Love's Many Forms

Hailie's informative article goes into detail regarding the seven Ancient Greek terms for love and how the five love languages may be applied to them.

Love's Many Forms

By Hailie Zintzun

The month of love has made its comeback and, with it, the renowned four-letter word has returned to the mouths of the masses. However, that is not saying that it ever really fell out of fashion. The concept of love, as we know it, has been present in human history for about nine centuries. It has been depicted in countless forms of media, expressed in a multitude of ways over the span of its existence. Love can take many forms. Ancient Greeks are claimed to have determined seven separate kinds of love. Within each kind of relationship, there can be a unique way that is mutually used to convey the shared sentiment. The term “love languages” is used to describe the varieties of affectionate actions that take place in individual relationships. Each individual has their own preferences regarding how they wish to receive affection, and the way they desire to reciprocate that affection, as well. Human connections are one of life's grandest complexities, but they needn’t be so puzzling. By understanding the type of connection one is experiencing and how they can best support that connection through their love language, the task of maintaining such relationships becomes less of a daunting endeavor.

Romantic Infactuation: Eros and Ludus

For love being such a multi-faceted idea, it all too often becomes restricted merely to that of romantic infatuation. The Hallmark–esque notion of love has slipped its way into the rationalization of the feeling, fueling unrealistic expectations and giving less due to the other forms of affection. Regarding the eight types of love depicted by the ancient Greeks, Eros would be the best fit for this category. Eros is the idea behind physical attraction. Appropriately named after the Greek god of love and fertility, this kind of love is the intense, intimate, and often short-lived attraction otherwise known as lust. According to health coach and wellness expert Elizabeth Rider, “In the modern world, it illustrates our physical attraction to one another, and it is embodied by that passionate, romantic love that is gushed over in all of our favorite books and movies.” This experience can certainly be alluring, but is not one that often leads to a healthy and productive long-term relationship. In a similar fashion, Ludus is a love that revolves around the initial fervor of romance. Ludus can have more depth to a relationship than Eros, but still lacks true commitment. It explores the joys of “falling in love” and focuses on only the beneficial aspects of the feeling. To put it simply, Ludus is the “fun” part of love, which disregards the work necessary to build a meaningful partnership. YES! Magazine claims that “We’ve all had a taste of it in the flirting and teasing in the early stages of a relationship.”

Neither Ludus nor Eros are forms of love that are necessarily “bad” to pursue or explore, but they do have their risks. As University of Utah Health describes Eros, “It is addicting. It can cause great joy and great sorrow. It isn’t always good for you.” Even so, Eros and Ludus can also allow for more freedom and spontaneity as the restrictions that come with serious commitment are not present in these relationships. If a person desires to follow their impulses or attraction to a person without hopes of a greater devotion, then that is in their power to do so. It should be stated, however, that it is imperative that both sides of a partnership of this sort understand this is the type they are in. If one party is seeking to have a more consequential arrangement, then this should be communicated and considered as soon as this preference is realized. In every form of love, consent is essential, and therefore it is imperative for one to be honest of their intentions.

Photo Credit: Earth.com (Upper) and myRepublica (Lower)

Committed Love: pragma and Philia

While Eros and Ludus are commonly represented in various forms of media, perhaps the most well-known and sought-after kind of love is that of Pragma. Pragma is not necessarily a term of love used by the ancient Greeks, and is rather a modern turn of phrase derived from the ancient Greek root pragma. YES! Magazine claims, “The use of the ancient Greek root pragma as a form of love was popularized by the Canadian sociologist John Allen Lee in the 1970s, who described it as a mature, realistic love that is commonly found amongst long-established couples. Pragma is about making compromises to help the relationship work over time, and showing patience and tolerance.” Pragma is a kind of loving partnership that is not afraid to put in the work and effort to develop a lasting connection. It is the type of affection usually seen between two people with an extensive history together, which can transpire into a marriage or other form of long-term dedication to one another. Philia is very much like Pragma in the aspect of being centered around a lasting companionship, the noted difference being that Philia has more of a focus on friendship as well as romantic relationships. Well+Good states, “Philia is characterized by intimacy, knowing, and soul-to-soul bonds. It’s encouraging, kind, and authentic; the stuff from which great friendship is made, regardless of whether it's with a platonic best friend or a romantic partner.” It is a normality to have a few acquaintances made throughout one’s life, but Philia is a sort of close, complementary confidant that goes beyond the bare minimum expectations for friendship. An example would be the difference between a bond between a co-worker and a friend who has been supportive and present for an individual throughout a good period of time. Both can be useful and beneficial, but Philia is a more authentic and genuine connection that transcends facades and social barriers. Pragma and Philia are ultimately two healthy love types that can be used to explore relationships that are founded on hard-wrought trust and mutual care.

