what valentine's day has to offer me

Written by: Andrew Natividad

Illustration by: Francine Gado

February 14, 2023 | 9:05 P.M.

The day I hate the most is the day everyone adores. That day has come again and everyone is excited. Well, I’m just gonna dance it out and wait for what Valentine’s day this year has to offer me. Will it be a job? Or more bills? Will I be hospitalized? At least, I’m sure that it won’t be a break-up because I’ve given up on true love 16 years ago.

Today’s December 22, 2022, Thursday. It is the Christmas party for the teachers of our school and I’m killing the dance floor. Mr. Chandler Bernardo can’t catch up. “I didn’t think it would be possible. I can’t believe what’s happening. I’ve still got it, my moves,” I said as I danced with Mr. Bernardo. “Yes, miss. You’ve still got the moves,” he replied. “Chandler, I have to go to the hospital after the party for my monthly check-up. Would you mind if you go with me and Phoebe?” I asked him. “Sure, Miss Consuela.”

Today’s January 13, 2023, Friday. Creepy, right? But nothing is creepier than my February 14. “Okay, class. I’m not going to give you homework, instead we’ll review for the exam next week,” I said to the class. “But, ma’am, exams were done already last week,” my student, Chloe, said. “Oh, yeah, right. Sorry. We’ll just discuss Macbeth tomorrow so make sure to read a summary of it,” I said. “Ma’am, is something wrong? After the holiday break, you changed from being the jolliest teacher to the strangest,” my other student, Wallace, mentioned. I just laughed and sat down. “I just forgot that your schedule is different from the schedule of the 10th grade,” I replied. I can see in my students’ faces that they are very confused, and I heard some of them whispering how they are in the 10th grade. I don’t know. I’m just sleepy, I guess.

Today’s February 7, 2023, Tuesday; one more week. I’m having lunch with Miss Cruz and Mr. Bernardo. “Miss Bagumbayan, how come you’re still single? I mean, you’re already 45 and not even in a relationship. How’d you deal with it?” Mr. Bernardo asked me. It took me around 10 seconds to come up with an answer and as soon as I was going to talk, Miss Cruz answered “You know what, Chandler? Miss Consuela Bagumbayan is not who you think she is. She might be an old maid, but she had her ups and downs with her relationships. Having been her friend for 9 years now, she’s so unlucky when it comes to love.” “Oh, really? Was her heart broken or was she the one who broke hearts?” Chandler asked. “Both,” I answered. “One more week, Phoebe. I guess I can tell Chandler my love story.” Ms. Phoebe Cruz just smiled at me and continued her lunch.

Today’s February 14, 1997, Friday—my first anniversary with my first boyfriend. “Hey, Tim! Happy Valentine’s Day to us!” I said to him as we hugged. “Yeah, Consuela. I- um. I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to break up with you,” he said. “What? Why? I thought we’re doing great,” I asked. “No. We weren’t doing great. I am your first boyfriend so you wouldn’t know the difference between a healthy and a toxic relationship. Ours is toxic. I’m sorry.” He left me like our relationship meant nothing at all.

Today’s February 14, 1998, Saturday. My first Valentine’s Day with my second boyfriend. “Hey, Marc! Happy Valentine’s Day! Even though we’ve only been together for 2 months, I know you are and will continue to be someone special to me,” I greeted him. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Criselda!” Haha, what? “Criselda?! I’m Consuela. Criselda’s my best fri-” Yeah, that’s what happened. 

Today’s February 14, 1999, Sunday. I forgave Marc, we got together again until I saw him kissing a girl at the park near his place.

Today’s February 14, 2000, Monday. My boyfriend, Jonathan, decided to go to Canada with his family. He broke up with me because he does not have a lovely history with long distance relationships.

Today’s February 14, 2001, Wednesday. I decided not to get into a relationship and so the misfortune seeped into my apartment; I was evicted for not paying the bills for 7 months. 

Today’s February 14, 2002, Thursday. Harry, my best friend since high school, the love of my life, confessed his love to me. On the same day, my mother died. 

Today’s February 14, 2003, Friday. I was fired from my 8-year job. Today’s February 14, 2004, Saturday. My father died. 

Today’s February 14, 2005, Monday. I spent Valentine’s Day at the hospital after having an appendectomy where they removed my infected appendix. I also got married to Harry. 

Today’s February 14, 2006, Tuesday. My most heartbreaking Valentine’s Day. Half of my heart died. Harry died from a fire in his office after trying to help people get out of the building. 

All Valentine’s Days after the year 2006, I have dated people and have broken up with them all the same.

“That’s my life, Chandler. Every student in school might know me as the most enthusiastic and energetic teacher, but behind the whiteboard, my life’s a mess,” I told them as tears built up in my eyes. “And now, this. I have to put ‘Today’s February 14, 2023, Tuesday. I died,’ in my diary? God hates me, you think? Oh, my. I’m going to retire already. I don’t want my students to see my Alzheimer’s kicking in.” Tears flowed down my cheeks and I couldn't stop it. “I’m sorry, Chandler, Phoebe. It’s just that everyone is so happy during Valentine’s Day. Everyone loves and is being loved. Everyone gets gifts, dates, life opportunities, and then there’s me, seemingly cursed of misfortunes during every Valentine’s. Everyone I love died. For Valentine’s day, I get funerals, illnesses, job firings; I get cheated on; 45 years of such a messy life. So with the time I have left before I see my husband and parents again, I’ll just stay at home and wait.”

Today’s February 14, 2023, Tuesday. I don’t know if I had a good life. I just want to love and be loved. I got my results last December 22 revealing my Alzheimer’s Disease diagnosis. The doctor said it progressed rather rapidly and that I only have a year or two. I feared for this result for a long time, but when I finally heard it, I felt blank. I guess I’m ready.

Today’s February 14, 2024, Wednesday. My students last year visited me today inside my home. I was embarrassed that they saw me like this. But my student, Connor Atkins, talked to me and said “It’s okay not to enjoy this day. It’s okay to be sad when others are happy. It’s okay not to be okay. But nobody’s ever alone in this life. Those who are far away from us are always with us. Maybe not physically, but the memories we’ve shared, the lessons we’ve learnt from them, and the things we went through with them will always be the one to keep us going towards the true happiness in our life. Never lose hope, ma’am.” I hope he’s right.

Today’s February 14, 2057, Wednesday. I’m 79 years old. It seems like after all the struggles I endured before I had Alzheimer’s were keys for me to see the true meaning of life. Life is not life without problems, and through these problems, we want to love and to be loved to face it all.

“Consuela.” 

“Hi, Harry. You waited for me. Did you miss me?”

“I never missed you. You know why? Because your past is always present by your side towards the future.”

“I lived a good life, Harry.”

“You finally see it? How?”

“Because I lived. I survived. I got through it all.”