Writing a Letter of Condolence 

1. WRITE THE LETTER BY HAND

Writing the letter by hand is much more personal than typing it or buying a sympathy card from a shop, though you may wish to buy a card and put the letter inside. The letter can be addressed to a single bereaved person or the family as a whole.

2. KEEP IT SHORT AND SIMPLE

You don’t have to write a long letter, as long as it is sincere. We all worry about saying the wrong thing and making the bereaved even more upset, but showing that you care in just a few simple words is better than saying nothing at all.

 Put yourself in the grieving person's shoes and think about what you would like to hear in the same situation. Whilst you cannot take away a person’s pain, they will take comfort in knowing that you are thinking of them during such a difficult time.

3. EXPRESS YOUR CONDOLENCES

Try not to dwell on how the person passed away. Instead, acknowledge the loss and express your condolences in a sincere manner.

Here are just a few examples:

I want you to know that I am sorry for your loss

It is with great sadness that I learned about the passing of…

I was deeply saddened to hear about the passing of…

4. SHARE A MEMORY

Sharing a fond memory of the deceased may bring happiness to the bereaved. They may find it helpful to hear new stories about their loved one and that they positively affected the lives of others.

5. OFFER YOUR HELP AND SUPPORT

If you are able and willing to offer your help and support in the coming weeks or months, please include this in the letter. The person is much more likely to take you up on a specific offer of assistance, such as doing a weekly shop, but please don't make promises you cannot keep.

6. CLOSE THE LETTER WITH SOME THOUGHTFUL WORDS

When closing the letter, try and think of a few thoughtful words that show your affection and support for the bereaved.

Here are just a few examples:

My love and thoughts are with you

With my affection and deepest condolences

My sincere sympathy

EXAMPLES OF SYMPATHY LETTERS 

Writing to the family of a work colleague, 

I am writing on behalf of all [name’s] friends at [name of organisation] to express our sympathy for your sad loss. [Name] was a valued team member and contributed to the organisation in many ways. Besides being an excellent worker, [he or she] was always good-humoured and considerate towards [his or her] colleagues.

[He or she] often spoke affectionately of [his or her] family. [Name] will be sadly missed by everyone at work. Our thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

Writing to the family of a person you didn't know well.

I was sorry to hear of your recent bereavement. Although I did not know [name] well, on the occasions when we met, [he or she] was always kind and considerate. Please accept my sympathy for your sad loss.

The family who has lost a child

I was very upset to hear of your loss. [Name] was such a lovely [child or person] and will be dreadfully missed. If there is anything [I or we] can do, [I am or we are] only a phone call away.

To a neighbour or close friend, 

Although we have spoken recently, I wanted to write and tell you how sorry I am for your loss. [Name] was so special that no words are adequate. [He or she] brought pleasure to everyone [he or she] met and will be sadly missed. People tell me how much they value [name’s] friendship. I am always here to talk if you would like. I’ll get in touch soon to see if I can make myself useful in any way.