Recently, fires have plagued Natick High School. Perhaps some water would help extinguish the flames.

We all know that arsonists have given administrators more ways to police our lives. Fine. I don’t care. But I need to drink.

That was a poor choice of words. Specifically, I need to drink water. We all do. But if you make the mistake of forgetting a water bottle, you’re gonna have to go thirsty.

But wait a minute...doesn’t Natick High have water fountains? It sure does! But in order for water fountains to serve their purpose, they need to distribute water. Unfortunately, NHS didn’t get the memo. At this point, the water fountains would be more useful if they were ripped out of the walls and sold for scrap.

Believe it or not, NHS actually turned them off intentionally. Their reason? Coronavirus.

*Sigh.*

You’re telling me that students are allowed to eat together in tables of eight, but little Timmy can’t quench his thirst for two seconds? Got it.

If basic logic doesn’t convince you, maybe some science will. According to the University of Georgia, the CDC states that “there is a low risk that the virus spreads through drinking water. Signs or barriers covering water fountains can be removed.”

Interesting.

Meanwhile, dehydration can lead to sluggishness, headaches, and fatigue. In other words, it’s a minor miracle that students without water aren’t incapacitated by 4th block.

That’s an exaggeration, but it is not an exaggeration to call this protocol unreasonable. At the very least, water would make people happier.

Natick, it’s time to turn the fountains back on.