What your spotify wrapped says about you
In her satirical article, Mariah gives her thoughts on what she would assume about you if she could see your Spotify statistics from 2021.
Embedded Files
What Your spotify wrapped says about you
What Your spotify wrapped says about you
By Mariah Lumsden
By Mariah Lumsden
Did you understand the assignment? Did these songs live rent-free in your head? Spotify seems to think so. Are you an Apple Music kind of person, or are you fun to be around? Your aura might be a mix between sorrowful and deranged, but mine is wistful and bold. Spotify knows your deepest, darkest secrets. There is no government agent watching you, but Spotify might be. Here is what your Spotify Wrapped says about you.
Globally, the number one artist was Bad Bunny, but Harry Styles is number one in my heart. If Harry Styles was your number one artist, you probably enjoy painting your nails funky colors and wearing a ring on every single finger. You might find yourself calling everyone “bestie,” and you probably have a nose piercing.
Image: Harry Styles, Vogue Magazine
Taylor Swift, our favorite sad girl autumn singer, hit us hard at the end of the year with her new 10-minute version of “All Too Well”, which should have been longer, but all is forgiven. If Taylor Swift was your number one artist this year, then you probably dress really basic in an English teacher kind of way and love the little things, like pumpkin spice lattes during the fall. You live your life in a 2014 kind of way, and I envy you.
Image: Taylor Swift at the Grammys, NPR
Image: BTS, shot by Louis Vuitton, The Cut
If BTS was your number one artist this year, then you most likely watch anime and have most definitely tried to learn Korean. You might need to sit down and relax every once in a while. You are loud about being a fan of BTS. During your middle school years, you may have obsessively worn one of those wolf-hat-mitten contraptions, and I hope you are embarrassed about that.
Image: Drake at the Billboard Music Awards, People Magazine
Drake is the type of guy to say, “Now a silly one” when taking group photos. If Drake was your number one artist on Spotify, I bet you love going to the gym and posting about how you love going to the gym on social media. You are fond of mansplaining and manipulating. You have forgiven Travis Scott for the Astroworld tragedy and all is well. I suspect you might be a tad too problematic, and I probably would have the worst time of my life if I was ever in a room with you.
Image: Justin Bieber, shot by Eric Ray Davidson, GQ Magazine
I hate to mention this one, but Justin Bieber was ranking in millions of listeners this year on Spotify. If Justin Bieber was your number one artist on Spotify this year: why? I thought Justin Bieber died in 2009 and was replaced with a look-alike. You are definitely a 12-year-old mentally but, realistically, you are at least 27 years old. You need to get a job and contribute to society instead of listening to Justin Bieber enough times to make him your number one artist on Spotify.
Most importantly, if Bo Burnham was your number one artist on Spotify this year, then you are me.
Image: Bo Burnham in Inside, Netflix, The New YorkerImage: Mariah Lumsden, The Scroll
Page updated
Report abuse