Experience 10

However, after my first year my mental health was feeling worse than ever and my anxiety was riding high. Everyday was like a lottery, somedays I would wake up feeling okay but others I would just wake up with this sense of absolute hopelessness and dread. It would take all my energy to get up and out of my bed, to me my bed was my safe place; I believed that nothing bad could happen to me whilst I was in bed. I was going out drinking quite a lot and this also resulted in me feeling anxious and like something bad was going to happen to me, events that I would later learn were called ‘panic attacks’. During these I couldn't breathe, I honestly thought I was going to die.

During my second year, as part of my studies I was required to give a presentation. I’d prepped and practised as much as I could to try and keep my anxiety levels down. I was sitting in the room watching the other students' presentations and waiting for my turn when I felt this pain in my chest. I couldn’t breathe and my vision went blurry, I felt like I was going to be sick. As a result I left the room and didn’t present that day. I think it was this realisation that these panic attacks and my anxiety was starting to control my life was what motivated me to want to find help. I couldn’t live like this anymore. 

It was like all the energy I had used previously to try and fight my anxiety had gone, I just stopped caring about myself and my life. But it was this mentality that made me go and chat to my university's counselling service, like I felt like I had nothing to lose, I felt defeated. I searched on my university's wellbeing website and found that they had drop-in appointments the next day where you didn’t need to book, you just turned up. I remember the walk to the wellbeing services and sitting in the waiting room filling out a form and waiting for my name to be called out. I think that day was definitely the day that my life started to change for the better.

I had an hour-long chat with one of the university counsellors. We talked about how I was feeling and what was going on in my life at the moment. It was just like a wait had lifted off my shoulders. The counsellor booked another appointment for two weeks time and suggested I go and speak to the GP to see if there was anything they could do for me. I did this and as a result, I was placed on an antidepressant called sertraline to help me manage my anxiety whilst working with the counsellor.

I had a few sessions with the counsellor where I was able to just talk and be listened to without judgement. It was liberating to just be able to let my feelings out, I felt like I’d bottled them up for my whole life. As a result of the sessions I felt a lot better so we decided that the sessions weren’t needed anymore but I was always welcome to go back to the wellbeing services if things got bad again. If I’m honest, my anxiety hasn’t completely gone, but it never will, it’s a normal feeling that we all get from time to time. But due to seeking help and talking to someone, I’ve gained tools and exercises to help me live a relatively normal life alongside my anxiety.

My advice for anyone else experiencing difficulties with their mental health during their studies would be to ask for help. I wish I had asked sooner and not let it get to the point where my anxiety was running my whole life. As students we can all get stressed, but if these feelings are limiting your life then please seek help. Imagine your friend told you that they were struggling with their mental health, what would you say to them? You would try to help them and encourage them to help themselves right? Well, try to extend this same kindness to yourself.

More information about panic attacks can be found here: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/