A Letter To You 

Written by Vince Eldrich Aldover
Illustrated by Summer De Guzman
Posted on December 5, 2020 | 6:00 PM

I know it has been a rough year for you. You have struggled many times and maybe you are on the verge of collapsing. I know that you were looking forward to improving yourself, but unfortunately things went downhill ever since. 

For almost a whole year, you have to endure social sacrifices, laying low, and pretending that everything seems fine even if there is a war ongoing in your mind. You wish your friends would not notice the lingering darkness underneath your radiant smile across the screens. You never wanted to be the burden you always thought you were despite all the reassurances that you have received. All you have ever wanted is the warmth of the bond that was restrained by this affliction. You were not alone, but still you suffer from isolation in your home that you wish it were. 

I know you had your doubts of your existence. Your endless overthinking has caused you to despise your own skin. I know you abused yourself to the point that even the thought of waking up sounds impossible for you. If all hope is lost in your world, let me assure you that it does not necessarily mean that this pain would last for a long time. Despite all the unfortunate circumstances that made you bleed, I have always believed in you—that you will carry on no matter what. Life goes on and it must be the same for you. 

I am sorry that you had to go through everything that had happened. I was too weak to overcome all the demons that almost left you lifeless. I wish I cried for help but all I did was sit and listen to the never-ending silence caused by my unbearable hesitations. I feel so ashamed that I manipulated you into thinking that ceasing to exist is the path to escape everything. I never wanted you to break yourself like a fragile glass only to pierce yourself by your own shards. I wanted to help you but everything seems so blurry for me to actually save you. It has been hard, and now, I am grateful that you chose to go on and live even after everything. Who you are right now is a testimony that you are still thriving.

As you go on from here, you can now set your previous chapter ablaze and use that flame to be your guide on writing your next one. When you write it, you should claim that you can and you will be the best version of yourself. It does not matter if you disappoint yourself in the process, for what matters is that you should be commending yourself for surviving the agony and uncertainties that life gave you. You may have heard it from others, but I personally am proud that you have made it through. It was a struggle but just know that all those bruises will heal and the scars are the visible marks of your bravery in your battles.

Let this be a turning point in your life. A thousand boulders may weigh you down, but who is to say that you cannot break free from the shackles of your own misery. All these pains and sufferings may disrupt you but always remember that you are far better and stronger than who you think you are. 

If you still doubt yourself, know that the fact that you are still here is already good enough. If you are in pain right now, you might as well choose to suffer until you find true happiness than to suffer until you drown in your own spiral of despair. 

This is what you are right now and at this moment, it is time for you to ascend and grow. You deserve your redemption from your setbacks. I believe in you and I will always believe. I believe that 2021 will be your year and no one can say otherwise.