School Refusal

💭 What Is School Refusal?

Some children feel so worried or upset about going to school that they cry, complain of stomach aches, or refuse to get ready. This is called school refusal. It’s more than “just not wanting to go” — it’s often linked to anxiety, separation worries, or changes in routine.

🚩 Signs to Look Out For:

Tears, tantrums, or clinging at drop-off.
Frequent stomach aches, headaches, or feeling sick before school.
Begging to stay home or saying “I hate school.”
Trouble sleeping on school nights.
Worries about friends, teachers, or schoolwork.

🔎 First, It’s Important to Find Out Why

When a child refuses school, it’s usually because something feels too big or too scary for them. Understanding the reason helps parents and teachers give the right support.

Common Reasons Children May Struggle:

Separation worries – afraid to be apart from mum or dad.
Friendship difficulties – worries about fitting in or feeling left out.
Academic pressure – feeling behind in classwork or anxious about tests.
Change in routine – new teacher, moving house, or family changes.
Bullying or conflict – fear of unkind behaviour at school.

How Parents Can Explore the “Why”:

Gently ask your child what they’re worried about

(e.g., “What’s the hardest part of school for you?”).

Watch for patterns — do complaints happen at the same time each day?
Share observations with teachers or the school counsellor to spot hidden challenges.

👉 Once you know the “why,” it’s easier to choose strategies that fit your child’s needs.

🏠 Strategies Parents Can Try

Keep Goodbyes Short & Reassuring

Use a quick goodbye ritual (hug, high five, special phrase).
Stay calm and confident — children pick up on your feelings.

Talk About the Positives

Highlight fun parts of school: friends, playtime, favourite lessons.
Remind your child of past successes (“Remember how you felt proud after going yesterday?”).

Avoid Reinforcing Avoidance

If a child stays home after crying, the fear may grow stronger.
Show empathy, but stay firm that school is important.

🏠 Prepare the Night Before & 🌅 On the Day

Helping your child feel calm and organised starts with simple routines at home.

✅ Use a Fun Checklist

Create a colourful checklist (with pictures for younger children).
Go through it with your child each evening and morning.
Let them tick off each step — this gives a sense of progress and success.

🪜 Break Tasks into Smaller Steps

Instead of saying “Get ready for school,” split it into easy, bite-sized actions

💬 Keep It Positive

Stay calm and consistent during the routine.
Use praise along the way: “I love how you remembered to pack your bag!”
Celebrate small successes to build confidence.

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