I have ranked the bathrooms at NHS based upon a variety of factors including cleanliness, length of lines, and much more.

Disclaimer: These are only my opinions. I also do not have the perspective to judge the men’s and gender-neutral bathrooms. However, there are more similarities than differences between the bathrooms in each location. The custodial staff has also been working very hard to keep the bathrooms clean and replenished; any of the negativities I refer to (particularly messes) are definitely not their fault.

WORST: Main Entrance Bathroom

One might wonder why the most accessible bathroom is being ranked the lowest. While the location is great, it means that this bathroom is overcrowded. Yes, there are lines in most bathrooms, but the lines here are so much longer than in other bathrooms. Plus, this bathroom is the messiest since it is so frequently used. Many of us just turn around and leave. I go well out of my way to avoid this bathroom.

Cafeteria Bathroom

What puts this bathroom barely above the main entrance bathroom is its slightly larger size and the fact that it can be somewhat peaceful in there in the midst of a crowded cafeteria. However, this bathroom is the least clean since it is overused. There are zero water fountains here. I go out of my way to avoid this bathroom too. It is also locked from the outside, as it should be since no one would want to use it. 

2nd Floor Back (Near Language Classrooms)

The location is somewhat hidden and there are five stalls here, therefore this bathroom never has lines. It is conveniently located close enough to all of my second floor classes. However, I would never use this bathroom if I did not have classes in that area, as it is only decent out of convenience. Furthermore, there is more wifi/internet in the hallway between the gym and the cafeteria than in this bathroom, which is really saying something. Rumor has it that all the fires originate from this bathroom, and that is never good.

3rd Floor Back (Near Math Classrooms)

This bathroom is easily accessible from two of my classes, making the location decent. There are never lines here because there are five stalls. However, a couple weeks ago, both soap dispensers in there were not working for a few days straight due to the increasing usage of these bathrooms. Therefore, these bathrooms go right below the middle of the pile.

3rd Floor Front (Near Social Studies Classrooms)

This bathroom is basically 3rd Floor Back, Version 2.0—most things are the same between these two bathrooms, but this is the better one. The soap dispensers have never run out in my recent memory. The location is just better. It is conveniently located directly across from one of my classes while being easier to access in the front of the building. This bathroom is overall mid.

1st Floor Back (Near North Star Classrooms)

I have only used this bathroom once that I can recall, and the one time I did, the lights were out. However, many of my friends have rated this bathroom positively. They keep going there despite the fact that they have no classes in that area. These bathrooms are supposedly so good that many high school students are willing to walk halfway across the building and down an extra flight of stairs just to use them, which says enough about the quality of this bathroom on its own. I trust my friends, so I am giving this bathroom fourth place.

2nd Floor Front (Near Some English Classrooms)

If there are lines at the first floor bathrooms, I would just walk a short flight of stairs if the first main entrance one was crowded (as usual). This was a favorite of mine during mask break, when that was still a thing (it still should be). Unfortunately, the lines have been increasing. However, the lines only occur here in between classes, and they are relatively short in comparison to the lines in many of the other bathrooms. While this bathroom only wins third place, it is the best out of the second and third floor bathrooms.

Bathroom Across Fitness Center/Outside Gymnasium

I will admit that this bathroom is a tad cramped and the water from the fountain right outside tastes the worst. However, it is conveniently located right across the fitness center. I change here during priv, when the locker rooms are locked. Although one may argue that this bathroom is cramped, the space is actually used pretty effectively. The stalls do not feel any smaller than those of other bathrooms. The only reason these seem cramped is because there is not much space by the sinks, which is actually good because it means no people who are blocking the sinks for twenty minutes straight. These bathrooms do not get the recognition that they deserve.

BEST: Locker Room Bathroom

We have a winner! This bathroom is a package deal: it comes with changing areas, sports lockers, and even showers. I do not use all of these luxurious amenities regularly, but it is nice knowing that I could survive here longest if I were locked in. Crowds? Lines? Broken soap dispensers? Never. If that is not enough, here is a quote from an obviously credible source to prove this bathroom’s supremacy: 

“[T]he girls’ locker room is nice and quiet, and is in fact quite spacious. I usually have a section all to myself, and I can do a multitude of things such as not [changing in] a stall, taking a bunch of selfies of my fits, and singing without being judged by anybody.” —Confessions of a Woman in Team Sports (March 2022)

In other words, I am a big fan. I have been giving this bathroom the recognition it deserves since day one. Yes, the locker rooms are locked in between classes, but the more valuable something is, the more likely it is to be locked (unless it is the cafeteria bathroom). The girls’ locker room forever holds a special place in my heart.