My Own History of Sin

For the next two days you will reflect on your own history of sin. We aim for our understanding of sin to be heartfelt because conversion involves a change in thinking and feeling, in choosing and desiring. With this deepening understanding may come strong affective reactions, including sorrow for sins and gratitude for God’s mercy.

Try to be very concrete. Note specific actions or patterns of acting that are sinful, and then go beneath actions or habits to discern the attitudes, tendencies, and intentions that cause them. We aim for a graced understanding that cuts to the heart.

This taking stock is not easy, but awareness is a grace when it leads us to freedom from a self-centered isolation and freedom for loving service of God and others.

The Grace I Seek

I pray for the following graces: deepening awareness and sorrow for my sins and a heartfelt experience of God’s merciful love for me.

A Meditation on Our Own Sins

In the Spiritual Exercises, St. Ignatius of Loyola suggests that we use our memory to reflect on our particular history of sin. Notice the specificity of this exercise:

I will call to memory all the sins of my life, looking at them year by year or period by period. For this three things will be helpful: first, the locality or house where I lived; second, the associations which I had with others; third, the occupation I was pursuing. (SE 56)

The point here is not to rehearse every sinful moment of your life, which is impossible anyway. Instead, invite God to lead you through your life history and reveal those moments in which you failed to love God, others, or yourself. You may consider specific events or people, or reflect on more general attitudes or patterns of conduct.

In your reflection, notice the contagion of sin: how my sin affects my world and others around me.

You may wish to record your reflections in your journal.

A Colloquy of Mercy

Conclude with a colloquy of mercy—conversing with God our Lord and thanking him for granting me life until now, and proposing, with his grace, amendment for the future.