Experience 12

So I was in my second year of my undergrad, and I was just kind of really struggling with my university work. I had no concentration and I was feeling really down all the time. I was just kind of really, really, really fed up with everything, like I didn't really know what I was living for. And it was kind of really scary at that point when you're like 'I don't know what I'm actually here for' And then I was like, I'm going to end up, you know, doing something stupid if I don't get help. To me it was like a lot of emotions and bad feelings. 

This one night when I was up until, like 3 am, just crying in my room like I had no idea what to do. I was just crying like so much, and I was like I didn't know whether to, you know, take my own life or stay, or like what? And I was like, Okay, this is probably the time to go and get the help I needed. I've always felt very lonely and everything in my life. And then struggling with uni work, everything just added on top of each other. But it was that night that I was like, yeah I need to seek some help.

I booked an appointment and I went and spoke to the doctor. I just told them everything that I had been feeling for the past like the past six years. I chose the GP because I didn't even know that I could get help at university. When I was speaking to the doctor they were very much like 'based on what you know, what do you want for you?' And I said, I think I'd prefer medication and talking therapies and he said that he agreed, and that that was the best thing to do initially. So he let me be involved in deciding what type of help I got.

The doctor prescribed me sertraline and also they put me on the NHS therapy, you know the I-APT. I had like seven cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) appointments and I had leaflets and like pieces of paper with exercises on. I still actually use one of the exercises now. It's all about evidence, so what's the evidence that you have for you thinking this way? And if you don't have evidence like I remember one time it was like I was panicking that I'd failed an assignment and they were like, what evidence do you have that you failed it?, and I was like none, so you know. There would be this massive folder, and it had like plastic wallets in it with exercise sheets in them. So it involved lots of exercise sheets and stuff like that.

So I think it really did help, I think it was what I needed at the time. I kept all the activity sheets so I could refer back to them. I definitely don't recall feeling the same way that I did in my second year in my third year of uni, and I don't recall ever having those feelings of despair and everything. I know that CBT doesn't work for everyone, but I think at that moment it did work for me. And the medication, I'm not sure if that was really helping. I don't know, it's still up and down, to be honest with you.

I think if you’re thinking about seeking help, just go to the doctor, go to your GP if you feel comfortable with them. Go to them. It's not anything to feel ashamed of. My advice would be to just feel what you need to do. If you feel you want that help, then go for it. There's no stigma, there's no shame in it. There's nobody that's going to think badly of you. We live in a terrible world with really unhealthy kind of norms. Society isn't built to make us happy, so it's not your fault and there isn't anything wrong with you. It's more about what's wrong with the world and the government. 

Just do what you feel you need to do, and don't worry about anything else. And also, if your parents don't think that you should be getting this kind of help, it's not their body, it's not their mind. You are you, it's your choice what you do with your mental health. If you want to go and get help, then you go and get help. There are plenty of people who do want to see you get better and see you happy again, and those people are the ones that you want to stick around and forget about the rest of them.

More information on NHS talking therapies and I-APT can be found here: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/ 

More information on the different types of antidepressants can be found here: https://www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/living-with-mental-illness/medications. 

More about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and what it involves can be found here: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/overview/