You're not the only one.
You're not alone.
Let's face it, the world is a mess. And there's often little we can do about much of it. One important & significant way we can affect ourselves & the world is through connection & community. But, right now, many people feel alone & isolated. Our society is designed to encourage this isolation. Friendships are devalued. Work leaves us little time for the friendships we do have. Rest & play are seen as indulgent. Professional achievement & wealth accumulation are seen as the highest priorities.
So, what do we do when what we need is in conflict with the norms & expectations of our society?
Simple Not Easy
Living as authentically & confidently as possible is a reliable way to fight the isolation of our current reality. But what does living "authentically" & "confidently" even mean? And how do we do it? In the simplest terms, it means trying to rid ourselves of shame, reconnecting to our bodies, & finding our community. For many of us, this requires us to learn a whole new way of relating to our minds, our bodies, & the people in our lives. There's no one-size-fits-all path to do this. Each us have to explore different tools & resources to find what works for each of us. This journey can be confusing & daunting. That's where I come in. For most of my life I felt like I just didn't belong anywhere, not even with the people who were supposed to be my community. I felt as if I was the only one having the experiences & feelings I was having. And that meant there was something wrong with me. Even when surrounded by people who said they loved me, I always felt alone, unseen, & unknown. Over the past few years (decades, really), I've learned that not only am I not the only one who has these experiences & feelings, it's really the majority of people who have similar experiences & feelings. We're all just surviving in isolation because we're living in silence. And, most of the time, we're living in silence because of shame. We lock so many common & normal experiences deep inside us hoping no one notices them. We fear ridicule & being ostracized if people knew the real, complete person we are.
No Rose-Colored Glasses
As the years have gone by, I've realized that when I share my true self, it may cause some people to pull away from me. But it also allows others to connect with me because they thought they were the only ones having these experiences & feelings that we actually share. While this sounds simple & as if it's an easy thing to accomplish, it's not. It's a long, complicated, heart-wrenching process that never ends. No matter how much work you do, no matter how long you've been feeling good, there can always be an email or a chance encounter (or, really, anything) that tries to pull you back into your past. Much like the goal of meditation isn't to have a completely quiet mind, the goal of our personal journeys isn't to eliminate struggles & difficult emotions. It's to better equip ourselves to live through those times when the struggles & difficult emotions find us again.
What Am I Doing Here?
Simply put, I want to help other people feel less alone. I want everyone to know they're surrounded by people who have similar experiences & emotions. I want them to feel that connection even if they don't share their story out loud with anyone else. I want to minimize the suffering & isolation in as many people as possible that I've experienced. I want to maximize the satisfaction & connection in as many people as possible that I've been able to find.
Let's Connect
If you'd like to know more about me, my experiences, & how I use them to help people navigate their own personal journey, let's connect! You can pick a time for us to have a video or voice chat. Or if you prefer to start wtih an email, you can reach me at elliot(at)LifeAble.us.
Land Acknowledgement
I live on the unceded & stolen territories of the Myaamia (Miami), Shawandasse Tula (Shawanwaki/Shawnee), & Wahzhazhe Maⁿzhaⁿ (Osage) peoples currently known as Cincinnati. I acknowledge that our culture was founded upon exclusions & erasures of many Indigenous peoples including their forced removal from ancestral lands, & the deliberate & systematic destruction of their communities & culture. I likewise recognize the stolen peoples who were brutally ripped from their native lands, cruelly enslaved, & whose centuries of unpaid labor built this nation and its economy. I ask you to join me in acknowledging these communities, their elders both past and present, as well as future generations & work towards dismantling the ongoing legacies of settler colonialism.
For those in the Cincinnati area, I recommend the Greater Cincinnati Native American coalition as a resource to learn more & support Indigenous peoples.
If you are unsure of whose land upon which you currently reside, you can visit www.native-land.ca.