Funeral Etiquette 

Attending a funeral has two components. First, you are there to support and show respect to the deceased and their family members. Second, you are there to honour your grief and say goodbye. Understanding funeral etiquette will help you feel prepared and more comfortable at the funeral service.

Here are 14 important things to remember about funeral etiquette when attending a funeral service:

Here are answers to some of the common questions people have about funeral etiquette, including what to wear, where to sit, what to say and what to take to a funeral service.

3. WHO CAN ATTEND A FUNERAL?

 A funeral service is usually open to anyone unless the family has stated it is a private ceremony. The funeral service is typically an opportunity for loved ones, friends and those who knew the person to say goodbye. However, family dynamics and challenges may cause tension in some cases. At times, to have a closed or private funeral for close family and friends and a more open one for others may be appropriate.  Consider who is likely to come, and if there could be issues. If the funeral details have been publicly shared, you may also take guidance from these

5. WHERE TO SIT AT A FUNERAL

At: At a funeral, immediate family and close friends sit in the first few rows and then the remaining seats can be filled.

In a large church or hall, sit closer to the front to support the family and ensure you can hear the clergy. 

6. SHOULD YOU SEND FLOWERS BEFORE OR AFTER A FUNERAL?

Sending funeral flowers shows respect and provides comfort to those in mourning. You may wish to organise for them to be delivered to the funeral home or the deceased's family's home.

It is never too early or too late to send flowers, though if you send them to the funeral home, ensure they arrive on time for the day of the funeral. Even if you send flowers a few weeks or months later, it shows that you care and think of the family.  The family may request not to receive flowers, suggesting donations or other gifts for the deceased's choice.

7. HOW MUCH TO DONATE AT A FUNERAL

Some people may request charity donations in lieu of flowers, so you should honour that request. It would be best to consider donating at least what you would have spent on flowers.

 You may wish to include a note to the charity or association and send a card to the deceased's family and friends.

8. SHOULD YOU VISIT THE PERSON WHO DIED AT THE CHAPEL OF REST?

 Visiting someone at the chapel of rest can be quite distressing, but some find it can offer closure - knowing their loved ones are now at rest. Normally, this viewing service is used by family and close friends only, but if you would like to visit, it is advised that you ask the person who is arranging the funeral.

9. SHOULD CHILDREN ATTEND FUNERALS?

Children can attend funerals at their parents' discretion. Often, families choose not to take toddlers and babies, as they may be disruptive and noisy, especially if it is a long service.

If you plan on taking older children to a funeral service, it's a good idea to prepare them beforehand so they know what to expect.

10. WHO TRAVELS IN THE FUNERAL PROCESSION?

The family arranging the funeral usually decides who will be in the cars following the hearse. If people are travelling in their own cars, they can sometimes follow the procession or choose to meet the procession where the service is being held.

Find out more about funeral procession etiquette.

11. DOES THE PROCESSION ALWAYS LEAVE FROM THE HOME OF THE PERSON WHO HAS DIED?

 Traditionally yes, but the procession can leave from the home of a close relative. The family may decide to leave from the address where people will return to after the funeral. Or, mourners may decide to meet at the place of service. If you are not sure, check with the family or the funeral director.

12. DO PEOPLE GO INTO THE CHURCH OR CREMATORIUM BEFORE OR AFTER THE COFFIN?

Funerals vary depending on tradition, where the service is held, and family preference. In church services, guests usually arrive before the family and take their place before the service starts. However, with funerals at crematoriums, it is more traditional for immediate family to lead the procession and then friends and other family to take their seats afterwards.

13. WHAT HAPPENS AT THE END OF A SERVICE?

When the service ends, the minister will leave, and everyone will stand to pay their final respects. Depending on the service, the coffin will then be lowered, carried out or hidden by a curtain.

 The coffin may remain on view for loved ones to say goodbye before leaving. Family and close friends will then leave first, followed by the remainder of the funeral attendees. If it is a burial funeral, the coffin will be taken to a grave before being lowered into the ground.

14. WHAT HAPPENS AFTER A FUNERAL?

After most services, the family or friends organising the funeral will hold a get-together, also known as a wake, with light refreshments at home or in a private function area such as a pub or hotel. This is an opportunity to show support to the family and share fond and happy memories of a loved one.

 If you have any other questions or want more information about funeral etiquette, your Funeral Director can provide all the help and support you need.