Earn it! Don't Earn it!

Withholding Reinforcement: A Starting Point for Managing ODD Behaviors

For parents of children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), the journey to finding effective discipline strategies can be a challenge. However, the 'Earn It, Don't Earn It' method is a crucial starting point, particularly for milder behaviors. This approach, which focuses on rewarding positive behaviors with privileges or desired activities and withholding reinforcement for problem behaviors, can be a game-changer. It not only provides a sense of relief by reducing the stress of dealing with ODD behaviors but also shifts the spotlight to positive actions, thereby reducing the likelihood of power struggles. It's important to remember that this is just the beginning of managing ODD behaviors. It may need to be supplemented with other strategies, such as time outs, restricted privileges, and grounding for more challenging situations. The ultimate aim is to establish a structured environment where positive choices are consistently rewarded, aiding your child in learning self-regulation and cooperation.

Earn It! Don't Earn It! with Stickers for Preschoolers

This method rewards positive behaviors with stickers rather than punishing negative ones. Here's how it works:

1.    Choose Target Behaviors: Identify 2-3 specific behaviors you want to encourage in your child, such as sharing toys, using the potty, or following instructions.

2.    Create a Visual Chart: This step is crucial. Creating a simple chart with your child's name and target behaviors makes the process more engaging and understandable for your preschooler. Pre-readers can use pictures or symbols to represent the behaviors.

3.    Explain the System: Tell your child they'll earn a sticker on their chart every time they demonstrate a target behavior. Be enthusiastic and make it fun!

4.    Catch Them Being Good: This is vital to the method. Actively look for opportunities to reward positive behaviors. For example, when you see your child sharing their toy with their sister, acknowledge it enthusiastically: 'I saw you share your toy with your sister! You earned a sticker!' This positive reinforcement is a powerful tool in shaping your child's behavior.

5.    Set a Goal: Decide how many stickers your child needs to earn for a small reward, like choosing a particular activity or a small toy.

6.    If Your Child Doesn't Earn It, No Problem: If your child doesn't earn a sticker, say, "That's okay; maybe next time!" Avoid lectures or punishment.

7.    Celebrate Success: When your child reaches their goal, celebrate their achievement enthusiastically and give them the promised reward.

Tips:

• Keep it Simple: Start with just a few behaviors and gradually add more as your child gets the hang of it.

•  Be Consistent: Use the chart consistently throughout the day.

•  Make it Fun: Let your child choose their favorite stickers and make the chart visually appealing.

• Focus on the Positive: Praise and encourage your child for their efforts, even if they don't always earn a sticker.

The 'Earn It! Don't Earn It!' method is a simple yet effective way for preschoolers to understand that positive choices lead to positive outcomes without punishment. It fosters a positive and encouraging environment for learning and growth, making it an ideal strategy for parents of children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Earning stickers can be fun and engaging for your child, creating a sense of optimism and hope for managing their ODD behaviors.

Earn It! Don't Earn It! with Points for Elementary and Middle Schoolers

This method builds on the sticker system for younger children by using points to track and reward positive behaviors. Here's how to implement it:

1.    Define Target Behaviors: Collaborate with your child to identify 2 or 3 specific behaviors or tasks you want to encourage. These could include following directions, staying calm when frustrated or told no, or completing homework.

2.    Create a Point System: Assign a point value to each target behavior based on its difficulty or importance. For example, completing homework might be worth 2 points, while helping with chores might be worth 1 point.

3.    Track Points Visually: Use a chart, whiteboard, or mobile app to track points. Make it fun and engaging for your child.

4.    Set Reward Goals: Establish a menu of rewards your child can earn by accumulating a set number of points. These rewards range from small treats or privileges (extra screen time, choosing dinner) to more extensive experiences (family outings, particular items).

5.    Reinforce Positively: When your child earns points, acknowledge their efforts with specific praise. For example, "I saw you helped your brother clean up his toys; you earned 2 points!"

