Experience 6

I had a bit of a wobble, so things that were previously, I had under control, like everything was kind of piling up and I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of it, and my mood was getting a lot lower. And then I engaged in some behaviours that haven't in a number of years had a bit of a wobbly kind of week. It was that kind of self harm relapse, but also just the increase in sort of active suicidality that came alongside it. Like I'm quite used to, you know, dealing with depression for a number of years, I'm quite used to the kind of passive suicidology associated with that. But it was getting to a point where I felt like I wasn't sure if the strategies that I currently had in place were going to be enough.

My partner was very concerned and took time off work. He didn’t make me feel like I had to, but he very much encouraged me to think about reaching out to the Uni support services, which I was a bit hesitant to do, because previously I'd had less than stellar experiences. But he was like but this is a new university, you can't judge them all based on your old university. And so I filed an online form and then they sent me a teams meeting request. I think it was a day or 2 after. I had a meeting with one of their people and we talked through things. Afterwards they sent me a load of places to refer myself onto. My uni didn't put anything in place. They said that I could come back in, I think it was 6 weeks if I needed another chat, but they don't like ongoing support.

I was quite worried when I first reached out, because I know that for some people, whenever stuff like self harm or suicide is mentioned, all the alarm bells start going off and things can be escalated and really taken out of context. But I didn't feel that sense of panic from the student services person I spoke to, he was always very calm. So I went through the local wellbeing kind of pathway and had some telephone, and then some kind of video call based therapy. I'm definitely doing better than I was, I've upped my medication dosage, and everything else is a lot less stressful.

I think there's often a perception among students, that whenever a student mentions things like suicide or self harm immediately, like they're going to come in all guns blazing, and you're going to be like carted off to hospital or whatever. So I would say don't be scared of that sort of thing. But I guess, based on my experience as someone that has kind of ongoing challenges, I would see if you could find a more long term support like either of their university offers it or if the local NHS offers it, or if you can afford to go privately. 

More information about self-harm can be found here: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/about-self-harm/ 

A wellbeing directory to search for available services near you can be accessed here: https://www.annafreud.org/on-my-mind/youth-wellbeing/