Geckonomics

Gecko-nomics

Written by Taylah Muller

 Co-written by Eli Viski and Jemimah Horrill

Characters

Cameron, Cam (Chameleon) - Eli

Tilly, Reptilly (Chameleon) - Taylah

Sir Switch-a-lot (royal chameleon announcer) - Jemimah

Scene

Tilly and Cam, two chameleon best friends, are sitting in their home (a tree) eating leaves. There is a knock on their door. Cam gets up to open the door.

Sir Switch-a-lot

Hear ye, hear ye. I, Sir Switch-a-lot of flauge-wood, the royal announcer, would like to royally announce a message from our gracious king, King Gizzy the 1st of hoot-ville.

Tilly rises and stands behind Cam, awaiting the announcement

Sir Switch-a-lot

The act of camouflaging in public is now criminalized. Effective immediately, all members of the chameleon breed, here in the madagascian district, will be imprisoned if they are found guilty of “blending” in public. King Gizzy also says, and I quote “It’s for their own protection, and also, it frazzles me that they can just disappear, but don’t tell them that. Hey, why are you still writing? Stop writing what I'm saying. Sir Switch-a-lot this is unprofessional. Hey! Where did you go? You can’t camouflage while I'm talking to you! child like; That’s not fair, stop it!!”

[Sir Switch-a-lot, Tilly, and Cam stand silently and awkwardly. Sir Switch-a-lot very suddenly yells].

Sir Switch-a-lot

That concludes this royal announcement! I will now, royally exit!

[After Sir Switch-a-lot exits, Tilly and Cam turn to each other. They are visibly confused, and are unsure how to react].

Cam

*Big fat sigh* Well I guess that's that.

Tilly

What do you mean “That’s that?” Our king just told us we can’t do the one thing we do to protect ourselves! What are we supposed to do when we’re face to face with a snake that wants to swallow us whole?!

Cam

Hope that it poops us out whole?

Tilly

No, Cam! You can’t go through life hoping that no matter what happens, we’ll get pooped out whole again. This is Discrimination!!

Cam

I don’t know, Gizzy’s got a point. How would you feel if you went out for a snack, and the caterpillar you were eying off just, disappeared?

Tilly

I wouldn’t care, I’d go and find another one, because Blenderson Cooper didn’t raise no quitter!

Cam

Who the hell is Blenderson Cooper?

Tilly

*Quickly* My dad. Anyway, caterpillars already scare me enough. I went out for breakfast yesterday and I found one. When it saw me, it started wriggling around like a madman. It scared me half to death Cameron! We only got 6 years in this life, 7 if we’re lucky! 

Tilly

I can’t believe your siding with Gizzy. He’s an Owl! Cam, he's- I can’t even look at you.

Tilly Camouflages

Cam

Hey! No! That’s not fair! Where did you go?! Tilly! Tilly! Reptilly Cooper, you expose yourself this instant!

Tilly

This is our birthright Cam, This is like, the one cool thing about us. Tilly “Exposes” herself [comes out from under her hoodie]. You’re my best friend, how did I not know you thought like this?

Cam

I keep it pretty hidden… hidden-like… like hide-camoflaugue….

[Tilly picks up and object near her and throws it at Cam]

Cam

Owah! Look, I get that you're upset, but what are you gonna do about it? We are two below average sized chameleons renting a bloody palm tree in the lower south side of the district. What kind of change are you gonna make in the Gecko-conomy?

Tilly

… Do you know who my father is?! He-

Cam

-Blenderson Cooper, I never knew that-

Tilly

Shut up! My dad worked in the… in the… he was a very important man!

[Cam Camoflaouges]

Tilly

Why did you do that?! Cam! Cam! Camo Flauge, Expose yourself this instant!!

Cam

I can’t watch you embarrass yourself.

Tilly

Oh go fall out of a tree you garden skink!

Cam

Tilly… you know that’s how my mum died… that wasn’t chill…

[There is a knock on the door].

Sir Switch-a-lot

BANG BANG BANG

Hear ye, hear ye. I, Sir Switch-a-lot of flauge-wood, the royal announcer, would like to royally announce that we have had reports of- of.. Of criminalised camouflaging …. CRAMOUFLAGING. Get decent peasants, I'm coming in!!

[As Sir Switch-a-lot enters, both Tilly and Cam Camouflage - pull on their hoodies - and hug the walls]

Sir Switch-a-lot  

Hey! Where did you go?!?!? COME BACK!!!!!

Tilly and Cam start bickering over whos going to talk to the Announcer

Sir Switch-a-lot

I can hear you guys! Look, if you don’t expose yourself THIS INSTANT, I’m going to get the royal flame thrower, and light this bitch up!!!

Cam

No!! You can’t do that, we’re friends… remember?

Tilly

Yeah… friends…

Sir Switch-a-lot

No you’re not!! King Gizzy is my only friend!!

Tilly

No, he’s not. 

Sir Switch-a-lot

Yeah, he is!! We talk like, every day. He’s like a brother to me!!

Cam

He’s no brother, Sir Switch-a-lot… he’s the apex… he’s the enemy… he’d kill you for snack

Sir Switch-a

No… No he wouldn’t… he’s my friend :(

Tilly

He’s not your friend, but we are. Remember?

Cam

Yeah, we’ve been there all along, since day one. Remember that time you… you stormed into our house to tell us that we weren't allowed to camouflage anymore?

Sir Switch-a-lot

*Giggles* Yeah, That was so fun!

Tilly

We’re best friends Sir Switch-a-lot!

Sir Switch-a-lot

*Laughs* yeah, Best friends forever!!

Cam

Now, we’re gonna expose ourselves now, but you have to promise not to hurt us. Okay, bestie?

Sir Switch-a-lot

Ok… go for it!!!

[Tilly and Cam expose themselves]

Sir Switch-a-lot

Wow!! Just trying to put a face to the voices… I love you guys!!

Tilly

We love you too!!

Sir Switch-a-lot

We can go to the beach, hang out, get ice creams, watch some netflix, there’s a new hula party… it’s going to be so great… Do you guys like frisbee? Or soccer? We can listen to songs and make a playlist together… 

[All while Sir Switch-a-lot is monologuing, Cam and Tilly quietly start edging toward the door, which Switch-a-lot has moved away from.]

Sir Switch-a-lot

Friends, what are we running from? Friends… FRIENDS!!! *angry* 

YOU GUYS ARE ROYALLY F**KED!!!