6.    Don't Earn It, No Problem: If your child doesn't earn points for a specific behavior, simply state, "You didn't earn points for that today, but you can try again tomorrow." Avoid lectures or taking away points.

7.    Review and Adjust: Regularly review the point system with your child. Discuss what's working well and what might need adjustments.

8.    Celebrate Success: When your child reaches a reward goal, celebrate their achievement with enthusiasm. Let them choose their reward from the menu and make it a special occasion.

Tips:

• Age-Appropriate Rewards: Tailor rewards to your child's age and interests. Smaller, more frequent rewards might work best for elementary school children. For middle schoolers, consider saving points for larger, more meaningful rewards.

  •  Involve Your Child: Let your child set goals and choose rewards. This increases their ownership and motivation.

• Focus on Effort: Praise your child for their effort and progress, even if they don't always reach their goals.

• Be Flexible: The point system can be adapted to different situations and behaviors. Be willing to adjust it as your child grows and changes.

The 'Earn It! Don't Earn It!' method uses points and provides a structured and positive way to reinforce desired behaviors in elementary and middle school-aged children. It promotes responsibility, self-regulation, and a sense of accomplishment while avoiding the pitfalls of punishment-based discipline. This method can empower your child, giving them a sense of control and confidence in managing their ODD behaviors.

Earn It! Don't Earn It! with Privileges for Teens

This method links privileges to specific behaviors, creating a clear connection between actions and consequences for teenagers. Here's how it works:

1.    Identify Target Behaviors and Privileges: Sit down with your teen and discuss specific behaviors you want to encourage (e.g., completing chores, maintaining good grades, respectful communication) and the corresponding privileges they can earn (e.g., later curfew, extra screen time, choosing a family activity).

2.    Establish Clear Expectations: Clearly define what constitutes successful completion of each target behavior. For example, completing chores might mean finishing them by a specific time and to a certain standard, while maintaining good grades might mean achieving a particular GPA.

3.    Create a Tracking System: Use a chart, calendar, or app to track your teen's progress. You can use checkmarks, points, or a simple "earned/not earned" system.

4.    Consistent Reinforcement: When your teen earns a privilege, provide it promptly and enthusiastically. Acknowledge their effort and celebrate their success.

5.    Don't Earn It, No Problem: If your teen doesn't meet the criteria for a privilege, calmly state, "You didn't earn [privilege] today because [reason]." Avoid lectures or emotional reactions.

6.    Focus on the Positive: Emphasize the positive aspects of earning privileges and the benefits they bring. Encourage your teen to see the connection between their actions and the outcomes.

7.    Review and Adjust: Regularly review the system with your teen. Discuss what's working well, what challenges they're facing, and what adjustments might be needed.

Tips:

• Choose Meaningful Privileges: Select motivating and valuable privileges for your teen.

• Start Small: Begin with a few target behaviors and privileges, gradually adding more as your teen demonstrates consistency and responsibility.

• Avoid Taking Away Earned Privileges: Once a privilege is earned, it shouldn't be taken away as a punishment for unrelated behaviors. This undermines the system and can lead to resentment.

• Open Communication: Maintain open communication with your teen about the system, their progress, and any concerns they may have.

The "Earn It! Don't Earn It!" method empowers teens to take ownership of their behavior and choices. Linking privileges to specific actions teaches responsibility, self-discipline, and the importance of following through on commitments.

The "Earn It! Don't Earn It!" method is a positive reinforcement approach in a broader behavior management program. It is primarily used for minor, attention-seeking behaviors and emphasizes rewarding desired actions rather than punishing unwanted ones. By linking privileges, points, stickers, or praise to specific behaviors, children of all ages learn to associate positive actions with positive outcomes, and adverse actions lead to negative consequences. This approach fosters responsibility, self-discipline, and a sense of accomplishment while minimizing conflict and negative emotions.

It's important to note that this method is just one tool in the parenting toolbox. Other strategies may be necessary for more severe or persistent behaviors.