Toxicity

You were deathly afraid to lose me? Are you kidding me? I gave you five chances. Five! And you threw those chances away as fast as air slips through your fingers, making the same pathetic mistakes over and over again. The worst part is that I stupid enough to believe you every time you claimed you were sorry. Do you realize that apologies mean nothing after a while? Do you get that saying that you’re deathly afraid to lose me has no meaning anymore? You say you will change and you’d make sure you won’t act like a fool again, but here you are, five mistakes later, in the spot of losing me forever because you don’t know how to act, nor control yourself. If you didn’t mean as much to me as you did before this, five chances would’ve never happened. Mark my words, you will never, ever earn my trust back, nor will I allow you to screw me over for a sixth time. If you were going to change at all, you would have done so five chances ago, but you didn’t. You hurt me far more than any guy ever has, and you don’t care. You destroyed me in every way possible, and acted like you were the victim of the crime and I was the criminal. I should’ve said “goodbye” a long time ago at strike three, because you were robbing me of my happiness. You were pleading innocent of this crime, yet you were the criminal behind the loaded gun that aimed straight for my heart. You knew you were hurting me more and more by each chance I gave. The only “thank you” I ever received for having high hopes of things getting better, and for giving more than enough chances for you to correct yourself, was just a heartbreak that worsened with each disappointing opportunity that I gave. It was like you were digging a hole of pain that kept getting deeper by each passing opportunity, which ended up burying me up to my neck, to where I could only scream and cry with agony. You didn’t care that this is what you were doing, and I’ve told you countless times about what you were doing to me. What a true friend you were, huh? You only care about what’s good for you and your benefit. What type of friend is so inconsiderate of their own “best friend” that their feelings are irrelevant? What good did it do for you to keep intentionally hurt me? What benefit did you get from watching depression wash over me, all because you didn’t know how to act, nor how to control yourself? You’re just self-centered and I don’t want anyone like that in my life. I don’t need it, and I sure as hell do not need you. Since you’ve shown your true colors as to how you feel about me, I realised that I obviously don’t matter to you. You only care about what’s good for you, now, get out my face, and get out my life. I’ve made up my mind, and I’m sticking to it this time. I don’t want anything more to do with you. You are the negativity in my life that I need to get rid of. You’re the one person that’s holding me back from being happy. You’re the reason for my internal hell. You’re the one person keeping me from trying to achieve my goals in life. And all of this? My pain, my suffering that you’ve caused, the days at school I couldn’t take the stress and just broke down crying to release all the built up emotions, letting down my guard. The countless days I came home wanting to crawl in bed and just go to sleep, or cry, because of the pain you caused, hoping that I would wake up the next day with a better person to call my best friend. But not anymore. Not another day will go by where you’d do that to me. Not another day. I won’t stand for it. You’ve lost me, and don’t bother to try to change my mind this time because your words have no meaning when your actions screams the opposite. Our four, long years of friendship is through. In fact, it should have been over three months ago, when you crossed the line the first time by pulling this crap on me, and not caring about how it affected me. It’s over, and it’s all because of you. You can only blame yourself for this and I hope you feel terrible because what you’ve done was, and still is, unforgivable. Stay out my way of being happy. I’m sick of it. It’s time for me to be free of your negative vibes, and once I am, I will be as free as a bird soaring through the sky, being as happy as I want. Now, I’m breaking these rusted, prisoner chains that you’ve wrapped around my wrists for the last three months of my life. You can’t stop me anymore. I’m free from you.