Familial and Selfless Love:

Storge and agape

Photo Credit: Country Living Magazine

The bonds between family members can be some of the most rewarding and beautiful. They are typically the people who have witnessed the growth and development of one’s character and have been a source of continual, unconditional support. A familial love is a special connection that is built over perhaps the most influential and distinctive moments of an individual’s life. It is an experience like no other and is therefore fitting of having its own designated terminology. Storge is the word that is used to describe this specific feeling shared between kin. While other semblances of love have the impression of a mutual fondness shared between two people, Storge is one that requires no reciprocation. Elizabeth Rider suggests that “It is a protective, kinship-based love that embodies approval, sacrifice, and acceptance.” This description aligns closely with the selfless love of Agape, as well. Agape is not that of familial embracement, and yet shares much of the same principles as that of Storge. Agape is the idea of care and empathy for every universal being. It extends to strangers, the gifts of nature, faith, and spiritual beliefs. Holding this kind of affection within oneself can lead to actions that help others, which can lift one’s own spirits in return. Storge and Agape are not the traditional sense of love, and yet can be some of the purest forms as they do not expect a return of endearment. Whenever a person is setting someone else’s needs before their own, whether they be a relation or not, they are expressing the very virtues that are upheld by these ancient forms of love.

Self-love: Philautia

Naturally, with such selfless attachments having their own dedicated appellation, there should be one that exists for love of the self. Rider states, “Philautia is self-love, which the ancient Greeks saw as a healthy, necessary love of one’s self that made it possible to give and receive love from other people.” So in a sense, self-love is the foundation of all the other forms. This kind of self-appreciation is meant to be used in moderation, gliding along the line between being unreceptive of one’s self-affection and an unhealthy amount of selfishness. Self-love can be just as fulfilling as any of the other forms and, in some cases, can actually improve and strengthen an individual’s ability to convey these different types of compassion. It can be a wonder to realize that the qualities a person admires in another is one they hold within themselves, and vice versa. Appreciating the self is a way of building confidence in oneself, which lifts self-esteem. In return, this higher level of esteem can help allow someone to be more comfortable showcasing their affections openly and genuinely for others. Philautia, although a love revolving around the self, truly can be a good-natured force not only for oneself but also for the people one cares for.

The Five Love Languages

The ancient Greeks certainly had their own detailed perceptions about love and its intricacies, and yet that does not necessarily mean they had discovered all the truths of the matter. With so many different types of affection being able to be felt and shared, of course a reasonable outcome would be personal preferences as to how one should wish to go about doing so. Love languages are a generally new concept that was penned by Gary Chapman, counselor and pastor, in his 1992 nonfiction book. The five love languages include words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Interestingly enough, these languages can easily be applied to any of the seven types of love. Words of affirmation, for example, could be a great method of expressing Philautia. Agape, on the other hand, could be shown via acts of service. For a long-term kind of love such as Pragma or Philia, quality time would be a perfect way to build this sort of foundation. Understanding love languages can be a significant pathway to gathering a deeper understanding of one’s relationship and which love form is being represented through it.

Photo Credit: Simply Psychology

Summary

Every variation of love has a purpose and meaning that goes far beyond the standard reputation perpetuated by this time of year. There is nothing wrong with romance and the array of companionships it can produce; however, it often overshadows the types of caring affection that do not fall into this category. Friendship, family, love of the world and self are just as momentous and should not be overlooked. Exploring the various love languages can inspire one to explore these forms further while learning techniques to present such feelings. Regardless of how one may choose to show their own form of love, they should always aim to do so with integrity, empathy, and clear intentions.

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