Self-harm is when you hurt yourself as a way of dealing with very difficult feelings, painful memories or overwhelming situations and experiences. (What is self-harm? - Mind)
Self-harm may be a way of:
Expressing something they can't put into words
Changing emotional pain into physical pain
Changing invisible pain into visible pain
Reducing overwhelming thoughts or feelings
A sense of control
To feel grounded
People may self-harm in many different ways. Some common ways are:
Cutting
Burning
Self-poison
Biting
Restricting food or over eating
When we discover that a young person has self-harmed, particularly someone we care deeply about, it can feel really frightening. It's important that we draw on empathy and non-judgemental listening to understand the young person's experience and explore the source of distress. Young people tell us that support with the source of distress is often more helpful than talking about the self-harm itself. It can be helpful to work with your young person to identify other coping skills, and to consistently practice these new skills together. There are some ideas for coping skills and self-care on our 12+ pages.
Who else can help?
Your GP
Your young person's school will be able to suggest local supports
For more urgent help if your young person has self-harmed and requires attention, consult NHS 24 (Call 111)
Read more on talking about mental health here, and looking after your own mental wellbeing here.
Recommended Further Reading:
Resources for Parents
Download the Enabling Conversations Resource: here
Enabling Conversations is a resource developed with young people who have lived experience of suicidality. It aims to do two things:
help young people have the confidence to disclose feelings of suicide to a trusted adult
help trusted adults have the confidence to ask about suicidal thinking and continue the conversation when a disclosure is made
Ask them
Asking about suicide does not put the idea in their head or make things worse. Often, asking about suicide can give someone the opportunity to speak about it, and lets them know there is someone who cares and wants to listen.
Tell someone
It is important that you don't keep it to yourself, help your loved one and yourself by telling any of the following people;
GP - Phone the person's GP, or take them to see their GP if possible.
School - Let the young persons school know. You can tell anyone in the school you feel comfortable speaking with.
Helplines - Call one of the helplines on our crisis resource page. They are there to listen and give advice.
Online resources - some trusted websites and apps can be found here. As well as information of maintaining wellbeing