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It can be hard to repair the damages that happen, small or large. Perceptions and intentions get jumbled on both sides. Hurts and miscommunications can create barriers. Get out of your own way and work through the discomfort, restore your relationships.
It can be hard to repair the damages that happen, small or large. Perceptions and intentions get jumbled on both sides. Hurts and miscommunications can create barriers. Get out of your own way and work through the discomfort, restore your relationships.
Restoring Relationships Strategies
Restoring Relationships Strategies
Restore: Reconnecting with another person after a negative interaction to restore the relationship
Find an opportunity to reconnect with the student
Select a restorative communication technique
Deliver it genuinely
Strategy: Letting go of the previous interaction
fresh start
Strategy: Ownership of the problem
acknowledging one's own mistake/missed opportunity
Strategy: Empathy statement
Showing effort to understand student's (or co-worker's!) perspective
Strategy: Statement of Care
separate the deed from the doer
Strategy: Collaborative problem solving
working together to find a win-win
Choosing a Restoring Communication Strategy
Choosing a Restoring Communication Strategy
"I" Statements
"I" Statements
Steps:
Determine your feelings about what was said or done
Ensure you’re calm
Tell listener you need to talk and ask if they’re ready to listen
Use “I” statement
Thank them for listening
Ask their thoughts and/or feelings about what was said
What it sounds like:
I feel _______, when you_______, because________. Next time I need/want you to_______.
Additional:
Perspective Taking
Perspective Taking
What it is:
Making the effort to try to understand others’experiences, thoughts & feelings - especially during difficulty and hardship. Seek to understand.
Questions to Ask Yourself:
How do we typically do this?
How would I feel?
What would that be like for me?
What is their (hi)story?
Is this a typical response?
How we know:
First guess...Then ask.
I would feel like____________. How do you feel about that?
What do you think about that?
Extras:
Reflective Listening
Reflective Listening
What it is:
A special type of listening that involves paying respectful attention to the content and feeling expressed in another persons’ communication. It is hearing and understanding, and then letting the other know that he or she is being heard and understood. It can help the speaker achieve his or her outcomes. Listening can help the speaker clarify his or her thoughts on some matter, decide on a course of action, or explore his or her feelings to some new depth.
What it sounds like:
It sounds like...
What I hear you saying is...
It feels as if...
Help me understand. On one hand you think/feel ___________, on the other hand you think/feel ___________.
Extras:
Apologies
Apologies
Why:
Being able to let people know when you’ve made a mistake can change the dynamic of social situations. It makes people feel safer with you, among other things, knowing that you won’t judge them for being imperfect.
Steps:
Notice something bothered you about a previous interaction.
Notice what bothered you about the interaction.
Think about what your intent was during the interaction.
Approach the person and ask if they are in the right space to talk.
Apologize for what you did or said that might have been offensive and you feel bad for.
Do not give excuses.
Do not blame the other person for your reaction.
Be brief and to the point.
Be truthful and wholehearted. Only apologize for what you are actually sorry for.
Allow the person time to accept or not accept the apology.
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