Experience 8

I did my first year completely online and then I came here in my second year. I've always had a lot of mental health struggles but I was managing okay, I guess. And then I came here, and then it was really hard for me during the winter times, because of the daylight. So I think initially, I was feeling quite low, like I couldn't get out of bed and stuff and I was feeling quite anxious as well. But I wasn't registered at a GP at that time, either. I didn't really know how the mental health system worked. 

I feel like my decline in mental health was like a gradual thing. But then I think at one point I kind of realised that I was kind of losing my functioning, so I think that's when I started thinking maybe I do need some help especially when it started impacting my studies. So I reached out to my personal tutor and he told me I should probably go to a GP. But then it was quite hard, because that was like right before winter break and the first GP I spoke to, they went on holiday for like a month.

I've had a very complex journey, both positive and negative. So I initially reached out to my personal tutor and then to my GP. Then when winter break ended, I registered for the counselling service at my uni, because my GP told me to do that. But then that didn't work out because they told me that six sessions wouldn't be enough at all, so they just referred me back to my GP. 

I started on antidepressants but the first one didn't really sit well with me. I think at that time I wasn't really sure how everything worked here so I kind of stuck through with the medication, but it made me really sleepy and really, really anxious. But I kind of stuck with it for like a month and then I think I reached a point where nothing was really going well and I had a complete meltdown. At that point when I had the mental breakdown, I also became suicidal. I think I've always kind of had passive suicidal ideation but things got worse and then I was in contact with the crisis team for a month or so, they were going to send me to a crisis house to have an assessment. But there was a Covid outbreak so that didn't work out. 

My GP Initially put me on a waiting list with a NHS counselling service, it was like psycho-dynamic therapy. So when the crisis house didn't work out I went back to the crisis team. But then they discharged me like a few days later, because of starting the psycho dynamic therapy. But that also didn't work out and I was referred to the depression, anxiety and trauma team but I never really heard back from them. So I was discharged back to the crisis team and at that point, I was really frustrated. I didn't really engage with them that much until they kind of told me, if you don't engage with us, we're going to contact your uni. So I started engaging with them again.

I would say the disability, mental health and wellbeing team in my uni were okay. They were really supportive and I got a summary of reasonable adjustments for my studies as well so that really helped and they really communicated it well with my department, so that was really helpful as well. They communicated with my personal tutor quite well, so that was really helpful. But I did have some issues with them contacting next of kin and stuff. So Initially, they didn't because they knew I had a really bad relationship with my parents. But when I was with the crisis team they randomly called me and were like, we're going to contact your next of kin tomorrow. I think they put it off because they knew I didn't have a good relationship with my parents, but their policy was to contact them if I'm like suicidal. So I panicked but I was able to stop them contacting my parents with the help of the crisis team and my personal tutor really advocated for me at that time as well. 

At that point I had to sign a learning agreement at the uni, saying I'll engage it with the crisis team, my GP and let them know if I'm struggling with my studies and stuff. But in the learning agreement, my parents were included. So after that point, until I went to the Crisis House, I did not tell my university at all about the mental health stuff I was experiencing. I was okay with all my assignments and the exam season, like I've always used academic work as a distraction, but right after I finished my exams in second year I felt really suicidal and tried to end my own life. But obviously my uni didn't know, because I didn't want to tell them and I was scared. I was able to get the learning agreement changed after I went to the crisis house and since then it's been really positive, they've been really supportive.

I'm now working with a charity and getting group therapy, so that's been working out. Initially my uni referred me to the listening place. It's completely confidential, like a service for people who are suicidal. It's supposed to be for like 3 months, but I think I was with them for like 6 months, just because nothing was really working out and they were really helpful especially when I couldn't really confide in the university services. The other charity that I'm now working with is body and soul. They offer a 6 months cognitive behavioural group therapy. When I finished those they offered me another 6 months so I'm doing that now.

I think for me as an international student, I had no idea how anything works. Like even the concept of a gp was foreign to me. So just having someone I can go to help explain things like my personal tutor has been really, really helpful. I think I've been really lucky to have a really good personal tutor. He's been able to make sure that the department kind of knows my situation like not fully, but knows enough. And if he thinks I need some support from the wellbeing team, he can coordinate that for me as well. And he also was able to explain some basics things like GPs and stuff.

Reaching out for help is really important and regardless of how bad these interactions can be, just keep advocating for yourself. I think it's really important. I think I'm lucky that at that point in my life I kind of knew to ask for help, because I struggled with my mental health for a really long time and there was a point in my life where I didn't ask for help but now I know. Yeah, so ask for help.

More information about psychodynamic therapy can be here:  https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-therapy/psychodynamic-therapy/ 

More information about mental health crisis services can be found here: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/

More about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and what it involves can be found here: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/overview/