It’s 40 degrees and rainy. The streets are painted with slush made from leftover February snow. The days are just warm enough to give you hope of nice weather, the nights are just cold enough to quash that hope. The worms are out for the rain, just to be carried off by a bird or squished by a foot. And just like the worms come out for rain, we come out of the depths of winter just to be slapped with the abomination that is March. It isn’t exclusive to the weather though—every putrid part, terrible trait, and abhorrent aspect of March leads to a conclusion: March should be abolished.

In addition to its horrid weather, March is historically unlucky. In the play Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare, a prophet tells Caesar to beware the Ides of March, or March 15. Caesar ignores the prophet, and winds up being stabbed to death on the Ides of March. Numerous other tragedies have taken place on the Ides of March. On March 15, 1941, a blizzard, which the National Weather Service calls the “most severe blizzard in modern history,” hit North Dakota and Minnesota, killing 71 people. On March 15, 1889, a cyclone destroyed 6 warships: 3 German and 3 American. On March 15, 1939, in an act that would lead to at least 70 million people dying, Germany invaded Czechoslovakia, starting WWII.

Furthermore, almost no Americans like March. A YouGov poll reported on March 1, 2021 that only 4% of respondents said that their favorite month was March. Why do we keep a month when so few Americans like it? So I implore you to contact your representatives, your senators, your government, your school board, all of these people who can take action and get rid of this monstrous, maddening, malicious, maniacal, moronic, muddy, mucky month that is March.