uses heart-shaped cookie cutters to defeat King and Otis during one particularly dramatic fight scene. Although the exaggerated physical humor is sometimes too over-the-top, these action sequences are generally choreographed very well.

Ultimately, we would give Love Hurts two stars. It deserves at least a little bit of credit for its chaotic entertainment value.