Audition Monologues
Please choose 1 to read at auditions that you feel best shows off your acting range for the character you want.
**Some sections of these may be familiar to you from songs you've listened to in the show.
Please read them, in character, as spoken phrases, not in song form.
The Witch – Option 1
It’s not what I wish… it’s what you wish. Nothing cooking in your wife’s belly now, is there?
Listen here… in the past, when you were no more thana a babe, your father brought his young wife and you to this cottage. They were a handsome couple, but not handsome neighbors. You see, your mother was with child, and she had developed an unusual appetite. She took one look at my beautiful garden and then she told your father that what she wanted more than anything in the world was… greens!
Greens, nothing but greens… parsley, peppers, cabbages and celery, asparagus and watercress and fiddle ferns and lettuce… he said, “alright!”… but it wasn’t quite! Because, I caught him in the autumn in my garden one night! Robbing me! Raping me! Rooting through my rutabaga, and raiding my arugula, and ripping up the rampion… my champion! MY FAVORITE!
I should have laid a spell on him right there! I could have turned him into stone… or a dog… or a chair… or a sn…. (drifts off into a momentary trance – the snaps out of it) BUT I let him have the rampion… I had lots to spare!
In return, however… I said “fair is fair… you can let me have the baby your wife shall bear… and we’ll call it square!”
The Witch – Option 2
What have I done to your house? Always thinking of yourselves! Just look at my garden… look for yourselves… it’s destroyed! And I was thrown to the ground, I saw nothing! So, what could do such a thing? (beat) An earthquake? This was no earthquake! Just look again… my garden has been trampled. Those are footprints! And anything that leaves a footprint that large is no “who”… so, what?
(beat) A bear? Bears are sweet! Besides, have you ever seen a bear with forty foot feet?
(beat) A dragon? No… no scorch marks – usually they’re linked.
(beat) A manticore? They’re imaginary. (beat) A Griffin? Extinct.
(beat) A Giant… possible… very, very possible… but who could help? The royal family is out. I wouldn’t count on the that family to snuff out a rat! With a Giant, we’ll all have to go to battle! Because! (a change in tone) A Giant’s the worst! A giant has a brain! Hard to outwit a Giant. A Giant’s just like us – only bigger! Much, much bigger! So big… that we are just an expendable bug beneath it’s foot. (suddenly steps on a bug) BOOM…. CRUNCH…. (she grinds it into the floor) Ohhh… (then bends and picks it up and eats it. Turns and exits.)
The Baker’s Wife
(excited and flushed) Oooh! I’ve never lied to Royalty before! I’ve never anythinged to Royalty before! Oh, if a Prince were looking for me, I certainly wouldn’t hide. But, no… I’m just here… in the woods… with a cow… Why a cow? Well, my husband… he’s somewhere in the woods… (proudly) He’s undoing a spell… yes…
Oh, but now the Prince… what was he like? Was he tall? Did you dance? Is he charming… they say that he’s charming! Oh, to be pursued by a Prince! All the pursues me is tomorrow’s bread!
Are you to return to the festival tomorrow’s eve? Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be in your shoes. (looks off dreamily, then down towards Cinderella’s feet. Startles as she notices her shoes) I mean slippers! (gets down on her hands and knees to look closer) As pure as… gold?
(jumps up and takes off after her) Wait! I need your shoes!
Jack’s Mother
Excuse me, young woman. Have you happened to encounter a boy with carrot-top hair and sunny – though occasionally vague – disposition, answering to the name of Jack? He’s easy to spot, always with a white cow. He’s quite partial to that cow… frankly, I’d be happy to never see the creature ever again. Children can be quite queer about their animals. You be careful with your own children…
(beat) What’s that? No children?... (stares off for a beat… imagining…) That’d be okay too…
(beat and back to normal) Oh, I hope he didn’t go up that beanstalk again! (calls back to woman as she hurries away) Quit while you’re ahead I say!
NARRATOR
And so, the Mysterious Man died, having helped end the curse on his house. For the Baker, there would be no reunion with his father, and he and his wife, bewildered, returned home.
The Witch, who had been punished with age and ugliness that night when her beans had been stolen and the lightning flashed, was now returned to her former state of youth and beauty. However, as is often the way in these tales – in exchange for her youth and beauty, the Witch lost her powers over the others.
