By, Eli DiPaolo
An object that keeps the time,
indifferent and impartial,
yet some lag behind signaling the wrong hour,
like the grandfather clock at the end of the hall.
–
you used to tell me stories,
of somebody traveling to a new place,
of a better life,
Of freedom,
i only just learned why you told these stories,
it’s because they’re yours, to tell.
–
this child’s watch brings me back to reality,
but the trial is over,
and i feel like i am flying,
like i am taking a breath and just jumping,
i haven’t felt true freedom in years,
and when i finally get a taste,
the flavor of joy is all i need,
all i need to feel like i am flying,
but what goes up,
gets shot down,
–
the grandfather clock at the end of the hall chimes loudly,
sending a tremor through the floor,
the child's watch slips from my fingers,
when it hits the floor a spider web of cracks spread across its face,
marring it forever.
–
you are nothing to me,
i did not invite you into my home,
we do not want you,
you are not my dad
you are may be me father,
but you are not my dad!
–
when i was suffering,
what were you doing,
just ticking and tocking through life,
and chiming at the wrong hour.
–
when the clock in the hall struck midnight,
you wanted to take me away,
you wanted to remove me from my home,
‘that’s illegal’ i thought,
but that doesn't matter to you,
after all,
you are too.
–
the clocks steady ticking may be music to me,
but your indifference isn’t forgotten
–
the grandfather clock chimes irregularly at the end of the hall,
i am sitting on the couch crying over a child’s watch,
You gave it to me and i feel guilty without it near me,
Most clocks don’t lie but the grandfather clock at the end of the hall just chimed at the wrong hour.
–
Castillo,
is Spanish for ‘castle’
but,
i was El Castillo
i was the castle,
at least i thought i was,
at least you told me i was,
but eventually,
you proved me wrong,
so when i broke free of your castle,
the world didn’t care,
you made me like this,
broken and afraid to trust,
you say you care
but i hate you,
you lied and cheated,
tortured and abused,
and still you say you care,
how?
–
how much longer do i have,
before you leave me with this shattered face.
–
you love,
me,
the old me though,
the one locked in your castle,
but he flew away a long time ago.
–
so now you know,
why i don’t answer your calls,
why i don’t talk to you,
it’s so you know how i felt,
when i would tell you how i felt,
and you told me those weren’t my thoughts.
–
i have a new watch now,
its gray,
with a leather band,
and though it is no longer visible,
the child’s watch with the shattered face chimes on.
–
a clock keeps the time,
–
i was the one locked in your castle,
–
but when the clock stops ticking,
–
i am glad you are gone
–
time ticks on
–
it means i am free
–
so one requires the other to function
–
free to be indifferent to the world as it was to me,
–
and one can function alone