List a situation or event that has been upsetting for you. This could be something very minor and take less than a minute to deal with, or something major and take several months.

Here are some possibilities: angry, embarrassed, guilty, sad, betrayed, ashamed, depressed, helpless, lonely, hurt, paralyzed, humiliated, scared, disrespected, violated, inadequate, exhausted. It’s ok if you can’t identify your feelings. The key is to release them.

Express them: Here are some possibilities: write them down in a letter or journal entry, physically express them through consciously dedicated exercise, use prayer or meditation, verbally share your story with a friend, clergy, or counselor

What am I responsible for in this situation? Based on what you were in control of, and who you were responsible to, list your contributions to this situation. Be sure to take no less and no more responsibility than what is truly yours.

List all possible options without judging any as too extreme or unrealistic. There may be nothing you can do.

From the above options, choose what you will do. Remember that you may choose to do nothing. Just take responsibility for that choice. You don’t get to be a martyr and then resent it. Maybe offer to make amends or approach it philosophically by re-framing it.

The previous steps are useless without this step. Make this count. Some possibilities: write it down, tear it up and burn it; throw a rock into the woods; put it in a can and shoot it, stomp on it, bury it; attach it to a helium balloon; put marbles in a jar; light a candle and release it when the flame burns out; record your intention on a calendar. Disallow ruminating, mindfully notice when it comes up and allow it to leave. Write your plan.