I, the Designated Local Genius of Grants Pass, have an idea. The biggest complaints of every single American all come down to one source. The Government. From egg prices, to new diseases, to waiting in line to get your groceries for too long. It all boils down to the lack of action taken by the government. Fortunately, I have an IQ of 340 and 3/4ths, so I know how to solve it. 

Employment

The biggest part of the Trump administration’s platform is to eliminate government inefficiency by cutting the budget for everything. I have some innovative ideas to help with that. While these ideas may result in skilled federal employees becoming homeless and broke, don’t act like it’s anything new. Unlike the administration currently, my idea will help replace them instead of eradicating the positions entirely. Now what is this genius idea, you may ask? Outsourcing. These days, everything in America has been outsourced to other countries. Why not our government? My proposal will remove the pesky necessity of giving benefits and paying low wages to federal employees. With outsourcing, we can pay below minimum wage! Just think about it. Every time it’s tax day, some random office in New Delhi will be ensuring your results are up to standards. Trying to land at an airport? Trained Air Traffic Controllers are just too pricey, so we hired a bunch of gamers from Nigeria who play flight sims. While these ideas would likely not align with Trump’s agenda for a multitude of reasons, it is undeniable that this would not only fulfill work requirements, but it would be cheaper, too. 

In conclusion, to fix America and the government, we must implement tin cans with yarn and Instagram reels for our secure communications. To fix our budgetary crisis with paying “federal employees,” we need to outsource to less developed countries. And to fix our economy, we need to give everybody millions of dollars at the minimum. I hope you join me in petitioning the country to force these brilliant changes on our government.