Running With No Destination
Robbie Davies
Four
The newspaper drops to the ground, folding awkwardly on impact. My mind races, yet every cog inside my brain feels stuck and rusted as I attempt to comprehend what I have just read. I reach to grab another paper, my sweat covered hands soaking each page I flip through. It reads the exact same as the last. October 15th, 1963. The day I die, written in front of my own eyes in thick black ink amongst the back pages of my local paper. According to the report attached, my body is never discovered. My first thought is that it could simply be a bizarre coincidence, someone with the same name living in the same small country town as me. Any possibility of this being the case is instantly erased as my eyes shoot towards the dark image of my face below the text. If all of this is true, and not just some twisted joke, then apart from today, three more full days is all that awaits me. I attempt to run, but my feet feel cemented to the concrete below, causing me to stagger and drop to my hands and knees. I can feel every gaze upon me, and with a concoction of strength and fear, I grab the paper and run. My feet pound the pavement as the doorway to my small wooden home looms in the distance. On arrival I quickly unlock the door and swing it towards myself. I trickle into the entrance, like water into a glass, and with a howl of wind the door is snapped closed behind me. I let out a groan of fear and anxiety, allowing gravity to push my slumped body against the door. The threads of my flannel shirt catch on the rough wood as I slide down to the floor with my head cradled between my hands. How on earth is any of this even happening? I mean, it doesn’t make a single shred of sense. Questions flood my mind, attempting to burst out of my cranium, yet one question seems to push the hardest. Is this cruel twist of fate avoidable? Unable to find any possible answer, my mind seeks rest. Exhaustion weighing heavily over me, my eyes fade to black, and my body shuts down into a shallow and uncomfortable sleep.
Three
Panic seems to have left me overnight, making way for a sense of doubt. According to the information I read yesterday, this is my third last day on the face of this planet. Not a chance I’m actually meant to believe that. Trying to focus on something else, something relevant, I grab my work gear and quickly get ready as per normal. The cold outside greets me as I crack open the front door, encouraging me to pull my scarf up around my lower face in an attempt to escape the winds frozen grip. The journey to work is always a short one, considering the town is built around the can factory. Manufacturing became a large industry out in these parts, and I got caught up in it. Factory work doesn’t necessarily feel rewarding or important, but it pays me enough to get through. Avoiding that damning paper from the other day, my mind has embraced a whole new mentality as the hot metal building I’ll call home for the next eight hours looms into my sight. Just survive somehow. The factory despite how hot it seems to always be, was designed with a choking lack of windows. It’s like a furnace, constantly roaring and melting everything inside, including us workers. Dripping with sweat and covered in a thick coating of black dust, I head on my only allowed bathroom break for the day. Despite how inhumane it is to only have one short break in the guts of this place, the workers including myself have learned to adapt. We’re hardened and forged by the rules set upon us. The first thing I do when I get to the bathroom is run the cold water over my hands, embracing the stark change of temperature. Little could have prepared me for the sight awaiting my eyes as I looked up into the mirror. There I am, looking back at myself blankly, only I’m covered in blood. The skin on my face appears cracked and dead, giving off a rotting impression. An impression of either death or dying. A quick gaze into the future perhaps? I reach a shaking hand up to my cheeks, and feel my skin, which appears to be normal and smooth to the touch. My body is paralysed in horror, staring blankly at my dead reflection. Attempting to snap out of whatever mental state I find myself in, I splash the ice cold water over my face and look back up into the mirror. This time the reflection is just me, dripping with water rather than blood. My rapid breathing fogs up the glass in front of me, and when I slowly regain my breath I leave the bathroom in a hurry. Only this time I don’t return to my work station. If these insane and incomprehensible occurrences are real, why should I bother wasting my time in this damned place. The big boss keeps his horse just out the back of the forging pit, and that horse is my pass out of this town. Attempting to soften the metallic thudding of my boots on the stairs, I creep down lower and lower into the factory. A labyrinth of corridors awaits me at the bottom, but after five or so minutes I seem to have found the correct one. The warm orange glow of hot metal is just visible in the distance, and I know that if I just head straight past it, I’ll be on my merry way. The door strains against me as I push it open, dragging against the rugged concrete platform on which it stands. Part of me simply can’t ignore how beautiful the horse is when I finally reach her, but I can’t get caught up in my morals now. Actions need to take place, and they need to take place now.
