Every day, I (and many others) open the New York Times Connections of the day and stare down in absolute confusion. Sometimes the puzzle is quite easy, but many days, I end up cheating to figure out the categories, and then still make mistakes picking the words. 

For those who do not know the pain of trying to figure out which words relate to which other words and how, without falling for the endless red herrings throughout the day’s puzzle, the New York Times Connections makes the player suffer find four groups of four words that share something in common. Starting from the easiest category, yellow, the words normally relate in a “straightforward” way. As the categories progress, to green, blue, and finally purple, they get more obscure and “tricky.” However, ometimes, the categories are just nonsensical. 

Whoever is making these puzzles is either a genius or delusional, or maybe just a little bit of both. From least crazy to the most egregious categories ever, here is my list of the most ridiculous Connections categories for the month of February.

10. EUPHEMISMS FOR FLATULENCE: GAS, STINKER, TOOT, WIND (February 6, green)

Come on. Have some decorum. You are the New York Times, not a 10 year old boy. “Euphemisms for flatulence” is a silly category name and clearly just a way to avoid saying “fart.” However, since it is not hard at all to relate these words, this group scrapes in at the very bottom of the list.

9. CITY HOMOPHONES: DELI, NIECE, ROAM, SOUL (February 5, purple)

Somewhat tame compared to others on this list, this category makes the list at number 9 mostly because of the five minutes I spent trying to figure out what city “deli” was a homophone of. You would think it might be New York City.

8. WHAT “O” MIGHT MEAN: HUG, OF, OXYGEN, ZERO (February 6, purple)

Another group from February 6 (what a day!) This is just ridiculous because no one would think of it. I do not know where these ideas come from, but I have to applaud whoever came up with this. The creativity and insanity is off the charts.

7. ___ LADDER: CORPORATE, ROPE, SALMON, WORD (February 27, purple)

What on earth is a salmon ladder? Who thinks of a salmon ladder—or, for that matter, a word ladder—when talking about types of ladders? This group just makes me angry.

6. WORDS BEGINNING WITH INSTRUMENTS: BASSINET, CELLOPHANE, HARPOON, ORGANISM (February 25, purple)

Certainly easy to guess for an orchestra player, but maybe no one else; this one made me laugh. Who would think that cellophane and a harpoon have anything to do with one another? Surprisingly, I did, but that does not make this group less deserving of its number 6 spot.

5. NUMBER ANAGRAMS: EON, ETHER, NET, TOW (February 9, purple)

I do not like this at all. In fact, it makes me very angry! This inspires rage. How was I supposed to know? Nobody is looking at these words and thinking, wow, these are definitely number anagrams. The purple category is supposed to be tricky, not insane.

4. VEGETABLE HOMOPHONES: BEAT, CHARRED, LEAK, PEE (February 20, purple)

Connections really likes to play with words, and also with my sanity. If this can be a group of words, anything can. The creativity, but also lack of creativity, is astounding and, frankly, ridiculous. This is the second group of homophones on this list, actually, but is way worse than city homophones at number 9, just because of the words chosen.

3. WHAT “BLUE” MIGHT MEAN: DEMOCRATIC, EROTIC, NOBLE, SAD (February 23, blue)

The last of two categories that were not purple, this one is ridiculous because half of these words do not mean “blue” to the average person. Its only saving grace is the fact that it is a part of the blue category. That sparks joy, unlike the final categories on this list.

2. (TIE) COLORS WITH THEIR FIRST LETTERS CHANGED: CLUE, FROWN, MELLOW, PREEN (February 22, purple) & COLORS MINUS THEIR FIRST LETTERS: INK, LACK, OLD, RANGE (February 3, purple)

Tied at number two because they are basically the same thing, these groups, especially the one from February 22, caused outrage on social media. How is one supposed to connect these words? Most of the groups on this list are just words that no one would relate because they have been changed so much that it is impossible to see any connection between them. At this point, this is getting ridiculous.

1. ANIMALS BACKWARD: DRIB, FLOW, REED, TANG (February 29, purple)

Perhaps because I played it today, “animals backwards” comes in blazing hot at the number one spot. There is nothing that would make me think to put these words backwards. No sane person could explain how to relate these four words. On February 29, a day that only comes once every four years, the New York Times Connections committed a grievous crime against me and my mental well-being by making this one of the categories. TL;DR: what? the? heck? I am SO mad.

In conclusion, whoever makes up these categories should have added themselves to this one: THINGS WITH SPINES: BOOK, CACTUS, HEDGEHOG, SKELETON (February 23, purple).