Read the following narration about getting to school in the morning.
I got up at 6 a.m.
I got annoyed with the alarm and got hurt when I hit the clock too hard.
I got into the shower.
I got chilled because my sister had used up all of the hot water.
I got dressed.
I got into the kitchen after all the eggs and toast were gone.
I got myself a breakfast of cereal and juice.
I got a stain on my shirt.
I got a different shirt.
I got my stuff together and got it all in my backpack.
I got yelled at by my mother for lagging.
I got irritated by the way the morning was going.
I got in trouble for keeping my carpool waiting.
I got in the backseat of the car with two other people.
We got a ticket for speeding on the way to school.
We got to school late.
I got detention for being late.
I got behind in the assignment given in my first period class.
I got a bad grade on my assignment.
Yuck!! This is a narration no one wants to read. Rewrite it:
Do not use got at all.
Vary your sentence length and style.
Add copious amounts of detail. Show what happened in that car when the policeman flashed his lights in the rear window. Let your reader hear the driver’s response. What was said? Dialogue always helps a story come alive. What did the mom or the sister say? The teacher? You might want to add an interior monologue; what does the narrator say to him or herself? At what point in the story do we know the narrator’s gender? At what point is the voice of the narrator important and when does it emerge and become a significant force in the story? This brief tale is a first person narration. Consider shifting your narrative to the third person and giving your character a name. If you think that would improve the narrative, then write it in the third person.
You don't have to write an entire essay; however, you must rewrite using every idea that was brought up in the first version