As of 11/19/25, reports from the Fruita Public Court stated that there was a trial. But not any trial, the reports stated that the defendant was actually a Gen A five year old being prosecuted for robbery of a Apple store.

Last Wednesday, at 11:00 AM, a trial for a local five year old, Liam Copper had just began with a order of the court. Judge Gary Hackberry entered the courtroom. As he sat down he looked at the defendant he said. "Why is a five year old sitting at the defendants stand? Someone come get their kid. This is a courtroom, kids are not allowed at the stands. Bailiff, please come get him" But the bailiff didn't remove him, instead he said "Your honor, this is the defendant" Judge Hackberry looked at the bailiff. Then looked at the kid. "Someone tell me what this kid did" Asked Judge Hackberry "He committed an armed robbery of the local candy store, and three counts of robbery, your honor" Said the bailiff. Judge Hackberry responded with "Wow, that's a lot for a five year old. Alright let's hear what you have to say little guy"

Liam looked at the judge and said "Skibidi, it was-" 

The Judge interrupted him "What did you just call me?" 

"Skibidi" replied Liam "It's a nice thing about you. You are sigma, no cap" 

The Judge wasn't having it "Mr. Copper, you will call me 'Your honor'. Do you understand?" 

Liam responded with "Yes your sigma" 

The Judge not wanting to explain again said "Ok, lets continue. What do you have to say about your actions?" 

"Your sigma, I was lowkey hungry for some candy, no cap. But my fanum tax parent wouldn't give me moolah to get the candy. It wasn't sigma, but I found a water gun emoji in my dad's closet. And I lowkey had one billion aura and mad rizz and knew how to use it my guy. So, I no cap, took it to the candy store, and the workers were so skibidi, they let me fanum tax their candy for free!"

The judge looked at him in awe. "What did he just say?" The judge continued "Ok, Mr. Copper, I need you to speak in normal language-" "

Can you let me play roblox on your phone?" Asked Liam.

"What? No you can't- WHERE IS MY PHONE?" The judge looked down at the defendant. "GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE!" 

"But I'm opening my 'Taco Secret Lucky Block'" 

The judge had enough. "The court finds you guilty, you will serve two years in the Juvenile Correction Center."

Liam Copper has been sent to the local Juvie center to spend time for two years. He will be released in 2027. Strangely after that court appearance, Judge Gary Hackberry went into therapy, he says "That was too much. I think he was speaking a language that's mixed with english."

By Kyrie Miller

Everyone LOVES Fridays. On Thursdays, the only thing people think about is how it will be Friday the day after. Now, people are confused. Why are new calendars not featuring Thursdays? 

Ever since Looaoaoatooper 55th, 2990, people have been shopping for calendars and noticed that all Thursdays have been erased from the calendar. Even though we are grateful, people born on Thursdays are in shock. Do they not exist anymore? I suppose not.

What does this mean? This means that we will not have a Thursday for the rest of time. Since we found out that this is not a printing error, it is confirmed that we will not have Thursdays for the time being.