And Milky-White – after a night of severe indigestion – was reunited with the now wealthy Jack and his mother.
As for the Prince...he began his search for the foot to fit the golden slipper. When he came to Cinderella's house, and Cinderella presented herself, she tried on the blood-soaked slipper, and it fit like a glove. She was his true bride. And much to the dismay of the stepmother and her daughters, the Prince took Cinderella on his horse and rode off to live Happily Ever After… or so they all thought.
The Baker
How am I supposed to get it? This is crazy! I can’t just take a cloak from a little girl! This is ridiculous… I’ll never get that red cape, nor find a golden cow… or a yellow slipper… or… was it a golden slipper and a yellow cow? (looks up) Oh, no… What are you doing here? You have no business being alone in the woods! And you have no idea what I’ve come upon here. You would be frightened for your life. Now, go home immediately! (beat) No! No, this spell is on my house. Only I can lift this spell… the spell is on MY house!
(beat) You did what? (beat) Exchanged the beans to a poor boy for his cow? (beat) Magic beans! We’ve no reason to believe they’re magic! Are we to dispel this curse through deceit? (looks the cow over) Well, I suppose no one would have given him more for this creature. You did him a favor.
Little Red Ridinghood
Good day, Mr. Wolf. (beat) Oh, no, I'm in far too much of a hurry to get to my Grandmother's house. She lives a good quarter of a league further still through these woods. Her house stands under three large oak trees. Granny has been sick. I'm bringing bread and wine so that Granny will have something to make her strong again. Well, I really should be going. (tries to leave, but is stopped) Oh, no thank you. Mother said, "straight ahead! Don't delay or be misled!" but, oh I see... look at all the pretty flowers just off the path... no, no I should stick to the path. Mother said, "Come what may, follow the path - never stray!" But... oh, yes... yes, they are very pretty... and I do so love exploring... maybe just a few flowers... oh dear! Mother did say "not to stray"... still I suppose a small delay wouldn't hurt. After all... Granny might like a fresh bouquet! (turns and curtseys) Good bye, Mr. Wolf. (turns and bends to pick flowers)
Jack
(enters, looking around nervously. he is leading his cow by a rope)
Quiet... silence everywhere, Milkey-White. It's not to my liking. (stops abruptly because the cow has stalled. Tugs on the rope, looking back at the cow) Come along, Milkey-White... I believe there are spirits here... (turns and jumps as The Baker and his Wife have appeared) Ahhh! Oh, hello, sir. You startled me. I was heading toward the market, but I - uh - seem to have lost my way. I'm (emotionally) supposed to be selling my cow here... no less than 5 pounds I'm asking for her. (beat. Then, lying) Oh... yes, ma'am... Milkey-White here is very generous of milk. He's the best cow in the whole world! But, if I can't get 5 pounds, I... well... I hadn't really thought about that... I suppose my mother and I will have nothing to eat and we shall starve. (beat) Beans?! You want me to exchange my cow for... beans? (turns to leave with the cow, then something said makes him turn back, interested) Magic? Magic beans? Oh, but my mother would be so... (reconsidering) How many magic beans? (excited) FIVE?! Five magic beans? (gets ready to take them, but then looks back at the cow sadly) Could I buy my cow back some day? (takes the beans, then looks back at the cow one last time) I guess this is good-bye old pal, you've been a perfect friend! I'll see you soon... I just hope that when I do... it won't be on a plate!
The Prince
Ah, there you are, good Brother. Alas, I have been wandering these woods all night. Out there looking (reaches off into the distance)... for her. The beautiful one I danced the evening with. Wasn't she lovely? The loveliest! I am certain that no maiden could be lovelier. She's the one! But at the stroke of midnight she just... disappeared... like the fine morning mist. And so my search began. I must admit I find her fascinating. A maiden who would run from a prince? (laughs) So strange. None would run from us... (soberly) and yet one has. Did I abuse her, or show her disdain? No, so why does she run from me. If I should lose her, I don't know how I'll regain the heart she's won from me! Brother, you know not the agony. When the one thing you want... is the only thing out of your reach. I will have her to wife! My search continues... (as he exits) Good fortune, my brother!