Two
Life is like a deck of cards. You can shuffle it as much as you desire, yet drawing into an unwanted card is always going to be inevitable. My situation mirrors this deck of cards. The one card I don’t want is intended to reach my unwilling hands tomorrow, and there is nothing that I can do about it. Death was, is and always will be inevitable. This inevitability is the reason I left last night, the horse belonging to the big boss carrying me as far as she could away from that miserable town I wasted all of those long years in. By no means is this abandonment an attempt to outrun death itself, more so an attempt to make what I can out of the little time I have left. Not even death can hold me back from the clouded plans and schemes filling my mind. I know that I need to live my few remaining moments to their fullest, and just like old times, I feel that a good bit of booze could help with this. Now is the exact point in which the plan comes into play. When I left town, I did not take a single piece of cash or any valuable items aside from the clothes on my back and the horse under me. Alcohol out in these parts, often costs a fair amount, more than I could afford in my current state. The most common misconception of death is that every part of it is negative. This, I have learned, could not be further from the truth. You see, with death comes an entirely new perspective from which life can be viewed. A perspective where the viewer has nothing left to lose, and can as such, do as they please. I can do anything I want, inside or outside of the law, and nothing matters. As long as I don’t have to deal with the consequences for more than these last two days, nothing can stop me. Nothing can stop me, or should I say, will stop me from stealing as much drink as I please from that rusty old tavern down in the neighbouring town. It shall be the perfect crime. I take the horse and I ride towards the dusty horizon, my only indication of how far I have travelled being the jagged mountain slopes slinking past me. After what seems like an eternity, the small country town begins to grow larger on the otherwise blank horizon. I never liked this old bar, largely because of its likeness to a small dungeon. As I head into the bar my eyes are met with sharp glances coming from all around the room. I’m an outsider in these parts, and they know it. I stand rigid and stiff in the doorway for a moment, before my body blasts itself into action. The nearest bottle to me was a half-full bottle of rum perched on a shelf just behind the bar. With one swift movement I jump over the dirty wooden bench and grab the bottle. The bartender reacts slowly, yet with the anger of a bull. He shouts something I can’t understand in the heat of the moment as I head towards the back exit to the pub where I left the horse. On my way out, I grab a beer lying sideways on a shelf and slam the door closed behind me. I run for the horse with the bartender and a couple of drunk goons on my tail, but they can’t catch me now. As I jump onto the horse I turn my neck to look at them, sticking up my middle finger as I do so. The perfect plan, executed just as I had hoped.
One
My head spins as I wake to the bright beams of dawn sunlight piercing through my eyelids. I drank too much last night, that I am sure of. However, no part of me would be willing to undo last night. As of this morning, I am onto my final day on this earth. From the point I found out about my inevitable death, my mind and soul have become more accepting and peaceful with each day that gets ripped away by the night sky. You’d expect to feel fear in your final few hours but my mind feels incapable of comprehending such an emotion right now. I simply seek peace. The hours seem to fade by as I make my way through the dusty and empty country terrain towards the highest peak I can see in the distance. With each step the horse takes, my mind encounters a new memory. Memories of a life full of both failure and success. Memories of relationships and loves lost to the hands of fate. My own personalised movie of life spins through my head, bringing a sense of comfort and ease. I have always known that I was not created perfect. Flaws run deep through my skin. I have hurt people in my life, but I have also been hurt. The same pain was dealt to both me and my past acquaintances with the same blade. The mountain grows larger over the horizon, and within twenty or so minutes I reach the bottom of her steep incline. The horse can only muster up the strength to get me halfway up the slope, so I let her go. I watch her beautiful muscles power down the mountain towards the desolate country awaiting her at the base of the mountain. She does not stop once, racing back towards a life I have just dealt my farewells. The peak of the mountain is gorgeous. Rays of sunlight seem to be bouncing and dancing off each and every jagged rock. I take a seat at the edge of one of the steepest drops the mountain has shown me, legs dangling down towards an empty black abyss. As the sun begins to set on the burnt land surrounding me as far as the eye can see, a single tear begins to roll down my face. I have at points lived a selfish life. I once stole a dazzling pearl necklace from a woman I loved. Another time I punched an old friend after a fallout regarding work. Just like them, many other people have been impacted because of my ways, and I can only assume that this is my punishment. I have always tried to make up for the errors of my behaviours, but I simply was not able to escape them in the end. For what it’s worth, I tried. I tried to live an important and meaningful life, and for the most part I believe I did just that. I search for peace in my final few moments as the ice cold figure creeps up behind me. He sits down besides me in silence, his presence only known by a cold sensation prickling up my arms and legs, alongside the smell of death. I look up towards the ghostly figure, who I quickly notice resembles me perfectly. My own ghost sits next to me peacefully, and with a sense of readiness and acceptance, I allow my face to crack a single smile.
