What to do if your child is being bullied online

Try to resist immediately taking away their device

Removing your child’s phone or computer could be really unhelpful. Cutting off their online access does not teach them about online safety or help build resilience. It could alienate them from their peers, and it also removes an essential tool for them to communicate and connect with friends.

Stay calm and open — don’t panic

You want your child to feel confident that you’re not immediately going to get upset, angry or anxious if they tell you about the situation. You want them to know they can talk to you and feel heard.

The best way to do this is make sure you have an open dialogue from the beginning. Talk to them without being judgmental or angry, and make them feel like they can come to you with anything, without fear of being punished.

Listen, think, pause

• Gauge the scale of the problem. Does it exist in a peer group or is it more widespread? Is it a few remarks here and there? Or is it more serious? Empathize with your child and let them know that you understand how they feel.

• How badly is it affecting your child personally? If the bullying itself is not very intense, but your child seems quite seriously affected, this could be a symptom of something larger. In this case you may need to seek help from a doctor, school counselor, or mental health provider.

• Try not to respond immediately. Take some time to consider the best course of action. Reassure your child you are working on it and will come together again very soon to talk through some options. Let them know you are there if they feel like they need to talk in the meantime.

Act to protect your child if necessary

If your child is being threatened, or if they indicate a wish to harm themselves, you should report the situation to the school and/or the police. The National Suicide Hotline can be reached at 800-273-8255.

Empower your child

Wherever possible, try to build your child’s confidence and help them make wise decisions for themselves, rather than telling them what to do. If you feel they may be struggling to open up to you, connect them with other trusted adults or with professional support.

Collect evidence

Before you or your child block someone or delete posts or other bullying material, take screenshots and collect evidence including dates and times.

The evidence may be useful if the bullying behavior continues and you need a record of how long it has been going on. You may also need evidence if you want to report it.

However, if the bullying material involves sexualized images, be aware that possessing or sharing such images of people under 18 may be a crime, even if you have just taken a screenshot for evidence purposes.

More on collecting evidence below.

Manage contact with others

• Advise your child not to retaliate or respond to bullying messages, as sometimes people say hurtful things just to get a response and it could make things worse. If they have already responded, encourage them not to respond further.

• Help your child to block or unfriend the person sending the messages to limit contact with them.

• Help your child change their privacy settings to restrict who can see their posts and profile page.

• Encourage your child to ask their friends whether mean content is still being posted and if so, ask them to report it.

Report

Many social media services, games, apps and websites make it easy to report content posted by other people. If you suspect that the individual targeting your child is another student in the school district, report the incident to your child's teacher, counselor, or principal. Even if the other individual is not a student, your child's school may be able to offer counseling support and advice for how to stay safe online.

Encourage positive connections and coping strategies

• Try to keep your child engaged with interests like sports or dance that connect them with other young people outside school, or with activities that involve extended family. These things will also remind your child that they are loved and lovable.

• Help your child identify tools they can use to work through the current situation, as well as help build resilience for any future challenges.

Stay aware

• Check in with your child from time-to-time about how they are feeling. Keep an eye on their eating and sleeping habits, their ability to concentrate and make decisions and their overall mood.

• If you notice any changes that concern you, get help for your child through your doctor, school counselor, or a mental health provider.

Sources: kidscape.org.uk; internetmatters.org; commonsensemedia.org; unicef.org; stopbullying.gov

Collect and Save Evidence

It's important to be able to share evidence of what has happened. Although it will be tempting for you to want to delete distressing messages your child has received, without proof, schools, service providers or the police are limited as to how they can respond.

Text and email: Make sure all text messages and emails are saved, and where possible, back these up elsewhere.

Online abuse: Most social media platforms have options for reporting abuse. You may want to screenshot and save images in case content is deleted before you can raise you concerns (e.g. with the school or the police).

Telephone calls: If your child is receiving nuisance telephone calls, document the date, time, duration and what has been said. Try to establish if there are any identifiable features such as voice description or background noise.

Click here to go to BPU's main Bullying Prevention Page.