End
Rationale
‘Upright’ follows Meg and Lucky on a journey through the inner workings of Australia. A bond is formed between the two characters as the show progresses, stemming from how both characters attempt to avoid their issues. Meg attempts to hide from the suicide of her brother, believing that the further away from home she goes the easier coping will get. “Hi dad. I just wanted to check that everything was okay with today. Anyway uh, I just wanted to say that it’s, it’s not your fault.” (Upright) The sense of avoidance portrayed by Lucky in the show is done using flashbacks and videos of his mother urging him to come home after Lucky left because of a family fallout. “I’ve been talking to the others Lachie and you need to come home.” (Upright) In the cases of both Meg and Lucky however, eventually they have to return and confront their problems. With this, key themes of inevitability and acceptance are raised throughout the story. My short story ‘Running With No Destination’ mirrors this sense of avoidance in the form of a man being informed of his rapidly approaching death and his attempts to ignore the warning, before grappling with acceptance closer to his death. Through using a narrative, I was able to explore how different situations and settings can impact mindscapes over a period of time rather than at one set point. My creative piece explores the focus question “can a mind stretched by new experience ever go back to its old dimensions?” by placing the main character in a position where he has just found out a life breaking piece of information and following his change in mindscape as his death approaches. A key example of his mindscape being changed and influenced is the way in which my main character becomes careless by leaving his job, stealing a horse, and robbing a bar. This sense of carelessness becomes more intense as my piece progresses from my characters initial motivated and law abiding behaviour, showing that once a mindscape changes to its surroundings, it cannot fit back into its old dimensions. The ending of my story being the death of my main character, also acts to symbolically show that his mindscape can no longer change back to its shape from the start of my narrative.
A key theme of inevitability is utilised in both pieces. Both narratives grapple with the concept that certain things simply cannot be avoided, and must rather be dealt with. In ‘Upright’, this sense of inevitability is portrayed by Lucky as he finally decides to face his family for the first time in ages, and by Meg, as she attempts to abandon her issues and leave, only to realise that she needs to be with her father. “Promise you’ll call your dad.” (Upright) Inevitability is the key theme of my creative piece as my main character is unable to escape his upcoming death. “For what it’s worth, I tried. I tried to live an important and meaningful life, and for the most part I believe I did just that.” Another important thematic link between ‘Upright’ and ‘Running With No Destination’ is the acceptance introduced as the mindscapes of the characters develop a sense of recognition and understanding.
Mindscapes in both ‘Upright’ and ‘Running With No Destination’ are developed by both setting and surroundings. In regards to surroundings, the mindscapes of Meg and Lucky in ‘Upright’ are informed by each other due to their developing sense of understanding of each other and their growing bond but are also informed by other characters in the story. For example, the mindscape of Lucky is informed by Esme as she places him in a situation in which he has to overcome a hurdle, in this case being a larger opponent he will likely lose to. In my text, the main character's mindscape is forged through his recollection of past relationships and how he has mistreated others, allowing for the character to develop a sense of acceptance and a belief that his demise is payment. Setting impacts the mindscapes of characters in both pieces through a similarity of setting, with both being desolate and rural country environments. The association between country areas and emptiness and bareness allows for the key characters of both texts to develop their sense of inevitability and confrontation. The settings of both ‘Upright’ and my short story provide the characters with nowhere to hide from or avoid their problems, developing their mindscape as they begin to accept that they have to deal with them.
Symbolism is a key device in both pieces. Symbols in ‘Upright’ are used to show how the mindscapes of characters are changing without having to include any internal dialogue. An example from ‘Upright’ is how Lucky convinces Meg to leave the piano after the car crash Meg endures. This symbolically shows how Lucky has developed a sense of acceptance and courage towards confronting his family thanks to his growing bond with Meg, as he develops the courage to ditch the piano rather than using it as something to ease his meeting with his family. The piano acts as a symbolic reason for Lucky to return home, but without it, he simply has to rely on his courage in a rough situation. In my narrative, despite my character facing his death, he decides to steal a horse and rob a bar, portraying his strength in a vulnerable time. “Not even death can hold me back from the clouded plans and schemes filling my mind. I know that I need to live my few remaining moments to their fullest.” Another example of how I utilised symbolism to show the developing mindscape of my character is where he views a bottle as half-full rather than half empty. “The nearest bottle to me was a half-full bottle of rum perched on a shelf just behind the bar.” This scene acts to show how despite my character being in a position where he could give up, he decides to look at the brighter side. Another key symbol of both ‘Upright’ and my text can be found in the country settings, allowing for the portrayal of a sense of aloneness and isolation on behalf of the characters. This setting depicts the characters in a position where they have nowhere to escape towards, thus adding to the sense of inevitability and causing the characters to confront their problems. Motifs are also used in the piece in the form of death to constantly remind the reader of the themes of inevitability and avoidance. An example of this in my text is the scene where my character sees his own dead reflection in a mirror.
The key theme used in both ‘Upright’ and ‘Running With No Destination’ is that of inevitability. In both pieces this theme is conveyed through the characters' confrontation with personal issues, as well as their acceptance of what has to be done to fix said problem. Both texts draw on symbolism to convey the developing mindscapes of characters and convey key themes of the story being portrayed. ‘Upright’ and ‘Running With No Destination’ both follow a character arc of acceptance developing from hardship, allowing for my text to have strong thematic links with ‘Upright’. Both pieces show how mindscapes can be adapted and changed depending on personal situations, settings, and surroundings.
Source
Ford, L & Minchin, T & Mulvany, K & Taylor, C. (Writers), & Saville, M & Minchin, T. (Directors). (2019). Upright [Television Series]. Australia: Foxtel.